Today's show 28/04/11

Busy again today so brevity is essential. I would suggest that on days like today where there is, apparently, no news then perhaps an all-music show may have been the way to go. Anyway...

 

1) THE SYRIAN AMBASSADOR - Critics say the Syrian ambassador to London should be struck off the guest list for the royal wedding when his country is using violence against pro-democracy demonstrators : The critics are entitled to their opinion, but that does not mean that I have to listen to them. Next...

 

2) BARACK OBAMA - Barack Obama releases his birth certificate to confound rumours that he was born outside the US. We discuss the "birthers" who say that still doesn’t settle the matter : I just love a good conspiracy theory, but I've not looked in to this one. When I get a moment I shall have to do some reading so that I can form an opinion. In other news, did you know that Paul McCartney was killed in a car crash in November 1966? http://www.ispauldead.com/ Next...

3) CALM DOWN DEAR! - The prime minister tells an opposition spokeswoman to "calm down, dear". Just a joke or sexist bullying? : I'm not sure how you are going to fill 30 minutes with this, but it would never have happened had useless Squeaker Bercow been doing his job properly. Next...

4) THE ROYAL WEDDING - And as the nation prepares to celebrate tomorrow, what are your memories of previous royal wedding days? : A day off school in 1973, a day off work in 1981 and no recollection at all of 1986. Interesting that Prince Edward's, Charles's second and Anne's second weddings are not mentioned on the BBC web page. Does the BBC consider them to be not memorable?

 

Have a great weekend, and let's hope some proper news reappears next week.

Today's show 27/04/11 - Part 2

12:02, your programme has started, and your web site has not been updated yet....

 

1) ANDREW MARR - Andrew Marr has been criticised for taking out a super-injunction to prevent the press from reporting about his extra-marital affair. But was he right all along to protect his privacy? : We have already exchanged emails about this today, for which I thank you. I will keep my promise and listen to this. Next...

 

Yay! 12:25 and your web page has finally been updated.

2) ECONOMIC GROWTH - The latest figures show the economy is growing again, albeit slightly. Is your business in the fast lane or the slow lane when it comes to growth? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? : My business continues to get busier and busier. Thanks for asking. Next...

 

3) SURE START CENTRES - Campaigners say that Sure Start Centres are being closed as part of the cuts. Oliver James says they have become little more than a Crèche for middle class parents : We don't have children, so this is of no interest to me. Next...

4) THE ROYAL WEDDING - And finally, with the royal wedding just two days away, has your partner shocked you by suddenly coming out as a monarchist (or a republican)? : In a word: No. Why is "republican" in brackets? Surely both viewpoints have their place, don't they?

 

I didn't really learn anything from the Andrew Marr piece, but I do hope that his future employment prospects are being looked at carefully.

Today's show 27/04/11 - Part 1

I deliberately didn't mention it yesterday, but today - surely - you have to talk about Andrew Marr's current situation. As somebody who has asked politicians about failures of judgement, failures in their private lives, inconsistencies in their views and other embarrassing (to them) issues I consider it to be a bit rich that he had a so-called Super Injunction of his own to hide certain alleged misdemeanours. Yet he continues to be an active journalist and interviewer - where is the impartiality there?

You haven't done a character assassination hatchet job for a while, so how about covering Marr's plight today? I'd listen to that.

Or is your "the BBC is sacrosanct" policy going to override this very important news story?

This all just adds fuel to the fire to my view that journalists are liars, cheats, lazy and incompetent.

If you don't want to talk about Marr specifically, how about a discussion on journalism and ask the question: Does journalism have any credibility left, at all? I'd listen to that too.

UPDATE:

Email received from JV himself:

hi . We're doing AM today.

Best wishes
Jeremy

Today's show 26/04/11

Hi Jeremy, I hope you had a good Easter weekend.

