Today's show 30/11/11

I do my best when writing to you and subsequently on my blog to deliberately not express an opinion either way on contentious issues and instead concentrate my ire on your programme, but every now and then I have to make an exception. Today is one of those days.

I'm busy today earning more money, so I can pay more tax, so I can buy a pension better than my own for somebody who I have never met and whose services I rarely, if ever, use. So quickly then...

1) PUBLIC SECTOR STRIKE - Up to two million public sector workers are taking part in a 24 hour strike over changes to their pensions. We speak to a striking teacher and a nurse who say you should support them. Unconvinced? They'll take your calls : Striking ... it is so last century. Wouldn't it be great if one week all of the wealth makers and decision takers decide to go on strike, just to see what happens. With all of those Diversity Coordinators sitting at home today watching Jeremy Kyle, how will the country possibly survive? A teacher I know wrote this on Facebook in support of the strike action: "If I don't turn up tomorrow at least 150 students will have their education harmed.". He is clearly far more important than I thought, and I can't help thinking he is not alone in thinking that holding the country's childrens' education to ransom is a good idea. There has already been criticism of the BBC about their coverage of today's strikes (of Evan Davies in particular) with our beloved state broadcaster's view being very much in favour of what is happening. Frankly, I could not care less which side of this particular argument you are going to take, but I'll take a guess that it does not coincide with mine. In the meantime, I found this amusing: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/strikers-told-to-be-home-in-time-for-newsround-201111304607/. Next...

2) PUBLIC VS PRIVATE SECTOR - Are public sector workers really the 'haves' and private sector workers the ‘have-nots' in today's Britain? : Nothing to hear here, other than callers increasing their blood pressure. This will be nothing more than a good old-fashioned JV Show slanging match, with callers shouting over the top of each other while you sit back and pretend to have some control. Next...

3) PAUL MCMULLEN - Former News Of The World journalist, Paul McMullen, tells the Leveson Inquiry that phone hacking is "perfectly acceptable" and "privacy is for paedos." : Journalist scum. What do you expect? Next...

 

4) POTTERING IN SHEDS - New research suggests pottering in a shed can add years to a man's life. Has a shed been a tonic for your health? Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : Excellent ... a nice sexist question from the Daily Mail. I don't have a shed, but my wife does. I'll ask her when she comes home from work.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - normal service has been resumed

Today's show 29/11/11

You're back from your jolly, and the normal dismal service will be resumed today. Well, at least it matches the weather here in North Wales today.

There were some interesting comments on @Vine_Watch on Twitter yesterday, including something to do with trying to get an Indian call centre girl to talk with an English accent. I didn't listen, but it sounds bad, and patronising.

On many occasions I have asked you to discuss the bully-boy tactics used by Capita to collect the TV Licence Fee on behalf of the BBC. Another incidence of this has just been made public, this time for an unoccupied property undergoing renovation:
http://www.wakefieldexpress.co.uk/news/community-news/agbrigg-belle-vue/letter_tv_offer_i_can_t_refuse_1_4010232

The first (letter) was requesting the identity of the new occupier and demanded payment for a current TV licence, the second repeated much what the first had said but with a lingering threat, the third was very demanding and issued a further warning and possible fine, and the fourth said that it’s illegal for the new occupier to even use a games console on TV, or watch videos or pre-recorded items, even use a computer that’s linked to the Internet through the phone lines, a whole list of things that you mustn’t do. It went on and warned the occupier of a pending investigation and a fine of £1,000. I couldn’t believe how threatening it was, I couldn’t believe how the threats escalated just to get a response and how frenzied they where, to the point I was half expecting to wake up the next day with a severed horse head in my bed as in The Godfather.

Jeremy, this is a real problem, which you continue to ignore in your own exquisite and special way. Imagine if you were an elderly person in poor health and you started to receive letters such as these for no good reason. It would be enough to send you to your grave! Come on Jeremy, bite the bullet and tackle this one story for me ... please. I promise I will listen!

I've just looked down the menu for today's programme ... I despair of you, really. Is this what counts as news today?

Today's issue that affects me: Why is your Radio 2 programme complete and utter biased and bigoted bollocks from start to finish?

Allow me to elaborate:

1) GEORGE OSBOURNE - Chancellor George Osborne will outline plans to boost the UK's sluggish economy later, against expected gloomy forecasts for growth. But what's the main cause of Britain's poor growth - the eurozone crisis or the government's spending cuts? : Where would we be without financial experts such as yourself? Are these the only two possible reasons for poor growth? Really? Is it nothing to do with Gordon Brown pumping billions in to banks that should have been allowed to fail? Is it nothing to do with the same man selling off Britain's gold reserves for a rock-bottom price while the gold price was at an all-time low? Is it nothing to do with a world-wide economic downturn? Is it nothing to do with Brown's government spending more than the country could afford? Apparently not! I love the way you use words such as "sluggish", "gloomy" and "poor" instead of the words that Osbourne would maybe use such as "disappointing". No bias there then, eh? Iceland, by the way, allowed their banks to fail and now have a growth rate of 2.4% and only about 6% unemployment (corrected from "employment" - thanks Gill!), and falling (http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/finance/ambroseevans-pritchard/100013462/iceland-wins-in-the-end/). There is the lesson to be learned. Next...

2) NAZI MEMORABILIA - Hitler's bedsheets are being auctioned in Bristol. Is it acceptable to collect Nazi memorabilia? : Your obvious inflections while talking to Ken told me EXACTLY how you feel about this, but unfortunately you didn't say the words I wanted to hear so much: "... and our studio guest will be Lemmy from Motorhead". Lemmy is a huge collector of Nazi memorabilia (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/profiles/growing-old-disgracefully-lemmy-on-heartbreak-ageing-and-his-penchant-for-nazi-memorabilia-2142747.html) and he sums it up quite nicely:

"Look, as I've always said, it's not my fault the bad guys had the best shit. But by collecting Nazi memorabilia, it doesn't mean I'm a fascist, or a skinhead. I'm not. I just liked the clobber. And let me tell you, the kind of people who do collect this stuff, they aren't yobbos either. They are people with Masters [degrees], they are doctors, professors. I've always liked a good uniform, and throughout history, it's always been the bad guy who dressed the best: Napoleon, the Confederates, the Nazis. If we had a good uniform, I'd collect ours as well, but what does the British Army have? Khaki. Makes them look like like a f**king swamp frog...".

I've just checked ebay for items including the word "Nazi" and it shows that there are 10,708 items available. What are you going to do about that? Nothing, by any chance?

Your suppostion is obviously that anybody collecting Nazi stuff will turn in to a Nazi, either that or you are trying to rewrite history. So, if I were to collect stamps would you accuse me of turning in to a Sub-Post Master? And can I accuse you of turning in to a geek for collecting Elvis Costello records and CDs? This is just another of your attacks on freedom-of-choice for any individual that happens to have a different outlook on life to your own. Much like you banning me from following you on Twitter.

Jeremy Vine vs Lemmy : I'd listen to that! But, as usual, you will not fail to disappoint me. Perhaps I should start collecting Jeremy Vine Show memorobilia ... now that really is unacceptable. Next...

3) OUT OF THE BLUE SUICIDES - Has your family had to cope with an out of the blue suicide? : No. SVG 6, I think. Next...

