Today's show 31/01/11

Good to see your web site updated nice and early today - well done! It's not hard, is it?

1) Higher Rate Tax Payers - An extra 750 000 people will become higher rate tax payers. Are you a higher rate tax payer and struggling? : Errrr... I <my profession> for a living, so the answer is "No" to both parts of your question. I fall in to the category described elsewhere on the BBC page you have linked to: "It concludes that the main winners from the 2011 tax changes will be lone parents who are not working, and low-to-middle income households without children.". What was the problem again? Next...

2) Egypt - Should Britain support the revolution? : Yay! Another vote! Great! Does this mean that if you get more callers supporting a revolution then Britain will support it? No? Oh... that's a shame. Your discussion will, as usual, change absolutely nothing. Next...

3) Padlocked Wood - Is there one near you? : Allow me to remind you that "Scotland and Wales have already ruled out privatisation of their woodland" (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-12262797). Another "England only" story. Next...

4) Marriage - Are you being pestered into it? : Well, if I was, and I did then it would be illegal. It is called bigamy.

Can't you just tell it is a Monday, eh? I'm surprised you didn't go with this as it has all sorts of scope for sensationalism and mis-information, and upset children too : http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view/226055/Health-and-safety-cashes-in-on-panto-Smarties

"I predict this is going to be a good show". I guess there is a first time for everything Jeremy, but sadly I have to predict that you may be incorrect on this occasion.

Today's show 28/01/11

1) Egypt Unrest - Egypt appears to be on the verge of a people’s revolution. Do you have a connection with Egypt? : No. Next...

2) Heating Oil Thefts - Have shot up in rural areas : Do you think that the residents of rural communities will thank you for planting this idea in to the minds of thieves? Some may never have even thought of it before, and are currently planning their weekend activities. Next...

3) Babies - Did you have yours early or late? : We've never had one. Next...

4) Re-enactments - Man killed in jousting accident : Hmmm... tragic that this is, what you really mean is "Man killed while enjoying his hobby" but that lacks the "let's make fun of the Sealed Knot" factor. Would you have been discussing this if he had been driving a racing car, mountaineering or hang-gliding? Thought not. There is, of course, an opportunity to try and blame Channel 4 for this accident...

Have a great weekend!

UPDATE 1:

What is this? A Master Class in how to steal heating oil? So far your show has told us what the tanks look like, how to find them, their usual location, the tools needed to do the job, the best time to strike and several methods of how to do it.

Somebody somewhere is taking copious notes.

UPDATE 2:

Did you do ANY research for that item at all? It certainly didn't sound like it, and your complete lack of interest towards the end was very evident. THIS, Jeremy, is why I do not normally listen to your show. It is utter garbage.


Complaint lodged on BBC web site:

Mr Vine discussed the spate of thefts from domestic central heating oil storage tanks today. During the discussion I learnt:
 - How to identify an oil storage tank
 - Where they are usually sited
 - How to determine which properties have them
 - When best to steal
 - Which tools I need
 - Hazards to avoid
 - Where to dispose of stolen oil

Ignoring Mr Vine's apparent lack of any research in to the subject matter, and his very obvious disinterest in the topic (preferring to talk about a tennis match in the middle of it), my complaint is that he has provided all of the information a thief would need to go out and steal heating oil this weekend. I consider this to be irresponsible in the extreme.

If he wanted to discuss this topic (and he clearly did not) then the discussion should have been limited to facts that were of little or no use to the criminal fraternity.

Today's show 27/01/11

Good to see that somebody is doing their job at last... Your web site was updated with today's topics by 11:15, and Paddy O'Connell has finally been despatched from whence he came.

1) Phone Hacking - The police are going to spend millions of pounds investigating phone hacking. Is this a good use of police time and money? : I have no idea, but the evidence suggests that something has been going on. If prosecutions result then it will just go to show the type of scum that work for news organisations in the name of journalism. These are the very same people that feed us - their poor readers, viewers and listeners - a diet of misinformed, inaccurate and fear-inducing drivel that, unfortunately, far too many people believe to be The Truth. This whole issue, yet again, erodes their credibility in my mind and is, hopefully, yet another nail in the coffin of the Dead Tree Press. Did you see Charlie Brooker's "How TV Ruined Your Life" this week? Utterly brilliant! Next...

