Please click here for more information about who I am and why I do this.
The text shown after 1), 2), 3) and 4) is copied exactly from the BBC's daily JV Show web page and I acknowledge their copyright of this text.
The "Find out more..." links to web pages referred to by the JV Show web page are available by clicking on the text following 1), 2), 3) and 4).
"Find out more..." text is only included here when it refers to a non-BBC web page link.
You can follow my occasional postings on Twitter at @JVineBlogMan although @TheJeremyVine has blocked me from following him.
I am subject to the BBC's "expedited complaints handling process" (meaning I'll be ignored) for two years from 25/01/12.

Friday, 23 December 2011

Today's non-existent show 23/11/12

Well, this is easy. I can update my blog without having to wait for the JV Show web page to be updated!

Here is a story that JV would never discuss in a million years, and from his favourite paper too:

A taste for champers! Cuts-hit BBC ran up a £366,000 bill on alcohol in five years
BBC executives were last night accused of ‘living it up on the licence fee’ after it emerged that the Corporation has spent £366,000 on alcohol in the past five years.
Between 2007 and November this year, the BBC ordered more than 41,000 bottles of wine, nearly 9,000 bottles of champagne or sparkling wine and almost 85,000 bottles of beer.
On one occasion, BBC staff splashed out £200 on a single bottle of premium champagne: Krug Vintage 1995.

Good to see that our Licence Fee money is being put to good use!

JV is replaced today by Jon Holmes and Miranda Hart for "... a lively, warm and funny show with special celebrity guests and lots of chat with the listeners". It was back in October that this pair stood in for Chris Evans on the breakfast show, prompting so many complaints that the BBC had to publish a justification (not an apology) for their appearance (
). These responses are quite rare with only a handful being published each month for the whole of the BBC, so I can only assume that the complaints were numerous. It said: BBC Radio 2 appreciates if their presentation wasn't to everyone's liking, but feels it's important to be able to bring new talent to its output and hopes its audience understands the importance of maintaining a breadth of content on the network. So, even though R2 know this combination was not popular they are bringing them back. Thank goodness for 6 Music!
Have a great Christmas!

Thursday, 22 December 2011

Today's show 22/12/11

So, here we are. The very last Jeremy Vine Show of the year. Every day you invite me to "tell us what you think", and every day you ignore what I say. And I'm still blocked from following you on Twitter. Does that count as goodwill to all men?

My blog has been running for a year and, as I write this, has had 12190 page views. Again, I thank everybody who reads my blog from taking time from their busy lives to do so. I also send my special thanks and best wishes to the regular contributors and in particular Gill, Will and Stonyground. They make some good points, and they make me laugh!

I mentioned that I would be producing a Top 10 of Jeremy Vine Show moments. This has actually turned in to a Top 10 plus 3 for reasons which I hope will be obvious.

The Top 10 consists of my choice of the most utterly pointless and irrelevant discussions on the Jeremy Vine Show during 2011. You know the kind. The ones that make you think at first "I'd never thought about that before", followed by "But there is a good reason for that" and ended with "So why is he wasting my time by talking about it?". There has been a LOT of material to work with and cutting it down to just ten has been something of a challenge, but this is how it ended up:

10: 3rd June: TV TALENT SHOWS - Did the bitter reality of TV talent shows break your child's heart?

9: 23rd February: TV ADVERTS - Do you prefer them to the programmes?

8: 29th March: HAS SUPERGLUE LOST ITS MAGICAL POWERS? - When it came out it was a sensation, but did it lose its magical powers?

7: 24th February: BREAST MILK ICE CREAM - Would you eat it?

6: 16th June: WART REMOVED BY SHOTGUN - Shaun Murphy from Doncaster used a shotgun to remove an irritating wart on his finger.

5: 14th January: FREEZER - What's the oldest thing in yours?

4: 6th October: MEMORIAL BENCHES - When you die do you want a memorial bench?

3: 24th June: TOOTHBRUSH - And do you share a toothbrush with your partner?

2: 21st November: FISHY HANDBAG - We discuss the M&S handbag that smells of fish.

1: 10th June: EXPLODING GLASS TABLES - Spontaneously exploding glass tables. Has this ever happened to you?

On to the three Special Mentions then...

On 22nd June Radio 2 broadcast "2DAY" in which the very best, and worst, programmes of the station were mixed up and redistributed. The result was a complete mess, listeners switched off in droves and it has never been mentioned on Radio 2 since.

On 28th January you discussed "HEATING OIL THEFTS - Have shot up in rural areas". The discussion included full details of how to find properties with heating oil tanks by using satellite imagery, how to identify the tank when on site, what tools were needed to break in to the tank, advice on the best type of vehicle to use and what it should contain, and full instructions on how the theft should be made. You also showed that this topic was of absolutely no interest to you at all and that you had not bothered to research the subject ("But surely the storage tank is underground...?"). My elderly next door neighbour has oil-fired central heating and has not slept soundly since this broadcast.

And finally, on 11th May was the absolute pinnacle highlight of the Jeremy Vine Show in 2011 when you discussed "STARBUCKS - We talk to the Chief Executive of the international coffee giant Starbucks. Do you hate Starbucks?". My blog readership went ballistic that day after you were picked up, chewed to bits and spat out by the absolute legend that is Howard Schultz. For once somebody managed to get the better of you. For once somebody did not fall in to your traps. For once somebody would not play your silly game. For once somebody stood up to you. For once somebody showed just how ridiculous and pointless your programme can be. That somebody was Howard Schultz. God bless him!

I've just checked your web page for today and it looks like you are actually doing something other than the troops greetings, in which case perhaps you should be discussing these:
How about this story from Wales that has hit the headlines:
BBC accused of failing to inform listeners of local radio cutsThe BBC has been accused of stifling the debate over controversial local radio cuts by curbing the number of times presenters can mention the issue on air.This was mentioned briefly on the 8am news on R2 this morning, and I loved the bit about local radio being of use to the community during times of bad weather and train crashes!
No? OK, how about this:
UK economic growth revised up to 0.6%
The UK economy grew by 0.6% between July and September, official figures have shown, faster than previous estimates of 0.5%.
What are Balls and Milliband up to today? I'm sure they would be willing studio guests to discuss this. I have no doubt that there is weeping and wailing in BBC broadcast newsrooms across the land as this good news for the government comes to light and is quickly ignored.

And then, of course, there is Leveson, Piers Morgan and this amazing corrections page in The Guardian:
It lists the 37 (yes, thirty seven) articles that they have had to change or correct following the revelation that the News Of The World were not responsible for deleting Milly Dowler's text messages. So, just remind me again, why should you or I ever believe anything The Guardian writes?

But no, you are not covering anything that paints the BBC or journalism in a bad way, so no change there then...

1) AGE OF CRIMINAL RESPONSIBILITY - A two year old girl has allegedly beaten up a three year old at a nursery in Leicestershire. Police say there's nothing they can do because they are below the age of criminal responsibility. Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : How appropriate that you should end the year with that bastion of your programme: The Daily Mail. I note the use of the word "allegedly", so there is an element of doubt as to what happened. When I was this age any misbehaviour was dealt with by my dad's slipper. It never did me any harm and, to be honest, I thank him for doing what he did. Next...

2) JURY SERVICE - A student who pretended to be ill whilst on jury service so that he could go and see a musical has been jailed : Good. I have no doubt you have found a mysterious and sympathetic "somebody" to argue otherwise. Next...