4) TAKING CHILDREN TO WORK - David Cameron says that parents should take their children to work during tomorrow's strike. Will you? : Hmmm... genuine advice, or just another chance for a cheap shot against Cameron? I'll go with the latter as it is your usual fare, and this was confirmed by your chat with Ken. The "if practical or possible" or similar words that Cameron used have been conveniently ignored by you. Not a problem for me, of course, as we continue to have no children.

Guido Fawkes is appearing before the Leveson Enquiry on Thursday. That will be fascinating. And because it is of interest to me my guess is that you will conveniently ignore it.... bring on the wheelie bins!

The Jeremy Vine Show - back to the UK, back to the usual rubbish

Today's show 28/11/11

Mumbai Monday ... "in a cafe called the Leopold", apparently.

Where to start? This is what it says on your show web page today:

The Jeremy Vine show is live from Mumbai - the commercial and entertainment capital of India, that's packed with stories, as well as a multitude of connections to the UK.
We'll reflect on the shared history, look at why Britain is home to one of the biggest populations of Indians outside India and discuss the cultural links, from curry to Bollywood.
We'll go into slums that co-exist alongside a rocketing economy which is growing so fast it's luring Britons to go and work there. We'll visit a call centre that services British companies. And we'll look at Tata, the giant Indian firm that owns iconic British brands from tea to steel.
Jeremy also asks if the world belongs to India, considering whether we're the past and India is the future.

I can recall two occasions in the past year where you have chosen to do a show from somewhere other than London:

The first was on 8th December 2010 when you did the show from Birmingham. You'll remember that one as it was when you told us all that members of Slade came from that city ... oh, how we laughed ... as they come from Wolverhampton and Devon. The topics discussed that day were Julian Assange of Wikileaks, a murder somewhere (I don't have any more details), regional accents (during which discussion you highlighted the Brummie accent, while conveniently forgetting that Londoners have their own too), and tuition fees. To this day I am left wondering why the show moved to Birmingham that day as it added nothing at all to the programme, in my opinion.

The second was on 23rd June 2011 when you did the show from Iceland. Topics that day were the Icelandic banks, banning (yay!) strip clubs, whaling, the "ash" volcano, and Scotland's relationship with Iceland. I still maintain my view that the trip to Iceland was pointless and all of this could have been discussed from London. My subsequent Freedom Of Information request to find out your travel arrangements was rejected by the BBC's FOI Department. Transparency? Who needs it?

Now you are in Mumbai. There has already been some discussion of this on my blog, and it was valued contributor Stonyground who wrote on Friday: "I think that it may be a little unfair to imply that JV's foreign trip is some kind of junket especially as it is so short. My job occasionally involves foreign travel and when it does there is not a great deal of fun involved.". He has a point, and I too used to do trips abroad on behalf of my employer, as did many of my colleagues at that time. Sadly, though, these trips always involved leaving home in the middle of the night, catching an 07:something cheapest-possible flight to somewhere, a taxi ride to an office, a day slaving over a desk and a computer with a crappy sandwich for lunch, a taxi back to the airport, and an arrival home around 10pm completely knackered, and topped off by a bollocking for being late in to the office the next day. On the rare occasions that we stayed overnight there was the added bonus of more taxi rides, seeing the inside of a hotel room and dining alone in a restaurant (I always hated that). It was work, and the chances of seeing the sights - or even the inside of a cafe - were virtually nil.

Your trip to India seems to be much more leisurely. You flew out on Thursday (according to your Twitter feed), so you had some of Friday and then Saturday, Sunday and Monday to produce a 2-hour radio programme.

The question in my mind now is: Why was the same amount of effort not expended on your trip to Birmingham? Birmingham has many things in common with Mumbai (the rich vs poor divide, poor housing, a vibrant commercial centre, a history based on engineering for the world, etc.), and it is even the Balti capital of the UK! All of this was conveniently ignored. Too close to home, maybe? Does it take a trip abroad to make some proper investigative journalism worthwhile these days? And surely the best place to take a "look at why Britain is home to one of the biggest populations of Indians outside India" is Britain, not India?

I'm sure it will be a great programme today (not that I will be listening) and will stand head-and-shoulders above the usual diet of wheelie bins, parking spaces, memorial benches and character assassinations that your listeners are more used to hearing.

As for me, I will be listening to 6 Music and, while the BBC continue to remain secretive about how my licence fee is spent, I will continue to consider your trip to India as nothing more than a "jolly" until proved otherwise.

The Jeremy Vine Show - radio journalism at its best, but only from outside the UK

Today's show 25/11/11

Hello Paddy!

So Jeremy has gone swanning off to India at my expense and as a consequence of this they have to drag you back from the brink of obscurity to host his show. As I write this at 10:45 my first prediction is that you will be stitched-up again with all sorts of nonsense non-news stories. There is nothing on the show web page yet to back up my theory, so I shall just have to wait. In the meantime...

Today's issue that affects me: I fancy a bacon sandwich and I have two and a half bacon rashers in the fridge - less than I would normally use. Should I use two full slices of bread and risk losing the bacon taste by having too much bread, or should I use one slice of bread cut in two to maintain the full bacon sandwich experience but reduced by 50% in volume?

My second prediction is that you won't be discussing this story from Jeremy's favourite newspaper today:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2065792/Dale-Farm-BBC-apologises-biased-travellers-One-Show-report.html

BBC guilty of bias in Dale Farm coverage: Inquiry finds The One Show favoured travellers
Basildon council complained of 'inaccurate and misleading' reporting
BBC Trust found studio discussion had been 'unfair' to the local authority
A BBC report about the Dale Farm evictions was biased, according to an internal investigation. Basildon Council had complained of misleading coverage, saying The One Show had effectively sided with the travellers at the illegal site. And the corporation’s editorial standards committee has now found that the broadcast breached impartiality rules.
A Panorama programme last month sparked complaints of bias in favour of the travellers, a claim also levelled at some BBC news coverage.

It is becoming so common now to see the words "BBC" and "bias" together, and this programme is as guilty of it as the two mentioned by the Daily Mail. So instead of talking about mindless drivel, how about addressing the subject of BBC bias? I'd listen to that! Oh, of course, it doesn't exist....

<Goes away>

Ah, here we go at 11:20, and all four stories have appeared. It looks like I was correct...

1) YOUNG UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE - The government is launching a new initiative to help the young unemployed, which has been likened to the YTS scheme of the 1980's. Were you a YTS success story? : Is this news or just nostalgia? I remember YTS but I was in full-time employment at the time and almost certainly too old to have qualified. So, the answer to your question is "No". Next...

2) PARKING METERS - Why are parking meters in Lewes being blown up by vandals? : Errr... it says on the BBC news page you link to: The vandalism started after Lewes council introduced on-street parking charges following complaints of congestion in the narrow streets of the market town. Now, my specialist subject is The Bleedin' Obvious, so perhaps there is some connection there? I'm just trying to think of where my nearest parking meter might be here in North Wales. Although we have many pay-and-display car parks, street parking tends to be free although time-restricted. Double-yellow lines are used in my nearest town to denote "parking for local residents only" as it is only us that know that traffic wardens never visit. No, I can't think of anywhere that has parking meters. And I've just checked, and Lewes is over 300 miles from here. What a shame that you mistakenly thought that this story might be of interest to me. Next...