2) Nimrod or World Service? - Which would you save? : Jeremy Vine meets the X-Factor. Does the one with the most votes get saved? Thought not. Next...

3) Andy Gray - Is there one in your workplace? : Ooohhh... good question. I need to check.... hang on... OK, I've looked around the room and there is nobody else here, so I guess the answer to your question is "No". Unless you mean me? Next...

4) Banning Phones or iPods - While crossing the road : So the actual headline is "New Yorkers 'to be fined for using mobile phones when crossing roads" as in New York, USA. The word "or" does make me wonder why they would want to ban one and not the other though. I wonder how they will decide which one has to go. Anyway, this has nothing to do with the UK, so why do you consider it to be worthy of national debate? But let's look on the bright side... it has taken you until 27th January to feature a story that involves banning. Good effort!

Today's show 26/01/11

Aaahhhh... a sunny day here in North Wales, your third day back in the Hot Seat and still your web site says "Paddy O'Connell sits in for Jeremy all this week". Go on, take a look, it is there, right below the three pre-fab pictures, and with Paddy's photo below that. Oh well...

1) Mervyn King - Mervyn King says we’ll all have to take a big pay cut if the economy is to recover. Are we all in it together? : This forms an interesting juxta-position with yesterday's discussion about economic growth. As a sole trader I would deliberately have to turn business away in order to earn less, so stifling economic growth apparently and not doing myself any favours. On that basis I'm sorry but this topic is of no interest to me.  Next...

2) Fiddled Expenses - Let down black community? : Racism at lunchtime? Well, I guess it makes a change from paedophilia. Until I read this I had not managed to make any connection between Lord Taylor's crime and the colour of his skin. I really hope that somebody has the guts to take you to task for this, but unfortunately I won't be listening. The Daily Mail will be proud of you. Next...

3) Sexism Row - Should The Sun get rid of Page 3? : Errrr... sorry, I don't understand. The linked page is from The Sun and describes the sacking of somebody called Andy Gray from Sky Sports (sport, who cares?) and makes no reference to Page 3. Now, let me think.... The Sun is owned by Rupert Murdoch, and the BBC don't like the Murdoch Empire, do they? So this discussion acts as a Double Whammy against two branches of the Murdoch Empire: SkyTV and The Sun. Yes, I think that must be it. Anyway, we don't receive Sky Sports and I have never bought a copy of The Sun. Next...

4) Proposal - Left on the wrong answer phone : Sweet, but it is not news, is it? Go on, be honest. The Jeremy Vine show: Great music, the latest news, and any other old twaddle we can find on the BBC's web site.

Update to yesterday's show 25/01/11

I received an email from a member of the JV Show team yesterday at about 12:20. He said, "We’re talking to a <personal interest> manufacturer today.  That might interest you?  Perhaps"

I replied and told him that I would turn the radio on and listen, but by the time I had done so the item was finished and JV had moved on to the next topic.

Later I used Listen Again to hear what the manufacturer had said as he is in much the same line of business as myself. I wrote back as follows:
"I have just used Listen Again to catch this. His experience sounds about the same as mine, so good for him. However, I can't say that my life has been enriched by what he said. Best wishes, ..."

I received a reply soon after: "Best Wishes to you.  We must get you on the programme one day.".

Now there is an invitation to which I will have to give some thought. There is a chance, I feel, that any meaningful discussion would be so loaded against me that I would be made to look an idiot. After all, perhaps the best place to say "I don't like xyz" is not in xyz's studio surrounded by all of the people that disagree with you. And I can imagine caller after caller saying "You're wrong, JV's show is great!" because anybody who has strong feelings that agree with mine will not be listening. A lot of calls end with "Love the show Jeremy", and not once have I heard anybody say "Your show is rubbish, get off", or similar. Hmmm...

The prospect of continuing to be a festering sore is perhaps more tempting!

UPDATE 26/01/11:

Email sent:

Well, many thanks for even considering it, but I will decline any invitation should it ever come my way. I feel that walking in to the lion's den specifically to attack the lion would not be in my best interests.

I would *LOVE* you to have Stuart Maconie in the studio in my place as it was he that wrote: "Every day, hours of the output of supposed news programmes is given over to phone-ins in which the dim and the bigoted, the ill-informed bore who nonetheless is 'entitled to his own opinion', the single-issue nutter and the monomaniac fundamentalist vie to see who can shout the loudest." - a statement that I wholeheartedly agree with. He is obviously more experienced in a studio than I will ever be, and probably able to make his point better than I would be able.

