Remember me? I'm back! I bet you're pleased about that. I've had a couple of weeks off while I do some stuff and reassess what I want to do with regard to your programme and my blog. But you need not worry: This festering sore is not going to go away just yet. Instead, I am going to email you (and update my blog) as and when I can rather than trying to do it as your programme starts. Frankly, I have got better things to do than tell you what I think of your programme, and this is not helped by the incompetence and tardiness of whoever it is (who is it?) who is responsible for updating your show web page every day. In my recent second appeal letter to the BBC Trust I have promised to stop filing complaints about how late these updates can be some days, so my best course of action is to stop waiting for them and write this rubbish later in the day and after somebody has done the job that I pay them to do.
All this means, of course, is that I will no longer be telling you "I won't be listening today because..." and future messages will tell you simply what I think of the topics you decided to discuss on previous shows. The advantages to me are:
- no time constraint
- the web page will have been updated
- I can have a good laugh at any relevant bits by using iPlayer
A win-win-win situation, I think!
I wonder what I missed while I was having a break? Well, actually I couldn't care less what I missed to be honest, but I do know that I missed Feltz talking (talking? or fawning?) to Galloway. So that was a result then. I cannot think of two people I would rather never hear ever again.
I bet I didn't miss you discussing this:
Perhaps I should get a job at the Daily Mail? Or perhaps not ... <shudder>
And then there was this one:
The BBC? Ripping off the people who fund it? Who'd have thought such a thing could ever happen. Oh, hang on, silly me.
And then, of course, there is possibly the biggest organised cover-up of criminal behaviour ever seen in the UK:
Go on then, discuss that one day. I dare you. Journalism in this country is facing its biggest crisis with huge swathes of the population simply not believing a word that ANY journalist says, including you. So try and explain why your journalist bretheren should not be shot in front of their families. I'd listen. To put it in simple terms: JOURNALISTS ARE SCUM!
One thing I didn't miss was you saying last Friday, "You can tweet me at @TheJeremyVine and we can discuss these topics out of hours". Really? Can I really discuss this stuff with you? If so, let's give it a go. Oh, and you'll need to unblock my Twitter account first ... won't you.
Let's start the day-by-day analysis by looking at yesterday's programme (Monday 9th April). Working on a Bank Holiday ... I can't remember you doing that before!
1) BOAT RACE DISRUPTION - The protestor who disrupted this year's Boat Race has now been charged. How do we avoid similar incidents at the Olympics or the Jubilee celebrations? : My interest in anything sporty is legend and as close to non-existent as it is possible to be. BUT, had I have been in one of those boats on Saturday I would have made sure that this idiot had got an accidental clout from my oar before the race was stopped. I'm just listening to this on iPlayer and waiting patiently for you to come up with a concrete proposal ... ah, here we go: "If this person had been running in to a Presidential motorcade he would have been shot" and "If he thought we would have been shot for swimming in the water he wouldn't have done it". An interesting suggestion Jeremy, that'll boost the TV ratings. And the security expert you interviewed said "There is no way you are going to prevent it". This was then followed by some inane comments from your inane listeners (shooting with an underwater harpoon, for example). And guess what? Other than shooting the person involved, you failed to come up with any useful suggestion. I bet Teresa May was devastated. OK, enough of iPlayer now. Remind me, what was the point of this discussion again? Next...
2) RAUNCHY MUSIC VIDEOS - Should raunchy music videos get an 18 rating? : What, and deny legions of teenage boys 30 seconds of pleasure? You are such a spoilsport. Next...
3) DOMESTIC SERVICE - Was one of your parents or grandparents in domestic service? : No, they were not. I love questions like that. Next...
4) ANIMAL IN HEADLIGHTS - A driver writes off his Ferrari trying to avoid a hedgehog in the road. Do you swerve when you see an animal in your headlights? Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : Stop, yes. Swerve, no. We get all sorts of wildlife on the roads around here: hedgehogs, sheep, rabbits, cows, deer, badgers, foxes, owls. I've managed to avoid them all. And good to see the Mail is still providing garbage for your programme, especially when it involves a story from Germany. Was there no UK news then?
OK, that's one day down so perhaps I should do today's show too. I did notice at about 1:30 that the web site hadn't been updated. Some things never change, but that particular failing of the BBC is no longer an issue ... so here we go...
1) EXTRADITION - The European Court of Human Rights rules that five terrorism suspects - including the radical Islamic cleric, Abu Hamza - can be extradited to the US : I hear that Guantanamo Bay is nice at this time of year. An interesting tweet from Stewart Jackson MP appeared on your feed earlier: Went head to head with human rights lawyer @TheJeremyVine show. Out of touch & publicly funded (mostly). Public have human right to be safe. Out of touch and publicly funded? Who WAS he talking about? Next...
2) CHARITY FUNDRAISERS - Volunteer fundraisers in Aldeburgh withdraw their support from the Macmillan cancer charity because they say the organisation hired door-to-door collectors who used high-pressure techniques. Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : Living in a rural area as I do, the number of "cold" door-to-door callers that we suffer per month can probably be counted on one foot of a three-toed sloth. A well-known double-glazing company who tell me I should "fit the best" are regular if infrequent visitors, but even they are starting to understand the meaning of "Go away, and get off my property". I find that works quite nicely. It does not make economic sense for charitable organisations to target this area, and any charity I choose to support would not do such a thing (and I would soon cease to support them if they did). I find it amazing that some people allow themselves to be ambushed in the street and are then conned in to signing a direct debit for a montly payment to a charity not necessarily of their choice. Oh, hang on... I remember you saying to Zoe earlier today that this happened to you. Says it all really. Next...
3) TITANIC - One hundred years ago today the Titanic set sail from Southampton. Do you have a personal connection with someone who was on that fateful voyage? : No. Instead of reading all that "Night To Remember" stuff, get yourself a copy of "Titanic : The Ship That Never Sank" and a copy of the Board Of Trade enquiry in to the sinking. You might learn something. Next...
4) HAIRDRESSERS - Hairdressers are angered by EU proposals to encourage hairdressers to have regular ‘social dialogue’ to encourage ‘mental wellbeing’ in the workplace. Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : And the Mail again ... bless! Sporting as I do a fine head of skin, my barber (he is not a hairdresser and would be offended by the term if used to describe him) does not take long to do a trim around the edges every couple of months. Our conversation is usually driven by me, and I have often caused a chuckle among other waiting customers when I have asked him "Have you been anywhere nice on holiday then?". Our bi-monthly meetings usually end with a genuinely warm and friendly handshake as I give him £7 and remind him that he has only done half a job while he tells me to get the hell out of his shop, and don't come back until the next time. He is a top bloke, and he does a fine job.