3) STAFFORDSHIRE BULL TERRIERS - A campaign has been launched to "restore the good name of the Staffordshire bull terrier." Did you grow up with Staffies and feel they've been unfairly besmirched? : I have never owned any dog, so my answer to your question is, again, "No". Going well, isn't it? Next...

4) PRISONERS - Can prisoners be rehabilitated through music? : I don't know. Ask me one on Capital Cities. As neither a musician or a prisoner I can only feel, yet again, that your programme is not catering for people like me, so it looks like I'll be listening to 6 Music from 12 today. Well done!

As Ken said, "It sounds like a brilliant programme today", and I agree with him, and with exactly same amount of sarcasm.

I try and finish my email each day with a tag line, but I've got two today, so take your pick:

The Jeremy Vine Show - we used to discuss real news, but not any more

The Jeremy Vine Show - there is only ever one side to every story: ours!

I can't wait for Monday in Mumbai!

Today's show 24/11/11

Did you see "That's Britain" on BBC1 last night? It was "a show about the things in modern life that drive us round the bend". Unfortunately it didn't include a piece about rubbish BBC programmes with tired, biased and hackneyed content using the overpaid "talent" we all pay for through our licence fee. Next week, maybe.

Today's issue that affects me: I've contracted Man Flu ... an illness which is totally under-rated by the female sex ... and I feel dreadful. Will I live?

In the meantime, the show must go on....

1) BURGLAR - A burglar tells his victim that it was their fault for leaving a window open. Is it time we took more responsibility for crime? : Some of us already do! Next...

2) BORDER AGENCY - Would you be prepared to volunteer to be a border guard in order to break the strike next Wednesday? : Errrr... hang on... the BBC page you link to says: Civil servants from across Whitehall are being lined up to act as border staff at UK ports and airports during next week's public sector strikes. I'm not a civil servant, so how can I volunteer? You haven't got the wrong end of the stick here - you've got the wrong stick! Typical. Next...

3) MCCANNS - Following the McCanns’ harrowing testimony to the Leveson Inquiry, is it time for people who still criticise them to shut up? : The wording and tone used here, in your trail on Ken's show and in your rant on Twitter this morning ("Don't send me stuff that insults the McCanns - they have been through more than we can ever understand" and "RECOMMENDED. Very painful account of just how vile the papers have been to the McCanns since they Maddie: http://m.guardian.co.uk/media/2011/nov/23/leveson-inquiry-kate-gerry-mccann?cat=media&type=article") in response to some well-made points by a father of young children tell me quite clearly that you have your own viewpoint and it will be rammed relentlessly down your listeners throats whether they like it or not. I have little interest in this sad episode but my views on the McCanns and yours are poles apart and anything that you tell me to think today will not change that. On the basis that you have already made it clear that an impartial discussion is impossible I have no need to listen to this. You have, again, castigated The Media scum for their treatment of the McCanns while conveniently forgetting that you are part of The Media scum yourself. I suggest number 6 on the Sympathetic Voice Generator. Next...

4) SPEEDING - We discuss the man who was so incensed at people speeding through his village that he painted an enormous 30mph sign on the side of his house : Is there no news again today then? If it works, good for him! But I don't need to spend 30 minutes listening to a discussion about it. Do you know what... I might just paint "I Hate The Jeremy Vine Show" on the side of my house this weekend in the hope that it would appear on your programme next week. Or perhaps not.

The Jeremy Vine Show - now do as we say, and shut up!


UPDATE:

Blog reader Gill has just made a very valid point that you have completely missed. She says...

Is it me, or is there some sort of corellation between the first and third story that JV has obviously missed. According to the World of Vine, it is your fault if you leave a window open but not if you leave your children alone?

I trust that you will be including this point in your discussions today.

Today's show 23/11/11

You'll hopefully be interested to know that searches for "jeremy vine lou reed interview" and combinations thereof are still creating a huge number of hits for my blog and it had over 300 visits yesterday, so thank you for that. It is fair to say that that interview has brought a whole raft of new readers, who I welcome warmly, and I hope they come back for more.

It is 10:45 as I write this and, unlike yesterday, your web page has already been updated with today's programme details. This did not happen until after your programme ended yesterday, so how about devoting 30 minutes of your programme one day to discussing paid staff that fail to do their jobs?

Today's issue that affects me: I love Trebor (now Bassetts) Refreshers ... you know, the pink, green, yellow and orange fizzy sweets that come in a paper tube ... but nowhere around here sells them. What should I do?

I'm listening to you on Ken's show as I type this ... and it doesn't sound good. I suppose, if nothing else, your trail acts as a warning to those who, like me, don't wish to listen to your programme. Not that I need a reason to not listen, of course, but if there was a real reason to listen then I would. Unfortunately those instances are extremely few and far between.

Before we move on to today's menu, I thank valued blog reader Gill for drawing this to my attention:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/proginfo/2011/48/jeremy-vine.html

So, you're off to India then, at my expense. How lucky you are. BBC cutbacks be damned! And what a shame that nobody bothered to proof-read that page so that the missing word "to" could be inserted in the third paragraph. I look forward to dealing with this particular jolly next Monday and I am sure that it will be an enlightening and educational experience ... for somebody.

So, what have you got today that might tempt me away from the poorly-named Prime Minister's Questions (should be Prime Minister's Answers, surely) and 6 Music then...?

1) ELDERLY - The Equality Commission says that elderly people are being abused by carers in their own homes. Is this the one area which makes you thankful that we have Human Rights legislation? : My parents are both in their late 80s, and they live an independent lifestyle of their own making, despite my Mum being partially sighted and my Dad having hearing difficulties. They do not have any carers of any kind, so my involvement with such things is non-existent at the moment. Having said that, a quick check of the BBC news page you link to tells me that "Basic care for the elderly in their own homes in England is so bad it breaches human rights at times, an inquiry says.". England ... so we can only assume that all is well in Scotland, Northern Ireland and here in Wales, can't we? I listened to you talk about this on Ken's show and now understand that your discussion is about the Human Rights legislation itself, and not carers who abuse their patients. Confused? Yes! Next...

2) SELF-IMMOLATION - We discuss the tragic case of the woman who doused herself in fuel and set herself alight on a petrol forecourt. Find out more in this article from the Bath Chronicle : Other than planting the seed of a similar idea in the minds of similarly troubled people, I'm not sure what discussing this will achieve. To be honest, it is not the kind of thing I want to listen to while eating my lunch but there is an obvious solution: Ban Petrol Cans! Next...

3) CAESAREANS - More and more women are choosing caesarean sections. Are you somebody who’s afraid of giving birth? : I'm bloomin' terrified of giving birth, but there may be a good reason for that. Next...

4) UNIFORMS - Finally, the Olympic uniform has been unveiled. What’s the worst uniform you’ve ever had to wear? : This is the hard-hitting cutting edge news that your listeners crave! Well, it is what you choose to spoon-feed them every day. From smelly handbags to ugly uniforms, does it get any better than this? Unfortunately not! In answer to your question: The only uniform that I have had to wear was my school uniform (and it wasn't that bad), so I have not worn a uniform since I left school in 1975. And, unlike you, I have never worked for McDonalds. Shall I phone in later with that information?

