23/04/12, 24/04/12 and 25/04/12

I've been busy over the last couple of days so I have missed my daily updates. However, I'm off to the dentist (only a check-up) soon so find myself with an opportunity to do my thing. Let's start with Monday...

1) MARINE LE PEN - The biggest surprise of the French elections is that one in five voted for the national front candidate Marine Le Pen. What accounts for the rise of the far right in France? : It is well-known that the BBC finds any political view other than left of centre to be totally abhorent. Like London, I view France as a place to get through as quickly as possible on my way to somewhere much nicer. And my interest ends there. Next...

2) BLINDNESS IN ONE EYE - A diplomat loses an eye in a vicious attack. Are you someone who has had to cope with just one eye? : How awful, but I have not been that unfortunate. Next...

3) CARE WORKER - A family secretly film their mother being slapped by a care home worker. How can this happen in a care home that’s been rated ‘excellent’? : I've no idea, but I note that "All five main care workers filmed by Jane Worroll were sacked" so hopefully it will not happen again. But then this was all just a promotion for Monday's edition of Panorama, wasn't it? Next...

4) I LOVE WHERE I LIVE - All this week Radio 2 wants to hear why you love where you live. We will be hearing your 1 minute love letters about your town, village or city : Yeah, whatever.

So that was Monday. Sounds dire. Was Tuesday any better?

1) POSHNESS - Conservative MP Nadine Dorries says that Cameron and Osborne are “arrogant posh boys” who “don’t know the price of milk”. Does poshness matter anyway? : Ah yes, a good old-fashioned Jeremy Vine Show Character Assassination. It's been a while since you did one of those. I take it that this was as one-sided as all of the others? Aside from that, is a bit of name-calling really "news", especially when bearing in mind the current legal matters entangling Peter Hain (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-17822347) and Jack Straw (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-17746561 and http://order-order.com/2012/04/24/secretary-of-state-spook-connection/). Next...

2) MEAT THEFT - There’s been a rise in the theft of meat both from supermarkets and from the ‘back of lorries’. Is this something you’ve witnessed? Find out more from the Financial Times: No. And the link you provided is hidden behind a "pay wall". You may wish to waste my TV licence tax money on a subscription, but I do not. Next...

3) CLAIRE SQUIRES - Claire Squires ran the marathon to raise money for the Samaritans in memory of her brother. She collapsed and died near the end. Since then, thousands of people have donated money in her memory : Tragic. Did you discuss banning marathons? If not, why not? Next...

4) LOVE WHERE YOU LIVE - Radio 2’s homage to every nook and cranny and of the UK continues. Today, ‘I Love Where I Live’ moves to Wales and Northern Ireland. There’s still time to write your one minute love letter, to where you live : Is there really. Great.

And while I'm at it, I may as well dismiss today's show as well...

1) RUSSELL BRAND - Did you see Russell Brand give evidence on drug abuse to MPs yesterday? He called for people to have more compassion for drug addicts, but were you somebody who said what right did he have to be there in the first place? : Who? Oh, him. My answers are no, and no. This is a former Radio 2 colleague you are talking about here, have you no respect? Me neither. Next...

2) BUS LANES & CYCLISTS - The man that runs one of Britain’s biggest cab firms says that minicabs should be allowed in bus lanes and cyclists should be made to pay road tax : I have no idea where my nearest bus lane is, in England probably, but your Twitter feed is full of references to your endeavours with a bicycle around London, so I fail to see how you could possibly conduct an unbiased discussion on this topic today. Your BBC colleague Stuart Hughes launched a Twitter attack on the minicab company concerned and this has been fully documented elsewhere (http://biased-bbc.com/2012/04/20/taxi-2/ and http://biased-bbc.com/2012/04/24/taxi-update/) and this, if nothing else, illustrates perfectly the kind of bias that permeates through the BBC when somebody there uses their position to further their own views. As for me, one day many years ago I was stopped at traffic lights on the Euston Road in London and a cyclist rammed in to the back of my car. I got out and the cyclist picked himself up off the road and said "Sorry mate, I didn't see you". What he meant was he wasn't actually looking where he was going. The rear bumper and boot lid on my car were both dented, but the cyclist's bike appeared to be undamaged. I know that because he then rode off at high speed and left me with the repair bill. I'll leave you to guess what my view of cyclists is ... can you manage that? I'll listen to this on the iPlayer later as I hope that the chap from the minicab company gives you some grief. Next...

3) MURDOCH - Rupert Murdoch gives evidence at the Leveson Inquiry today as his son leaves cabinet minister Jeremy Hunt’s career hanging by a thread : Murdoch appears at Leveson, and you are all over it like. Yet back in January (25th) you chose to ignore the evidence given by the Daily Mail, the Daily Mirror and our beloved BBC. Bias, bias, bias! Any news reporter worthy of his trade would give equal coverage to ALL of the news organisations involved, but you only choose to report on Murdoch. Your choice, or a directive from On High? Next...

 

4) LOVE WHERE YOU LIVE - ‘I Love Where I Live’ heads to the middle of England today. We hear your one minute love letters to the place you love : WTF?

 

And at 12:08 the Off switch does its job.

 

It was interesting to hear Chris Evans's comments this morning on the forthcoming repeat of 2DAY. "We loved it, you loved it", he said. That is not my recollection of last year's disasterous day when hordes of R2 listeners found that other radio stations are available. And your beloved newspapers slated it too. But the BBC always know best, don't they?

The Jeremy Vine show - telling you the news that WE want you to hear

Today's show 24/02/12

Can you remember exactly what you were doing exactly 35 years ago today? I can.

Another quick one today...

1) BAR-ROOM BRAWL - Have you ever been involved in a bar-room brawl? What is the best way to pull the two sides apart? : No, never, and I have no idea. Interesting that you said you could not talk about the Eric Joyce skirmish, when others obviously feel that they can. Guido Fawkes published yesterday (http://order-order.com/2012/02/23/internal-beeb-blow-by-blow-account/) an internal BBC document giving a blow-by-blow (!) account of what happened. I am sure that the mandarins at Labour HQ are very pleased about the down-playing the BBC alone are giving to this event. And we can only imagine the different level of coverage that the BBC would have given this had it been a Tory MP involved. MPs, irrespective of their party, should be treated equally but that is something the BBC often seems to forget. Next...