3) REMEMBER THE TROOPS - And after 1, we "Remember the Troops" and send Christmas messages to those serving overseas from their loved ones back home : A worthy way to end the year, but what a shame that this clashes with Radcliffe & Maconie on 6 Music. Damn...

In your absence, I will endeavour to cover on my blog the news stories that The Meedja manage to manufacture over the next couple of weeks, and we can commence battle again on 3rd January.

Merry Christmas Jeremy, and a Happy New Year. And could you pass on my best wishes to the abominable Vanessa Feltz, that other bloke - you know - him - Paddy O'Something, and, of course, the ever gorgeous George Galloway. Please feel free to give him a slap in the face, just from me.

The Jeremy Vine Show - news, views and live guests, but not for the next two weeks

Complaint response 13/12/11

Reference CAS-1195546-W8L9XX

Thank you for contacting us about BBC Radio 2’s ‘Jeremy Vine’.

I understand you’re unhappy at the programme website not being updated quickly enough.

We aim to update the websites as quickly as possible but we can never guarantee that they’ll be updated shortly after the programme.

I’m sorry to hear this has been inconvenient for you and I'd like to assure you that I’ve registered your complaint on our audience log. This is a daily report of audience feedback that’s made available to many BBC staff, including members of the BBC Executive Board, channel controllers and other senior managers.

The audience logs are seen as important documents that can help shape decisions about future programming and content.

Thanks again for taking the time to contact us.Kind Regards

Kxxxx Fxxxxxxx
BBC Complaints

Response sent:

Many thanks for your response to my complaint, but I think I may have not made the situation clear...

The Jeremy Vine Show web page is normally updated BEFORE the programme is broadcast (around 11:00 usually), and not afterwards. This is achieved on most days but there are occasions when the page is not updated until the programme has started, much later, or not at all.

To give some examples:

8th December: The web page had an initial update of one discussion topic before the programme started, but this was then removed. The page for this programme's details has still not been updated ( Before the programme started Mr Vine sent a message on his Twitter feed: Today's stories @BBCRadio2 in four words: Euro. Stalking. Teen. Viagra.

22nd November: The web page was updated sometime around 15:00. Before the programme started Mr Vine sent a message on his Twitter feed: Today's show @BBCRadio2 in four words: Leveson. Egypt. Downs. 5-a-side.

I can give other similar instances if required. It is regrettable that Mr Vine's tweets do not provide the depth of information that I am looking for. My complaint continues to be that the updating of the Jeremy Vine Show web page is inconsistent, with it being updated promptly before the programme starts on most days but that this fails to happen on others.

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Today's show 21/12/11

I made a mistake in my email to you yesterday. I wrote that yesterday was the shortest day, but it might be today, and some people are saying it is tomorrow. Oh well...

Today's issue that affects me: Hmmm... is that getting too warm?

Anyway, here we are on the last day of "news" on Radio 2 for 2011. I believe that you are doing your annual greetings to the troops programme tomorrow, and there will now be no more "news, views and live guests" until January 3rd. How will your listeners cope? This kind of break always makes me wonder what changes the BBC would make should a major news story break during the Christmas/New Year period. Perhaps it would be left to Alan Carr and Dale Winton to tell us all about it....!

So, Piers Morgan then...

1) SILICONE BREAST IMPLANTS - Authorities in France are deciding whether women who had silicone breast implants supplied by a French firm should have them removed. Where does that leave British women who were fitted with the same product? : A good question, but I've checked again and I am still not a woman. Next...

2) GHOST TRAINS - We discuss ghost trains - the services that are run with no passengers on them so that rail companies and the Department for Transport can say the line is still open. Find out more in this article from the Independent : Now, you know that I have an interest in all things trains so I will listen to this at 12:30. (Blimey, what a way to end the year!) The reason for running these trains is stated in the article: "Actually," he tells me, "they use this route for crew-training in case Marylebone is shut and trains are diverted." And that is it, exactly. Train drivers have to be fully aware of the routes on which they drive and it is not permissable to drive a train on a route that is unknown to the driver. The reason for the service from Paddington to Gerrards Cross is, as stated, to keep train crews' route knowledge current. When work takes place on the lines between Marylebone and South Ruislip trains can be diverted into Paddington without having to provide route conductors or drivers that know the route in to Paddington. Similar reasons exist for the other services that you mentioned on Ken's show. Rest assured that this is not an "issue that affects me" but I will listen out of mild interest and to see how you handle it. Next...

3) OPEN FIRES - Four children die in a house fire in Derbyshire that was started after an ember fell from the fireplace onto the carpet. A fire guard would have prevented it, say investigators. How do you keep your open fire safe? : What open fire is that then? Gas-fired central heating here! Next...

4) WRAPPING PRESENTS - We discuss the nightmare of wrapping Christmas presents. We get a lesson from an expert : My wife is an expert at wrapping presents. And what makes you think I actually give any? Now, pass the humbugs.

So, no Piers Morgan then.

The Jeremy Vine Show - How many Fs in "news"? There is no F in news!


Just switched off the radio after listening to your "ghost trains" item. Good to hear your contributors confirming exactly what I wrote in my earlier email.

I had to call in on my wife at work just after 12. I know that one of her colleagues there listens to your programme and I mentioned that you were discussing something that had a passing interest to me today. She said, "Oh, I don't listen to him any more, not after that Greece thing". I asked her to elaborate and she told me that after your "Greece leaves the euro" spoof you did last week, and the time wasted while they discussed the implications on their company, she no longer listens to your programme.

And there was me thinking you would want to attract listeners - not drive them away!


I didn't spot that one of the contributors to the "ghost trains" piece has a book out soon. Thanks to Will for pointing that out, and I've added a "Blatant Advertising" tag.

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Today's show 20/12/11

Today's issue that affects me: What type of bread makes the best toast?

You know, the relationship between The Guardian and the BBC continues to puzzle me. One moment they are the ultimate thing in incestuous bedfellows, and the next moment one (usually The Guardian) is dishing the dirt on the other. It has happened again today:
BBC admits using notorious private investigator to trace paedophile
The BBC has admitted hiring a notorious private investigator who was convicted of supplying newspapers with illegally obtained private information about celebrities and public figures.
The corporation said it had commissioned Steve Whittamore, whose targets have included the parents of murdered schoolgirls Milly Dowler and Sarah Payne, on one occasion in 2001.

Is this news? I don't think so. It happened 11 years ago and it makes me wonder why The Guardian bothered to publish it at all, other than to perhaps remind the BBC of who is the boss maybe?

So, let's take a look at what you have managed to scrape from the empty barrel of news for the shortest day of the year...

1) MASS HYSTERIA - As mass hysteria grips North Korea, we look at the psychology of mourning a dictator and speak to someone who says “Was it that different when Princess Diana died?” Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : Perhaps it all goes to show that you can fool all of the people all of the time. Never having mourned a dictator, I have no idea or interest in the psychology behind it, but perhaps the mysterious "someone" will be able to tell your listeners more. The comparison with Diana is interesting. Sad as it was, I was not really affected by Diana's death and I certainly did not turn into a blubbing wreck. As I recall, my only reaction was to immediately wonder who was behind her death. To this day I do not believe it was an accident - and I have never bought a copy of the Daily Express. And it is odd, don't you think, that the best selling single in the UK of all time is never heard on the radio. Anyway, here is a Kim Jong-Il web site that you may find amusing:
. I did. Next...