I visited my local "will there be anything for the weekend, sir?" barber for a haircut on Thursday afternoon which you may be surprised to learn has a relevance to your programme, and journalism in general. My roughly 3-monthly visits to the barber present one of the rare opportunities for me to spend time reading a product of the Dead Tree Press while my barber snips away at preceding customers. Unfortunately he was a bit busy on Thursday and the newspaper I wanted to look at, and your favourite, The Daily Mail was being read by somebody else. I was left with a choice of The Daily Express, The Caernarfon and Denbigh Herald and the Daily Mirror. I chose the latter just because it stands for a view of life and the UK that does not correspond with mine and so should have been good for a laugh. I was not disappointed, but it was the standard of reporting that really caught my eye...

There was a story about a huge lobster that had been caught off the west of England and that had been destined for the cooking pot. However, somebody had intervened and seeing the size and weight (9 pounds, I think) decided that this lobster was probably about 50 years old and should have a more dignified end, and so it was sent to a sea life aquarium in Plymouth. Above the article was a picture of a lobster and the indication was that the picture showed the lobster that had been saved. Fair enough, you would think, but there was one small problem: The lobster in the picture was RED. Now, I am no sea life or sea food expert but I do know that a living lobster is BLUE, and that they only turn red after cooking. Unfortunately the Daily Mirror do not seem to have put this story on their web site.

There was another story that I saw, and that is on their web site at http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-world/2011/04/21/the-model-village-idiots-115875-23075798/. Again, it makes interesting reading. The first sentence reads: "THIEVES hit a new low when they pinched the lead roof from a building in a model village.". The third sentence reads: "But despite their efforts, it’s ­estimated they’ll only make about £30 from the stolen slate.". Hmmmm.... a bit of a discrepancy here. What did they steal? Lead or slate? There is a big difference, particularly in their value!

So what did I learn from my Daily Mirror experience? I learnt that journalists are not to be trusted. At all. Ever. I learnt that journalists are incapable of reporting the facts accurately. I learnt - again - never to trust a word that I read or hear that has been written by a journalist. So, as a journalist yourself, what do you think should be done? Is journalism going to get its act together? Or is it just going to continue to write rubbish in the hope that somebody might believe it?

The two stories I read were both trivial, yet contained glaring errors. I wonder how many errors are contained in serious news stories that concern government, man-made global warming, the economy and other topics that affect all of us in our everyday lives.

You couldn't make it up. But you and your ilk probably can.

Moving on to today's show then...

1) TEENAGE PARTIES - Following the tragic death of teenager Isobel Reilly, who was taken ill and then died at a friend's party, we talk to a mother of teenage children who has struggled with the stresses and strains of teenage parties : Tragic, and I was sorry to read that this may not have been an accident. A quick calculation reveals that I have not been a teenager for 34 years, and we have no children so this is unlikely to happen to me. Next...

2) BANK HOLIDAYS - We've just had two bank holidays and we're about to have two more. We talk to businesses struggling because there are too many bank holidays : My business gains work from bank holidays, so you won't here any complaints from me. Next...

3) CHARGING FOR THE PARK - A council is going to charge businesses such as personal trainers who use public parks as part of their business space : Yay! A story from the Daily Mail! You will be pleased to know that Welsh councils appear to have a more-enlightened attitude. Next...

4) THE HUMAN CANNONBALL - And finally, the case of the human cannonball who died when his safety net failed to open : Another tragic story. I'm not sure what "... when his safety net failed to open" means as the BBC news page clearly says "... when a safety net gave way", which are two completely different things. Remember what I was saying about inaccurate reporting and poor research? More importantly there was another death closer to my home that you have - as usual - failed to pick up on. It is here http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-north-west-wales-13184402 and concerns the death of an 11-year old boy at a forest theme park in Snowdonia and close to where I live. The difference is, of course, that the human cannonball knew that he was doing something risky, whereas the 11-year old boy was out enjoying himself. My predictions on this story are that you will suggest that human cannonballs should be banned, and that you will mention the Snowdonia accident after it was brought to your attention by "a listener". That will be me then. One day you might learn that the UK does not just consist of London and the South East.