I shall continue to just be a festering sore.

Reply received: "What a wonderful quote from Stuart Maconie!"

Today's show 25/01/11

My timing is a bit better today...

Your second day back and your web page (http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/jeremy-vine/) still says "Paddy O'Connell sits in for Jeremy all this week" below the pictures of the pre-fabs, which are soooo old news now. I'll leave you to kick the backside or fire whoever is supposed to take responsibility for this. In the meantime, I shall take smug satisfaction that a so-called news programme cannot even get the facts right about its own show. What hope is there for any real news story, eh? Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy, and typical.

1) Economic Growth - Economic growth has unexpectedly declined by 0.5%, but we speak to someone who says their factory is booming : Sorry, I have far too much work in my own business to find time to listen to this. Next...

2) Dementia - When did you realise you couldn't cope? : I am fortunate that I don't have dementia, so this is of no interest to me. Next...

3) Lineswomen Row - 2 commentators suspended : You never miss an opportunity to "have a go" at another broadcaster, do you? Anyway, it is only sport so who cares? I don't! As it was in the Daily Mail you will have seen Peter Sissons' comments concerning his time at the BBC (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1349506/Left-wing-bias-Its-written-BBCs-DNA-says-Peter-Sissons.html). Should I be surprised that you are conveniently ignoring his accusations of BBC bias? I thought not, as it is not as much fun as mud-slinging at another broadcaster, is it? Next...

4) Swimming Pool - Could be heated by crematorium : Is this news? It is due to be debated on 7th February, so hasn't even got past the initial approval needed. Zzzzzz....

Today's show 24/01/11

Oooohhh... I'm late today due to other commitments, so a belated welcome back!

I love the way your web page (http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/jeremy-vine/) still says "Paddy O'Connell sits in for Jeremy all this week.". Perhaps nobody has noticed that you are back!

Time to have a word with your web page editor again, I think, and to remind them of this story:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/8257607/BBC-faces-hundreds-of-job-losses-as-cuts-bite.html

1) Woodlands - People are angry at government plans to sell off publicly owned woodlands : Living in North Wales the important sentence for me on the linked BBC news page is, of course, "Scotland and Wales have already ruled out privatisation of their woodland.". So this will be another England (and Northern Ireland?) only story then. Next...

2) Compensation Reduced - Because victim dropped a cig : Yay! Another Daily Mail story! What would you do without them, eh? To be fair, they only lost 4% of their readers last year, so they did a lot better than most of the other national titles. The slow lingering death of the Dead Tree Press continues. (http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/story.asp?sectioncode=1&storycode=46548&c=1#) Next...

3) Mixed Race Adoption - Were you saved by it? : I'm afraid not. It would take more than that to save me. Next...

4) Shouting at Customer Services - Is it ever right? : I prefer to verbally tie them in knots myself, so I doubt if this was of interest to me.

I'll try and be on time tomorrow, but it may be tricky.

Today's show 21/01/11

I was disappointed to see the web site update has reverted to its normal time of 11:40-ish. It was good while it lasted.

1) Andy Coulson - The prime minister's communications chief Andy Coulson has resigned : Hmmm... Interesting, don't you think, that you have gone with this story rather than Alan Johnson? There are people out there who think the BBC has a pro-Labour bias, and this tends to support that view. People resign from their jobs every day, so why do you consider Coulson to be worthy of national debate but not Johnson? Oh, and if you hadn't noticed, a certain Mr Blair is giving evidence again today, but no mention of that either. Next...

2) History Lesson - Teacher tells pupils WW3 has begun : Yay! Another Daily Mail story! If I wanted to read the Daily Mail I would buy a copy. I certainly do not need you reading it to me, thank you very much. The important sentence on the DM's page is "He has since apologised for the exercise." but no doubt you and your contributors will conveniently ignore that and call for him to burnt at the stake, if that is not too good for him. Remember, the man who never made a mistake never made anything. Next time you see Jeremy ask him where Blitheroe is (mentioned on 23rd November and somewhere in Lancashire apparently), where the pop group Slade come from (he said Birmingham on 8th December but they are actually from Wolverhampton and Devon) or how long his arms are (3 feet he said on 6th July 2009). Next...