You might have heard that there are some protests going on in Egypt at the moment. On the basis that it was dropped from your programme yesterday (09:00am-ish Tweet yesterday: Today's show @BBCRadio2 in four words: Leveson. Egypt. Downs. 5-a-side.) in favour of the cancer story we can only assume it is nothing important. It is not as if they are trying to overthrow the government or anything like that, surely, and if it were then the park football item would have gone. Having watched some live video streaming I am happy to confirm that there are no ugly uniforms to be seen and incidences of smelly handbags are minimal. Perhaps they are protesting that their wheelie-bins have not been emptied in the last week. Yes, that will be it.

The Jeremy Vine Show - not as good as PMQs.

Today's show 22/11/11

My dear blog readers,

My daily diatribe relies on JV's team actually doing their jobs properly and updating the show web page promptly. I am writing this at 13:40 and it seems that today is another of those days when this has simply not happened. How hard can it be?


UPDATE:

Finally, at 15:00 and some three hours after JV's programme started, and an hour after it finished, somebody has actually done their job properly! Perhaps he should think about devoting 30 minutes of his programme one day to discussing paid staff that fail to do their jobs?

So, what did we miss? For completeness... 

1) LEVESON INQUIRY - Yesterday Sally Dowler and Hugh Grant both gave evidence to the Leveson Inquiry. We talk to someone who says the inquiry should be for ordinary people, not celebrities.

 

2) CANCER - A study by Macmillan Cancer Support has shown that people diagnosed with cancer typically live nearly six times longer than 40 years ago. But we discuss the 3 cancers that are still a death sentence: lung, brain and pancreatic.

3) PARK FOOTBALL - A report says that park football can sometimes descend into hooliganism and fighting.

4) KARAOKE - Finally, a man with Downs’ syndrome has been banned from singing karaoke in his local pub. Are people taking karaoke too seriously? Find out more in this article from the Northampton Chronicle & Echo.

 

I listened to JV talking about the Leveson Inquiry on Ken's show. While his sympathies obviously lay with the Dowler family it was interesting to hear him classify so-called celebrities such as Grant, Coogan, et al as non-deserving of their time to give evidence. This is a classic missing of the point for which JV is renowned. These celebrities were only targetted because they are celebrities, and celebrity news sells papers, apparently. If the Daily Scrotum had hacked in to my voicemail they would have found it boring beyond belief. It is not the celebrities that are in the spotlight - it is the Dead Tree Press - and JV's piece on Ken's show sounded to me as if he was deliberately trying to take the "heat" off the newspapers concerned and deflect it elsewhere. Perhaps his view would be different if HIS phone had been tapped by the Mail or one of its bretheren.

Frankly I am amazed that he even talked about this today as the guns are very definitely aimed at the non-Murdoch press, and it would come as no surprise if the Mail On Sunday goes the same way as the News Of The World if the allegations prove to be true. I am not a religious man, but I pray that the BBC somehow gets dragged in to this. Now that would be interesting.

 

Hopefully, normal service will be resumed tomorrow.

Today's show 21/11/11

I take it that normal service has been resumed today, after "The News" had a day off on Friday while your programme turned in to a two-hour advertisement for Cliff Richard's latest album. I think you mentioned a children's charity once or twice too.

Today's issue that affects me: I forgot to put out our recycled waste boxes last night, so what am I going to do with all of this cardboard until next Monday? Doh!

There are a few Parish Notices to mention before I deal with today's programme...

First, of course, is that my blog passed 10000 (Ten Thousand) page views yesterday. Sincere thanks go to my valued readers.

Next is the news that the BBC are in the news - again! The Daily Mail published a story over the weekend concerning the BBC's view on man-made global warming. Unfortunately the Daily Mail have chosen to remove their story (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2063737/BBCs-Mr-Climate-Change-accepted-15-000-grants-university-rocked-global-warning-scandal.html), and we can only wonder why that may be, but fortunately the text of it lives on in other places, such as http://www.prisonplanet.com/bbcs-mr-climate-change-accepted-15000-in-grants-from-university-rocked-by-global-warming-scandal.html:
BBC’s Mr Climate Change accepted £15,000 in grants from university rocked by global warming scandal
UK Daily Mail - November 20, 2011
A senior BBC journalist accepted £15,000 in grants from the university at the heart of the ‘Climategate’ scandal – and later went on to cover the story without declaring an interest to viewers.
Roger Harrabin, the BBC’s ‘environment analyst’, used the money from the University of East Anglia’s Tyndall Centre for Climate Change Research to fund an ‘ad hoc’ partnership he ran with a friend.

I am not of fan of Harrabin and the lies he peddles as "facts", but this at least explains why he does it. The BBC? Impartial? You don't know the meaning of the word!

More BBC news, and it now seems that the BBC's geography is getting even worse, as New Zealand is now - apparently - in Asia:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-15768698 

If the BBC are now moving countries from one continent to another, what hope is there for the more specific and local geography used by your programme? Have you managed to find the "delightfully named Blitheroe" on a map of the UK yet?

It is Monday today, so you'll be struggling for stories anyway, but let's have a look at what you have found...

1) RENTING VS BUYING - The government wants to subsidise first time buyers, but what’s wrong with renting? We look at the pros and cons of renting versus buying : I've only ever rented a property once. This was for two months back in 1984 when I moved from one part of the country to another and there was a delay in the purchase of my new home. Since then I have been fortunate enough to own my home, so this item has no relevance to me. You said on Ken's show, "Perhaps it is time for us all to stop buying properties and just rent". Are you including yourself in "us all" by any chance? I thought not. Next...

2) PE - Should children be tested for PE, just like they are for other subjects? : I was! It appeared on my School Reports. However, we still don't appear to have any children. Next...

3) SWEARING AT POLICE - A judge says that swearing at the police is no longer a crime because they’re so used to it. Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : Our local community policeman seems to be a nice chap, even though his visits are somewhat infrequent. Next time I see him perhaps I'll give this a try, see what happens, and let you know. Or perhaps not. You said on Ken's show, "Let's not go in to this any more". That is the best idea you have ever had, and I will take your advice. Next...

4) FISHY HANDBAG - We discuss the M&S handbag that smells of fish. Have you ever had to return something because it smells? Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : Another one from the Telegraph? Was the Daily Mail not delivered today? You said on Ken's show, "We can't find anybody <who owns one of these bags> at the moment" and appealed for contributor. Sounds as though the usual Jeremy Vine Show research effort has been made! And how do I go about returning a news-based lunchtime radio programme that stinks, every day?

The Jeremy Vine Show - struggling for news, views and live guests - every Monday

Today's show 18/11/11

Today is Children In Need day - a worthy cause indeed. However, it also means that there is no news today, apparently. There will be no in-depth discussions on any topic, relevant or irrelevant.

Just to liven things up how about getting George Galloway and Vanessa Feltz on the show today? They could hold their breath while reading the Daily Mail for the entire duration of your programme. I'd pledge money for that.

Some questions for you:

 - Say a *major* news story had erupted this morning, which would take precedence - Children In Need or the news story?

 - If there can be no discussion-based Jeremy Vine Show today, why can't be it be like that every day?

Just asking...

The Jeremy Vine Show - news, views and live guests, but not today


UPDATE:

JV has Cliff Richard in the studio with him today. Just checked and - guess what - he has a new album out! Who'd have thought...

First record on today's programme was "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones, which was played in memory of a caller's dead husband.

