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Thursday, 22 December 2011

Today's show 22/12/11

So, here we are. The very last Jeremy Vine Show of the year. Every day you invite me to "tell us what you think", and every day you ignore what I say. And I'm still blocked from following you on Twitter. Does that count as goodwill to all men?

My blog has been running for a year and, as I write this, has had 12190 page views. Again, I thank everybody who reads my blog from taking time from their busy lives to do so. I also send my special thanks and best wishes to the regular contributors and in particular Gill, Will and Stonyground. They make some good points, and they make me laugh!

I mentioned that I would be producing a Top 10 of Jeremy Vine Show moments. This has actually turned in to a Top 10 plus 3 for reasons which I hope will be obvious.

The Top 10 consists of my choice of the most utterly pointless and irrelevant discussions on the Jeremy Vine Show during 2011. You know the kind. The ones that make you think at first "I'd never thought about that before", followed by "But there is a good reason for that" and ended with "So why is he wasting my time by talking about it?". There has been a LOT of material to work with and cutting it down to just ten has been something of a challenge, but this is how it ended up:

10: 3rd June: TV TALENT SHOWS - Did the bitter reality of TV talent shows break your child's heart?

9: 23rd February: TV ADVERTS - Do you prefer them to the programmes?

8: 29th March: HAS SUPERGLUE LOST ITS MAGICAL POWERS? - When it came out it was a sensation, but did it lose its magical powers?

7: 24th February: BREAST MILK ICE CREAM - Would you eat it?

6: 16th June: WART REMOVED BY SHOTGUN - Shaun Murphy from Doncaster used a shotgun to remove an irritating wart on his finger.

5: 14th January: FREEZER - What's the oldest thing in yours?

4: 6th October: MEMORIAL BENCHES - When you die do you want a memorial bench?

3: 24th June: TOOTHBRUSH - And do you share a toothbrush with your partner?

2: 21st November: FISHY HANDBAG - We discuss the M&S handbag that smells of fish.

1: 10th June: EXPLODING GLASS TABLES - Spontaneously exploding glass tables. Has this ever happened to you?

On to the three Special Mentions then...

On 22nd June Radio 2 broadcast "2DAY" in which the very best, and worst, programmes of the station were mixed up and redistributed. The result was a complete mess, listeners switched off in droves and it has never been mentioned on Radio 2 since.

On 28th January you discussed "HEATING OIL THEFTS - Have shot up in rural areas". The discussion included full details of how to find properties with heating oil tanks by using satellite imagery, how to identify the tank when on site, what tools were needed to break in to the tank, advice on the best type of vehicle to use and what it should contain, and full instructions on how the theft should be made. You also showed that this topic was of absolutely no interest to you at all and that you had not bothered to research the subject ("But surely the storage tank is underground...?"). My elderly next door neighbour has oil-fired central heating and has not slept soundly since this broadcast.

And finally, on 11th May was the absolute pinnacle highlight of the Jeremy Vine Show in 2011 when you discussed "STARBUCKS - We talk to the Chief Executive of the international coffee giant Starbucks. Do you hate Starbucks?". My blog readership went ballistic that day after you were picked up, chewed to bits and spat out by the absolute legend that is Howard Schultz. For once somebody managed to get the better of you. For once somebody did not fall in to your traps. For once somebody would not play your silly game. For once somebody stood up to you. For once somebody showed just how ridiculous and pointless your programme can be. That somebody was Howard Schultz. God bless him!

I've just checked your web page for today and it looks like you are actually doing something other than the troops greetings, in which case perhaps you should be discussing these:
How about this story from Wales that has hit the headlines:
BBC accused of failing to inform listeners of local radio cutsThe BBC has been accused of stifling the debate over controversial local radio cuts by curbing the number of times presenters can mention the issue on air.This was mentioned briefly on the 8am news on R2 this morning, and I loved the bit about local radio being of use to the community during times of bad weather and train crashes!
No? OK, how about this:
UK economic growth revised up to 0.6%
The UK economy grew by 0.6% between July and September, official figures have shown, faster than previous estimates of 0.5%.
What are Balls and Milliband up to today? I'm sure they would be willing studio guests to discuss this. I have no doubt that there is weeping and wailing in BBC broadcast newsrooms across the land as this good news for the government comes to light and is quickly ignored.

And then, of course, there is Leveson, Piers Morgan and this amazing corrections page in The Guardian:
It lists the 37 (yes, thirty seven) articles that they have had to change or correct following the revelation that the News Of The World were not responsible for deleting Milly Dowler's text messages. So, just remind me again, why should you or I ever believe anything The Guardian writes?

But no, you are not covering anything that paints the BBC or journalism in a bad way, so no change there then...

1) AGE OF CRIMINAL RESPONSIBILITY - A two year old girl has allegedly beaten up a three year old at a nursery in Leicestershire. Police say there's nothing they can do because they are below the age of criminal responsibility. Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : How appropriate that you should end the year with that bastion of your programme: The Daily Mail. I note the use of the word "allegedly", so there is an element of doubt as to what happened. When I was this age any misbehaviour was dealt with by my dad's slipper. It never did me any harm and, to be honest, I thank him for doing what he did. Next...

2) JURY SERVICE - A student who pretended to be ill whilst on jury service so that he could go and see a musical has been jailed : Good. I have no doubt you have found a mysterious and sympathetic "somebody" to argue otherwise. Next...

3) REMEMBER THE TROOPS - And after 1, we "Remember the Troops" and send Christmas messages to those serving overseas from their loved ones back home : A worthy way to end the year, but what a shame that this clashes with Radcliffe & Maconie on 6 Music. Damn...

In your absence, I will endeavour to cover on my blog the news stories that The Meedja manage to manufacture over the next couple of weeks, and we can commence battle again on 3rd January.

Merry Christmas Jeremy, and a Happy New Year. And could you pass on my best wishes to the abominable Vanessa Feltz, that other bloke - you know - him - Paddy O'Something, and, of course, the ever gorgeous George Galloway. Please feel free to give him a slap in the face, just from me.

The Jeremy Vine Show - news, views and live guests, but not for the next two weeks


Will said...

Merry Christmas All.I listened to the 1st link&that was it 4me.

JV did wish Ken's Listeners a Merry Christmas&Happy New Year meaning most people who listen to Ken then turn off straight away when JV starts.Maybe the latest listening figures have come out and the gap has widened even more??
At 12 JV said to KB Merry Christmas to you&your listeners again.Hopefully some of then might keep listening??

This is the only Blog I read and very it is too.I dont always agree but I never agree with Jv so ur ok. there;-)
Listening to R&Mc on 6M 2day.

Richard Bacon said on Tuesday on 5Live said he is doing a Documentary on Internet Trolls in New Year.He will have plenty of material af there is loads of ppl dont like him on Net;-)

Thanks for the mention!

Stonyground said...

I heard the comment about some of Ken's fans keeping listening too. My immediate thought was that he must know that millions are re-tuning their radios the second that they hear his voice at twelve.

Anonymous said...

Your blog has been the highlight of the last few months. I share your same views on Mr Vine's awful show.

Keep up the good (and very amusing) work. I look forward to reading your daily musings in the New Year. Happy Christmas!