2) NESTLE - The CEO of the Swiss food giant ‘Nestle’ has been criticized for using child labour. He says what’s wrong with using children as labour as long as we’re not treating them like slaves : Interesting that you have not provided a link for this story (or any others today), as the only ones I can find all date from November 2011 (for example: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-15930981). Is this just you being last with the news again today? A good friend of mine is another self-employed sole-trader but his 12-year-old son often helps him in his work and earns some extra pocket money in this way. Unfortunately he won't be listening to or contributing to your programme today as he is as big a fan of your show as I am. Next...

3) TERRY WALTON - Many of us enjoyed warm spring like weather yesterday. Terry says it’s time to get out on the allotment and start preparing the plot : You said to Zoe, "We discuss how to stop carrots splitting and growing raspberries". I am no gardener, but my lovely wife is, and I know from her that carrotts need stone-free soil to stop them growing in to odd shapes. Raspberries are my favourite soft fruit and so we grow these with considerable success. In fact, we had so many last year I was almost getting to the stage of having eaten too many. Almost. Anyway, I'm not sure I can learn anything from this, other than - perhaps - how to create some of the amazing sound effects for which you are making Terry rightly famous. Next...

4) MIDWIFE - Like the BBC 1 series, we ask; did you call the midwife in the 1950’s? : Any woman who had a baby in, say, 1955 and was, say, 20 years old at the time would now be well in to her 70s. Is this your target audience now? I was born in the late 1950s. Oh, and I'm a bloke.

The Jeremy Vine Show - Thank goodness it is the weekend.

Today's show 07/02/12

A quick one today...

 

How is your Big Freeze going? Here in North Wales it is almost spring-like, with clear blue skys and relatively warm sunshine. We had a bit of a frost last night, but it was all gone within minutes of the sun rising above the mountains. I'm sure your listeners will be interested....!

So, perhaps today will be the day you talk about an issue that affects me...

 

1) ABU QATADA - Most newspapers today are outraged that Abu Qatada has been released on bail. But what exactly has he done wrong and what crimes has he committed in this country? : Newspapers? Outraged? Bless. My heart bleeds for them. Honestly. Like your programme, am I supposed to care about the opinions of the Dead Tree Press and what they try and tell me to think? They fail every day, of course, because I don't subscribe to their claptrap. I have no idea, or interest, in what Mr Qatada has done, but thanks for making me aware of another topic that I can thankfully ignore in the future. This sounds like an opportunity to drag Galloway in to the fray, and that in itself is a good reason not to listen. Next...

2) MEMORY LOSS - A man who was brutally attacked and lost his memory couldn’t even remember his lover. Eventually he learnt to fall in love with her again and they’re now happily married. It’s an extraordinary story : Is it? Oh. "A man" and his family are very lucky to have had such a happy outcome, and I am pleased for them. I was puzzled by your statement on Ken's show when you said it is "biologically impossible to forget your mum". Are you sure about that? I'm not. Next...

3) CHARLES DICKENS - The famous writer was born 200 years ago today. Which passage from Dickens do you know and love? : I last read Charles Dickens as part of English Literature at school. I left school in 1974. I failed my English Literature O-Level exam. Other than the titles of his works (useful for pub quizzes) I cannot remember a single thing. Mark me down as an ignorant, uneducated pleb, if you like. Next...

4) STALKING - Victims are calling for a new stalking law in England and Wales. They already have one in Scotland : This will be a promotion of last night's Panorama programme, which I didn't see. Perhaps you should use your celebrity status (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1311472/Radio-2-presenter-Jeremy-Vine-stalked-months-woman-28-took-name.html) to help these poor victims to get the law changed, but somehow I don't think you will. And that, Jeremy, is a real shame.

 

So, not today then.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - not changing anything, every day

Today's show 02/02/12

Mmmmm... bacon and mushroom sandwich... yummy!

Good morning Jeremy, and a warm "hello" from my current location: The BBC Naughty Step. Now, I've seen Naughty Steps in TV programmes and, if I remember correctly, a child has to sit on them for one minute for every of their age. Have I got that right? The BBC apparently has a more draconian view of such things as I have been put on the Naughty Step for, roughly, two weeks for every year of my life. Now there, surely, is a subject for discussion one day? But not today, apparently...

09:10: Today's stories @BBCRadio2 in four words: Terror. Twitter*. Fashanu. Soldiers. (*is Twitter better than Facebook?)

Sounds great, and I cannot wait to miss it all later, but I think you need to drop one of your stories for today as I have some important news:

Today's issue that affects me: We had a bit of a frost last night, and I had to scrape the windscreen of my wife's car. There, that should fill 30 minutes easily.

But no, you are not discussing the weather today, apparently...

1) FACEBOOK OR TWITTER? - People are getting a chance to buy shares in Facebook, and we’re also told that social networking sites are more addictive than tobacco. Today we ask, what would you champion – Facebook or Twitter? : Aha! This will be another classic "Daddy or Chips?" discussion (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHA4-5N5AzA) where you attempt to compare two complete disparate entities. What next? How about: What would you champion - expolding glass tables or bonuses for bankers?

Interesting to read that Bono will make a profit of $800million as part of the share sale (http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/ireland-business-blog-with-lisa-ocarroll/2011/aug/16/u2-bono-facebook-stake). That should go a long way to sorting out starvation in Africa. Maybe?

I only use Twitter because of you, so thanks for that as I find it fascinating. I have been on Facebook for several years but only in a personal capacity and not as LunchTimeLoather, JVineBlogMan or similar. We all know about your Twitter presence, but how about Facebook? I remember a discussion about it on your programme a couple of years ago and seem to remember that you were not a fan. I've just had a quick search in Facebook for "Jeremy Vine" and, ignoring other people with the same name, this is what it came back with:

Jeremy Vine - 1,023 like this, description copied from Wikipedia : Not sure what this is, is it really you? I am not going to "Like" it to find out. Sorry. 1023 eh? Whooppee.

