Today's show 04/07/11

Another Monday, and no doubt you will be choosing another four topics dredged up from the back-end of obscurity and used to fill two hours with irrelevant waffle. But wait, what's this? Now here is a headline worthy of discussion today, surely:

BBC admits Radio 2 volcanic ash news bulletin "incorrect"
Investigator says "incorrect description should not have been aired"

Allow me to remind you of this story...

The 5pm Radio 2 news bulletin broadcast on 25th May included an interview with Dr Clive Oppenheimer, a volcano expert from Cambridge University in which he gave his opinion of what could happen to an aircraft jet engine if it flew through a volcanic ash cloud. He said, "The only problem with ash is that it can re-melt inside an engine which is obviously very bad news if you've got molten lava slopping around in an engine". This statement flies in the face of all other evidence of jet engine damage that has been disseminated to the UK public by the press and broadcasters, including the BBC. The ash does indeed melt when heated by the engine, and it then coats the turbine blades, inner surfaces and engine sensors with a glass-like coating, and so reducing the engine's efficiency and viability. There is also the potential for simple abrasion damage as the ash passes through the engine turbines and combustion chambers. I found Dr Oppenheimer's email address (Google was my friend!) and challenged him about his statement and he quickly replied at some length, but opened with this sentence: "I am guilty of hyperbole talking about molten lava in an engine.".

So, he made it up. And the BBC News department chose to broadcast it.

Needless to say, I immediately filed a complaint and included the quote from Oppenheimer's email. On Friday afternoon, and after three chase-up complaints, I finally received a reply (my highlights):

Reference CAS-777238-FLDRC6

Thanks for contacting us regarding a Radio 2 News Bulletin at 5pm on 25 May. Please accept our apologies for the delay in replying. We know our correspondents appreciate a quick response and are sorry you've had to wait on this occasion.

We raised your concerns about the broadcast with the relevant editorial staff. As you outlined in your additional contact, Dr Oppenheimer seems to admit that the description he used in this instance was incorrect. We also agree with your perspective on molten ash crystallisation.

Dr Oppenheimer’s views are his and his alone, he was put on air in good faith and this as I’m sure you will agree, was not a deliberate attempt to mislead the audience. Having said that, we apologise for the error and recognise that an incorrect description should not have been aired in this manner.

We would like to thank you for bringing this to our attention and please accept our apologies again for the delay.

Kind Regards

Sxxxxx Wxxx
BBC Complaints

"We also agree with your perspective on molten ash crystallisation" is an interesting phrase. I'm not sure who "we" are but whoever they are they appear to have a better grasp of the volcanic ash/jet engine interaction than the expert who misled the audience that day.

Frankly, I am surprised that somebody of Dr Oppenheimer's standing should promote such misinformation. Frankly too, I am not surprised that the BBC grasped his comments with open arms as they attempted to increase the level of sensationalist and hysterical tosh that they were peddling to the public in the name of "fact" at that time.

I forwarded a copy of the BBC Complaints email to Dr Oppenheimer on Friday, and introduced it with just one sentence: We can only hope that next time the BBC will interview an expert who knows the subject, rather than an expert who does not. So far, he has chosen not to respond.

So, what has this to do with your programme? Well, for ages now I have been suggesting that you should discuss the credibility and accuracy of main-stream news bulletins, and add impartiality to that list for the BBC. Issues like that described above continue to erode your listeners faith of the "news" that they are spoon-fed every day in the vain hope that somebody might actually believe it. This is becoming more and more of a problem, yet it continues to be ignored by the very organisations that are its cause. So go on Jeremy, grasp the nettle and please talk about something that is of interest to A LOT of people. Tomorrow, maybe?

Oh, and you won't have seen the headline I quoted because, and in the best journalistic tradition, I MADE IT UP. The story, though, is completely true.

So, let's look at the "issues that affect me" today...