2) 1950S - Nick Clegg says we don’t want to return to the 1950s. Norman Tebbit asks what was wrong with the 1950s. Wasn’t it our greatest decade? Find out more in Norman Tebbit's article from the Telegraph : I have no idea as I was only around for about 18 months of the 1950s, and my memory of that time is hazy to say the least. One thing is for sure, though: The BBC Light Programme would never have broadcast a radio show such as yours. Next...

3) FOSTER CARERS - Britain’s short of foster carers. Are you someone who never regretted being a foster carer? : I have never been a foster carer, and I don't regret that. I think that excludes me from the relevance of this discussion. Next...

4) SQUEEZE - For a Christmas treat, we’re joined by Squeeze who’ll play live in the studio : Hmmmm.... Have they got a new album out? "Cool For Cats" was good (and yes, I can recite all the words), "Pulling Mussels From The Shell" was OK, "Up The Junction" was terrible, and so I'm not really a fan. And "Christmas Day" (
) is truly one of THE worst Christmas songs ever. I don't think I need to listen, thanks.

Piers Morgan is giving evidence to the Leveson Inquiry this afternoon. My guess is that the BBC will give this as little coverage as they possibly can. But please feel free to prove me wrong!

The Jeremy Vine Show - creating mass hysteria, every day

Monday, 19 December 2011

Today's show 19/12/11

Today's issue that affects me: I've just discovered that our washing machine is not spinning at the end of the wash cycle. Time to call a man, I think.

The Monday before Christmas, and you are lucky to be handed two "news" stories on a plate...

1) MARRIAGE TAX BREAKS - There’s a row over tax breaks for marriage. Nick Clegg has accused the Tories of wanting to take us back to the 1950s : Being married, you can probably guess my views on this. However, Nick Clegg is wrong with his 1950s analogy as the Married Man's Tax Allowance was only withdrawn in 2000, and I made use of it during the late 1980s. The odd thing is that neither Nick Clegg or the Tories are forcing anybody to get married and it remains the free choice of each couple, but I guess that you consider that the driving of another wedge in to the coalition is far more important. Next...

2) CHILDLESS AT CHRISTMAS - Amanda Patel says that being childless at Christmas hurts the most. Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : God bless the Daily Mail! We have no children, so many thanks for giving us prior knowledge of our forthcoming painful Christmas. I'll Tweet you on Christmas Day to let you know just how bad it is. Or not. Next...

3) BUYING PRESENTS ONLINE - Did you think you’d save time by buying your Christmas presents online, only to end up spending hours queuing at the sorting office? : I work from home, and so it is very rare for me to miss a home delivery. And on the rare occasions that I have been to our local sorting office I have never seen a queue. Next...

4) KIM JONG-IL - Following the death of North Korean leader Kim Jong-il, we give him the ‘This Is Your Life’ treatment : Another murdering dictator dies, the North Korean people are inconsolable, and apparently I am supposed to be interested. Sorry Jeremy, I'm not.

Well, that was quick. Good here, isn't it?

I'm still waiting for your suggestions for my Jeremy Vine Show 2011 Top 10 Highlights. I'd be grateful if you could let me have those in the next day or two as I would really like to compare it with my list!

The Jeremy Vine Show - no news is bad news

Friday, 16 December 2011

Today's show 16/12/11

Today's issue that affects me: Last Friday I ordered three Tunis Cakes from my nearest branch of Tesco. They told me that they would be in the store on Monday 12th December, but they have still not arrived. What is the point of allowing me to order something that they cannot provide?

You'll be interested to know, I hope, that my wife works in the travel industry. They had the radio on in their office yesterday afternoon and picked up on your "Greece has left the euro" work of fiction yesterday. Having missed the introduction they then took your words to be the truth and spent some time discussing the affects that it would have on their business. It was only when they could find no other mention of Greece's withdrawal on any news outlet that they realised that you were broadcasting a spoof. Needless to say, they were not impressed with wasting their valuable time.

I was disappointed to read that fellow critic of your programme @Vine_Watch on Twitter has announced that he/she may no longer be able to comment on your programme as an office reorganisation has moved the radio out of earshot, which is good for them but I will miss the witty comments. There was a good one yesterday, again about Greece: Jeremy Vine Show so desparate, it is now making-up fictional news stories and then having a heated debate about them! But we all know that making up stories is nothing new, don't we.

So, what are you making up today then...

1) DEMENTIA PATIENTS - Hospitals in England and Wales are failing to give proper care to dementia patients, according to a review. But we hear what things are like from the nurse's perspective : It must all be very difficult, but I am not aware that I know anybody with dementia. Next...

2) READING SOMEONE'S DIARY - Kate McCann was left feeling “mentally raped” after the News of the World published the private diary she had been keeping for her missing daughter. How did you feel when someone read your diary? : So, what diary is that then? The only diary I have ever kept was the one in which I used to record my school homework tasks 40 years ago. Are you going to lambast The Guardian today then? Thought not. And Piers Morgan has been summoned to appear before Leveson next week in connection with his time at the Daily Mirror - another non-News International paper. I bet you ignore that too. Next...

3) FAKE GOODS - After 1, as people hit the shops and the internet to buy Christmas presents, we discuss the rise of fake goods : I have long held the view that if something seems too good to be true then it probably is, so have not been caught by this. To be honest, the type of goods that are faked, that you mentioned on Ken's show and as shown in your web page picture ( are not the kind of stuff that I buy. Next...

4) ALLOTMENT - We catch up with Terry Walton on the programme allotment : "Plucking vegetables", eh? I only grow grass.

"You can follow me on Twitter" ... I'd love to, but you have chosen to block me from doing so.

The Jeremy Vine Show - wasting everybodys' time, every day

Thursday, 15 December 2011

Today's show 15/12/11

Your web page was updated by 10:55 this morning. What happened there then? Is this a resumption of normal service? I can only hope so.

Today's issue that affects me: I am compiling a Top Ten of memorable Jeremy Vine Show moments from 2011. I already know what will go in the Number 1 position, but do you Jeremy have any suggestions for what else should appear? I would be very interested in your suggestions.

So, I'm looking forward to your blistering attack on The Guardian today. You know the kind of thing, just like the one you did on the News Of The World a few months ago. I feel sure it will be on today's menu as it is a story that is very much in the public interest and it raises all sorts of interesting questions about other attacks by that particular rag against any other of its pet hates and the people involved. Just to refresh your memory you can read more here: Oh, but hang on, what's this? That excellent article says: "The BBC, as the broadcast arm of the Guardian, has an editorial culture of omitting stories that paint the Guardian in a negative light and thus will act as if the story does not exist.". Oh dear, does that mean that you cannot cover this today? What a shame, because I would have listened!

Instead then, how about an apology to Rupert Murdoch and the NOTW staff who lost their jobs? Your contributor Kelvin Mackenzie has written an interesting piece here
 in which he asks The Guardian to do exactly that. As the "broadcast arm of the Guardian" I consider that the BBC should join in that same apology as their attacks on NOTW, News International and the Murdochs were nothing short of vicious, and included in your own programme.

I'll leave it to you to come up with some suitably grovelling phraseology to use in your apology. After all, you might end up working for NI one day so best to keep on the right side of them, eh?

Going back to Mackenzie's piece, he makes an interesting point: "The problem with journalism is that people don’t tell you the truth. They think it’s the truth, they hope it’s the truth, they wish it to be the truth but they get it plain wrong.". He should know, and now we know. My suspicions of the last 20 years have been confirmed.