I'll finish today's diatribe with a true story. I visited my parents yesterday for Sunday lunch. Both are in their 80s, and I was telling them of my daily emails to you and my blog. My mother's reaction was "Oh leave him alone, the poor man". My father's was "I stopped watching Eggheads because of him - he's only any good when he's reading a script". Perhaps I take more after my father than my mother.

I'll be listening to 6 Music if you want me.

Today's show 21/04/11

I'm very busy today, so quickly...

1) EMPLOYMENT - More than eighty thousand people in Britain claim incapacity benefit because they are alcoholics, drug addicts or obese, the government says. Would you employ a former addict? : While in employed work I had always wanted my own sole-trader business, and I achieved that wish in 2002. The key words are "sole-trader", which imply that I would and will never employ anyone, so the answer to your question has to be "No". I'm pretty sure that the BBC has an open-minded attitude to employment (judging by some of the people who work there) so perhaps you should do your bit and employ a former addict on your show. Please let me know when that happens. Next...

2) BLOGGING - A journalist tells us that he's stopped blogging because it was making him ill : A journalist? Stopping blogging? Good! That is one less journalist writing crap then. I'm unsure whether to celebrate his cessation, or take my usual view of complete disinterest. It must be a slow news week, because this is the second story this week about the scum who call themselves journalists. It is all getting a bit too incestuous for my liking. Funny, isn't it, how you are quick to look at other journalists and what they do, but consistently fail to look at your own efforts. You really should try it sometime. Next...

3) CAPTAIN LISA HEAD - We pay tribute to Captain Lisa Head, the British soldier who has died from injuries she suffered in an explosion while clearing roadside bombs in Afghanistan: I am sure that she did a wonderful job and will be sorely missed. Next...

4) TERRY WALTON - And we catch up with Terry Walton on the Jeremy Vine Show allotment : Oh good. Sound Effects Man is back. My life is complete.

Meanwhile, on 6 Music....

UPDATE:

Just had a message to tell me that I really should be listening to this as I am a blogger myself, so I am...

Congratulations on your usual poor research. James Delingpole started by telling you that he is not giving up his blog, and is only taking a "health break". So, you'll have got that wrong then.

I get comments on my blog. Two people drew my attention to an error that I had made, which I was happy to correct. All of the rest just thank me for what I do and agree with me in that they consider your show to be rubbish. Not one person has given any other viewpoint.

Any chance of a mention for my blog? It is http://lunchtimeloather.blogspot.com/

Right, back to 6 Music...

Today's show 20/04/11

I'm back.

Let's see what I missed...

SHOULD GASTRIC BANDS BE GIVEN ON DEMAND? : I have no need for a gastric band.
NICK CLEGG VERSUS GILLIAN DUFFY : This sounds like a media set-up.
WAS YOUR GRANNY A SUFFRAGETTE? : No
ORANGE SHEEP IN DEVON : Sounds like a good idea.
HAS IMMIGRATION DIVIDED OUR SOCIETY, OR MADE IT RICHER? : Did you ask the Welsh what they thought about English immigrants? I didn't think so.
THE AGONY OF TINNITUS : Luckily I don't have tinitus.
IS THE PRIVATE SECTOR PREJUDICED AGAINST THE PUBLIC SECTOR? : I have never worked for the public sector.
WHAT MAKES A GREAT COMEDIAN? : You always make me laugh at least once per day.
DAVID CAMERON WANTS IMMIGRANTS TO SPEAK ENGLISH : How about English immigrants in to Wales learning to speak Welsh? Oh, you forgot that too...
GOING TO SCHOOL HUNGRY : We don't have children, and I never did. And good to see the Daily Mail is still supplying you with material!
BIPOLAR DISORDER : I have no doubt that you managed to blow this out of all proportion.
KISSING IN PUBLIC - singled out because they were gay? : I wasn't there so I have no idea. Were you?
M1 CLOSURE - The M1 is a long, long way from here.
DID A PHOTOGRAPHER RUIN YOUR WEDDING? : No
SHOULD YOU ADOPT A CHILD BEFORE ATTEMPTING IVF? : We have no wish to adopt a child or use IVF.
REPORTING CRIME IN THE MEDIA : Am I meant to believe what the media (i.e. YOU!) tell me? I must be doing it wrong.
THE DANGERS OF STRAYING OFF THE BEATEN TRACK ON HOLIDAY : Have you ever been to Bill, Wyoming, USA? I have. Thanks for trying to tell me what to do though.
PENSIONER BUS PROTEST : I'm not a pensioner, and bus passes in Wales can, I believe, be used at any time.
UNIVERSITY TUITION FEES - Is it time for English families to move to Scotland or Wales?: I already have, but not because of university fees.
HAS BRITAIN FALLEN IN LOVE WITH GREGGS? : According to their web site, my nearest one is 45 miles away. On that basis, I haven't.