1) CALL CENTRES - We discuss the call centre that's moved back to the UK because Burnley is now cheaper than Mumbai. Find out more in this Daily Mail article : Hooray! The Daily Mail makes its first appearance this week as the first story of the week. Does this set the tone for the rest of the week? Moving call centres back to the UK is good news. A few years ago I was involved in a serious road accident, fortunately with only minor injuries. The worst part of the whole experience - honestly - was dealing with my insurance company's call centre in India. Since then I have been careful who I choose to give my business to and I now ask specifically "Where are your call centres?". Any non-UK country mentioned will then cause me to look elsewhere, but I always tell the company why and "You're not the first person to do that" is a common response. So, it looks like I have already taken precautions to make sure that this issue does not affect me. Next...

2) REPATRIATION ROUTE DIVERSION - The decision to divert the repatriation route for fallen British servicemen away from Royal Wootton Bassett has been criticised as disrespectful to the military. Find out more in this Sky news article : Oooohhh... a story culled from Murdoch news. Wasn't there a BBC memo that said that all staff must pretend that he doesn't exist, or slag off the Murdoch empire at all times? I have never seen one of these processions, so the closure of RAF Lyneham does not affect me, the re-routing of the flights does not affect me and the re-routing of the funeral cortège does not affect me. The tragic deaths of the servicemen affects us all, and I sincerely hope that you are not just using their deaths to raise your listeners' blood pressure in the name of cheap radio. Your discussion will change nothing, as usual, but others that have a real interest and concern just might. Next...

3) CARE FUNDING OVERHAUL - The amount of money which people in England have to spend on care in their old age should be capped, according to an independent report : Just remind me where this is happening again. Oh yes, England. I don't live there so this does not affect me. Next..

4) HOSTEL - And residents of north Belfast want "paedo alert" signs on lamp-posts outside a hostel which houses paedophiles. Find out more in this Belfast Telegraph article : Now, here is an interesting thing. You have chosen to cover a story from the distant outpost of the United Kingdom known as Northern Ireland. One could believe that this particular territory barely exists given the amount of coverage that it receives on your programme. Like Wales, it is hardly ever mentioned specifically. Fortunately, your listeners in Scotland seem to be better served. So why has this story floated to the top of the Jeremy Vine Show septic tank of news stories today? Oh yes, because it is about that stalwart favourite topic: Paedophiles. I don't live in Belfast so once again this is an issue that does not affect me.

The Jeremy Vine Show - for all the latest paedophile news..

Today's show 08/06/11

How are you getting in with producing that new trail for your show? I'm sure that Galloway will jump at the chance to be involved as it involves his two favourite subjects: Talking rubbish, and being paid to talk rubbish.

 

Anyway, let's take a look at four good reasons to tune away from Radio 2 at 12:

 

1) PRISON SENTENCING REFORM SHELVED - Justice Secretary Ken Clarke is told by the Prime Minister that he's not going to get his policy of having sentencing reduced for people who plead guilty early : So, what is your angle on this? Is it the change of policy? Is it your perception of a government that cannot make up its mind? Or is it your fabrication of a rift between Cameron and Clark? I would guess probably all three, with the important first one taking the least precedence. I have no plans to go to prison so this cannot be of any interest to me today. Next...

 

2) BIRDWATCHING - Birdwatchers flock to Hartlepool to see a rare robin. What on earth is the attraction of birdwatching? : You know, the English language is a wonderful thing. It is full of nuances and short phrases that are so innocuous when looked at on their own, but that can change the whole meaning of a sentence when included, or excluded. You have included such a phrase today: "on earth". Had you asked the question as "What is the attraction of birdwatching?" then I would have expected you to have a serious discussion (Ha! - that'll be the day) about a hobby that provides hours of interest and satisfaction for many thousands of people. You could have heard all sorts of tales from birdwatchers as to why they do what they do, the travelling they do to see a particular species and the inevitable cost of it all, and in the process educated those of us who are not birdwatchers about a hobby that we may never have considered. But, that wasn't good enough, was it? You added the words "on earth" to change the meaning in to a question of incredulity. It now means "Why the hell would some idiot want to waste their time and money standing in a field to watch some bird half a mile away?". Congratulations! With two words you have summed up EXACTLY why I consider your broadcasts to be utterly worthless. This will turn your discussion in to "taking the piss out of birdwatchers" and I hope that they respond robustly to that. Unfortunately, you control the microphone fader so their chances of making their point will be minimal. On a personal level I could ask you this question: What on earth is the attraction of watching football? Twenty-odd blokes kicking a ball around, what possible interest could that have? Beats me! However, the question that WILL ALWAYS go unanswered is, of course: What on earth is the attraction of the Jeremy Vine show? Next...