Oh, and don't get me wrong. I could not care less about the demise of the NOTW, or The Guardian - which with its plummeting readership cannot be far away now, surely. What interests me is the sort-of "code" that exists between journalists and how it is used, broken and ignored from time to time. I'm sure you know I am no fan of journalists and in the light of recent events I now consider that they should all be taken outside and executed in front of their families. Are you offended by that? Good.

So, The Guardian must surely be the first item today. Oh, no, you are telling us to think different things...

1) PROBLEM FAMILIES - The government wants to help problem families. Was your family situation so bad that you would have benefited from some intervention that you didn’t get? : No, it was not. Can my wife and I apply to become a problem family? Next...

2) DANGEROUS DOGS - Judges have looked again at how sentencing works under the Dangerous Dogs Act. We talk to someone that tells us why they need a big gnashing guard dog : Last discussed on 17th March (DANGEROUS DOGS - A teenager in Lancashire is mauled by two dangerous dogs. How come the dangerous dogs act didn't get rid of dangerous dogs. Do you have one in your street?) so obviously a PET subject of yours. Tee Hee. Geddit? Good to see that you have found another mysterious "someone" to light the flames of outrage and indignation today. And nice use of the word "gnashing" too on the web page and on Ken's show as that will only fuel the fire even more. Perhaps "someone" has a legitimate reason, perhaps "someone" does not, but I'm pretty sure "someone" does not live around here. Next...

3) GREECE - At 1pm, we imagine what would happen if Greece crashes out of the Euro : Important word there: IF. I listened to you talking about this on Ken's show, and - ignoring a feeling of losing the will to live - I got the distinct impression that you had not really thought this through and are planning to "wing it". You described this somewhat differently when you promoted your show on your personal Twitter feed (all views personal of course, and still missing a comma) earlier today: "Later @BBCRadio2, we will play the following scenario: Greece has suddenly announced one morning it is back to the drachma, Greek Euros are converted 1:1 to drachmas. Border controls are brought in. It's illegal to hold Euros. All Greek foreign debt is cancelled. The change is done literally overnight to stop people hoarding Euros. Join us at 1pm as we explore this (fictional?) scenario.". Fictional? Scenario? David Attenborough will be proud of you. Next...

4) WOMEN'S SPORTS - Are sports pages in violation of the Equality Act because they hardly ever cover women’s sports? : I think you are confusing me with somebody who (a) buys a newspaper, and/or (b) has any interest in sport of any kind.

The Jeremy Vine Show - a problem radio programme in need of help

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Today's show 14/12/11

Hmmm... no web page update for the second day running. What are they playing at? Perhaps it is deliberate.

I heard him to talk to Ken and it was Domestic Violence, Diabetes, something about weak lofts (!) and something else...

Classic exchange when talking to Ken:

Ken: "I have type 2 diabetes ... and there are hereditary reasons for type 2 diabetes"
JV: "Are there?"

As well researched as ever.

Back later!

Today's issue that affects me: Where can I buy a Tunis Cake?

Well done! We only had to wait until 12:45 today for your web page to be updated. I had to wait until 9am this morning to find out about yesterday's! I've lodged a complaint, and now I know the correct procedure this one is going to go all the way.
Let's see what I have missed, and what I am about to ignore...
1) DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - Domestic violence is not just physical violence. Were you married to someone who psychologically controlled you? : Was I? No. Am I? No. Have I already missed this? Yes. Next...
2) DIABETES - A new report says that thousands of people are dying unnecessarily due to diabetes. Are you furious that diabetes doesn’t get the attention that other illnesses get? : I can't remember the last time I was furious about anything. 1990 maybe? Anyway, the only thing that I am concerned about with relevance to diabetes is your chat with Ken earlier, which went something like this:
Ken: "I have type 2 diabetes ... there are hereditary reasons for type 2 diabetes"
You: "Are there?"
Research? Who needs it? Well, not somebody about to broadcast a news-based radio show on this very topic, apparently. Next...

3) JOHNSON BEHARRY - Johnson Beharry won the Victoria Cross for gallantry and valour. He’s now advertising vitamin tablets. Is there anything wrong with that? : Thank you for bringing this to my attention and for allowing me the opportunity to be furious and offended. However, I would have needed to buy a newspaper to have got the full effect. I didn't do that and I am not willing to change a habit of 30 years standing. I am sure the company that he is working for will be very grateful for your promotion of their products. Next...

4) COLLAPSING LOFTS - We discuss the danger of overloading your loft. A man from Essex was trapped for 11 hours when 7000 yachting magazines buried him alive : You could fill many, many hours of prime Radio 2 air time with hundreds of stories that basically go along the lines of: Stupid dickhead nearly kills himself, but fails. Meanwhile, another 10 or so people WILL be killed on Britain's roads today, and still they don't qualify for discussion on your programme as you can't take the piss out of them. You are a disgrace to "journalism" and Radio 2, but that is how you like it to be, apparently.
The Jeremy Vine Show - re-defining "news", every day

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Today's show 13/12/11

12:00 and I'm still waiting for Vine or one of his minions to update his web page ( Hopeless!

12:30 and still nothing.

13:30 ... they are obviously not bothering with the web page today. Hopefully whatever counts as Normal Service will be resumed tomorrow!

UPDATE 14/12/12: I checked JV's web page at 11pm yesterday and it had still not been updated, but it was updated before 9am this morning...

1) NEWS OF THE WORLD - It could be that the News Of The World was not responsible for deleting the messages on Milly Dowler’s mobile. If that’s the case, would you reassess whether the News Of The World should have closed? : It was The Guardian that pointed the finger at NOTW (
) but I cannot see the BBC ever attacking them the same way that they did the NOTW. I am no fan of the Dead Tree Press and I find a delicious irony that the News Of The World was forced to close as a result of a story that wasn't 100% true.

2) POLAR BEARS - The BBC filmed the birth of a polar bear in a zoo. Critics say that it was a fake, but others say ‘Oh come on, it’s the magic of TV!’ :  I could not care less if they faked the scene or not, but it could have been mentioned in the 10-minutes "this is how we did it" section at the end of the programme. Then again, the BBC's philosophy these days seems to be: If you can't make it, fake it!

3) PRESENTS - We live in hard times: how do you tell the kids there’s no money for Christmas? : It must be difficult, but there are still no kids here!

4) FARE-DODGER - We discuss the passenger who intervened to throw a youth off a train between Edinburgh and Perth who didn’t have a ticket : From the Daily Mail. Whatever...

Complaint lodged on BBC web site:

I consider the prompt updating of the Jeremy Vine Show web page important as it allows me to determine which, if any, of the the four discussion topics each day are of interest to me. On Tuesday 13th December the web page was not updated until after 11pm. Similar failures to update the web page promptly or at all have occurred recently on 8th December, 22nd November, 17th November, 11th November and 3rd November. I consider the prompt updating of the show web page to be important and my complaint is that not enough attention is given to making this happen.

Monday, 12 December 2011

Today's show 12/12/11

Today's issue that affects me: Over the past few days the BBC has proved itself to be - yet again - a dictatorial and biased supplier of one-sided poorly researched and often incorrect information. Our TV Licence is due for renewal next month. My mouse pointer has hovered over the "Cancel" button for the Direct Debit several times. Should I just do it and face the (non-existent) consequences?

An interesting weekend, I am sure you will agree, and with the BBC hitting the news again for all of the wrong reasons. Where to start...? How about this one from the BBC's incestuous newspaper partner:
Jeremy Clarkson QI guest spot shelved in wake of One Show row
The BBC has shelved Friday night's scheduled edition of BBC2 panel show QI featuring Jeremy Clarkson because of fears it would prompt another backlash from viewers.

