Monday morning, and a loud grating noise emanates from
the BBC offices in Western House, Great Portland Street, London as the weekend
news barrel is scraped yet again for something - anything - that you can blow
out of all proportion on today's programme.
Today's issue that
affects me: At just before midnight last night, one of our cats found a live
mouse in our kitchen pantry. One of our other cats joined in the chase and they
managed to catch the mouse in their mouths several times, but not well enough
to, errr...., despatch it in the way that we, or they, would have liked. The
mouse escaped and vanished through a tiny hole under the kitchen cupboards.
Pulling out the washing machine allowed both cats to search the area, but to no
avail. It has to be said that the mouse was probably only in the kitchen because
it had been transported in by one of them as part of their self-catering feeding
arrangements. So, should I be worried about this? Should I let the cats find and
deal with the mouse in their own way and own time? Should I put down a trap (not
keen)? Or should I just accept that having mice in the house is just part of
living in one of the most beautiful country areas of the UK?
As
ever, you won't be discussing any issues that affect me, so let us look at the
four issues that you think might possibly be of interest to me today, and I'll
explain why you are so, so wrong:
1) SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE - The
Scottish nationalists want a referendum on independence in 2014. David Cameron
is trying to out-manoeuvre them by saying we should get on with it and have a
referendum in 2012 : While it is good to see you talking about a story that
is not centred around London and the South East, I think you are confusing me
with somebody who lives in Scotland. I last went there about 20 years ago, and
have no plans to return, so this holds absolutely no interest for me.
Next...
2) EXECUTIVE PAY - The government wants a crack down on top
executive pay. Are you a small shareholder who thinks it’s time for us to all
get stuck in and hold these bosses to account? : I am a TV Licence Tax
payer and I would like to hold the BBC to account over what it pays its senior
managers and presenters, including yourself. For example, is a BBC presenter such as yourself worth a salary package worth hundreds of time more than the man or woman who
makes the tea in the BBC canteen? I think not. The BBC shareholders, i.e. all
licence fee payers, should be allowed a binding vote on the level of executive
pay at the BBC. The bureaucratic BBC would then find out that most of the
thousands of staff with 'manager' in their job title would be voted a salary of
absolutely nothing and booted off the payroll. But, as is usual, the BBC can do
no wrong in your eyes, so you won't be discussing this today. What a shame,
because I would have listened. Next...
3) CHANDLERS - We talk to
Rachel and Paul Chandler, who were kidnapped in Somalia and were only released
after a ransom was paid : The BBC news page you link to says they were
released on 14th November 2010, and I'm pretty sure you covered it back then. So why are you discussing something that
happened well over a year ago? First with last year's news again Jeremy? Tsk
tsk. And next on today's Jeremy Vine Show we talk about the sinking of the
Titanic... . Next...
4) SPITFIRE - 91 year old Eric Carter was told
he couldn’t sit in a spitfire because of health and safety, even though he flew
the fighter planes during World War 2. Find out more in this article from the
Telegraph : Now then, you used those magic words "health and safety" which
sparked my interest in this one. The H&S words were also used in your trail
on Ken's show. I read the Telegraph article with interest, and it all made
perfect sense to me but, as you know, I don't believe what you tell me or what I
read in the papers. So I called the Potteries Museum in Stoke-on-Trent and I
spoke to both the lady you are going to speak to today and a lovely chap from
their Press Office. He was very helpful and confirmed (a) their decision was
nothing to do with the Health & Safety At Work Act (which is what you are
intimating), (b) the Spitfire is currently undergoing an extensive restoration
and is in a dismantled state, (c) they are currently trying to raise £50000 to
complete the restoration to exhibition standards (see http://spitfirerw388.org.uk/), (d) on completion of the
restoration the cockpit will be fully restored and available for inspection, and
(e) that Mr Carter has been invited to return to the museum and inspect the
Spitfire at close quarters when the restoration is complete. Now, I know a
little bit about aircraft restoration and that all makes perfect sense to me.
And, unlike you, I know *EXACTLY* why the Telegraph mentioned radium, but
because they are only lazy journalist scum, know nothing and couldn't be
bothered to find out, they got their mention completely wrong. Old aircraft used
radium in the dials of the cockpit instruments to make them luminous, so the
pilots could see them at night. Read here http://www.hps.org/publicinformation/ate/q133.html if you don't believe me. I did not ask the question, but I
would guess that the cockpit may still contain some of these instruments and
until they are dealt with appropriately there is a risk to ANYBODY. PREDICTION: You will
talk complete bollocks throughout this discussion as you have no knowledge of or
interest in your subject matter, and you will just use this as an opportunity to
ridicule the museum's decision concerning Mr Carter on the basis that it is
"Health & Safety gone mad", which it most certainly is not. Having forewarned them, I hope that they are ready for you!
The
Jeremy Vine Show - a health and safety risk all of its own
UPDATE 1: The Chandlers have got a book out and are plugging it today. Thanks Gill! And Sympathetic Voice Generator number 3 is in overload...
UPDATE 2: Against my better judgement, I listened to the Spitfire piece today. What a load of tosh! In particular:
- Spitfire described as "refurbished", yet the web site clearly shows it to be under restoration.
- My point about radium on instruments was correct, and modern luminous watches use a different substance.
- JV referred to "German jets", yet these did not appear until the last few months of the war and they (ME262s) were not used around Murmansk.
- JV did not know that a Spitfire has (normally) only a single seat.
- His eulogies over Spitfires ignored that more Hurricanes were built and had more "kills".
- Ended by admitting "it was a misunderstanding", so the story was flawed from the start.
If he talks this much rubbish about something I know about, how much does he talk about stuff I don't know about?
2 comments:
Oh, now I understand, the chandlers have got a book out. Quel surprise. They sound really boring. Oh and JV cannot even het it right in which direction they were travelling and to where.
Listened for Hour 1 and then Radio off.As Gill has already said they have a Book out.
You already covered Licence Payers voting on presenter pay.That may scare JV.Also why not give him a 1 yr contract and then we vote if he is to return or his show gone.The only 3 shows I listen too are Ken Bruce(regularly) Simon Mayo(when out and about travelling. at 5pm but do listen to 5live Film every week with him&Kermode) and Tony Blackburn on Saturdays(when out and about and I remember).
As for Scottish thing the Cameron wants to do to the Scottish what he did to the Lib Dems..... screw them over.Cameron is about as popular as the Black Plague in Scotland!!
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