So, nothing of interest there then. Moving on to today's radio equivalent of watching paint dry:

1) LIBYA - Britain is planning to send a military team to advise rebels who are fighting Colonel Gaddafi. Is it time to say we're either in or out of this war? : I have no idea, and I doubt if anybody who makes this kind of decision will be listening to what you say. Next...

2) THE ROYAL WEDDING - Should you bring your children to London to watch the royal wedding and witness history in the making? : What children are those then? Next...

3) LOCAL NEWSPAPERS - Local newspaper staff go on strike as three reporters are left to fill nine papers. Are local newspapers dying...or thriving on the web? : Now here is a story that makes my heart sing! You already know my views on this one:

DEATH TO THE DEAD TREE PRESS!

Less local newspapers means less journalists, which means less journalists feeding the UK population the biased, ill-informed, sensationalised, poorly researched, dictatorial lies that you and your ilk attempt to spoon-feed us every day. Perhaps one day you will all go and get proper jobs, but who in their right mind would employ an ex-journalist? Next...

4) AGORAPHOBIC SINGER - And we talk to the singer who has become a YouTube sensation but hasn’t left her house for two years because of agoraphobia : Tragic, and even more so because she gave (sold?) her story to the Daily Mail.

One last thing before I go. I have a simple question for you: Can you give me one sentence that you think describes your programme? You know, some kind of Mission Statement? I'd love to know how you describe it!

Back tomorrow!

Blog suspension

I will not have easy access to the internet for a few days and so postings to my blog are temporarily suspended. Normal service will resume on or about April 21st.

Today's show 08/04/11

It seems only a few days ago that my blog passed some significant milestones. 1000 reads, then 1500 reads, and yesterday evening it passed 1800 reads. Again, I thank my readers for taking time from their busy lives to read my ramblings.

Every now and again I am contacted by somebody with a "Have you seen this?" email and a link to a web page. This one from The Guardian written by Miranda Sawyer was sent to me yesterday, in which she comments on Ken's/Rob Brydon's 1st April show before moving on to yours:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2011/apr/03/radioplayer-ken-bruce-jeremy-vine

My favourite paragraph is this one:
... A proper, properly funny April fool. Unfortunately, it made everything else afterwards seem like a mickey-take as well. And Ken was followed by Jeremy Vine. As regular readers may know, I have been worried about Jeremy recently: if you compare him with his previous incarnation as a Newsnight/Panorama presenter, it's as though he's been subject to nightly brain-washing by the Daily Mail. Post-Ken, he went straight into an item on speed cameras and I really didn't know if it was a joke or not.

To answer her question, your whole show is a joke on every single day and not just on 1st April.

 

Interesting, don't you think, that Ms Sawyer considers your relationship with your favourite member of The Dead Tree Press Preservation Society - The Daily Mail - to be as unhealthy as I do. Again, you see Jeremy, it really is not just me.