3) Prefabs - One man fights to save his prefab home : Keep up! This was in the Daily Mail last Saturday (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1347259/Britains-prefab-estate-residents-battle-save-homes-built-10-years-ago.html) so why has it taken a week for you to decide that it is now "news"? One for BBC Radio London perhaps. Next...

4) Burlesque Club - Cambridge doesn't want one : I'm really struggling to see the "news" ingredient in this one. Perhaps the story should really be described as "Planning application turned down in Cambridge", which would be more accurate but lack the sensationalism of your description. Worthy of national debate? Certainly not. One for BBC Radio Cambridge? Probably.

What is that noise? Oh yes, it is the sound of an empty barrel being desperately scraped for interesting "news" stories ... without success, apparently.

Today's show 20/01/11

Your web page was again updated by 10:30 this morning, and I continue to be impressed. It saves me so much time when writing this stuff...

1) Baroness Warsi - Conservative chairman Baroness Warsi says it’s become acceptable in Britain to be prejudiced against Muslims : Has it? Oh, right... I shall have to remember that, but I'm not sure why. It says on the link page "She will use a speech at Leicester University to accuse the media of superficial discussion of Islam.". The Media? That'll be you then, or are you following Jeremy's usual tactic and opting out of The Media for today?

I love the way The Media tell us in advance what somebody in high office is going to say in a speech "later today". If I were that person I'd change my speech to say something - anything - other than what had been reported just to see how the "we always tell the truth when it suits us to do so" media reacted. Moving on...

2) Disabled Child - I can't cope : Tragic, but what is your discussion going to change for the child and her mother today? Can I make a prediction? Here goes..... Absolutely Nothing. Next...

3) Voting - Which prisoners should get the vote? : I have no idea. I don't know anybody in prison. I'm not sure I even know anybody who has ever been in prison. I don't live in a constituency that has a prison. Should I be interested? Well, I'm not. Next...

4) Pets - Should they be allowed on public transport? : Pets? Do you mean any pet? Are you suggesting that I should be able to take my much-loved pet Vietnamese pot belly pig on the bus? If so, I hope it is one of those low-floor buses because he's only got short legs. I suspect you mean dogs ... and I don't own a dog (or a Vietnamese pot belly pig now I come to think of it) and living here in rural Wales I hardly ever have an opportunity to use public transport. And it was all going so well.

As for your diseased laurel ... I'd suggest a good dose of bullshit. You'll not find a shortage and it works wonders.

Just so you know ... the last day on which the JV Show discussed a topic that interested me was 22nd September 2010. That was four months ago, the story was riddled with inaccuracies and I learnt nothing that I didn't know already. I wonder ... is it just me that finds this programme of no interest at all? I guess we will never know.

Today's show 19/01/11

Well I never... your daily web page was updated some time before 10:35 today. I'm impressed!

 

1) Education Maintenance Allowance - The coalition wants to abolish Education Maintenance Allowance for 6th forms. Does your child depend on it? : We have no children and the abolition does not apply to students in Wales so this is irrelevant to me. Another "England Only" story - Jeremy will be proud of you. Next...

 

2) Segways Banned - Have you been on one? : No, but I would love to. It is interesting that the BBC news page you refer to (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-south-yorkshire-12215326) makes no use of the word "banned". The word "banned" suggests that all use is prohibited by law, but the news page says that their use has only been prohibited on pavements (as they are classed as a motor vehicle) and public roads (as they do not meet motor vehicle requirements) which can only mean that their use on private property is acceptable. Does that count as banned? I don't think so. I don't own one and I am not likely to so how can this be of interest to me? Next...

 

3) Inflation - Is it good or bad? : Probably. Next...

 

4) Is Your Child Gay? - Are you thrilled about it? : Hmmm... with a link to a Daily Mail web page. If nothing else, this supports my theory that the JV Show is not much more than a radio version of the Daily Mail, so I'm pleased about that. As in item 1 today, we have no children so how can I possibly be thrilled? Ref. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1348403/Jonathan-Ross-reveals-daughter-Betty-Kitten-gay.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

Today's show 18/01/11

Hi Paddy!

 

Good to see that whoever updates the web site page now acknowledges your presence. Was this as a result of my email yesterday, I wonder. It is just a shame that whoever it is cannot get their finger out and get your web page updated a bit earlier - 12:00 and still waiting. A possible target for the next round of BBC cutbacks perhaps?

 

Anyway...