Well, thank goodness for the BBC for telling me what should, and should not, offend me. Instead we were treated to a repeated episode of QI from a few weeks ago. So we, as viewers, had no freedom of choice to view a programme that was recorded during the summer. Does the BBC now think that just the appearance of Clarkson's face will see a resumption of street riots? Dream on. This is the BBC again telling us what to think.

Frozen Planet’s eight million devoted fans will not take kindly to being left out in the cold. It emerged yesterday a key scene from the hit BBC series showing a polar bear tending her newborn cubs was filmed in a zoo using fake snow.

The old BBC proverb appears again: If you can't do it for real, make it up!
Mark Thompson: BBC does use private eyes, but no evidence of hacking
BBC director general Mark Thompson has admitted that the corporation does use private detectives for journalistic purposes. But he has also said that the draft report of a review of editorial practices at the BBC, commissioned in the wake of the Milly Dowler phone-hacking revelations of July, was “very encouraging”.

Oh, how I hope the BBC become embroiled in the Leveson Enquiry.

From your favourite Daily Rag:
MPs say BBC must reveal details of journalists' commercial deals
MPs have demanded that the BBC reveals details of all commercial deals its journalists have with other organisations, amid fears of an increasing number of conflicts of interest affecting their work. The Corporation is under pressure following The Mail on Sunday’s disclosure two weeks ago that senior BBC journalist Roger Harrabin accepted £15,000 in grants from the University of East Anglia, which was at the heart of the ‘Climategate’ scandal, and then reported on the story without declaring this interest to viewers.

I just hope the MPs make this stick and the BBC does have to reveal this information. First on my agenda will be your trips to Iceland and India!

There are lots of others, and thankfully today's first item will allow me to bring some of those to the attention of your goodself and my blog readers...

1) BRITISH VETO - Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg is bitterly disappointed that David Cameron did use the British veto. Do you agree with Nick or do you agree with Dave? : This is going to take more than one paragraph...

It really does not matter who I agree with, but this is just another attempt to drive a wedge between the two coalition parties by the BBC. James Kirkup wrote in the Daily Telegraph that all is perhaps not as you are reporting:
Clegg had his chance to stop Cameron. He didn't take it
The awkward fact for Mr Clegg is that the European policy he castigates is his policy too. Mr Cameron acted as the head of the Coalition Government, of which Mr Clegg and his party are a part, on a negotiating strategy he had agreed. Not only that, but Mr Clegg was consulted immediately before the PM's last-minute decision in Brussels. Admittedly, that consultation was a 4 am phone call, but it was consultation nonetheless. Remember that Mr Clegg gave his consent in that call. And early on Friday, he expressed support for the decision he now lambasts; partial and nuanced support, but support nonetheless.

Hmmm.... So, should I believe respected journalist James Kirkup, or should I believe sort-of-journalist Jeremy Vine who is promoting the BBC's agenda?

The BBC's coverage of these events has been absolutely atrocious, but please do not take my word for it....
Sir Antony Jay: slash the BBC by two thirds!
The BBC's reporting of David Cameron's recent adventures in Europe has been a disgrace. Last night – following the example set by that very exemplar of quisling Europhile values the Today programme – the BBC's Ten O'Clock News managed to reiterate about half a dozen times its view that Britain had been left more "isolated" than ever by Cameron's eminently sensible decision not to sell his country's interests for a mess of pottage. To listen to Nick Robinson and co, you might actually have imagined that it was somehow a bad thing for Britain not to wish to shackle itself to the rotting corpse of the EU; you might even have thought that it was a good and desirable thing for Cameron to accede to an arrangement which hamstrung Britain's financial sector (on which so much tax revenue and around ten per cent of our economy depends).
How Europhile BBC turned triumph over Britain's veto into disaster
The BBC was accused of reporting Britain’s veto of the eurozone rescue plan as a national catastrophe rather than a tough decision David Cameron was forced to make. Conservative MPs said the broadcaster’s ‘biased’ coverage began on Radio 4’s flagship Today programme and continued throughout the day on radio and television. Presenters used solemn tones to inform listeners about Britain becoming isolated following David Cameron’s refusal to sign a new treaty.
EU Treaty: after a feat close to genius, David Cameron’s status is now as high as it has ever been
Crucially, it was clear last night to all but our most one-eyed and dedicated enemies — and to the BBC, whose biased reporting has once again been a disgrace — that the British prime minister had behaved with propriety. And that is because he set out to Brussels 48 hours ago bent on conciliation not confrontation.You will, of course, conveniently ignore these attacks on the BBC's integrity (ha! don't make me laugh!) as you always do. This, Jeremy, is the news that I and many others are interested in, so why won't you discuss it?

Perhaps the Prime Minister needs to remind the BBC it doesn't have a 'mission to explain' - that is just an excuse for biased journalism - it has a mission to report both sides of an argument. And "the other side" has been almost totally absent from the BBC's reporting

A notable absentee from the BBC broadcasts I saw over the weekend was Miliband. He seems to have vanished in to his own muddlement as he tries to decide what to do and say. So, no change there then. And it is unusual for him to have nothing to say, and even more unusual for the BBC not to give him an uninterrupted and unquestioned platform from which to  preach.

I am just so sorry that you and your colleagues find this all so unpalatable.


2) MARKET STALLS - Can market stalls save our high street? Mary Portas says yes. Find out more in this article from the Guardian : The market in our nearest town seems to be thriving, but it has been there for as long as anybody can remember, so I'm not actually sure it is making any difference at all. You said on Ken's show that markets stalls "... sometimes sell tat". Well, you would know about tat. Next...

3) SOLAR PANELS - From today, the government’s withdrawn the subsidy to help households fit solar panels. Did you lose out or get there in time? : On the basis that I have never even considered buying solar panels my answer to your question has to be: Neither. Next...

4) NEW TECHNOLOGY - Finally, has new technology made your life easier so that you no longer go to the travel agents, use a phone box or develop your photos? What old technology do you stubbornly stick to? Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : I still use a camera that needs film. I have a mobile phone, but it only makes calls and sends texts. However, new technology allows me to lambast you for producing a crap radio show every day, so let us be thankful for that. Using the Telegraph's list: I have never: 2, 8, 10, 12, 15, 20, 28, 30, 36, 37, 41. I still: 7, 16, 17, 19, 21, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 29, 32, 33, 35, 38, 39, 40, 44, 48, 49.

You said on Ken's show, "You don't have to be furious to call the show, but it helps". Well, doesn't that say it all.

The Jeremy Vine Show - live from the Brussels Broadcasting Corporation

Friday, 9 December 2011

Today's show 09/12/11

You never did get your web site updated for yesterday's show. The "EU Summit" item was repeated three times, and then even that disappeared to leave, well, nothing. This is not the kind of service I expect to receive from my tax-funded broadcaster and I hope that somebody has been disciplined, or preferably sacked.

Today's issue that affects me: What should I do when the tax-funded state broadcaster provides a rubbish service, and yet complaints to them are just "entered in to the audience log" and then ignored?

Anyway, today somebody has managed to get out of bed and do their job...