Today's show 17/11/11

So, how do you spell "Heroin" when describing the drug? Not with an "e" on the end, as was shown on your web page yesterday before it was corrected. I was SO annoyed with myself that I didn't spot that.

What is it about Thursdays and your web page? This is the third week in a row that the update has been significantly later than other days. Does somebody have a day off on Thursdays?

So, what can I amuse you with while we are waiting? How about this from your beloved Daily Mail...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2062446/BBC-jobs-4-500-titles-2-000-managers.html

Anyone for Decision Support? BBC has 4,500 job titles... and 2,000 of them are managers!

There are almost 4,500 job titles in existence at the Corporation, it has emerged, and almost 2,000 of its staff have the word manager in their title.

It is thought there are even more staff on top of this who are classed as and paid as managers but do not have the word in their job titles.
Last month, BBC chief operating officer Caroline Thomson was asked on Newsnight why when the Corporation wanted to put money into programmes it was at the same time trying to recruit a ‘decision support analyst’ on £58,000 a year.
She admitted: ‘I don’t know what that person actually does but what I do say is that you want the BBC to be a well-managed organisation.’

Good to see Newsnight putting the BBC on the spot. You see Jeremy, it is possible to talk about and castigate the BBC even though they are your employers. You really should try it some time. I'd listen to that!

And then there is this one...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/8895154/Feud-between-Robert-Peston-and-Eddie-Mair-erupts-on-Radio-4-PM-programme.html

Feud between Robert Peston and Eddie Mair erupts on Radio 4 PM programme

A feud between two of the BBC's best loved presenters erupted into the open live on radio yesterday when Robert Peston, the Business Editor, accused news presenter Eddie Mair of "casting him out into the wilderness".

Best loved? By who? Not me! So the news reporters become the news. I'm sure that is not how it should be.

And meanwhile the BBC's Freedom Of Information department have actually dained to answer one of my questions. Their response goes likes this:

Freedom of Information request – RFI201112xx

Thank you for your request to the BBC of 10th October, seeking the following information under the Freedom of Information Act 2000:
Has Jeremy Vine received any products from Apple Inc. (manufacturer of the iPad, iPhone, etc.) on a discounted, complimentary, gift or free-of-charge basis in connection with or following any of his broadcasts for the BBC.
First of all please accept my apologies for the delay in responding to your request.
I can confirm that Jeremy Vine has not received any products from Apple on a discounted or complementary basis from Apple. The BBC has strict guidance relating to hospitality and gifts and you can find details at:
http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/foi/classes/policies_procedures/antibribery_policy.pdf

You may also like to know that the BBC has recently introduced anti bribery training which it requires all staff with editorial responsibilities to complete

This is good to know. (Their use of the word "complementary" is, of course, incorrect, despite my information request having it correctly spelt as "complimentary". They also managed to mis-spell two lines of my postal address in their reply. Quality!)

11:30 and still nothing on your web page, so let's have a listen to what happens when Ken takes the p155 out of you..., ooops, I mean... talks to you about your programme today. Oh, here you are now, talking about your dry-cleaning discussion on Twitter for some reason. For God's sake... I'm still blocked by you on Twitter, so my Freedom Of Speech continues to be stifled.

Well, you've just finished with Ken, and still nothing on the web page.

Programme started, still nothing.

12:23, finally updated, but I'm busy now so this is going to have to be quick...

1) SEPP BLATTER - Sepp Blatter says that racism on the football pitch can be absolved by the shake of hands. Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : Football? I shall sleep well this afternoon. Next...

2) SYRIA - Syria is a place most of us know little about. If we learn more about the country, would we be prepared to help her people? : You actually said on Ken's show, "We know nothing about Syria". You might not, but I do. Please do not include me in your sweeping generalisations! Not all of your listeners are as thick as you think they are. Next...

3) DRY CLEANING - Were your clothes ruined by dry cleaners? Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : I honestly cannot remember the last time I used a dry cleaners, if I have ever used one at all. Is this news? Next...

4) WORK EXPERIENCE - Should young people be paid to do work experience? We talk to two parliamentary interns who are paid. Find out more in this article from the Guardian : Do you use interns to update your web page? It would explain a lot if you do. You said on Ken's show that one of the interns you were going to speak to works in Ed Miliband's office. Poor bloke. This will brighten his day: http://awkwardedmilibandmoments.tumblr.com/

The Jeremy Vine Show - if only it were as good as Newsnight

Today's show 16/11/11

A quick scan of today's sorry menu shows that you have again chosen to discuss items that are of no interest or relevance to me. Yesterday afternoon I sent you an email suggesting two discussion topics, but as they concern the BBC you have, of course, pretended that they don't exist. For the benefit of my blog readers the two topics were these:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/media/tv-radio/bbc-cheap-programming-scandal-exposed-6262533.html

BBC 'cheap programming' scandal exposed

The BBC has owned up to a “nominal fee” programming scandal in which viewers of 15 editorial programmes were hoodwinked by “serious” conflicts of interest of programme makers and a failure to declare that documentaries had outside sponsors.
The programmes were made for “low or nominal cost” but many were heavyweight documentaries on controversial environmental issues and the BBC Trust, the corporation’s governing body, said today it was “deeply concerned” by the findings. Mark Thompson, the director general of the BBC, has ordered the organisation to tighten its systems for commissioning current affairs programmes. The broadcasting regulator Ofcom announced today that it was launching an investigation into the affair.

This comes as no surprise to me at all. The BBC's agenda on all sorts of issues, and "global warming" in particular, has suggested to me for some time that there was something hidden behind the message, and here it is for all to see. As for the BBC Trust, they don't know the meaning of the word Trust! The BBC has prepared their own carefully worded version of this story (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-15739468) and I just love this paragraph:

Richard Porter, head of English at BBC Global News, said staff would pay heed to the findings. "We must not damage the audience's trust in what we broadcast," he wrote in a public blog post.

There is absolutely no chance of my trust in the BBC's broadcasts being damaged, because any trust that I had evaporated years ago. Even the much-acclaimed Frozen Planet TV series does not escape controversy as the BBC has decided not to include the "climate change" episode from the standard package sold to other countries (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/earthnews/8889541/BBC-drops-Frozen-Planets-climate-change-episode-to-sell-show-better-abroad.html). One message for the UK, and a meeker message for everybody else because we don't want to upset them, perhaps?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-15733504

Bristol, Darwen and Glasgow TV Licensing staff to strike

Hundreds of TV Licensing workers will strike for a third time later this week unless their employer engages in fresh pay talks, union leaders have warned.

Do I care? No. Should I care? Definitely not. The thugs and henchmen at Capita can go on strike for as long they like. However, it reminds me that I have asked you before to discuss "What happens when you don't buy a TV licence?" but you have still chosen not to do so, preferring umbrella injuries and memorial benches to anything that may be of interest to this potential listener. The answer to my question continues to be, apparently: Not much.

 

So what do you have to tempt me today? Not much by the look of it.... 

 

1) SMOKING IN CARS - The British Medical Association says it’s time to ban smoking in cars : Mmmmm.... banning. Where would the Jeremy Vine Show be without banning? And paedophiles, pornography, sexism, racism, irrelevant trivia, etc. These are the fundamentals that form the basis for your programme every day. The BMA's suggestion is, of course, another erosion of what civil liberties we have left in this country, and I note that they make no mention of how their ban would be enforced. I hope the BMA is grateful to our beloved State Broadcaster for disseminating their message and telling us what to think. And I don't smoke. Next... 