 

1) Racism - Schools are reporting racist language to local authorities. At what age can a child become a racist? : I have no idea, and not having any children I'm not really interested. Next...

 

2) Libraries Closing - Are you trying to save yours? : My library arrives in a van and stops outside my house. It could not be more convenient. Perhaps we just do it right in Wales. Next...

 

3) Tony Benn and Dennis Healey - Discuss being widowers.: While I sympathise with their situation, your choice of studio guests does not encourage me to listen. Tony Benn was the man who was hell-bent on closing down Radio Caroline, Radio London and the other ship-based pirate radio stations while the BBC had its head firmly stuck in the sand and refused to recognise the need for any kind of pop music radio station. Dennis Healey was the Chancellor who went cap in hand to the IMF in the 1970s on a previous occasion when a Labour government had bankrupted the country. Being a bit of a military aircraft fan I also know that Healey was responsible for the cancellation and subsequent scrapping of the TSR2 aircraft project and wasted more money on trying to buy F-111 aircraft from the USA, which came to nothing. Can you tell that I am not a fan of either of these gentlemen? Next...

 

4) Raising Alcohol Prices - Does it stop alcoholism? : I don't drink alcohol at all, and my wife manages to make one bottle of decent wine last a week. Somehow I don't think this will affect us so it is of no interest to me.

 

"Put down that drink and pick up the phone". Perhaps I should throw it at my radio.

 

Fortunately alternative entertainment for the next two hours is available to me.

Today's show 17/01/11

Hi Paddy!

I have no idea who you are, but well done for getting your web site (http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/shows/jeremy-vine/) updated nice and early today (by 11:20). I love the misleading information...

Left column: Matthew Bannister sits in for Jeremy all this week.

Right column: Paddy O'Connell sits in for Jeremy Vine with news, views and live guests.

Can you remind me why I should believe anything you say when you cannot even get your own web site correct? Sloppy!

1) Paternity Leave - Business people are angry that 10 month paternity leave is bad for business. But are you a man who wishes he’d spent more time with his kids? : What kids are those then? Next...

2) Petrol Prices - Should rural dwellers get cheaper petrol? : This has all of the right ingredients for a heated debate including contributors talking over the top of each other, and all it will achieve is the raising of some peoples' blood pressure. I think I'll give it a miss. Next...

3) First Gulf War - Were you there? : No. Would you like me to call in with that information? Can I go on air? Next...

4) Tunisia - Have you been? : No. Ditto above. It would make scintilating listening.

Today's show 14/01/11

1) Labour's By-Election Win - Labour wins a by-election. Is it a "wake-up call" for the coalition or should the Liberal Democrats be pleased to have avoided a wipe out? : Hmmm... By-elections are renowned for the spin that is put on their reporting, and the political parties will no doubt try to put their spin on them too. So, when was the last by-election that returned the governing party? Any idea? Well, let me tell you. It was the Mitcham and Morden by-election held way back in 1982. Should we be surprised in the outcome? I think not. Next...

 

2) 90s Couple - Died within 11 hours of each other : Other than telling us that this has happened and everybody (including myself) saying "how sweet", what is there to discuss? I'm sure you'll think of something. Next...

 

3) Breastfeeding - Weaning your baby onto solids : We have no children, and I am not a woman, so this is of no interest to me, but I predict a whole load of contributors talking over the top of each other. After all, they have a right to express their opinions, don't they. And I have a right not to be told what to think, thank you very much. Next...

 

4) Freezer - What's the oldest thing in yours? : The answer to your question is an ice pack used in a cool box, but that is not what you are looking for, is it? Anyway, is this news? What the hell has this got to do with anything? As relevant: I still wear a pullover that was knitted by my grandmother, and she died in 1978.

 

When is the Sound Effects man back? Next Friday?

 

Meanwhile, alternative entertainment is being arranged for the next two hours...

Today's show 13/01/11

1) Retirement - Did you retire and wish you hadn’t? : I'm self-employed, so the answer to your question is "No". Next...

2) Teenager Drowns - Put his brother's life first : Tragic, but described by yourself on Ken's show as "a very upsetting story". Going with your description I'm pretty sure it is not the kind of thing that I want to listen to while eating my lunch. Next...

3) Michael Palin - Talks about stammering : I'm sure that Michael's work is invaluable but fortunately it is not an affliction that I have, so this is of no interest to me. Next...