The Jeremy Vine Appreciation Society - 3 members : No activity since last March. 3 members ... says it all really.
Lets get Jeremy Vine off the Radio! - 36 members : Some good stuff here, but nothing since last August.
Jeremy Vine - What a complete d!ck - 4 members : Good stuff here too, and I particularly liked the CD. Now there's an idea for BBC Sales, yes?
I turn off Radio 2 when Jeremy Vine comes on - 8 members : Closed group, so I cannot see what they are up to.
The King of facial expressions Jeremy Vine - 58 like this : This seems to be a collection of photos of you pulling funny faces that have been posted by somebody who doesn't like Australians. Wierd.
Jeremy Vine's Green-Screen Election Graphics - 57 like this : Only one posting, in May 2010.
Jeremy F*****g VINE - 3 like this : No activity.
The Jeremy-Grape-Vine - 16 like this : Two posts, last from July 2011.
Jeremy Vine's virtual election world - 32 like this : No activity.
Jeremy Vine's ridiculous election coverage simulation scenarios - 14 like this : No activity.
The kangaroo that wants more fans than Jeremy Vine from the BBC - 27 like this : Appears to be run by somebody who thinks you don't like Australians. Any truth?
I Want Jeremy Vines Hologram Room! - 4 like this : No activity other than "He must feel like such a d!ck. Standing in a green room talking about swing."
I wouldn't pay Jeremy Vine to say "Hi, I'm Jeremy Vine" - 9 like this : No activity other than "He may do good things in other programmes but in Panorama, its left to other people to dig deep and investgate this week's scandal". That'll be Points of View, or Eggheads maybe.
Get Jeremy Vine out of the matrix - 4 like this : No activity, other than a picture of you in an election studio.
Jumping in a bowl of soup after a long day of being Jeremy Vine - 4 like this : No activity.

Hardly the greatest Facebook presence for you, I am sure you will agree. As I write this you have 78404 Twitter followers, excluding myself because I am still blocked, so it is safe to assume that you think Twitter IS better than Facebook, and that will be that with no discussion needed. And I cannot believe that you have not heard of Harry Hill's "Fiiiiggghhhhhtttttt.....". Chalk that up as another bit of The Real World that you now know about. Next...

2) BOMB PLOT - Islamists who plotted to blow up the stock exchange have pleaded guilty and will get a much shorter sentence. They could be out in 6 years. But if the intention was to kill hundreds of people, we speak to someone who says the sentence should be similar to if the bomb really had gone off : I find it interesting that you chose to use the word "Islamic" in your description on Ken's show ("an Islamist plot to blow up the London Stock Exchange") and on your web page. This is somewhat different to how your colleagues at the BBC have been describing this. For example, there is no mention of Islam on the BBC news page (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-16833032) but Sky News take a different approach in their coverage (http://news.sky.com/home/uk-news/article/16160816). Did you not get that email? I need say no more other than to point you to this discussion: http://biased-bbc.blogspot.com/2012/02/half-storyetc.html. Next...

3) JUSTIN FASHANU - Justin Fashanu was the first and, so far, only openly gay footballer. 8 years after coming out, he hanged himself. We speak to his niece. What is it about football that stops gay people from coming out? : Wasn't there something about this on TV last night? While Fashanu's death was tragic (didn't anybody see the signs, ref. Tuesday's programme?), I cannot find words to express how disinterested I am in ANY footballers. Perhaps Stephen Hester should demand that these overpaid clowns return the vast amounts of money they get paid. Fortunately I am not aware of ever giving one single penny to the business that is incorrectly described as "The Game". Next...

4) LOVE LETTERS - We discuss soldiers’ final love letters home from the front line : I am sure that these bring a huge benefit to those people, unlike myself, who have or had somebody in the military.

The Jeremy Vine Show - TV Burp? What's that?

Today's show 30/01/12

Monday morning, and I wait with keen anticipation to see what you have managed to drag out of the newspapers today to talk about. Are you really going to be discussing testing Koala bears today?

Today's issue that affects me: Our wheelie bin was emptied on time this morning without any fuss or mess. Are Gwynedd Council doing it wrong?

So, if you are struggling for news stories today, here are some suggestions:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1364809/BBC-cuts-costs-spending-200k-chauffeurs.html

How the BBC drives down costs... by spending £200,000 on chauffeurs

Mr Thompson, who receives a salary of around £600,000 a year, has a VW Phaeton car on call, according to the Daily Telegraph, at an annual cost of £67,000. A further £65,000 was spent on providing a chauffeur-driven car for Mr Thompson’s deputy Mark Byford, who received a pay-off worth almost £1milion after his redundancy was announced last year. Sir Michael Lyons, outgoing chairman of the BBC Trust, also had a Lexus on call at a cost of £65,000.

No? How about this one?

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2012/01/27/bbc-news-gaffe-as-paedophile-picture-is-used-during-report-on-rbs-boss-stephen-hester-115875-23722822/

BBC News gaffe as paedophile picture is used during report on RBS boss Stephen Hester

The BBC was left red-faced yesterday after a picture of paedophile teacher Nigel Leat was mistakenly flashed up on screen during a news bulletin report on RBS boss Stephen Hester.
The female newsreader was talking about the controversial decision to hand Hester almost £1million in bonuses when Leat's police mugshot appeared on screen with the headline 'RBS BOSS BONUS'.

Still not tempted? Well, there is always this one...

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/298669/Backlash-as-BBC-s-500m-media-city-fails-to-help-North

BACKLASH AS BBC'S £500M MEDIA CITY FAILS TO HELP NORTH

THE BBC faced a licence-fee backlash last night from TV regions over its controversial £500million move to MediaCity in Salford.
A Commons motion has been tabled calling for licence-fee cash to be used to save television jobs in the Midlands after it emerged that viewers there pay 19 per cent of the levy but receive just three per cent of the funds in return in the form of jobs.
Birmingham broadcasting has been been cut heavily in the past seven years, with more than 6,000 jobs disappearing. Insiders fear other jobs could go as more programmes leave for the BBC’s new MediaCity base.

But, as well know, the BBC can do no wrong in your eyes, so we'll have to make do with the usual outrages du jour...

1) BONUSES - Would you like a politician to decide how much your bonus is? When Stephen Hester heard there was to be a parliamentary debate on his bonus, he turned it down : So multi-millionaire Ed Miliband has complained about multi-millionaire Hester's bonus, but multi-millionaire George Osbourne says that multi-millionaire Miliband was in the Cabinet when multi-millionaire Hester's bonus was discussed and agreed. With reports of over £300million wiped off RBS shares today as a result of this, I am left to wonder how multi-millionaire Miliband justifies his intervention in relation to the zero growth figures announced last week. For completeness, what we need is a millionaire radio personality to discuss this. Any idea who might be available? (http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23755244-fear-and-loathing-inside-the-bbc.do - half way down). It is interesting to read that Bob Crow's RMT members have also decided to turn down their bonus for working during the Olympics (http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-24031862-tube-workers-reject-pound-500-olympics-pay-offer.do) but for rather different reasons. Unfortunately, I do not qualify for any kind of bonus, and if I did the only person who would decide its size would be me. Next...