 

3) MEN WORKING IN NURSERIES - Following the conviction of the twenty year old nursery worker Paul Anthony Wilson, we talk to someone who's uncomfortable with men working in nurseries : Tragic though this is, have you forgotten the case of the female nursery worker in Plymouth who was convicted of similar crimes? See http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article6471327.ece if it has slipped your mind. Perhaps the mysterious "someone" would like to see all adults banned from working in nurseries. The Jeremy Vine show: all you ever need to know about paedophiles. Next...

4) HAIR TRANSPLANTS - Finally, Wayne Rooney has been very open about his hair transplant. Are you somebody who went bald in your twenties? How did you explain your hair transplant when you walked into the office? : Finally, some more of the serious non-news for which your programme is so well known. OK, in answer to you questions: Wayne who? Yes, and I started going bald at 18. What hair transplant? I don't remember having one. And what office? Why on earth do you assume that anybody who has had a hair transplant must work in an office? Does Rooney work in an office? No. Who on earth writes these questions? Why on earth do you employ them? Why on earth can't they write an unbiased question? Why on earth are you on Radio 2 every day? Why on earth is your programme completely pointless? Why on earth do you refute or ignore criticism of what you do? Why on earth do you rely on the Daily Mail so much? Why on earth do you refuse to get involved instead of just talking? Where on earth is Howard Schultz when your listeners need him so much?

 

Why on earth will I be listening to 6 Music from 12? Because why on earth would I want to listen to you?.

Today's show 06/06/11

Welcome back Jeremy! Great to have you back, last week was absolutely dire! Not that I listened, of course.

I'm busy busy today, so let's keep it brief...

1) CHILD SEXUALISATION - The government welcomes a report that's calling for shops to stop selling clothes which sexualise children. Jeremy talks to Dr Jan MacVarish; Research associate at the Centre for Health Services Studies at the University of Kent and Telegraph journalist Cristina Odone : We have no children, so I feel totally unable to form a judgement on this and therefore it is of no interest to me. However, it sounds like banning is being suggested, so little wonder that you are discussing it today! Next...

 

2) COUNCIL HOUSES - Should people earning one hundred thousand pounds a year be allowed to live in a council house? Jeremy talks to Grant Schapps; Minister for Housing and Paul Dimoldenberg; Leader of the Labour Group on Westminster City Council : And let us welcome back the Daily Mail in to the fold, and after it was ignored completely last week by the abominable Ms Feltz in favour of other Dead Tree Press Preservation Society members The Independent, The Guardian, Metro and The Daily Mirror (God help us, please!). I loved the comments on the Daily Mail page you link to, particularly the ones that start with "What a load of drivel", and "DM readers are living in a dreamworld", and could not have put it better myself. Anyway, I don't earn one hundred thousand pounds a year, I don't live in a council house and I certainly don't read the Daily Mail, so how can this possibily be of any interest to me? Next...

 

3) ADULT ACNE - After 1 we're joined by Radio 2 doctor Sarah Jarvis to discuss adult acne. Jeremy also talks to Zoe Fletcher who suffers from adult acne : Luckily, I don't. Next...

 

4) HYPNOSIS - And we look at when hypnosis goes wrong : Years ago, I used to know somebody that was hypnotised in a pub show one evening and behaved like a chicken. He told me afterwards that he remembered everything, was not hypnotised and the hypnotist was a fake. He then demonstrated his chicken mimicing again for the assembled throng to prove that he could do what he did anyway, hypnotised or not. Is this what you mean by hypnosis going wrong?

Today's show 31/05/11

Hi Vanessa!

Remember me? I'm the guy who dissects the stories (I hesitate to use the word "news" as it isn't really news, is it?) every day just to prove to myself and anybody who cares to read my blog (http://lunchtimeloather.blogspot.com/, and rapidly approaching 3000 page views) why the Jeremy Vine Show is completely pointless. One day, I hope, somebody from Radio 2 will say to themselves, "You know, he is right, this programme achieves nothing and does not belong on Radio 2, and certainly not in the middle of the day". Until that happens I will continue to criticise and ridicule the programme. However, I am known for my patience.