4) Speeches - Did you prefer Obama's or Sarah Palin's? : Are you confusing me with an American citizen? Do you think I have sufficient spare time in my life to listen to both speeches and form an opinion? Why do you think I care? Do you remember the TV advert where the little girl is asked by her brother "Which do you prefer, Daddy or chips?". Thought not...

UPDATE:

My CD ended early so I listened to the last few minutes of your show.

I had read of the BBC's "Palin bashing" and "Obama worship" but had never actually heard it before. I'm sure it was of interest to somebody, somewhere ... but not me! Still, let's look on the bright side ... it filled 30 minutes of air time.

Today's show 12/01/11

1) Ageism - The BBC has been found guilty of ageism when it comes to older female presenters, but others say the BBC has a right to employ whoever they want : Did you choose this one because I asked you to? If so, I'm extremely flattered and you can give yourself a gold star. I hope the BBC gets a pasting and I'm almost tempted to listen. I'm sure common sense will prevail. Next...

2) Student Protester Jailed - Any sympathy for him? : I have never felt sympathy for any kind of tosser. Fire extinguisher or otherwise. Next...

3) MP Gone To Prison - Should the others get off? : I think you mean "MP Goes To Prison". You should have wheeled Elliot Morley in as a studio guest, just for a balanced viewpoint you understand. Perhaps he is busy. Next...

4) Motorways - I've never driven on one : Is this news? I'm not sure whether to write "Poor you" or "You've not missed much", whoever you are. The nearest motorway to me (the M56) is 60 miles away. Next nearest is the M54 at 75 miles away. After I passed my driving test 35 years ago I asked my instructor to take me for a motorway lesson. What was the problem again?

Discussion topic suggestion

Here's one for you...

 

We read in the papers today that the BBC has lost an industrial tribunal on the grounds of ageism. In what can only be interepreted as a major admonishment, we ask what the BBC can learn from this case. We also look at the BBC's current and future employment policy, asking what future anybody working for the BBC has if they are over 50 and have political views that are not compatible with the BBC's pro-left broadcasting policy.

 

Later in the programme, we look at the future employment prospects of the BBC managers that created this problem and ask if they should be promoted, or if they should start learning to ask "Do you want fries with that?".

 

Ref. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-12161045

 

Go on, I dare you.

Today's show 11/01/11

Blimey... the web site was updated before 11:30 today. Well done!

1) Flu - A leading doctor says it’s wrong that people should be able to buy the flu vaccine when people in the ‘at-risk’ group can't get it on the NHS : This problem, to the best of my knowledge, does not exist here in Wales. Next...

2) Rising petrol prices - Good for the environment? : Galloway yesterday, are you going to subject your listeners to George Monbiot today? I predict that this will descend in to a "man-made global warming" fracas as these things always do on Jeremy's show. Let me remind you of what your colleague Jeremy Paxman said back in 2007: "I assume that this is why the BBC's coverage of the issue abandoned the pretence of impartiality long ago." (http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2007/jan/31/broadcasting.digitalmedia). So, was he correct, or are you going to feign impartiality today? That would make a refreshing change, so it is such a shame that I won't be listening but somehow I guess that I won't be missing anything. Meanwhile, in a few weeks time I will be able to hear the drone of Jet Skis at the nearby beach. Next...

3) All-Clear from Cancer - Did your outlook change after? : Some sufferers will say "Yes", some will say "No", and good luck and best wishes to anybody afflicted with cancer. However, I'm struggling to work out what there is to discuss and can only assume that this is a "tell us what happened to you" item that serves no purpose other than to fill 30 minutes of valuable Radio 2 air time. Next...

4) Builder Seduced by Housewife - But he didn't like it : I'm not a builder, and this isn't news so who, exactly, is this meant to be of interest to? There is an old saying: Talk Is Cheap, but there is no need to prove it!

Matthew, I remember when you were in charge at Radio 1 and had your "clear out". Is there any chance you could do the same at Radio 2? Here is my suggested list of those that should go:

Jeremy Vine

By the way, the answer to my question to Martin Lewis last week was Joe Royal.

Last night's Radcliffe & Maconie Show will fit 12 till 2 today perfectly and is Radio 2 at its very best.

Today's show 10/01/11

Aaahhh... the stand-in is back.