2) GETTING CHILDREN READING - Chris Evans has today launched his 500-word story competition. But before you get your child writing you’ve got to get them reading. We ask: how do you get your reluctant child to read books? : Children? What children? This is just a promotion for another BBC programme. Next...

3) CRIMINAL INJURIES COMPENSATION - Criminal Injuries Compensation will no longer be paid out to people convicted of crimes themselves, but what if they’d changed and become a better person in the meantime? Don’t they deserve compensation as much as anyone else? : I am not a criminal, and I am fortunate that I have not been injured as the result of a crime, so this has no relevance to me. Next...

4) PARKING - Listen up, men — women park better than you! It’s official according to a survey, but we put it to the test with Christine and Neil Hamilton : Honestly, is this the best you can do? What's that noise I can hear...? Oh, it's only your Sony Radio Award galloping off in to the sunset.

The Jeremy Vine Show - completely made up, because Ken Bruce said so (11:31 30/01/12)

Today's show 14/11/11

Bloomin' heck ... your web page was updated before 10:30 this morning. What happened? Did somebody wet their bed?

Today's issue that affects me: Lou Reed and Lars Ulrich - Difficult interviewees, or a poorly prepared interviewer completely out of his depth?

See http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b017k4fv/The_Andrew_Marr_Show_13_11_2011/ from 55 minutes in for 6 minutes of cringeworthy TV.

Anyway, normal service has apparently been resumed on your radio programme, and can't you just tell it is a Monday...

1) LONG COMMUTES - How far have you had to travel to get work? Find out more from the Daily Mirror : The world is falling apart, yet the most important item on your programme today is some trivia from the Daily Mirror. Sheesh! Anyway, and on the basis that I don't go straight from the bedroom to my office, I have just paced out the distance from the kitchen to my office. It is about 30 feet, and the journey takes me about 8 seconds. Oh, the joys of working from home. Next...

2) QUICKER SENTENCING - The summer rioters faced fast track justice. Is there a case for the criminal justice system to always operate at such swift speed? Find out more about tonight's Panorama, looking at the aftermath of the riots : Aha! A blatant plug for a BBC TV programme which I never watch, ever. And why would I want to listen to your programme AND watch Panorama? You can have too much of a good thing, you know. Next...

3) YOUNG PEOPLE IN CARE - We hear the challenges associated with leaving care at 18. Find out more about this year's Children in Need : It must be difficult, but fortunately I am not and have not been involved with that process at all. Children in Need is a fine thing, and my good lady wife spent time this weekend making cakes and biscuits for an event this coming Friday. Next...

4) RODENTS - What's the best way to get rid of mice from your house? Find out more from Mail Online : More trivia from the ever-reliable Daily Mail. The only mice we have in our house are those brought in by our cats. They don't survive long and form a tasty midday snack (for the cats, not me) with the only evidence of their presence being a neat pile of inedible entrails. As for Larry from Downing Street, perhaps they are feeding him too well, or not well enough.

 

So, not a single proper and current news story today. Give yourself a gold star.

 

One of my most-visited web sites is Biased BBC (http://biased-bbc.blogspot.com/) and I noted a comment about your programme earlier today (http://biased-bbc.blogspot.com/2011/11/open-thread_12.html#comments page 5). Contributor cjhartnett wrote:
Ended up on Jeremy Vine's website. Shows all his old programmes over the year. Anyone could do a lot worse than looking there to see what the Beeb has spoonfed him as being "newsworthy". I kid you not-absolutely every issue obsessing the Guardian reader over the year has been "discussed" over suitable student music and soft chats and emotings. Reckon that this show...useless, sly and biased to the Libleft chattering classes...is probably the pastel rainbow shroud of choice for the BBC. Covers up the scowl from Lord Reith's death mask as they turn it into Mao's. Jeremy Knotweed a better monicker for this wet sniveller of the Left.

 

Well, that is one point of view. His point about being spoonfed "newsworthy" stories seems to ring true though, with today's programme being a prime example of exactly that.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - News? What news?

Today's show 07/11/11

Monday morning, so this shouldn't take long...

I hear that you stood in for Andrew Marr on TV yesterday morning. I can only hope that you asked your guests if any of them wanted a park bench as a memorial, if they had ever been injured by an umbrella, if they had ever had a piss in a hedge, whether they had ever had an argument in a car, and whether they refused to have naked pictures taken by a partner. After all, these are the questions were posed to your poor Radio 2 listeners recently so they must be important, or is it one rule for "us" and one rule for "them"?

I was surprised to hear you say on Chris Evans' programme this morning (when the Mystery Guest feature was no more than a promotion for your programme) that you have a meeting at 08:10 to decide the four stories to be covered each day. Why, then, is your web page not updated until at least two and sometimes three hours later?

 

Today's issue that affects me: Shall I go to the post office now, or later this afternoon?

Right, as the lights dim in London's West End while the Sympathetic Voice Generator is slowly brought back in to operation, let's move on to this Monday's meandarings...

1) M5 PILE UP - The M5 pile up on Friday night was almost certainly the worst for a generation. How do you react in a motorway crash? : While I have every sympathy for those involved on Friday, fortunately I have never been involved in a motorway crash, so I have no idea. My only involvement up until now is to sit in the resulting traffic jam while the investigations are carried out and think to myself "It wasn't like this 30 years ago". Did you know that in some USA states it is illegal to leave your damaged vehicle on the carriageway after an accident, and it must be removed immediately? Of course you didn't. I think it odd that the litigation culture that we have allegedly acquired from the USA has mutated in to something more than they have. With nearly every crash site now branded a Crime Scene, perhaps the words Road Accident can be removed from our vocabulary as there is, apparently, no such thing as an accident any more. Next...

2) NUCLEAR WEAPONS - If it can be proved that Iran is developing nuclear weapons, should we support a pre-emptive strike by Israel? : I'd like to hear Galloway's opinion before forming my own. Any chance you could get him on today? I'll then text my answer to 88291 so that you can collate it with the other votes and send the results to David Cameron, who will no doubt be awaiting your decision. Next...

3) CINDERELLA'S UGLY SISTERS - The Lighthouse Theatre in Kettering is staging a production of Cinderella and they’ve called the ugly sisters Beatrice and Eugenie after the Duke of York’s daughters. Is this acceptable? Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : If the cap fits.... Or should that be: If the ridiculous hat fits? Meanwhile, add my name to your list of people who could not care less. I'm sure the Lighthouse Theatre will thank you for the blatant advertising of their show. Next...