My recollection from last time that you stood in for Jeremy was that the show actually got worse. Had I not heard it with my own ears I would never have thought that to be possible. So let's see if you have any good reasons at all for me to continue listening to Radio 2 at 12 o'clock...

It is interesting that today you have chosen three stories from national newspapers, but not one from Jeremy's favourite member of The Dead Tree Press Preservation Society : The Daily Mail. The latest ABC circulation figures (http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/story.asp?sectioncode=1&storycode=47114) make interesting reading, as they always do, as the slow and inexorable death of the printed press continues. One day they will all be gone, so you best steal as many stories as you can while they are still around. Jeremy has a slightly different way of finding stories, as he just looks in the Daily Mail and if nothing takes his fancy there a quick visit to the BBC News > England web page usually suffices to fill the show.

1) FIFA CORRUPTION ALLEGATIONS - The Fifa president Sepp Blatter insists his organisation is not in crisis amidst corruption allegations that the 2022 World Cup final was "bought" for Qatar and claims about a suitcase stuffed with cash : I think you are confusing me with someone who is interested in football. I played football when I was at school 30-odd years ago, and hated it. I have never been to a football match, and I am not aware of watching a whole match on TV. This is of absolutely no interest to me and is not a good start to today's show. Next...

2) NINETY-FIVE PER CENT MORTGAGE - As more young people expect to rent for longer, is a 95 per cent mortgage for first-time buyers the answer? Find out more in this Telegraph article (daily readership 640,000, down 6.4% in the last year) : I have no idea, and this story has absolutely no relevance to me at all. It's not looking good. Next...

3) WEEKLY BIN COLLECTIONS - Reports say that the government will give councils cash incentives to restore weekly bin collections. Find out more in this Independent article (daily readership 181,000, down 4% in the last year) : Here in Gwynedd we have a weekly bin collection that alternates between household waste and garden waste. We are provided with good quality bins in which to store rubbish between collections. Collections occur every Monday morning, including bank holidays, and it all works rather well for me. As you will appreciate, I am struggling to find any relevance to this story. Next...

4) ANTI-PAEDO SCHOOL UNIFORM - And a school in Glasgow has asked parents to dress their children in baggy clothes to deter paedophiles. Find out more in this Metro article : Now, I believe the Metro is that free newspaper that is handed out in large conurbations, but I'll be honest and say that I have no idea where I would get a copy from here in rural North Wales. Also, and being free, its circulation figures do not appear on the ABC report so we cannot gain any accurate insight in to just how popular it is. I do know that it is published by Associated Newspapers, who also publish the good old Daily Mail, and that probably says more about it than anything else. As for the story, well we don't have any children at that school in Glasgow so it is of no relevance to me.

So, Radio 2 loses another listener as I'm off to 6 Music.

More tomorrow!

Today's show 07/03/11

Good morning!

So how is your Pet Obesity campaign going? Where do I sign-up? Oh... what's that you say? You couldn't be bothered? I knew my £1000 would be safe.

Anyway, and moving on, let's see if I can find four good reasons not to listen to your programme today. How about these...

1) Prince Andrew - Prince Andrew is under a final warning. Is he an embarrassment to Britain? : Listening to the 8am news today I just knew that you would not be able to resist this one, but somehow I don't think you will be saying "... and our studio guest today is Prince Andrew". I don't have the time - or the interest - to find out exactly what is going on but I would not be surprised if you broadcast the usual daily dose of conjecture and speculation followed by a good old-fashioned undefended character assassination. I bet you'll use the word "paedophile" too. Next...

2) SAS - What on earth were the SAS doing in Libya? : Errr... have you watched the BBC news bulletin on your linked page? It seems to be fully explained there. Forgive me if I have got this wrong, but I have always been under the impression that the SAS's activities were secret. You know, secret, just like "Who is the target audience for the JV show?". So, what is there to discuss? Next...