1) Bankers' bonuses - Prime Minister David Cameron attacks bankers’ bonuses. We talk to someone who says they’re a good thing. : I'm sure that you can find people who think your show is a good thing too. Pay me enough, and I'd agree. So what? Next...

2) Arizona Killings - Direct result of political rhetoric? : Only 10 days in to the New Year and rent-a-gob George Galloway is back on Radio 2. What the hell has he got to do with anything? Have you not noticed that he is no longer an MP? Does he have embarrassing photos of Jeremy? Why do you waste my licence fee on him? At least he does manage to maintain the depressingly low credibility of your show, so I suppose that is a benefit to you if not to us poor listeners who have to endure his inane tirades. Moving on, I loved your comment on Ken's show when you said "... some people think it would be a good thing to have a biased news channel ...". Let me educate you Matthew. Some people ALREADY THINK WE HAVE ONE, including myself. It is called the BBC. Take a look at http://biased-bbc.blogspot.com/ if you don't believe me. I can cite many, many examples of BBC bias, particularly its unwillingness to criticise itself. Next...

3) Swine Flu - Alternative  remedies or NHS best? : I last had flu in March 1978, and I have never knowingly eaten garlic. Do you think there is a link? Next...

4) Undercover policeman now backing those he investigated : I sense a character assassination coming up, either by you or from a contributor. Such a shame that I won't be listening.

And why are you being sooooo slooooooow at updating your web page? How am I supposed to write this stuff without you providing the ammunition? I gave up waiting at 12:05 as I did not wish to be reminded of what you wasted our time with last Friday....!

Today's show 07/01/11

1) Kerb crawling - A woman is furious after a letter was sent by police to her boss which suggested she was kerb crawling in a company car : I've not had a company car since 1984. Next...

2) The Ashes - England clinches the final Ashes Test in Sydney - its first win down under in twenty four years : Did you mention cricket? Zzzzzzzz.... Sorry, I nodded off. What did you say? Next...

3) Beating the VAT increase - In Your Money and Your Life, we speak to Martin Lewis about how to beat the new year VAT hike : Martin is a top bloke. Please ask him the question I sent in yesterday. If not, ask him who is the only member of the Royal family to play football for England. Next...

4) Colchester "wet zone" for alcholics - Is a designated "wet zone" for drunks a good idea in a town centre? : I'm not an alcoholic and I'm glad that I don't live there. Only in England....

You seem to have missed again that the EastEnders cot death story is continuing to dominate the headlines, even on Radio 2's news bulletins. So why are you not discussing this today? Oh wait... let me guess... got it!... it is because it is a story about the BBC, isn't it? And you would not want to allow critcism of your employer, would you? Time for another formal complaint, I think. I have no doubt that Phil will concoct a good excuse ... again.

Complaint lodged on BBC web site:

Mr Vine's programme contained a discussion concerning ITV's criticism of the police force investigating a murder in Bristol, yet chose to completely ignore the story that was dominating the news headlines, including Radio 2's hourly bulletins. This story concerned the EastEnders cot death story line, and that 6000 complaints had been registered in connection with this story.

This is, I feel, yet another occasion when Mr Vine has taken to berate another broadcaster for what they have done, but has then chosen to ignore a controversial story that concerns the BBC.

After a similar complaint in December 2010 I received an email from Phil Hughes in which he wrote: "I can assure you Jeremy has no agenda to attack other broadcasters and we have previously discussed BBC issues on the programme, for example executive pay, the FIFA controversy, the proposed closure of 6 Music etc.".

I contend that this statement is economic with the truth, to say the least. My recollection is that the executive pay issue was only discussed a few days later after the "heat" had died down, and the FIFA controversy was nothing more than a massive promotion for Mr Vine's Panorama TV programme that same evening.

My complaint is, again, that Mr Vine deliberately chooses to ignore news stories that show the BBC in a bad light.

EastEnders: Everybody is talking about it. Except for Jeremy Vine.

Today's show 06/01/11

1) Ed Miliband : A car pulled up outside Radio 2's studios earlier and nobody got out. His name was Ed Miliband. He stated earlier this week that the "VAT rise will hit families". Is the Bleedin' Obvious his specialist subject? He should fit well in to your show. Next...