2) HEROINE - The sister of a heroine addict tells us how devastating it can be for the whole family : There are no drug addicts in our family, so this is of no interest to me. Next...

3) EATING DISORDERS - In the run up to Children In Need, we discuss how eating disorders can affect children as young as 8 or 9 : I've just checked and we still don't have any children. Next...

4) GERMANY - Finally, 20 years ago Nicholas Ridley was sacked for saying Britain should never be bossed about by the Germans. Is Germany right to say it alone has the answers to the European Economic Crisis? Find out more in this article from the Guardian. : Again, I will use the example of Switzerland which is not in the EU and seems to be doing very nicely. Now Mr Cameron, about that referendum...

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - believing that the BBC is just perfect!

Today's show 15/11/11

Ref. Lou Reed: On Ken's show, "... it wasn't as bad as I thought it was ...". Jeremy, it was worse than you thought it was.

 

A quick look at the four reasons not to listen today...

1) PETROL PRICES - Should the government scrap the planned rise in petrol duty? : Ah, a vote. Text your answer to 88291 everybody! Odd, don't you think, that the government are getting a load of flak about this, but it was - I understand - the previous Labour government who put these tax rises in place. I'll let you know if the number of jet skis at our local beach reduces next year. Odd again, don't you think, that non-EU, non-oil-producing, low tax, referendums-for-everything, libertarian Switzerland pays considerably less for petrol than we do (http://www.drive-alive.co.uk/fuel_prices_europe.html). Some connection, maybe? Next...

2) METAL THEFT - How do we stop Britain's metal theft epidemic? : You last discussed this on 26th August and - guess what - nothing has changed. On that basis I'll repeat what I said then: This is a real problem, and one of which I am only too aware. The main part of the problem does not lie with the people who take the metal but with the scrap merchants who will exchange it for cash with no questions asked. Thefts would be reduced if it were made more difficult to get the material in to the scrap metal process, and the easiest way to do that is to make each delivery traceable. There is a government e-petition on this subject (http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/406) and an interesting article here:

http://www.scrap-ex.com/news_events/news/metal/scrap_dealers_go_cashless_says_minister.html

Something needs to change, but - as usual - you will only talk about it and I feel that I already know enough on this topic. I had dealings with many scrap metal merchants 25 years ago, and I never met one with a conscience. Next...

3) PARENTS IN PRISON - In the run up to Children In Need, we look at the stories behind the charity. Did your parent go to jail when you were a child? How did you cope? : No, and I didn't have to. Next...

4) CABS - Oxford Council wants to record all conversations that take place in the city's cabs. Good for the safety of passengers and drivers - or an invasion of privacy? : What a shame that you chose not to link to Big Brother Watch's version of events (http://www.bigbrotherwatch.org.uk/home/2011/11/big-brother-watching-listening.html) instead of a BBC news page. If you had bothered to check you would have found that this item is a NON-STORY. From the BBW page:
Update:
This has generated a great deal of interest, so Big Brother Watch has been digging. And we’ve found no document that suggests Oxford City Council’s licensing committee has ever approved this. Two reports have been published – one, for the 19 October meeting, outlines the planned changes to licensing conditions. Earlier in the year, a meeting on March 1 heard the initial proposal. Both documents discuss CCTV, and make no mention of audio recording. There is one missing document – the Appendix A discussed on 19 October, which outlines the actual changes planned. That isn’t available on the Council’s website however. We have asked the Officer responsible for a copy.
Update 2:
We’ve now been given the Council’s Appendix. It makes no mention of audio recording, only CCTV and “image retrieval”.
Did Councillors on the committee even discuss this?

So, there is nothing to discuss and you are believing the hype appearing in your beloved "Media". Fortunately BBW have the courage and sense to correct their side of events, but The Media will continue with their lies because they make good headlines. You will, of course, have a spokesman from Oxford City Council on the phone, so this should be a great item! You know what, I'd listen to this but frankly Radcliiffe and Maconie on 6 Music will be a lot better.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - Making up the news, every day

Today's show 14/11/11

Bloomin' heck ... your web page was updated before 10:30 this morning. What happened? Did somebody wet their bed?

Today's issue that affects me: Lou Reed and Lars Ulrich - Difficult interviewees, or a poorly prepared interviewer completely out of his depth?

See http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b017k4fv/The_Andrew_Marr_Show_13_11_2011/ from 55 minutes in for 6 minutes of cringeworthy TV.

Anyway, normal service has apparently been resumed on your radio programme, and can't you just tell it is a Monday...

1) LONG COMMUTES - How far have you had to travel to get work? Find out more from the Daily Mirror : The world is falling apart, yet the most important item on your programme today is some trivia from the Daily Mirror. Sheesh! Anyway, and on the basis that I don't go straight from the bedroom to my office, I have just paced out the distance from the kitchen to my office. It is about 30 feet, and the journey takes me about 8 seconds. Oh, the joys of working from home. Next...

2) QUICKER SENTENCING - The summer rioters faced fast track justice. Is there a case for the criminal justice system to always operate at such swift speed? Find out more about tonight's Panorama, looking at the aftermath of the riots : Aha! A blatant plug for a BBC TV programme which I never watch, ever. And why would I want to listen to your programme AND watch Panorama? You can have too much of a good thing, you know. Next...

3) YOUNG PEOPLE IN CARE - We hear the challenges associated with leaving care at 18. Find out more about this year's Children in Need : It must be difficult, but fortunately I am not and have not been involved with that process at all. Children in Need is a fine thing, and my good lady wife spent time this weekend making cakes and biscuits for an event this coming Friday. Next...

4) RODENTS - What's the best way to get rid of mice from your house? Find out more from Mail Online : More trivia from the ever-reliable Daily Mail. The only mice we have in our house are those brought in by our cats. They don't survive long and form a tasty midday snack (for the cats, not me) with the only evidence of their presence being a neat pile of inedible entrails. As for Larry from Downing Street, perhaps they are feeding him too well, or not well enough.

 

So, not a single proper and current news story today. Give yourself a gold star.

 

One of my most-visited web sites is Biased BBC (http://biased-bbc.blogspot.com/) and I noted a comment about your programme earlier today (http://biased-bbc.blogspot.com/2011/11/open-thread_12.html#comments page 5). Contributor cjhartnett wrote:
Ended up on Jeremy Vine's website. Shows all his old programmes over the year. Anyone could do a lot worse than looking there to see what the Beeb has spoonfed him as being "newsworthy". I kid you not-absolutely every issue obsessing the Guardian reader over the year has been "discussed" over suitable student music and soft chats and emotings. Reckon that this show...useless, sly and biased to the Libleft chattering classes...is probably the pastel rainbow shroud of choice for the BBC. Covers up the scowl from Lord Reith's death mask as they turn it into Mao's. Jeremy Knotweed a better monicker for this wet sniveller of the Left.

 

Well, that is one point of view. His point about being spoonfed "newsworthy" stories seems to ring true though, with today's programme being a prime example of exactly that.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - News? What news?

