I'm looking forward to Jeremy's return next week, as it almost certainly mean that Radio 2 will broadcast one of those dreadful "Jeremy Vine is back" jingles. These are great fun to rip apart and I find them extremely amusing as they usually consist of disjointed parts of unconnected phone conversations together with the dubious claim that he will be "discussing the issues that affect you", meaning me, of course. Unfortunately he has not once discussed an issue that affects me since he started on this programme in 2003. Perhaps I could prosecute Radio 2 under the Trades Description Act for making false claims as, after all, I have paid for the service through my TV Licence Tax. Now, there's a thought...
In the meantime, I will attempt to educate you in to what really are the issues that affect me and probably many others too here in The Real World, a place with which you seem to be sadly unfamiliar. Each day I will give you a topic, and each day you will probably ignore it. However, I promise to listen if you do discuss it, provided it is within one week of my suggestion. So, let's make a start with this one:
Today's issue that affects me: Why does it take over a week for a bank to clear a cheque in to my account?
So let's look at today's attempt to bore me to death with the following irrelevancies:
1) A-LEVEL RESULTS - Almost 250,000 young people will today get their A-level results. Is your child desperate to get to university this year to avoid higher fees? : What child is that then? We don't have any. Next...
2) WASPS - A pensioner from Chelmsford has died after being attacked by a swarm of wasps: Tragic, but yesterday about 10 people were killed on Britain's roads, and the same will happen again today, and again tomorrow. But because it happens every day it is not newsworthy, is it? Interesting that the text news page (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-14555483) says "Apparently [the nest] had been prodded and wasps had been disturbed and that is why they attacked the passers-by". Knowing only too well how much this programme like to apportion blame, who are you going to hold responsible? The wasps? Or the person who prodded the nest? Next...
3) UNEMPLOYMENT - Unemployment across the UK is rising. Did you take a job beneath you because you needed the money and wanted to work? : No, but I would if I had to. Next...
4) TOURISM IN BRITAIN - Has the image of Britain (or is it just England?) as a tourist destination been irretrievably ruined because of the riots? : The roads here in Wales are as busy as ever, but where on earth is my crystal ball....?
Is it just coincidence that the subject matter gets worse when you are standing in?
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