Today's show 01/08/11

Another week, and more lunchtime tedium looms, apparently...

1) SYRIA - Should we intervene in Syria following reports of a massacre in the city of Hama?: Oooohhhh, a vote. I've just texted my vote to 88291, is that right? I expect that David Cameron, William Hague et al will be hanging on your every word. Or not. Can I guess what your discussion will actually achieve today? How about A Big Fat Nothing, as usual? Next...

I know what the next three items are as I listened to your trail on Zoe's show but, and no suprises here, your web page hasn't been updated yet (11:50). I also notice that all four items appear on your Twitter feed. So who is more important to you: Your Twitter followers (my account JVineBlogMan is still blocked, by the way), or plain common-or-garden users of the old-fashioned internet? While you think about that, I'll go away and come back later...

<Goes away for 10 minutes>

12:00, you've done your introduction and the news is being read, and still no web page update. Oh, like magic, as I type this there it is...

2) DECENCY - Are you offended by adverts on bus stops and billboards featuring scantily clad women? Find out more in this Daily Mail article : Should I be surprised that this comes from the Daily Mail? No, I didn't think so either. Well, if we had a bus stop that displayed such material then I would be able to give you my honest and frank opinion, but we do not have such a bus stop. All of the ones around here are just a pole in the pavement, maybe with the most basic of shelters. Similarly, I cannot honestly think of ANY advertising billboard within 30 miles of here, and if there is it has obviously had so little effect on me as to be instantly forgettable. I think that means my answer to your question has to be "No". It is interesting that you described this item on Twitter in a much more sensationalist and imflammatory way: "Two Moslems convicted for spraying burkhas over bikini-clad billbard models - which is more oppressive, the burkha or bikini?" and asked "Are they spraying the paint for you and for me?". For you maybe, but not for me, thanks. Next...

3) NIGHT TERRORS - Do you - or your child - suffer from night terrors? : What child is that then? You described this as when "dreams become reality". Sounds horrible, and fortunately I have never had that happen to me. The scariest dream I have had recently was when I stayed on a London Underground Northern Line train at Morden (the southern end of the line) and I ended up in Sorrento, Italy and was told that my One-Day Zone 1 Travel Card was not valid for the return journey. That is as bad as it gets for me, so I'm not sure that I could learn anything from Dr Jarvis today. Perhaps one day I'll dream that your programme might (a) discuss something of interest to me, and (b) actually make a difference rather than just broadcasting waffle. Now that would be scary! Next...

4) SMOKING AFTER THROAT CANCER - Have you refused to give up smoking after suffering lung or throat cancer? Find out more in this article from The Sun : Good to see that the Murdoch Empire is being welcomed back in to the ever-hungry news bosom of the BBC. After all, why would you want to find your own stories when your main rival can do it for you? Again, you described this item differently on Twitter: "Michael Douglas has throat cancer surgery - but has now been photographed apparently smoking again. Incredible?". Looking at the photos on The Sun's news page (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/3725044/Michael-Douglas-sneaks-a-cigarette-while-on-holiday.html), I cannot see a cigarette. In the top picture I see Mr Douglas holding his hand to his mouth with his fingers folded in such a way that he has formed a hole through which we can see the white background of the boat's superstructure. He looks to be biting his fingernails. In the bottom picture he appears to be examining his fingernails. Thanks for telling me what to think - again - but it raises this question in my mind: Who should I believe? Should I believe what journalist scum from The Sun tell me is the truth? Should I believe you? (As if that is ever going to happen!) Or should I believe my own eyes? I think you can probably guess the answer to that one. Not that I could care less what Mr Douglas does, of course. Going back to your question. I've never smoked any tobacco product, I've never had lung cancer and I've never had throat cancer. I guess that makes the answer "No". Oh well, you tried, and I guess that is the best that I can hope you will do.

I see your bruvver journalists are on strike again today. I doubt that I'll notice any difference, but why don't you support them?