Today's show 11/11/11

My Dear Blog Readers,

It appears that yet again Jeremy and his staff cannot be bothered to update the programme web page before the programme starts. Perhaps the prospect of having David Cameron as a guest in the studio today has taken their mind off the jobs that we - the Licence Fee payers - pay them to do. We can only hope that Jeremy asks Cameron if he would like a memorial bench somewhere in his honour as this is, apparently, one of the most important questions in the UK at the moment.

The radio is on in the next room and I can hear Vine rattling on about somebody disrupting this morning's two-minute silence. Back in a minute .... that's better, now listening to "Dress You Up" by Madonna on 6 Music. Where was I? Oh yes... We can only hope that he gets Diane Abbott (Labour MP for Hackney) on the programme to ask her why she or one of her staff sent a YouGov poll result out on Twitter during the silence (http://yfrog.com/kg2scnyj):

It is now 12:17 (Stevie Wonder's "Boogie on Reggae Woman" on 6 Music) and I can't be bothered to wait for Vine's people to do their jobs any longer, especially as I have my own to do.

Have a great weekend!

With very best wishes,

LunchTimeLoather


UPDATE:

Sometime after 1pm they did get their fingers out...

1) MUSLIMS AGAINST CRUSADES - Home secretary Theresa May bans ‘Muslims Against Crusades’. They are the group who burned poppies on Armistice Day last year. We speak to someone who says we may not agree with this group, but people fought and died in this country for free speech : Free speech? This from the man who blocked me on Twitter. Next...

2) TERRY WALTON - We join Terry on the Radio 2 allotment, where he has some troublesome rhubarb to wrestle with : Errr... our two rhubarb plants have finished producing for this year and are in the winter dormant phase. Hardly troublesome. Next...

3) DAVID CAMERON - At 1pm, we're joined by David Cameron, the Prime Minister. We ask him - if bankers are responsible for the crisis, why does the government keep helping them while ordinary people suffer? : I hope JV asked if he had ever been injured by an umbrella too. Next...

4) THE SONGS MY SON LOVED - And for the last time this week, at 1:30 Jeremy Vine presents a documentary on Radio 2 where mothers tell the story of their sons that died in conflict through the music they loved: ‘The Songs My Son Loved’. Today Hazel Hunt talks about her son, Private Richard Hunt : No comment.

Hopefully what passes for normality will return on Monday.

Today's show 10/11/11

I've just listened to your trail on Ken's show, but your web page has not been updated yet. This is becoming a habit again and is particularly disappointing following the nice early updates of a few weeks ago. I'll come back in a bit...

<Goes away for 10 minutes>

11:40, and nothing...

<Goes away again>

11:50... are you not bothering today?

<Goes away>

Your programme has started and still nothing. Funny that it was last Thursday when the same thing happened.

I loved your comment just after the news "... and still the euro crisis goes on ...", so you are talking about the size of car parking bays, presumably because there are no wheelie bin stories today.

Oh, here we go, 12:06 and all is well with the world...

1) HINCHINGBROOKE HOSPITAL - Hinchingbrooke hospital in Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire, has been taken over by a private business. Can a private company run an NHS hospital better than the NHS? : You said on Ken's show "... they are going to see if they can trim layers and layers of management out of this hospital, and we shall see if they are right". Are you? What, today? Somehow, I don't think so. Next...

2) LORD TAYLOR - The Conservative peer Lord Taylor of Warwick was sentenced to 12 months in prison for fiddling his expenses. He’s now out, with a tag, and he joins us in the studio : I hope you give him hell, and I suppose you just might seeing as he is a Tory. A public hanging would be too good for him and nothing he says today will change my opinion, so I have no need to listen. Next...

3) PARKING - Commuters at Didcot Park railway station are complaining that their cars are too big for parking spaces : Didcot Park? I think you mean Didcot ParkWAY. I last used this station on 19th September 2009. I do not recall having a parking problem then and currently have no plans to return. The telling sentence from the BBC news page is, of course, "The size of the spaces at Didcot Parkway railway station ... are unconfirmed". Has nobody bothered to check the facts then? Typical. Perhaps the abominable Ms Feltz identified the real problem when she discussed a similar topic two weeks ago on 24th October: WIDE CARS - And as our cars get wider, is that causing problems when you park in the garage or at the supermarket? Perhaps parking bays are larger here in North Wales. Next...

4) THE SONGS MY SON LOVED - All this week at 1:30 on Radio 2, Jeremy Vine presents a documentary where mothers tell the story of their sons that died in conflict through the music they loved: ‘The Songs My Son Loved’. Today Cheryl Routledge talks about her son Liam : No comment.

Today's issue that affects me: I'm starting to feel left out, so should I buy a wider car?

The Jeremy Vine Show - we can't be bothered, can you?

Today's show 09/11/11

Boo! You didn't go for it.

 

Instead you went for these, apparently...

1) SILVIO BERLUSCONI - Silvio Berlusconi is being forced to resign. We talk to people who want to bury him and people who want to praise him : How about talking to those people who, like me, do not have an opinion? Now that would make great radio. Next...

 

2) THE BATTLE OF CABLE STREET - 75 years ago Moseley's Blackshirts were defeated by anti-fascist groups in the Battle of Cable Street in the East End of London. We speak to a 96 year old veteran : I am sure that those that are interested in this particular facet of British history will find this fascinating. Unfortunately I am not one of them. Next...

3) DEMENTIA - A vicar’s wife is suffering with dementia. He says it’s ok for him to find another partner. Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : Is he waiting for your listeners to decide whether he should boot his new partner out, or not? Or is he just waiting to be either vindicated or pilloried for his lifestyle choice? Either way, it is his business and none of mine. I wonder if he regrets talking to the Daily Mail. Next...

4) THE SONGS MY SON LOVED - All this week at 1:30 on Radio 2, Jeremy Vine presents a documentary where mothers tell the story of their sons that died in conflict through the music they loved: ‘The Songs My Son Loved’. Today Carol Jones talks about her son John : No comment.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - seeking answers to questions nobody asked

Tomorrow's show 09/11/11

If I were a betting man I'd wager that you'll discuss this tomorrow, especially as it is from the Daily Mail...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2058921/19st-rugby-player-Chris-Birch-stroke-gym-accident-wakes-gay.html

 

Go on.... you know you want to!

Today's show 08/11/11

It is interesting to see the praise that seems to be going your way in response to the first instalment of The Songs My Son Loved. There have been many favourable comments on your Twitter feed, on the BBC blog page (http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/radio/2011/11/the_songs_my_son_loved_on_radi.html) and in the Dead Tree Press. The Daily Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/8874632/Remembering-Britains-fallen-soldiers-with-songs.html) gave it a good review and, of course, it is no surprise at all to find that the BBC's bedmate The Guardian did much the same (http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2011/nov/07/jeremy-vine-show-review).

I have been a critic of your programme since it started in 2003, but I am prepared to admit that there is a time and a place for my criticism, and that The Songs My Son Loved is not one of those occasions. Although I did not hear the programme myself I am happy to believe what others have written on this occasion. However, I did leave a comment on The Guardian's web page where I acknowledged the praise and the quality of the programming described but expanded the comment to cover your programme in general. This is what I wrote:

I have read nothing but praise for Vine's programme today, and it just goes to show that he actually can produce a radio programme that does not insult the intelligence of his under-valued listeners.