4) THE SONGS MY SON LOVED - All this week at 1:30 on Radio 2, Jeremy Vine presents a documentary where mothers tell the story of their sons that died in conflict through the music they loved: ‘The Songs My Son Loved’. Find out more from the BBC Radio 2 episode page : No comment, other than to ask: Were no daughters killed then?

 

I'll be listening to 6 Music if you want me.

Today's show 05/10/11

I hear that I missed a good bust-up on your show yesterday. If I could be bothered to drag my mouse pointer enough to open iPlayer I would take a listen, but frankly I can't be bothered. Why? Well, the prospect of listening to a "Daily Mail blogger" and Gorgeous George Galloway slagging off each other doesn't really do it for me. And what is it about Galloway? Why do you have him on your programme to talk about all kinds of things so often? Does he have embarrassing photos of you? Or is he just an expert in EVERYTHING? I think we should be told.

It occurs to me too that Galloway would make a good stand-in for you when you are away ... but who would he call when he needed a Talking Head to spout off on any given subject? What a quandary that would be!

My blog soarded through 7700 page views yesterday evening, and again I thank my loyal readership for taking time to read my inane ramblings. I understand that one of them has been in touch with you directly (RESULT!) and I would like you to know Jeremy that you are free to respond to any of the comments made on my blog. You have my email address and my phone number and I promise to publish anything you send me without alteration or comment. Whether others choose to comment is, of course, up to them and outside of my control.

I forgot about this yesterday - sorry...

Today's issue that affects me: Following the launch of Apple's iPhone 4S yesterday, are those of us who have a mobile phone that can only be used to make calls and send texts all going to die?

Moving on to today's tedious topics then...

1) DAVID CAMERON - The Prime Minister speaks to the Conservative conference today. His message: What are you doing to pay off your credit card debt? : Blimey, somebody there has woken up and realised that the Tory Conference is on this week! Congratulations to that person, and thank you for doing your job properly - for once. You have saved me the bother of sending another bias complaint to the BBC, not that they do anything about those, of course. As for your question: I pay off my credit card every month and cannot remember the last time I paid any interest. Credit card companies HATE people like me as they don't make any money. Nevertheless, I'd make sure that you get George Galloway in as he will undoubtedly have an opinion on everything to do with Cameron, Tories and credit cards. Next...

2) PRISON CRIME - Damian Fowkes is the prisoner who killed one paedophile and later attacked Ian Huntley. Given his determination to kill all paedophile prisoners, where on earth do we incarcerate him? : How about George Galloway's office? I have no idea, or interest, but I bet George Galloway will have the answer! I have every confidence that George will be the saviour of the UK - and whether we like it or not. He used to be important, you know, and was even an MP at one time, until his constituents mistakenly voted for somebody else. What could they have been thinking? He had told them EXACTLY what to do! Next...

3) MIXED RACE BRITAIN - A new BBC series looks at the joys of being mixed race in Britain today. More on the BBC's 'Mixed Race Britain' season : Aha! A shameless plug for a BBC2 TV series. We've not had one of those for a while. And is that a young Carol Vorderman in the top picture on the web page you link to? (http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/images/bank/programmes_tv/mixed_race/446mixed1.jpg) I live in a mixed race community, with immigrant English (such as myself) living in harmony with our lovely Welsh neighbours. And you are right, it is a joy. There is just one thing missing from my situation though: We are all the same colour. I suspect that this is not what you mean by a mixed race society. Oh well, I got it wrong again. Anyway, I bet George Galloway is an expert on this topic, and will no doubt overcome his inherent shyness to express an opinion, although you may have to turn up the microphone gain a bit so your listeners can hear what he says. Next...

4) CAT FIGHT - Home Secretary Theresa May says ‘you won’t believe this, but an illegal immigrant was kept in Britain because he had a cat’. Justice Secretary Ken Clarke says he doesn’t believe it : Good to see you are maintaining your standards by ignoring the substance and focusing on the trivia. Have you ever made a mistake Jeremy? Have you ever said anything to an audience and got it wrong? Have you ever said anything in the belief that it was the truth, but later found that it was wrong? Have you ever been let down by your researchers who failed to do their job properly? Have you ever corrected and apologised for doing any of these things? The answers to those questions are, of course: Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes and - sadly - No. So how about discussing that? You said on Ken's show that Russia is now part of Europe - wrong! I bet George Galloway has never made a mistake in his life, and everything he says must be the truth because he says it is. Again, I feel sure that he will be able to amuse and entertain your listeners with witty anecdotes of when he went bungee jumping with Ken Clarke, or the time he mud-wrestled with Theresa May. Blimey, I'm almost tempted to listen! Oh, I remember now, I live in The Real World. You should try it some time.

The George Galloway Show - today's special guest is Jeremy Vine!

UPDATE:

Just found this in your beloved Daily Mail:
Migrant facing deportation wins right to stay in Britain... because he's got a cat

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1221353/Youve-got-cat-OK-stay-Britain-officials-tell-Bolivian-immigrant.html

So, who got it wrong then?

Today's show 30/08/11

The Bank Holiday Weekend saw the roads around here packed with cars, but fortunately we managed to avoid most of them by choosing our travelling times carefully. However...

Today's issue that affects me: Why do some drivers on North Wales roads give every impression that they have never driven a car before, ever?

There is no news at all anywhere in the world on a Bank Holiday Monday - apparently - so after a well-deserved day off let's see what inconsequential stories we have today...

1) DALE FARM - The largest traveller site in England is due to be closed down this week but critics claim that the evictions will amount to ethnic cleansing : You described this on Ken's show as "fascinating", although I would beg to differ. I've just checked and Basildon is over 300 miles from where I live, so this is definitely not one of those mythical "issues that affect you" that you erroneously claim to broadcast. Next...

 

2) CHARITY STUNTS - Are charity stunts going wrong too frequently? At least twenty five people had to be rescued after they were swept out to sea at Broadstairs during a charity swim to raise cash for the RNLI : Demonstrating the kind of imbalanced view typical of the BBC, you conveniently forget that there are many charity "stunts" - as you describe them - that go according to plan and raise money for good causes. Perhaps we should all just stay at home and watch daytime TV. Or perhaps not. I've never been involved in anything like this, and I have no plans for that to change, so I'll give it a miss I think. Next...