2) ITV Criticise Police During Murder Enquiry : Oh good. Another opportunity for you to berate another broadcaster, yet the BBC is always Whiter Than White in whatever it does. Today the BBC is subject of controversy again with its cot death storyline in EastEnders with nearly 6000 complaints received, but that has been conveniently ignored by your show. Ref: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-12126454   Phil Hughes (Programmes Editor) wrote to me on 16th December and said, "I can assure you Jeremy has no agenda to attack other broadcasters and we have previously discussed BBC issues on the programme, for example executive pay, the FIFA controversy, the proposed closure of 6 Music etc.". To refresh your memory, the executive pay issue was not discussed on the day that the story hit the headlines and you waited until the heat had subsided, and the FIFA controversy was nothing more than a massive plug for Panorama hosted by We-Know-Who. Next...

3) Dead birds in Sweden : Tragic, but does it fall in to the "worthy of national debate" category that your staff have told me is necessary for a story to be discussed. I think not. Next...

How about discussing the fact, apparently, that more people watched EastEnders (10 million, according to R2's 08:00 news) than buy a newspaper?

UPDATE:

At the end of the show Jeremy mentioned that Martin Lewis (Money Saving Expert) would be a guest on Friday's show, and asked for questions to be emailed in. I sent this:

Martin, I have the utmost respect for you and what you do, and have often consulted your web site for the very useful advice that it contains. Why then do you devalue your credibility and reputation by appearing on the Jeremy Vine Show?

This prompted a reply from JV: "Tony, you never disappoint! Jeremy".

Yay!

Today's show 05/01/11

1) Failed contraception - As hundreds of women seek compensation after their contraceptive implant fails. Is it right to receive compensation when contraception goes wrong? : Oooohhh... a discrepancy between your web site and what you have just said on Ken's show. The web site says you are talking about contraception specifically, but your trail said that you would be discussing NHS lawsuits in general. So, which one is it then? Not that I could care less. Next...

2) Speed traps - A man was fined for flashing a warning to other drivers about a police speed trap : Man breaks law, is given a warning, argues the toss, and gets fined. Is this news? Next...

3) New Enterprise Allowance - The government wants to revive the New Enterprise Allowance scheme which allows people to set up their own business while on the dole : I already run my own business, so I wouldn't qualify. Next...

4) Dissolving corpses - Cambridge City Crematorium are proposing plans to freeze-dry and dissolve dead bodies into a goo : Cambridge. That'll be England then. Any news on the water supply problems in Northern Ireland yet? Thought not...

Today's show 04/01/11

Welcome back, and Happy New Year! The world must have come back to life...

1) VAT - After the VAT rise to 20%, we talk to people who tell us they can’t afford to live in 2011 : Fortunately for me, I am not one of those people. Next...

2) Joanna Yeates - In light of Joanna Yeates’ murder, police are urging women in Bristol not to venture out alone at night : I'm not a woman, and I don't live in Bristol. Next...

3) Bins - How long has it been since your bins were last emptied? : It was emptied yesterday, thank you, without any fuss. Next...

4) Missing cat posters - A man was threatened with a £1,000 fine after putting up ‘missing cat’ posters in Bedford : He needs to fit a Loc8tor tag (http://www.loc8tor.co.uk/) to the cat's collar ... makes it much easier to find. As for the trees, sounds like Bedford Council are taking the right approach.

I got some new CDs for Christmas ... can you guess what I will be listening to?

Today's show 03/01/11

Monday morning, and here in North Wales the Bank Holiday is not having much of an effect. We have already had two council rubbish collections, there are two electricians working next door, my neighbour who runs his own roofing business went off to work at 08:30, another neighbour has just had a delivery and collection by the local cleaning company, yet the Jeremy Vine Show slumbers on in blissful ignorance of The Real World.

So, no news today then? How about this:

We read in the papers over the weekend that the Murdoch media control over a fifth (22%) of the UK's "news" consumption. Now normally I would not miss an opportunity to have-a-go at the Murdoch empire, but more interestingly the same article shows that the BBC controls a massive 39.3% of the stories broadcast in the name of "news". We discuss today whether there is too much "news" broadcast by the BBC and what could be cut. My show is an obvious candidate as even the About Radio 2 website page does not acknowledge its existence stating that "BBC Radio 2 ... combines popular music and culture with a diverse range of specialist music, documentaries and comedy". So would you miss my show? I particularly want to hear from those Radio 2 listeners who do not normally listen.

Ref: http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/organgrinder/2010/dec/30/murdoch-to-control-22percent and http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/help/about/