1) BRITISH VETO - As the Prime Minister angers the French and Germans by using the British veto, we talk to someone who says: what’s so bad about Europe regulating the City? : Oooh... where to start. Let's start with the very obvious corporate BBC bias because, let's face it, there was no way ever that the BBC would have allowed you to write "What's so bad about Britain bailing out of Europe?". And good to see a reappearance by another mysterious "someone" who will be a person who is fully supportive of the BBC's own view of events. Again, I consider it odd that you are not speaking to "someone" who has the alternative point of view, but this is the BBC that we are talking about so a one-sided and biased half-the-story are the order of the day, and whether we like it or not. I am enjoying the spectacle of the various pro-EU talking heads going apoplectic about what Cameron has done, and if nothing else he should be praised for that. There have been some superb analogies to describe the situation, such as: "The French are very angry – one French diplomat says that Britain is acting "like a man who wants to go to a wife-swapping party without taking his own wife" (Ben Brogan, Daily Telegraph), "
UK as isolated as somebody who refused to join the Titanic just before it sailed", (Terry Smith) and "Britain & Hungary have jumped into a lifeboat, whilst the other 25 gaze at the String Quartet, transfixed." (@ArnieEtc). And it was Winston Churchill who said "We are with Europe, but not of it. We are linked but not comprised. We are interested and associated but not absorbed" - it looks like he was right. There is, of course, a very real possibility now that we will end up as isolated as Norway and Switzerland (the two richest countries in Europe), but there is little chance of you making that point. It comes as no surprise to me at all that the BBC are making this look like The End Of The World where it is probably just Britain standing up for itself for once. I am so sorry that you and your colleagues find that so unbearable. I suggest you resign in protest. Next...

2) PUTTING A PET TO SLEEP - A man is found guilty of killing his own dog to avoid paying vet fees for having it put down. Are you someone who’s been forced to put your own pet to sleep? : We have pets and an excellent 24-hour vet, so this would simply never happen to me. Next...

3) EXTREME WEATHER - As storms lash Scotland and other parts of the UK, local newspapers are full of lorries blown over. Why aren’t high-sided vehicles banned from going out in strong winds? : Banning... yes, that's always the answer, isn't it? I bet you blame man-made global warming too. Perhaps we could have a publicly-funded government enquiry that decides which trucks can be used on which days, and taking in to account whether they are rigid, articulated, loaded, empty, body construction, route and all sorts of other variables to make some kind of unworkable regulations to be used whenever it gets more than "a bit breezy", and with the prospect of hefty fines for those who dare to venture out on to the roads. Or perhaps not. Unlike your web site maintainer, truckers do a good job. Your programme is just ridiculous. Next...

4) BIRTHMARKS - A mother is furious that a photographer airbrushed her child’s birthmark out of a school photo. Why are some people embarrassed by birthmarks? Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : And let's finish the week with a story from the Daily Mail - hooray! Why Jeremy? Just why?

I loved your chat with Ken earlier...
JV: "... they are all interesting stories today"
Ken: "That's unusual"

Ken Bruce is a star! I really hope he reads my blog...

The Jeremy Vine Show - well, we think it is interesting

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Today's show 08/12/11

Congratulations are in order again, as you are mentioned on Biased BBC where Bupendra Bhakta wrote the following:
Jeremy Vine whored himself for the cause yesterday, and whored himself shamelessly. 
'Next up... is it time to bring Gordon back?'
'Some commentators' were asking this apparently because after all Brown had kept us out of the Euro and saved the world. That would be the same 'some commentators' as 'many people' and 'loads of texts' and the other proxies the BBC uses when it means, 'We at the BBC believe...'. Vine's useful idiot to further argue the cause was Jonathan Freedland, a Guardian hack with two, unconnected, brain-cells. Apparently, according to the hack, 'Tony Blair was far less gung-ho about the Euro in private'. (Remember to point out next time you shout 'heads' and it's 'tails' that in private you were far less gung-ho about heads.)
Before I look at today's offering, I'd like to go back to the first item on yesterday's programme when you talked about "prejudice" and the National Social Survey. Now, I did not listen to you yesterday but I did hear other mentions of this survey on the BBC and could not help but think that the BBC were spinning their own agenda in what was being said. It appears I was not wrong as this article in The Commentator came to my attention:
BBC misrepresents National Social Survey
(Written by Prof. Philip Booth)
The BBC’s coverage of the National Social Survey shows the BBC at its very worst. It has completely misrepresented the survey to promote its own political worldview that we are becoming more selfish and less concerned about others.
The headline it used on the front page of its website is: “UK less willing to help others”. I have just read the survey and, in 227 pages, I cannot find any reference to whether people are less willing to help others.

Well, there's a thing, and there's more...

On BBC TV last night was the last episode of Frozen Planet. This was yet another propaganda-fest as the BBC's agenda on man-made global warming was rammed down its viewers' throats yet again. Some of us were still recovering from the onslaught metered out on the same subject during last Sunday's Countryfile. I have admired your colleague Simon Mayo for many years and it seems that even he is acting on the BBC memo when he mentioned that the last Frozen Planet episode would now be shown in the USA, despite it being "contentious over there". He needs to realise that it is contentious in this country too, but we have the luxury (!) of a tax-funded broadcaster to go on and on and on and on about it promoting their one-sided argument so often that perhaps somebody somewhere will believe it.

And a quick scan of today's menu shows that you too are jumping on board the BBC propaganda wagon...

1) EU SUMMIT - Conservative backbenchers want Cameron to go to the EU summit and give the Europeans a good ‘handbagging’. But what if they German policy is right and the true British interest lies in saving the Euro? : And there it is in that second sentence, reinforced by your comment on Ken's show: "We've got to pitch in and be part of the team now, as it is sooooo baaaaad", and you reinforced this again at 12:07 as if there is no other possible point of view. What were the chances of that second sentence being: But what if the backbenchers are right and the true British interest lies in scrapping the Euro? On a cold day in BBC hell maybe. Surprisingly, there are people with a different point of view to your own who do not need to be told what to think by you or anybody else, thank you very much. I wonder if Cameron is listening....? Next...

I'll now wait while your web site servant brings you another coffee from Starbucks ... ooooh, no, I bet you don't drink Starbucks coffee ... from a well-known coffee retailer and does their job as, apparently, you are discussing the EU Summit three times today. Oh, I remember now, it's Thursday and it always goes wrong on a Thursday...

Hmmm... 12:00 and it is a still a mess, so using the sentence at the top...

2) Kids running up huge bills on their mobile phones : Kids? What kids? No kids here. Next...

3) A new stalking clinic : (A clinic for stalkers, not the stalked) The only person I stalk is you, from 250 miles away and with no attempt to hide my location or identity. Next...

4) Limiting the number of Viagra tablets dispensed : I need write no more than this does not concern me.

12:16, I've given up waiting and the three EU Summit mentions have vanished. How hard can it be? I'll post an update later if anything changes.

The Jeremy Vine Show - loving your comments, provided you agree with us

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Today's show 07/12/11

I saw this yesterday, and it made me laugh. If only it were true...
Broadcaster launches new dedicated apology channel, BBC Sorry
The BBC has announced plans for a new digital channel specifically designed to apologise for all of the corporation’s output. The channel, BBC Sorry, will be launched in the New Year to coincide with a new series of Top Gear.
Viewers have welcomed the new service. ‘After seeing the reaction to Clarkson’s outburst, I was really aggrieved that I didn’t take offence when I watched it live with my wife,’ said teacher Derek Compton. ‘It wasn’t until I read about it later in The Guardian that I realised just how offended I should have been. When you take his comments completely out of context they are absolutely unforgiveable, so I definitely think he should be sacked. BBC Sorry will stop me missing future opportunities to be morally outraged.’

