Today's show 17/01/12

You know those Mondays when there is no news, and you scrabble around to find something to talk about? Next time that happens try this: http://www.vernoncoleman.com/closeddown.html.
I'd listen!

An early morning Tweet from you today gave us all a tantalising clue as to what you would be discussing today: Today's stories @BBCRadio2 in four words: Concordia. Cyclist. Yacht. Schoolgirl. See you at noon.

Apart from the glaring inaccuracy and the huge presumption in the last sentence, this tweet told me all I needed to know about what you would NOT be discussing on today's programme. There are two major news stories going on, but you have chosen to ignore both. Let me explain  what they are, and ask why that might be:

First story:
The Leveson Enquiry continues, and giving evidence yesterday was Daily Mirror editor Richard  Wallace. Mr Wallace has been at the Mirror for twenty years, and during this time they published those infamous mocked-up torture photos and used the services of a so-called investigator to undertake illegal activities more than any other newspaper or broadcaster. He admitted that he had not sacked anyone for illegal activity, although it appears that he knew such activity was occurring. It was, he admits, Wallace himself who presented the Ulrika Johnson/Sven story to then editor Piers Morgan but admitted that as he “can’t remember the circumstances” of how the story was obtained he cannot rule out it was hacked. More recently the Mirror, under Wallace’s editorial lead, destroyed the life of Chris Jefferies and paid a heavy financial price for doing so when they painted an innocent neighbour of a murder victim out to be the perpetrator. The Mirror was also fined £50,000 for contempt of court over their reporting of the Joanna Yeates murder case. But this is not of interest to you, is it? Could it be because the Trinity Mirror Group is not part of the Murdoch Empire, maybe? I dunno. You tell me.

Second story:
Ed Miliband is in the wars again, with 70% of Labour supporters say they do not have faith in his leadership (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2087355/Further-blow-Ed-Miliband-70-followers-say-dont-believe-him.html). Ed Balls' amazing about turn on fiscal policy over the weekend is probably playing a major part in this. Joining in with the assault is UNITE general secretary Len McCluskey who has accused Miliband of "undermining his own leadership, disenfranchising the party's core support and leaving the country with all three main parties bent on using austerity to save capitalism." in The Guardian (http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/jan/16/ed-miliband-leading-labour-destruction). Confusion between Ed and his brother continues, with Harriet Harman reported as referring to "David" on SkyTV earlier today, and even the BBC are not immune from this common mistake when they showed this caption at his key-note speech last week (see below). Imagine the furore if this had occurred to a Tory or LibDem leader ... you would be all over it. But this is not of interest to you, is it? Could it be because Ed Miliband is a BBC favourite and he will not be shown to be weak? I dunno. You tell me.

Today's issue that affects me: Potato masher: essential piece of kitchen equipment, or awkward to store and clean implement only as good as a fork?

11:50, here we go...

1) COSTA CONCORDIA - Was the Costa Concordia evacuated in an orderly fashion or was there panic, or a bit of both? These days, does anyone stick to ‘women and children first’? : I don't know. Like you, I wasn't there. However, and as one of the few people in the UK that the BBC has not asked for their opinion on this episode, I would be willing to give my non-expert, non-eyewitness, speculative, conjecturial, ill-informed and inaccurate assessment of what happened. My phone number is at the bottom of this email, please feel free to call. But then why would you want my opinion when you have so many other identical ones to choose from? Next...

2) CYCLISTS - We discuss the cyclist who went through a red light, refused to give his name to the policeman who stopped him and caught the whole incident on his helmet camera. Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : Arrogant cyclist meets incompetent copper. Is this what passes for news these days? You asked earlier on Twitter: Cyclist does the full Robin Day treatment on hapless policeman: but who are your sympathies with? My sympathies lie, as ever, with those listeners of yours who have no access to an "Off" switch and so have to endure this twaddle without choice. Next...

3) ROYAL YACHT - Does the Queen deserve a royal yacht for her diamond jubilee? Would you be prepared to help fund it? : No, would you? There is a certain amount of irony in all of this when you consider that "we" are being asked to fund a new boat for the richest woman in the world, don't you think? It came as no surprise to hear on R2's 5pm news last night that this project has the support of both Prince Charles and Princess Anne. After all, why wouldn't they support it? More interesting to me is another tweet from earlier today when Paul Blanchard wrote (re-tweeted by you) Just had to turn down an appearance on @theJeremyVine show today, as I have a prior client commitment. Gutted, it was about the royal yacht. So who is Paul Blanchard, and why is he an expert on the royal yacht? Is he a "someone"? A quick search in Google, and by matching some pictures, reveals his web site (http://www.paul-blanchard.info/) and his political leanings and life policies. He mentions that he used to be a member of York Council, but does not mention the circumstances surrounding his departure from that post (he was recently declared bankrupt - http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/4470911.Labour_crisis_as_Blanchard_quits/). How odd. So why do you think he would have been a good guest to talk on this topic? We have to remember too that it was your favourite Daily Mail that came up with the idea of a new boat last year (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2054869/Royal-Yacht-Britannia-Lets-restore-Britains-centuries-old-maritime-pride.html) which, for me, is a good enough reason not to listen in itself. Next...

4) CHILDREN'S LIES - And finally, when children lie… Is it a sign of creative intelligence, dysfunction or bad behaviour? : I used to get a clip round the ear or a slipper to my thighs if I lied. It never did me any harm, but we still have no children on which to experiment with this particular course of correction.

The Jeremy Vine Show - speculative, conjecturial, ill-informed and inaccurate - every day