 

3) PREGNANCY - Were you devastated when your friend told you that she was pregnant? : Yes, years ago. She was devastated too. However, in your trail on Ken's show you made it quite clear that this was not the direction you would be taking, and you also mentioned that it was "aimed at our female listeners". Hmmm... last time I checked I was still male. Next...

4) PATHÉ NEWS FOOTAGE - And we hear some of the highlights of Pathé News footage : You're a bit late. The first two episodes of the BBC TV series "The Story of British Pathé" have already been shown, and I watched them with interest. I can't help thinking that some of the impact of Pathé's work will be lost on the radio though. I'll guess that this is an attempt to boost the viewing figures for the remaining episodes. Or is there really just no news today? I bet the Daily Mail found some old tosh to write about.

 

As a TV quizmaster I was quite surprised to hear on Ken's show that you were unsure if England's highest mountain was "Scafell Peak" or "Scafell Pike". However, you can take comfort in that you are not alone at having a poor knowledge of UK geography. The map shown below was displayed on-screen during the third episode of the BBC4 TV series "Timothy Spall : Back At Sea". For some reason, whoever did the graphic thinks that Bangor, Northern Ireland, is part of the Republic of Ireland as denoted by the tri-colour flag. Just remind me again why I should believe anything the BBC tells me?

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - fascinating in its irrelevance

Today's show 10/06/11

I notice you have added a "Related Links" section to your web page today (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b011mqnc), which includes a link to Martin Lewis's web site. Could you add my blog to that section too, please? Thanks!

Following the revelations made by the Daily Telegraph today (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/labour/8566983/Labour-coup-secret-letters-reveal-how-Ed-Balls-plotted-to-overthrow-Tony-Blair.html) I was expecting you to cover this story today. Mr Balls is, of course, a former studio guest of yours and it would have been interesting for you to have him there again today to discuss this topic. But no, you've gone for the easier option and ignored it. Typical. By Monday the "heat" will be off. Yet another nail in the coffin of radio journalism.

So go on then, tempt me to listen today...

 

1) UNEMPLOYMENT - The government will pay private companies to find jobs for the unemployed. But are you someone who's unemployed and doesn't want a job and is working hard doing voluntary work in the 'Big Society'? : In answer to your questions: I am not unemployed. I already have a job which I am very happy with. I am not doing voluntary work in the Big Society. I think that means that this story is of no possible interest to me, doesn't it? Next...

2) PRINCE PHILLIP - Prince Philip is ninety today. Despite his reputation for gaffs and being occasionally rude to foreigners, have we now grown to love him? : I think you need to find out how many times the letter L appears in his name. Is it one, or two? You don't seem to know. In answer to your question: Do I love him? No. Do I hate him? No. Do I have any feelings about him at all? Not really. He does what he does, and that's fine by me. Your programme always takes the superlative view, so your listeners always have to "love" or "hate" something. The middle ground, probably occupied by the vast majority, is always ignored. What we need is radio for people who couldn't care less! Next...

3) ENERGY PRICES WITH MARTIN LEWIS - Scottish Power have increased gas prices by nineteen per cent and other energy companies are set to follow suit. Martin Lewis is here to give advice on how to find the best deals. Have you found a way to beat high energy costs? : In answer to your question: Yes, we have! There is this lovely chap called Martin Lewis who runs a fantastic web site called Money Saving Expert that we check regularly to see where and how we can get the best possible deals on energy, savings, insurance, etc. Thanks to his advice we moved away from Scottish Power two months ago. The man is a National Treasure and has saved and gained us many hundreds of pounds over the years. We will be eternally grateful for all that he has done. The only fly in his otherwise perfect ointment is that he appears on your programme, and the first question I would ask him would be: "Jeremy Vine, why?". Anyway, we already take his advice, so I have no cause to listen today. Next...

 

4) EXPLODING GLASS TABLES - And finally, spontaneously exploding glass tables. Has this ever happened to you? : It is funny that you should cover this today because ......... No, it hasn't. We don't possess a glass table. Good to see that you are ending the week with some spectacular non-news twaddle. I guess that we should not be surprised.

 

So, 6 Music it is then.

Today's show 01/06/11

Another day, another two hours of dull radio. Is it true that your producer's name is Phil Airtime?

1) CARE HOME ABUSE - Four people have been arrested following a Panorama investigation into care homes for special needs children. Have you had to remove your son or daughter from a care home? : Absolutely tragic, and for once this just goes to show that active journalism is not quite dead at the BBC despite many indications to the contrary, including this programme. However, by not having any children my answer to your question is "No". Next...

2) PREGNANT SMOKERS - A woman who smoked while she was pregnant claims she did so because it was good for the child. Were you ashamed to smoke while you were pregnant? Find out more in this Mirror article (daily readership 1,173,000, down 5.4% in the last year) : The Mirror? Has it got so bad that you have to stoop so low that the Daily Mirror is now a story source for your programme? Lord Reith will be turning in his grave today. I am not a woman, I don't smoke, and I am not pregnant, so how can this be of any possible interest to me? Next...

3) WASTE FOOD - A shop worker who took home waste food from Tesco has pleaded guilty to handling stolen goods. But if the food was going to be thrown away, where's the harm? : Ooohhh, please Miss, I know Miss.... because it is theft, and so against the law. Not much to discuss really, is there? Or are you going to do something about it? Now, here is a challenge for you Vanessa.... Ever since Jeremy started on his Radio 2 programme I have been challenging him to stop just talking and DO SOMETHING that makes a difference. So far he has ignored my suggestions and so he just goes on and on about all kinds of irrelevant stuff. My challenge to you is: MAKE A DIFFERENCE! If you feel that taking stuff out of supermarket bins should be allowed then start a campaign to get the law changed and/or supermarkets to allow it to happen. Use your well-known name in all of your publicity and you might just make a difference. Failure to announce this campaign on air today will only lead me to think that you actually couldn't care less and, like Jeremy, you are only there to talk. I guess that I won't be surprised. Next...