Today's issue that affects me: My wife is a vegetarian, but she likes a real bacon sandwich from time to time (good girl!) provided that the bacon is crispy and it is not rammed full of rashers. After making a bacon sandwich for herself the other day she left one solitary bacon rasher in the fridge. Do I (a) make the most pathetic bacon sandwich ever using the one rasher and one slice of bread, or (b) cut it up for one of our cats who loves eating bacon?

Wednesday, and still there is no real news, apparently...

1) PREJUDICE - A survey of social attitudes says that people are increasingly blaming the poor for being poor and the unemployed for being unemployed. Have you experienced prejudice for being unemployed? : Yes, particularly myself back in 2002. But help is at hand: Trade Uion UNITE now offer membership (
 to "the unemployed, students and all those not in employment the opportunity to become part of one of the most powerful forces for equality in the country", and all for 50p a week. What a bargain, and what a shame that they do not do a special membership for self-employed workers like myself! I'd love to go on strike for better pay and conditions, and my boss can be a right cantankerous bugger at times. Being the cynical old git that I am, and as UNITE could not get the majority of their fully paid-up members to support the strike last week, I suggest that this is just an attempt to bolster their presence at marches, demonstrations and protests by using "cheap" members who have got nothing else to do. Up The Non-Workers! Next...

2) PETTY CRIMINALS - A couple staying at a B&B in Aberystwyth clear off without paying. The police use DNA evidence to track them down. Is that over the top or the right way to catch petty criminals? : You said on Ken's show, and as I suspected, that at least one of the couple had a police record before they legged it from the B&B, otherwise it would have been impossible to make the match. I don't have much sympathy for criminals, especially repeat offenders, and I'm glad they were caught. IF you had decided to talk about how and why DNA samples are taken from anybody who is arrested (whether charged or not, and with force if necessary) and how long they are retained then I would have listened, but the trivia that you are planning to talk about today is is of no interest to me. Next...

3) PAYDAY LOANS - Companies which allow payday loans are being attacked today — but actually don’t they rescue people from the real sharks? Do you say “Thank God for payday loans”? : I do, most days, but I've just checked the terms and conditions at
 and it says: Our only criteria is that you are aged 18 or over, a UK resident and that you are in some form of employment (part-time is fine). So, no good for anybody self-employed then, like me. Keep trying Jeremy, one day you might talk about something that has a real relevance to me. Next...

4) NEW PLANET - Another planet has been found just like this one. Let’s go there and start a new world, but what would the rules be? How would you make it a better place than planet earth? : Easy ... no Jeremy Vine Show, and no Daily Mail. And the point of this discussion is what, exactly? In case you were not aware, flights of fancy such as this do not constitute "news".
The Jeremy Vine Show - keeping the BBC Sorry staff employed

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Today's show 06/12/11

Tuesday, and I'm still on a slow internet connection (although I've identified the problem to be a faulty cable, but nobody around here sells a replacement). However, that does not stop me writing my daily drivel...!

Let's go back to yesterday's programme first, and defibrillators. Valued contributor to my blog Stonyground wrote this yesterday afternoon:
On the subject of defibrillators I was astonished that he actually did some research on the subject. Having attended numerous first aid courses I happen to know that these devices are very cleverly designed to be idiot proof and easy to use. Wouldn't it be a great idea for basic first aid to be taught in all public schools? If JV campaigned for this he could really change our country for the better. There would be people alive today saying that they literally owe their very lives to JV.

Research? Blimey! He makes a good point about First Aid, of course, but the chances of you mounting a campaign about anything (except, perhaps, to get Ken Bruce on Twitter) are non-existent. All talk, no action, as usual. Go on, prove me wrong.

From saving lives to death: Do you remember the story you did on 18th August about a pensioner from Chelmsford who was unfortunately killed by a swarm of wasps? You devoted 30 minutes of your programme to this topic, even though the wasps had been agitated by person or persons unknown by having their nest disturbed. That was one death ... and 30 minutes of prime time Radio 2. So why are you not discussing 36,371 deaths in the UK then?
A total of 36,371 people were killed on Britain's roads between 1999 and 2010.
Britain has one of the best records in the world for road casualties. However, hundreds still die on the roads every year. In 2010, the police recorded 1,850 deaths, 22,660 people seriously injured and 184,138 who received light injuries.

Ah yes, I know ... because it happens every day, and so it is not "news". Somebody getting killed by wasps can be turned in to a sensational news entertainment radio item. But road deaths? No, they are boring ... apparently.

So, let's look at what you are discussing today in the vain hope that there might actually be some real news, or even just something of interest...

1) OLYMPIC OPENING CEREMONY - The cost of the Olympic opening ceremony is about to double. What’s the point of the opening ceremony? Or on the other hand, is it the only bit you like? : One could ask, of course: What's the point of the Jeremy Vine Show? The answer in my case would be much the same. The opening ceremony was always going to be contentious, but I suppose that the current plans are an improvement on the "Boris riding around in a red bus" plans that were mooted after the Beijing Olympics closed. Personally, I'm not interested in sport enough to have an opinion either way, but I'll probably watch when it happens. Interesting, don't you think, that the news page you link to does not mention the opening ceremony cost specifically, but only "ceremonies". Half the story again? Next...

2) HOMELESS HOSTEL - An animal charity is calling for pet dogs to be allowed into homeless hostels. Others say if you’re homeless you forego the right to have a pet : Ah, the mysterious "others" appear again. Who are these people? Do they just appear every day, or do you have to go looking for them? Please feel free to ask me to be an "other" whenever you like. This sounds like a recipe for high blood pressure, so I think I'll give it a miss. Next...

3) CONCRETE BOCK - A mother and daughter talk of the horror of a concrete block hitting their car after being thrown off a bridge on the A12 : A concrete what? Oh, BLOCK! Does nobody proof-read your web page? It sounds horrific, but thanks for promoting this as a weekend and evening pastime, and for giving the perpetrators the oxygen of publicity. They'll be bragging to all their mates now, "Did you hear me being talked about on Jeremy Vine?" and their lives will be complete. Next...

4) GORDON BROWN - We talk to someone who says it’s time to praise Gordon Brown for keeping us out of the Euro and in difficult times, we need him now : Gordon who? Oh... hang on... its all coming back to me.... Aaaaggghhh!!!! As well as they mysterious "others", we also have a secretive "someone". So, this someone, where did you find them? Is it anybody we know? Are they deluded? Brown can barely be bothered to act as a constituency MP these days, let alone do anything else other than feather his own nest. The Scotsman (
reported on October 18th about radioactive particles in Dalgety Bay, yet it took Gordon over a month before he even acknowledged the problem ( He has only appeared in the Commons a few times (four, I think, and one of those was to give a personal rant about the press) since May 2010. He's too busy these days attending a conference here, giving a (paid for) talk there, while still being paid £65,738 plus expenses and pension to basically do very little for the good of his constituents. Does he care? Yes, of course he does ... about himself.

As you said on Ken's show, "There is no point in us going on the air at all".
The Jeremy Vine Show - <looks to side camera and shrugs in a Harry Hill's TV Burp style>

Monday, 5 December 2011

Today's show 05/12/11

My internet connection is not very good today as I think I have a damaged cable, so I think this will have to be quick before my connection dies again...

Today's issue that affects me: Why was the "new" Royal Mail online postage purchase web site launched with insufficient testing, and why is it now so difficult and complicated to use?

A quick scan of today's menu tells me that your Monday morning editorial meeting hit its usual problem of struggling to find something to talk about.