OK... on to today's four good reasons to switch to 6 Music at 12:

1) SHOULD WE BOOK A HOLIDAY TO PORTUGAL? - The Chancellor is meeting other EU finance ministers to discuss an emergency bailout for Portugal. Do we have a duty to book a holiday to Portugal to boost its stricken economy? : Who are "we"? You and me? I don't think so! I find it a little odd that you chose not to do a similar item for Ireland when they had their emergency bailout. I've had some lovely holidays there, but perhaps you prefer the sun of Portugal to the green softness of Ireland. Oh, and by the way, I do not need you to tell me what my duty is, what to do, or what to think. YOUR duty is to provide a quality radio programme every lunchtime, but that seems to be beyond you. Next...

 

2) CLOSET NATURIST BANNED FROM HIS WINDOW - A man who said he was a closet naturist has been banned from standing naked at his window for ten years : The words that tell me all I need to know about this story are "Find out more in this Mirror article". I can't ever remember you featuring a story from the uber-rag that is the Daily Mirror. Has it really come to this? From frontman on Newsnight to reading stories from the Mirror? Oh Jeremy, you poor, poor man. Next...

3) CUTTING YOUR PETROL BILL WITH MARTIN LEWIS - After 1, our money saving expert Martin Lewis joins us to tell us how to cut our petrol bills. Start by emptying that boot and taking off the roof rack… : I have immense respect for Martin and what he does, and the only fly in his otherwise pure ointment is his willingness to be a guest on your programme. Next...

4) FOOTBALL RIVALRY: BRIAN CLOUGH AND DON REVIE - And we discuss the rivalry of two footballing legends: Brian Clough and Don Revie : I hate football with a passion, but I remember hearing of these two characters in the 1970s. The web page link goes to an itv.com page (First the Mirror, then ITV - was the Daily Mail not published today?) where there is a 26 minute interview with them that dates from 1974. After 30 seconds my eyes were starting to close. After a minute I was losing the will to live, but I managed to revive myself and hit the Stop button. That was close! I have a special tag for stories such as this on my blog: Sport zzzzzz... I consider that to be an accurate description.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - first with the news from 1974.

Today's show 07/04/11

Just listening to your trail on Ken's show, and I feel that this will be another day where Radio 2 will lose me as a listener from 12 until 4pm. Let me tell you why...

1) TEACHERS STRIKE AT A SCHOOL IN LANCASHIRE - Teachers have gone on strike at a school in Lancashire over violence from pupils, threats and "poor management" : So what? BBC news staff went on strike last November because they were upset about their pensions, but oddly you didn't discuss that. There is nothing to see here ... move on. Next...

11:44 and the web page has not been updated with the other three topics....

<Goes away for 10 minutes>

2) EMERGENCY SERVICES - When you rang 999, how many members of the emergency services turned up? : Ooohhh.... I need to think about that. Do you know what, I don't think I have ever called 999, and if I have it was a long time ago - probably 20 years or more. My wife and I were driving along an English motorway a couple of years ago and nearly hit an aluminium ladder that had fallen into the middle lane. My wife called 999 and reported it, but we were doing 70mph at the time and didn't stop to see what happened. However, we did have a call back from the police thanking us for our quick action. Feel free to call me if you would like more details. What's the betting you start a new craze today: How many emergency service personnel can you get to one incident? You could offer a prize. Your irresponsibility knows no bounds. Next...

3) SHOULD WE PUT THE BANKERS ON TRIAL? - Is there a case for putting the bankers on trial over the financial crisis? : On Ken's show you said, "... the bankers who brought the country to its knees ...". It probably won't surprise you to learn that not everybody agrees with your prognosis that it was entirely the fault of the banking industry. Many consider that a lot of the blame can be attributed to the previous government. However, that latter view does not correlate with the BBC's corporate view of the situation, and I'm sure that will be why you didn't mention it. How about putting some professional journalists on trial just for ... errr... just being crap. Oh, hang on, they are on their way there already (http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2011/apr/05/phone-hacking-affair-now-journalists-arrested), Funny that this story wasn't discussed today either. Too hot for comfort, perhaps? Next...