4) MOBILE PHONES - A World Health Organisation report says that mobile phones could be cause cancer. Do you refuse to use a mobile phone because you fear it will harm your health? Vanessa talks to listener Sarah Paine, Brian Stein; Group Chief Executive of Samworth Brothers and Chairman of the Radiation Research Trust, human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell and Roger Highfield, Editor of the New Scientist : In answer to your direct question: No, I do not. Do you? So who are these people you are talking to today? I can't find anything about Sarah Paine so assume she is just some random person that somebody there knows and who happens to have, or not have, a mobile phone. Where would you be without your researchers, eh? Samworth Brothers make Melton Mowbray pork pies, but I'm not sure that any link with cancer has been proved, unless you know different, or is this just an incidental plug for their products? As for Peter Tatchell, well let's just say that if he told me that today was Wednesday I wouldn't believe him. The evidence that I can find suggests that Tatchell is a fan of mobile phones (http://www.guardian.co.uk/global/2009/may/16/peter-tatchell-arrested-moscow-gay-rights-march, 4th paragraph) when it suits him in his never-ending quest for publicity. You will probably gather that I rank his contribution to your programme alongside those other Rent-A-Gobs Galloway and Monbiot, and so this is a very good reason not to listen to his inane ramblings today. As for Roger Highfield, well he seems to be sitting on the same fence as me (http://www.rogerhighfield.com/rant.php?id=24).

Are you proud of what you do? If so, why? Please go. Now. And take this programme's format with you back to the early hours where it will not trouble me as I am busy sleeping.

I'll be at 6 Music if you want me.

Today's show 04/05/11

I didn't listen yesterday (as if...!) but hope that during your discussion on Bin Laden's demise that you mentioned possible BBC involvement with Al Qaeda. More details can be found in the Daily Telegraph's story (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/wikileaks/8472430/WikiLeaks-leaked-files-accuse-BBC-of-being-part-of-a-possible-propaganda-media-network.html) but it is the comments by Andrew Marr (remember him?) in the final paragraphs that interest me the most. Marr said, apparently, that "The BBC is not impartial or neutral. It’s a publicly funded, urban organisation with an abnormally large number of young people, ethnic minorities and gay people. It has a liberal bias not so much a party-political bias. It is better expressed as a cultural liberal bias.” while the BBC spokesperson said ""Independence and impartiality are at the heart of all BBC World Service output.".

I take the view that if the BBC is going to lose its impartiality (if it has not already gone) then I am paying my Licence Fee (a tax!) to support a broadcaster of propaganda. I'm really not happy about that, and so perhaps it is time once again to research what actually happens if somebody doesn't buy a licence.

Moving on then to today's mind infiltration...

1) VOTING REFERENDUM - Tomorrow, there's a referendum on whether to change the voting system, from first past the post to AV. Armano Ianucci tells us why he's voting for change. Peter Stringfellow says he's sticking with first past the post : Thanks, but I don't need to be told how to vote by a comedian and a nightclub owner. What makes them so special that I should hang on their pearls of wisdom, eh? My wife and I have both made our decisions on which way to vote, and our views do not coincide, so together we will have absolutely no effect on the result. Now there is democracy in action! We had a referendum in Wales a couple of months ago, but it must have been something trivial as the national BBC news gave it hardly any mention. Next...

2) IAN TOMLINSON - The inquest into the death of Ian Tomlinson delivered a verdict of unlawful killing. Should the police officer concerned now be prosecuted? : Is this a vote? I'll vote "Yes", but it won't change anything, will it? Here is a video of the Metropolitan Police doing their job: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dSsptuOiHE. Oh how happy I am that I don't live in London. The video was made by the "Love Police" aka Charlie Veitch. Charlie was recently arrested (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-13237702) on suspicion of "conspiracy to cause a public nuisance". To me that says he was arrested for thinking about maybe doing something that the Metropolitan Police would not like. It is interesting that you can now be arrested BEFORE you commit a crime. Search on YouTube for more Love Police videos, they are fascinating - and worrying. Next...

3) OSAMA BIN LADEN - As the White House changes it's version of how Bin Laden was killed, there have been fresh calls to show a photo of the body. Others say it would be too gruesome : Let's see the photos, and I refer you to my comments above. Next...

4) THE FESTIVAL OF BRITAIN - Finally, do you remember the Festival of Britain? Sixty years ago, the country celebrated all that was wonderful about Britain. What are your memories? : It was seven years before I was born. For any person to have any memories of the event they would have needed to be at least in their late teens or early twenties in 1951, so that puts them in their 70s or 80s now. Is this age group part of your target audience demographic now? No wonder your programme fails to appeal to me. Oh, and this is not news.

6 Music beckons...

UPDATE: I've just found out the the Festival of Britain piece was just a plug for a programme on Radio 2 this evening.

Today's show 30/03/11

Mmmmm..... bacon sandwich....

You know, I will look at your programme in an entirely different way in the future. Yesterday afternoon I received an email from the BBC Complaints Department in which they stated, incredulously, that your show's "editorial team’s story selection is not of huge concern to the vast majority of Jeremy Vine listeners". I'm really not sure what to make of this. Is it simply the case that your listeners could not care less what you talk about? In the unlikely event that that is actually true, it does make some sense and explains my view of your programme as I do have huge concerns about your story selection.

I have lived in the vain hope since 2004 that one day, just one day, you might talk about something that I really, really, really wanted to listen to, but in seven years it has never ever happened. It is true that there have been some stories that have been of passing interest to me but I have really only listened to see how you handled them rather than to gain factual knowledge. I am, I suppose, guilty of listening to the broadcaster instead of the broadcast, but my analytical and suspicious view of the news media (not just the BBC) causes me to listen to every word that is said. Very often it is possible to work out what the real news story is by going on what is NOT said. Hey ho...

Your web page updater has excelled themselves today. To emphasis your selections for today the email story appears four times, parenting appears twice and cricket also appears twice. See below if you don't believe me! This is shoddy work and only goes to show the lack of attention to detail that hallmarks your programme.

Anyway, and ignoring the repetitions....

1) HAVE YOU SEEN THAT EMAIL? - Two young men discuss an ex-girlfriend and then send the email to the girlfriend by mistake. What makes us so fascinated? : No, I haven't, and who are "us"? Not me, certainly. "What can you say?", you asked on Ken's show. My response would be, "Why say anything?". This is not news. Next...

2) ARE THE ARTS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SCHOOLS AND HOSPITALS? - Arts Council announces which theatres, art galleries etcetera get the money and which don't. Given a work of art lasts forever, aren't the arts more important than schools and hospitals? : The BBC page that you link to states "More than 200 organisations that received regular funding from Arts Council England have missed out after 'a series of painful decisions'". The important word in that sentence is, of course, "England" and from that you will know that this story is not of huge concern to those of us that live in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. But then, what is of huge concern to us? Any idea? I thought not. Next...

3) PARENTING: HOW DO YOU DIVORCE AND NOT DAMAGE YOUR CHILDREN? Our parenting season continues; the most important job in the world. Today, how do you have a divorce and not damage the children? : What children? Next...