1) "WELL TO DO" PENSIONERS - A woman soldier says she was the first British female soldier to kill in battle. Why do some people feel uncomfortable about women killing? Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : Some mistake with your wording here, surely? See below. Anyway, I won't be a pensioner for over 10 years, and it will all have changed again by then, so I don't think this affects me. Next...

2) FEMALE SOLDIERS - A woman soldier says she was the first British female soldier to kill in battle. Why do some people feel uncomfortable about women killing? Find out more in this article from the Plymouth Herald : I have no idea as I am not one of the "some people" to which you refer. Sexism, alive and well on the Jeremy Vine Show. Next...

3) DEFIBRILLATOR - In our medical special today, Dr Sarah Jarvis joins us and asks: in an emergency, would you be able to use a defibrillator? We test drive one : No, and I am not sure that Defibrillation For Dummies on the radio is such a good idea. Next...

4) POSTAL WORKERS - Postal workers have been told that any tip of more than £30 could be interpreted as a bribe, and they could be prosecuted if they accept it : I'm not a postal worker. Our regular postman does a great job, but somehow I don't think I'll be giving him anywhere near £30 this year. Again, I don't think this is something I need to be concerned about.

There are no stories culled from the Daily Mail today, so to keep yourself amused during the records you could play with this:
I'm sure some of those headlines have appeared as stories on your programme!

The Jeremy Vine Show - telling us why we don't like Mondays

Friday, 2 December 2011

Today's show 02/12/11

A quick scan of today's menu has told me that there is no news today, apparently. The furore over Clarkson's comments is forgotten, and do I remember something about a strike earlier this week?

You don't do follow-up stories (only repeats - there is a difference) so let me do two for you...

Clarkson first: It is interesting, don't you think, that our beloved state broadcaster has decided not to make Clarkson's appearance on the One Show available on iPlayer, and the only clip available anywhere that I can find is the "should be shot" snippet. This was played to death on the R2 and 6Music news bulletins all day and I can probably quote it word-for-word now! What I would like to see is the whole interview as, according to others, the clip is not entirely representative of what was said. The best I can find is a transcript on a BBC news page (
) that allows me to do the usual BBC thing and part quote what was actually said to completely change the emphasis: When asked about that day's strike over pensions by public sector workers Jeremy Clarkson said, "I think they have been fantastic".

Being the cynical old bugger that I am, I am coming to the conclusion that this was all a "set up" to boost the One Show's ratings, which will almost certainly succeed as it is all over the papers and other news stations. Clarkson has apologised (after he was told to?) and so the BBC has a win-win situation. After all, why would they get a well-known out-spoken court jester on the show on THE MOST contentious day of the year without realising what he would do? He has previous form, after all! Whether JC was in on it from the start is open to debate, but it all smells a bit fishy to me. You can't buy publicity like this, and it is probably safe to assume that sales of Clarkson's two Christmas DVDs have been boosted too. So, who's on tonight's One Show then? Nick Griffin, maybe?

Meanwhile, James Delingpole discusses Clarksongate in the Daily Telegraph (
) and the over-the-top coverage from the BBC that his misdemeanour has attracted. Allow me to quote:
For at least the last fifty years "they should be taken out and shot," has been a socially acceptable, perfectly unexceptionable way of expressing colourfully and vehemently one's distaste towards a particular category of unpleasantness, be it striking Unison workers, revolting students, poorly performing members of your football team or the Lib Dem members of Cameron's cabinet. Context is all.
What the BBC and its brain-dead apparatchiks clearly fail to understand at moments like this is that they are actually endorsing and cultivating our culture of abject stupidity. If Lord Reith were still around, he really would want the entire BBC staff – management especially but also grinning half-wit presenters like The One Show's Matt Baker and Alex Jones – taken out and shot for what they have done to a once-fine institution.
The damage the BBC is wreaking on our culture in ways both large and small is all but incalculable. The Clarkson affair is at the smaller end. At the larger end, I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to giving you the gory details of the BBC's complicity in the Climate Change scam – as revealed both in the Climategate 2.0 emails and in Christopher Booker's magisterial new report for the Global Warming Policy Foundation. And I'm quite sure Roger Harrabin is too.

Nail hit on head there, I reckon. And all this on the same day that the BBC hit the news itself - again - in a story successfully buried under Clarksongate. From your beloved Daily Mail:
BBC chief who says swearing in comedies is good
One of the BBC’s top executives caused fury last night after she insisted it is acceptable for comedies to feature expletives.
Caroline Thomson, the corporation’s chief operating officer, claimed that one of the points of comedy was to cause offence and make her ‘flinch’.

So, just to make this clear, it is unacceptable for the BBC to broadcast Clarkson's comments as they MAY cause offense, but it is perfectly acceptable to broadcast comedy that WILL cause offence. Good one BBC!

The other news story I hoped you might cover was this one:
Union bully boy ‘scab’ fury
Unison's Jon Rogers sent out a furious email after barely a million union members joined Wednesday's strike, saying: "What you did was immoral and unacceptable and you should be ashamed. If you cross a picket line you are a scab. There is no other word for it and it is one of the worst things that can be done."
Mr Rogers, branch secretary at Lambeth, London, later withdrew the 3am email.
A union spokesman said: "It was sent after a long, tiring day. He regrets it and apologises for any offence caused."

Pot, kettle, black. It was Unison, of course, who were offended by Clarkson's remarks, so much so that they were saying that they would waste their members' subs by attempting legal action against him (, yet they are happy to send out an email that may have offended their own paying members. I think they live in the same version of The Real World that you do!

Anyway, all this mention of "offence" has offended me.

Today's issue that affects me: Where can I get a membership application form for The Illuminati?

So, Radio 2's flagship programme for "news, views and live guests" has no news today then. I suppose that two out of three ain't bad...

1) HAPPINESS - Despite the current economic turmoil and uncertainty, an ONS happiness survey suggests three quarters of us are satisfied with life. How do you keep "smiling through?" : Easy ... by not listening to the Jeremy Vine Show on Radio 2 everyday at 12, and by telling you why. Next...

2) SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS - Have you witnessed a science experiment go badly wrong?: Well, there was the day at school when we were making a barometer using a vacuum pump, a glass tube and a large glass trough of mercury (several pints). You can guess what happened, and we spent the rest of the class pushing blobs of mercury around with our bare fingers so that it could be sucked in to a syringe. Then there was the day the science teacher dropped maybe too large a lump of sodium in to a glass bowl of water with a pretty impressive explosion following. And then there was the day that the science teacher insisted that an experiment involving the production of hydrogen should be done in the fume cupboard, which was then blown to smithereens (and with the consequent Ball Of Flame you mentioned on Ken's show) when he switched on the extractor fan and the resultant spark ignited the hydrogen. No goggles, no gloves, no face masks, no H&S investigation, no serious injuries, lots of laughs and I'm still here to tell the tale. The problem with safety gear is that it lulls some people in to a false sense of security and safety, and then they get injured. With no safety gear an inbuilt mechanism for self-protection takes over and you stay well away from the action. And that is the real lesson to be learned, in my opinion. Somehow I don't think you will be promoting my viewpoint today. Next...

3) CHILDREN'S SAVINGS - Is it ever acceptable to raid your child's savings? : I'd have to have some children first, and I can't wait that long. Next...

4) TERRY WALTON - We speak to Terry Walton on the official Jeremy Vine Show allotment: As I was saying, there is no news today.

The Jeremy Vine Show - we forgot to buy a paper today :-(