4) SHOULD BOB DYLAN REFUSE TO PERFORM IN CHINA? - Chinese police are investigating the detained artist, Ai Weiwei, for suspected economic crimes. Should Bob Dylan cancel tomorrow's gig in China in protest? : And this discussion will achieve what, exactly? How many listeners do you have in China who will be at his concert? A round figure less than one, I would guess. Mr Zimmerman is known for his free-thinking ideas and does not, I am sure, need you tell him what to do. Pointless, utterly pointless.

Oh, hello Lauren ... how are you today?

Today's show 06/04/11

Now that's better ... your web page was updated by 10:45. A much better performance than yesterday, don't you think? And we have snazzy orange lettering and new pictures too. I'm pleased to see that my BBC Licence Tax is being well spent. Yippee.

Have you seen the new online journal called The Commentator? It is rather good, and published an interesting article recently, which starts like this:

BBC bias is a national disgrace and a global menace

As the second senior BBC presenter this year slams the BBC for politically correct bias, it is now time for the Western world’s most powerful media outlet to put its house in order, or face the prospect of its eventual abolition.

The senior BBC presenter referred to is Michael Buerk. My favourite paragraph is this one:

Being a state funded monolith is the critical element in their “success”, and since a critical mass of the BBC’s editorial staff appears to regard the Guardian – Britain’s most ideologically charged newspaper – as a paragon of truth and objectivity it is hardly surprising that most of Michael Buerk’s colleagues are so utterly clueless about what the word “impartiality” even means.

The full article can be found here: http://thecommentator.com/article/32/bbc_bias_is_a_national_disgrace_and_a_global_menace

So, when are you going to discuss bias in the BBC? Not today apparently!

Let's see what treats you have to tempt me to remain with Radio 2 at 12...

1) TAX AND BENEFIT CHANGES: ARE YOU BETTER OFF, OR WORSE OFF? - The government's tax and benefit changes come into effect today. Are you better off, or worse off? : It is none of your business, thank you. How about you? As someone who earns £250,000 a year (http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2002/jul/08/mediatop100200288) are you better off, or worse off? I think your listeners would like to know! Unfortunately, I couldn't care less. Next...

2) WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE IVORY COAST? - With the defeated presidential candidate Laurent Gbagbo besieged in his capital, we focus today on the Ivory Coast. What do you know about this once prosperous West African country? : Ooohhh... a quiz. I used to collect stamps and remember that pre-war Côte d'Ivoire ones were rather nice. I can point to it on a map, but can you? Do I win a prize? Next...

3) WHO HELPED YOU GET YOUR FIRST JOB? - Nick Clegg launches a campaign against nepotism. Who helped you get your first job? : I knew who I wanted to work for so I went to their offices one day and sat in reception until somebody would talk to me. I started work there the following Monday and stayed for 10 years. Feel free to call me if you would like more details. Next...

4) ARE WE WITNESSING THE END OF THE CATHOLIC / PROTESTANT DIVIDE IN NORTHERN IRELAND? - It's the funeral today of the murdered Northern Ireland policeman, Ronan Kerr. The crime was condemned by both former IRA man Martin McGuinness and Peter Robinson from the DUP. Are we at last witnessing the end of the Catholic / Protestant divide? : Well good for you for featuring a story from Northern Ireland. There really is more to the UK than just England..

So, 6 Music it is then.