What a shame, then, that this improvement in programme quality only lasts for one quarter of his two-hour show, and will only last for this week. It will be next Monday that he loses any connection with The Real World in which the rest of us live and he returns to the usual banality that forms the majority of his "stories" nicked from the Daily Mail.

He once was a proper journalist, I understand, so why does he now reduce himself to talking about wheelie bins, ugly sisters in pantomimes, umbrella injuries, urinating in hedges, teenage goths, memorial benches, lullabies, polytunnels, the demise of the Blue Peter annual and that bloomin' allotment?

I write a daily blog where I carefully explain why each day's programme holds no relevance or interest for me. Not once, repeat: not once, since he started hosting this programme in 2003 has he ever discussed any topic that has made me think "I really must listen to JV today". Instead, his poor listeners are continually told what to think by a man who often has little or no knowledge of the subject and who is either so interested in a topic that his bias shines through, or so disinterested that his boredom is obvious. Credible experts in any field are dismissed with a jokey remark as their valid points are completely destroyed and lost, but George Galloway is brought in to provide his own brand of wisdom pearls on any manner of topics and his views are given huge reverence by Mr Vine.

Fortunately, there is an alternative called 6 Music.

Please feel free to comment yourself.

As I type this only one other comment has been added, from BeckyP, which reads:
Only if such praise were actually justified - Vine has always come across as somewhat banal in his treatment of the most trivial of subjects, and remains out of his depth for more complex subjects.

You see Jeremy, it is not just me.

Today's issue that affects me: Should I set up another Twitter account so that I can follow you?

My "I Hate The Jeremy Vine Show" blog passed 9000 page views last night, and currently stands at 9042 as I type this. Any chance of a special mention when it gets to 10000 views?

The BBC is in the news again today with this story from your beloved Daily Mail:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2058665/BBC-splashes-500-000-worth-iPhones-iPads-Apple-Macs--2000-staff-face-axe.html

BBC splashes out on £500,000 worth of iPhones, iPads and Apple Macs... as 2000 of its staff face the axe

BBC bosses have splashed out on thousands of iPhones, iPads and trendy Mac computers worth around £500,000, it emerged today. The corporation is signing off purchase orders or contract deals for more than 200 glitzy Apple products a month, shock figures show - despite announcing 2,000 job losses last month.
A BBC source said the news 'beggars belief'.
'Thousands of staff are being thrown on the scrap heap while bosses deck out the whole corporation with the most fancy gear on the market,' they said.
'Some of the offices are starting to look like Apple outlet centres.'

Were you one of the lucky recipients? I think we - the licence payers - should be told!

But no, it is a story about the BBC, so you will pretend it is not happening but I will file it away for future reference for the next occasion when you criticise some other organisation for misspending.

Instead then your listeners have this lot to contend with today...

1) BORDER CONTROLS - Home Secretary Theresa May is attacked for relaxing border controls, but if truly tough border controls mean 5 hour waits at airports, would you be prepared for the consequences? : Would I be prepared? Yes! I would take a good book, something to drink and bide my time. But somehow I doubt it would take 5 hours. Incidentally, did you just make up that delay time? I can't find any reference to it anywhere. Next...

2) CONRAD MURRAY - In the Michael Jackson trial, his doctor Conrad Murray has been found guilty of manslaughter, but what do you think? Was Michael Jackson unlawfully killed or did he self destruct? : Unfortunately I could not find the time - or the interest - to watch the countless hours of the trial that Sky so helpfully broadcast. Without having the relevant details I find myself in a situation where I cannot truthfully answer your question and would have to rely on conjecture, speculation and "what I have heard" to form an opinion. Unlike yourself, I don't do that, and I cannot rely on you to tell me the truth. I'll give this one a miss, I think. Next...

3) LADDERS - A health and safety demonstration with a ladder forgets fundamental health and safety. We give a lesson in ladder safety. Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : Where else would this story be found, other than in the Daily Mail? I have been on a ladder safety course and feel that I know all that I need to know, thank you. I'm not sure that this is going to make Sony-award winning radio though. Who decided that you should talk about this? They should be swapped for an iPad at the earliest opportunity. Next...

4) THE SONGS MY SON LOVED - All this week at 1:30 on Radio 2, Jeremy Vine presents a documentary where mothers tell the story of their sons that died in conflict through the music they loved: ‘The Songs My Son Loved’. Today Margaret Evison talks about her son Mark : No comment.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - we can make great radio, but most of the time we just can't be bothered

Today's show 07/11/11

Monday morning, so this shouldn't take long...

I hear that you stood in for Andrew Marr on TV yesterday morning. I can only hope that you asked your guests if any of them wanted a park bench as a memorial, if they had ever been injured by an umbrella, if they had ever had a piss in a hedge, whether they had ever had an argument in a car, and whether they refused to have naked pictures taken by a partner. After all, these are the questions were posed to your poor Radio 2 listeners recently so they must be important, or is it one rule for "us" and one rule for "them"?

I was surprised to hear you say on Chris Evans' programme this morning (when the Mystery Guest feature was no more than a promotion for your programme) that you have a meeting at 08:10 to decide the four stories to be covered each day. Why, then, is your web page not updated until at least two and sometimes three hours later?

 

Today's issue that affects me: Shall I go to the post office now, or later this afternoon?

Right, as the lights dim in London's West End while the Sympathetic Voice Generator is slowly brought back in to operation, let's move on to this Monday's meandarings...

1) M5 PILE UP - The M5 pile up on Friday night was almost certainly the worst for a generation. How do you react in a motorway crash? : While I have every sympathy for those involved on Friday, fortunately I have never been involved in a motorway crash, so I have no idea. My only involvement up until now is to sit in the resulting traffic jam while the investigations are carried out and think to myself "It wasn't like this 30 years ago". Did you know that in some USA states it is illegal to leave your damaged vehicle on the carriageway after an accident, and it must be removed immediately? Of course you didn't. I think it odd that the litigation culture that we have allegedly acquired from the USA has mutated in to something more than they have. With nearly every crash site now branded a Crime Scene, perhaps the words Road Accident can be removed from our vocabulary as there is, apparently, no such thing as an accident any more. Next...

2) NUCLEAR WEAPONS - If it can be proved that Iran is developing nuclear weapons, should we support a pre-emptive strike by Israel? : I'd like to hear Galloway's opinion before forming my own. Any chance you could get him on today? I'll then text my answer to 88291 so that you can collate it with the other votes and send the results to David Cameron, who will no doubt be awaiting your decision. Next...

3) CINDERELLA'S UGLY SISTERS - The Lighthouse Theatre in Kettering is staging a production of Cinderella and they’ve called the ugly sisters Beatrice and Eugenie after the Duke of York’s daughters. Is this acceptable? Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : If the cap fits.... Or should that be: If the ridiculous hat fits? Meanwhile, add my name to your list of people who could not care less. I'm sure the Lighthouse Theatre will thank you for the blatant advertising of their show. Next...

4) THE SONGS MY SON LOVED - All this week at 1:30 on Radio 2, Jeremy Vine presents a documentary where mothers tell the story of their sons that died in conflict through the music they loved: ‘The Songs My Son Loved’. Find out more from the BBC Radio 2 episode page : No comment, other than to ask: Were no daughters killed then?

 

I'll be listening to 6 Music if you want me.