4) IS THE CRICKET WORLD CUP THE MOST IMPORTANT SPORTING EVENT EVER? And finally, India versus Pakistan in the cricket world cup has been dubbed the most important sporting event ever. We talk to listeners from either side : Ahhh, a sport story. I shall sleep well this afternoon. Zzzzzzz....

Today's show 25/03/11

You know, I just love your web pages. They have a unique blend of looking professional but with inaccurate and misleading text. As an example, your front page (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006wr3p) clearly states: "Jeremy Vine and guests discuss the news headlines and talk to the people making them.". I take issue with this on two counts.

First, you rarely devote your show to the news headlines. You may have one or two current news stories, but you will also have discussions on other twaddle that is anything but news.

Secondly, your assertion that you talk to the people making the headlines is rarely justified. It is true that you talk to people involved in the non-news stories, but when it comes to a real news story the first people you usually turn to are not the actual newsmakers but other BBC correspondents or newspaper reporters. If all else fails you call George Galloway for his own special pearls of wisdom. So, instead of hearing from the actual newsmakers all your listeners hear is what a colleague of yours (or a former MP) thinks might have happened, might be happening and might happen in the future. All good for speculation and conjecture, but it does not do much to provide your listeners with hard facts, does it?

 

I'll give you an example: You will remember your discussion about the "International Rescue" team's problems in getting in to Japan last week. In my mind, it was the IR team that were the newsmakers, but you didn't speak to them. Instead you had a verbal fight with a Foreign Office minister. It was only afterwards that you had contact with the IR team and obtained some crucial information from the newsmaker that could have changed your sparring with the Minister completely.

OK... let's look at today's news headlines and which newsmakers you will be talking to...

1) ARE DELROY GRANT'S SEX ATTACKS ON ELDERLY VICTIMS AMONGST THE WORST IN HISTORY? - Did the fact that a sex attacker chose elderly victims mean that his crimes were amongst the worst in Scotland Yard's history? : In answer to your question: I have no idea, and I have no real desire to find out. I'll grant you that this is news, but somehow I doubt you will have newsmaker Delroy Grant in the studio or on the telephone. From your trail on Ken's show it sounds as though your guest on this topic only has an opinion and is definitely not a newsmaker. Next...

2) HAVE YOU EVER QUEUED OVERNIGHT OUTSIDE A SHOP? - We talk to the man who missed his son's birthday to queue outside an Apple store for an iPad 2. Have you ever queued overnight outside a shop so you're first through the doors for a sale? : In answer to your question: No, I have not. This relates to a story from the Metro (owned by the same company as the Daily Mail), so it really is NOT NEWS. Next...

3) PARENTING: CHRIS EVANS - As we prepare for Radio 2's parenting week, we talk to Chris Evans about being reunited with his daughter : How much preparation is needed, exactly? Do you consider that my licence fee being well-spent in providing a parenting week for people who, like myself, have no children? I don't. Again, this is NOT NEWS and is nothing but an advertisement for the BBC's own programmes. Next...

4) CHEAPEST HOMES IN THE UK - And we go to the street in Burnley with the cheapest homes in the country - a two bedroom house can be yours for £22,000 : This barely scrapes through as a mild-interest news story, but who is the newsmaker?

 

So, only one proper "news headline" and no apparent sign of talking "to the people making them".

 

Lies, all lies.

Today's show 04/03/11

I've been hearing a trail for your show all over Radio 2 this week. Let's have a look at what it says....

"Jeremy Vine back ..." : OK, that bit is true.

"... discussing the issues that affect you" : Errr..., no they don't. So, that's conjecture and speculation on your part.

"Back, with analysis..." : I'll do my own, thanks, as I don't trust what you tell me at all.

"... and opinion" : Including your own opinion, of course, but why should I care what other people think? I have my opinions too, but I like to treat others how I wish to be treated myself so I don't try and ram them down other's throats. I make an exception for you, of course.

"Back, with your views..." : Isn't a view the same as an opinion?

"... and experiences" : Great. Zzzzzzzz......

So, that one trail contains conjecture, speculation, poor research and repetition, which are all hall-marks of the Jeremy Vine Show. I'm not sure whether to congratulate you, or not.

On to today's menu...

1) Barnsley By-Election - The Liberal Democrats slump into sixth place as Labour wins a by-election in Barnsley. Should the Lib Dems be worried that the price of being in power is too high? : And STILL no mention of the referendum in Wales yesterday. There are about 220,000 people living in Barnsley (http://www.barnsley.gov.uk/mid-year-population-estimates) and 3 million in Wales. You have some really odd priorities! Next...

2) Jacqui Smith and porn - We talk to the former home secretary Jacqui Smith about porn : I am not a wanker so this is of no interest to me. Anyway, it is really just a trail for a Radio 5 show, isn't it? Next...

3) Car Insurance - Does your car insurance cost more than the car? : Web site FAIL! The link points to the Jacqui Smith story. I really do get the impression that nobody checks this stuff, and that nobody cares. It all just continues to lower my opinion of your programme. Anyway, I've just renewed my car insurance. It cost £190 but I got £70 cash back by using various Martin Lewis-recommended web sites, so £120 in all. This means that the answer to your question is "No". Would you like me to call in and tell you that? Next...

4) Pet obesity - We discuss pet obesity. Jeremy's looking for pictures of your overweight pets - click the link below to see the best photos we’ve received so far : This is what you get if you feed your pet the equivalent of fast food every day. We have three cats all of which are in excellent health and not overweight, despite food being available for them 24 hours a day. The reason is simple: Their food is of the best quality we can get (at least 60% meat, with no sugar or cereal). Funnily enough, the same results will be seen with human animals too. As for the pictures on your web site, I can only assume that you have posted them there so we can all "have a laugh" at them. Well, I'm not laughing. The respective owners are abusing their animals and do not deserve to keep them.

Now, this opens up an opportunity for you:

 - You can have a jolly good chuckle at the pictures and express your usual mock and insincere outrage about what is happening, OR

 - You could start a campaign supported by your celebrity (-ish) status and covered regularly on your Radio 2 show to educate pet owners about their animals nutrition.

So, are you going to bite the bullet and ACTUALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE, or are you going to take the lazy, cop-out, do nothing option?

Only you can decide ... but if I were a betting man I'd lay £1000 on you doing nothing, as usual.

Go on, just for once, please prove me wrong. Please.