Today's show 05/04/11

11:45 and still your web page has not been updated (just how hard is it, eh?), so while I'm waiting for your web site lacky to get their arse in to gear I'll say this:

Yesterday I made a mistake. Magsie Hamilton Little's book is being sold in aid of charity and I was incorrect in branding both the Daily Mail story and your coverage of it as nothing more than an advertisement. Two people took the trouble to correct me about this through my blog yesterday evening, and I thank them for that. I apologise sincerely for my mistake.

My only defence is that it was from the Daily Mail and my interest fades rapidly, usually after the word "Mail".

You see Jeremy, it really isn't that hard to take criticism and corrections on-board. And you will notice that I did not use language like "somebody got upset with me" as you did when you were corrected about the Japanese nuclear problems. You should try it some time.

11:55 and still waiting for the web site update... I'll come back in a bit. I'll listen to 6 Music while I'm waiting - it's great, and just the kind of lunchtime radio I want to listen to!

<Goes away for 10 minutes>

12:05 and two of your four stories have appeared. I'll go away again...

<Goes away for another 10 minutes>

Yay! 12:15 and finally the two parts of your programme catch up with each other. Give somebody a pay rise!

Having learnt my lesson yesterday I shall check the alleged facts a bit closer in future...

1) THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO INCREASE SOCIAL MOBILITY, BUT ARE YOU WORKING CLASS AND PROUD OF IT? - The government wants to increase social mobility, but are you working class, proud of it and want to stay working class? : How do I find out what class I am, as I am not sure? It doesn't even appear on my passport. Whichever one it is I'm quite happy with it, so this story is of no interest to me. Next...

2) DEFENCE CUTS - Everyone seems to be saying that the defence cuts leave us with virtually no defence capability whatsoever anymore. But we still have one of the biggest armed forces in the world, apart from America : Errr... so who is this "everyone" then? I don't remember saying that, irrespective of whether I believe it or not. This is another of the huge genereralisations in which you specialise. Please Jeremy, do not put your words in to my mouth. The correct phrase is "Some people", not "Everyone". Next...

3) MY HUSBAND TRIED TO KILL ME - We talk to Victoria Fabian, who's husband tried to murder her by blowing up her car. He's now serving life and she's trying to put her life back together : Tragic, and good for her, but this is not the kind of thing I want to listen to while eating my lunch, thank you. However, it is good to see that the Greengrocer's Apostrophe lives on! In the first sentence the word should be "whose", not "who's". As you have written it the sentence would read "... who is husband tried...", which doesn't make sense. You'd better defer that pay rise I suggested and have somebody do a basic English grammar course. Next...

4) DO YOU TEACH SEX EDUCATION TO YOUR CHILDREN? - And finally, the Scouts are going to teach sex education. It's been going on in schools for years, but do you still teach sex education to your own children? : Despite your Parenting Week last week we still don't seem to have any children. I've checked ebay and there are none for sale either, so this is of no interest to me.

Meanwhile Lauren Laverne is playing some top tunes, and there is nothing in your show today that would cause me to press the FM button and switch back to you. This is lunchtime radio as it should be!

Today's show 04/04/11

Today is, of course, a very important day for me in the history of radio broadcasting in North Wales, for today is the day when Mark Radcliffe & Stuart Maconie start their new show on 6 Music. I have invested 50 of my hard-earned pounds in a shiny new DAB radio and CD player, and here it sits broadcasting in crystal clear quality. I'll listen to Ken until 12, and then switch over to 6 Music to hear what they do between 12 and 1 and before R&M's show at 1. For the first time for a long while I finally have a choice!

However, the daily email and my blog will continue as normal, just to keep reminding you of the utter irrelevance to me and many others of your programme.

So, let's look at today's "issues that affect me". Yeah, right...

1) PENSION REFORM - The government are announcing major reform of the state pension. Everyone will get £155 a week apart from those already receiving their pension : I'm only 52, so this will not apply to me for another 13 years. It does make me wonder how many people of pensionable age listen to Radio 2. Perhaps they are your mysterious Target Audience...? Next...