3) Premature Babies - At 1, we’re joined by Dr Sarah Jarvis. A leading health advisor says at 23 weeks premature babies should be left to die : I'm glad that this story has been stolen from the Daily Mail as it saves me having to explain any further why this is of absolutely no interest to me. Next...

4) Banks - A Lib Dem MP has said shares in the rescued banks should be given to the public for free : You seem to be missing several points here:
 - Unless something has changed over the weekend, the Lib Dems are not in control of the Government so they are not in a position that allows them to do this.
 - As quoted on your linked page: It is not official Liberal Democrat policy.
 - As quoted on your linked page: "No decision has been taken about how or when this issue is going to be dealt with."
So, what is there to discuss? How about Nothing?

That looks like four pretty good reasons not to listen today. Any idea when you might discuss something that would be of interest to me? It has been six months now and I feel that I am being discriminated against. What are you going to do about that?

Today's show 24/02/11

Well, a web site update before 11:45 ... wonders will never cease.

 

Unfortunately, it only tells me that today's show is yet again of complete irrelevance to me...

 

1) Libya - If it comes to it, should we send British troops into Libya to protect oil interests? : Is this a vote? Does anything said on your programme today make ANY difference at all? No, of course it doesn't. Really, what is the point? Next...

 

2) Child Murderer Killed - Colin Hatch killed in prison : I think you are confusing me with someone who gives a toss. Next...

 

3) Pensioners - Get rid of free TV licences and bus passes? : I'm not a pensioner and have another 12 years to go before this has any relevance to me. Can you discuss it again in 2023? Not that I'll be listening. Next...

 

4) Breast Milk Ice Cream - Would you eat it? : And this is news, is it? Who decided that this should feature on the show today? Whoever you are, you are a disgrace to the trade known as journalism. But then we already knew that, didn't we.

 

Here's another jingle for you: "The latest news, some music, and a load of uninteresting and irrelevant tosh here on the Jeremy Vine show". Again, no charge.

 

It was September when you last discussed a topic that was even remotely of interest to me. Any idea when it might happen again?

And very noticeable this week that with Ms Feltz standing in for JV the show has been turned in to poor imitation of Womens' Hour, making it even worse than normal.

 

Now, get off my radio!

Today's show 16/02/11

"Sarah Cox, absolutely lovely" ... that must be a different Sarah Cox to the one that was (is?) on Radio One then. Some of us remember her, unfortunately, from Channel 4's The Girlie Show where she took great delight in giving out her Wanker Of The Week (oh, the irony!) award in which some hapless male in the news was lambasted for some alleged misdemeanour or other. I suppose your show has replaced that particular aspect of her TV career, but in not such a sexist way - allegedly.

 

1) Paedophiles - Should paedophiles have the right to come off the sex offenders register if they’re no longer a risk? - Aaahhh... paedophiles - a JV Show speciaility. Is this really the best that the mighty BBC can supply for lunchtime entertainment? Until 4th April I think it probably is. Next... 

 

2) Recompense - Given to man forced to wear thief placard : And this is news, is it? Oh, no, it can't be as it is yet another story stolen from the Daily Mail. Have you got shares in Associated Newspapers? I've just sent them an email asking about the use of their stories by Radio 2, see below. Next...

 

3) Ed Balls - Joins us in the studio : Can you ask him a question for me? Can you ask him: What is it like being second choice? Next...

 

4) Berlusconi - Why do some Italians still love him? : I've been to Italy three times, but I have only spent about three hours in the country. It looks quite nice and the people seem friendly, but I do feel that I have insufficient background knowledge of the Italian culture to be able to answer your question accurately. Instead I would have to rely on what I read in "the papers", hearsay, speculation and conjecture but I won't do that because that is your job, isn't it.

 

 

 

 

Email sent to editorial@dailymailonline.co.uk:

 

Hello!

 

The above-named show often features stories that appear on MailOnline, and the show's web page often includes a direct link to a MailOnline web page.

 

Can I ask, please, what arrangements, if any, exist (financial or otherwise) between yourselves and Radio 2 for this to happen? If no arrangement does exist, can any other news broadcaster make use of your features in this way?

 

Many thanks!