2) I WISH I COULD BUY EVERYTHING FROM TESCO - Following Tesco's decision to sell cars, we talk to someone who buys virtually everything from Tesco and to someone who will never set foot inside a supermarket : Hang on... there is something wrong here. The BBC news (ha!) page that you link to clearly says "Tesco has become the first general retailer to start a used car buying website.". So what has that got to do with visiting supermarkets? Absolutely nothing! The point has, as usual, been completely missed. Next...

3) DR SARAH JARVIS TALKS ABOUT A WOMAN WHO CHOSE TO DIE RATHER THAN FACE THE CHRONIC PAIN OF ARTHRITIS - Dr Sarah Jarvis talks about the woman who went to Switzerland to commit suicide, rather than face the chronic, debilitating pain of arthritis for the rest of her life. The above picture is not of Nan Maitland. : Errrr... so who is it a picture of? Oh, it is just some random old lady. Well done. Anyway, good for the woman who went to Switzerland - it is a lovely place. Next...

4) A PILGRIMAGE TO AFGHANISTAN - We speak to a British woman who after seeing the horrors of 7/7, decided to travel to Afghanistan : A story from the Daily Mail - fantastic! Well, no. Actually it isn't. It is an ADVERTISEMENT from the Daily Mail. Take a look and you will see what I mean. The clues are: DANCING WITH DARKNESS BY MAGSIE HAMILTON LITTLE (Little Books, £8.99) at the top of the page and "Buy this Book" at the bottom. So, this is nothing more than an advertisement for somebody's book and the Daily Mail's book selling service. Could you do an advertisement for my business, please?

I'll let you know how R&M get on today. I'm sure I won't be disappointed.


UPDATE: It appears that I missed the point with item 4 today and that the book is being sold for charitable purposes. I apologise for my error. Please see the comments for today's post for more information.

Today's show 01/04/11

What is it like living in the only part of the UK that doesn't have free prescriptions? England, leading the way ... backwards.

12:10 and finally your web page has been updated. I've got better things to do than wait for somebody to do their job, you know.

On to today's April Fools:

1) SPEED CAMERAS IN OXFORDSHIRE - Last year, Oxfordshire removed all speed cameras from the county. The number of fatalities on the road went up, so they're bringing them back : Shouldn't this be on BBC Radio Oxford? Why do you consider this to be of national interest? You just said "... who campaigns for people to bomb around the place ...". There is nothing like a little bit of bias Jeremy, and that is nothing like a little bit of bias. Next...

2) UK UNCUT - We talk to a member of UK Uncut, the group that believes in peaceful direct action to get businesses and banks to pay their full taxes and occupied Fortnum & Mason, and were then all arrested : Hmmm... The BBC already has a very poor record when it comes to these people. Peter Hitchens wrote in the Daily Mail (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1370053/TUC-anti-spending-cuts-protest-200-arrested-500k-march-cut.html) earlier this week:

"This helps to explain the Corporation’s spasm of blatant partiality this weekend. It began with a bizarre report on Friday night on Newsnight. Reporter Anna Adams provided minutes of free publicity to protest group UK Uncut, whose spokeswoman was identified only by her Christian name, Lucy.".

I imagine that you will continue to toe the corporate BBC line. Next...

3) PARENTING: LEAVING HOME - Parenting week; the most important job in the world concludes with the devastation some parents feel when their children finally leave home : We have no children. Next...

4) TERRY WALTON ON HIS ALLOTMENT - Spring is well and truly here. As temperatures climb to the mid sixties, we talk to Terry on his lovely allotment : Yay! The Friday sound effects are back. And what is this 60 degrees thing? Cold and wet here in North Wales today.

Radcliffe & Maconie start their show on 6 Music on Monday, and I cannot wait. For the first time since I have lived here I will have the opportunity to listen to a BBC programme that is of interest to me and that I actually want to listen to. And about bloomin' time too.

However, my emails and my blog WILL continue.