This week's shows 26/03/12 to 30/03/12

Dear blog readers,

I can't stand Feltz. Vine is irritating, but I really cannot stand Feltz. At all. Remember, she is the person who works in an industry that surrounds her with technology and yet she proudly proclaimed that "I have never sent an email in my life".

For the past few weeks I have felt that the time I spend writing this stuff every day is having a detrimental impact on other aspects of my life simply down to the time I spend on it. True, it is only 30 to 45 minutes per day but it can be at a time that is inconvenient during my working day. This is made worse when somebody at "our" BBC cannot be bothered to type four titles, four sentences and provide four web links to update the JV Show web page before the programme starts.

Once again, I am considering ending my daily rants. I have been doing this now for about four years (although the blog only started in January 2011) and, quite frankly, I am becoming aware that I am saying the same thing over and over again, and I'm getting bored with it.

Despite my best efforts, nothing really has changed. The JV Show continues to bombard us with irrelevant misinformation every day, while telling us what to think in its own special way. He will continue to have so-called experts in to brainwash us with their own points of view, and he will continue to think that I have the remotest interest in what Beryl from Bognor thinks about X, Y and Z without actually understanding any of them. The BBC continues to police itself, and I am expecting my second BBC Trust appeal to be just another "we think we're doing a great job, now go away and buy a TV Licence" response. And Radio 2 management continue to think that the award-winning Jeremy Vine Show is great radio.

However, my blog has proved that fans of the programme have to resort to personal insults when commenting, and the lack of any kind of "No, you're wrong, the JV Show is great because..." response is noteworthy. Pro-JV Show commenters (presumably that is what they are) will take the time to tell me I should get a life, etc., but cannot be bothered to tell me why. My life is my own, and I shall do with it as I please, thank you, but I would LOVE for somebody to construct a well-reasoned argument that opposes my own views. That would certainly create some interest for me, and hopefully for you too.

So, dear blog readers, while Feltz is standing in I am going to take this week off and there will be no daily 12:00 updates.

Please feel free to leave your comments. I really do read them all!

Thank you.

Today's show 23/03/12

Your last day then ... and the poor listeners of Radio 2 will have to suffer the abominable Ms Feltz next week. What have they done to deserve that? Was Jeremy Clarkson not available? Shame.

Anyway, it looks like we have more of the same today...

1) CHEAP BOOZE - Is the best way to cut down on problem drinkers to make everyone pay a bit more for cheap booze? : Other than the very occasional "try this, you might like it" sip, I have not drunk an alcoholic drink since 1978. I don't have any issues with alchohol, I just don't like it, and I don't know any "problem drinkers" as you so delicately put it. On that basis, I hope you will understand why this discussion is of no interest to me. Next...

2) PENSIONERS - We’re joined by the Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls. He’s very concerned that pensioners are going to have to pay more tax – but wasn’t it Labour who once gave pensioners just 75p? : Ah, bless. Ed Balls, darling of the BBC. He'd turn up to the opening of an envelope. I would bet that Cameron counts his blessings every day Balls remains in the Shadow Cabinet as Balls is surely the Tory's best Secret Weapon. It is not very often that I agree with anything Tony Blair says, but I agree with this: Mr Blair refers to him in his memoirs as being “immensely capable intellectually”, but says his analysis of the party was “truly muddled and ultimately very damaging”. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/labour/8567022/Labour-coup-Ed-Balls-and-his-five-fellow-plotters.html). Can you tell I'm not a fan? And I'm not a pensioner. Next...

3) TAX AVOIDANCE - We present Radio 2’s guide to how the rich avoid paying tax : And your special studio guests will be, of course, Moira Stewart (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/9090976/How-Moira-Stuart-makes-sure-tax-doesnt-have-to-be-taxing.html) and John Birt (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/bbc-helps-its-chief-to-avoid-tax-exclusive-birts-salary-paid-to-his-private-company-1475816.html). I am sure that you can find others within the BBC to tell us how they do it. Next...

4) LITTER - The landowner from Northumberland who wants to stop people littering is told off for putting up a sign saying ‘Don’t be a tosser’ : And well done for finding a News Entertainment story to end the week. Jeremy will be proud of you.

The Jeremy Vine Show - what? no allotment?

Today's show 22/03/12

A really quick one today because, and to be honest, it is all just so bleugghhhh...

1) NICK CLEGG - We’re joined by the deputy Prime Minister and leader of the Lib Dems Nick Clegg. He will tell us why he’s so proud his party has fought for your tax cut : I've never voted for his party in a general election, but he will be saving me a few quid. Next...

2) CHILDBIRTH - A mother who gave birth to triplets, dies eight days later. Did your mum die during childbirth and how did it affect the rest of your life? : How awful, but my mum is alive and well. Next...

3) BUDGET CALCULATOR - Have you done the Budget calculator? Are you a winner or a loser? And if you’re a winner, are you prepared to give your gain to your granny who’s lost out? : Having listened to Osbourne's speech yesterday, and without the help of experts to tell me what to think, I can confirm that I am both a winner and a loser. Next...

4) HELIUM - Scientists are complaining that we’re running out of helium - a precious resource - and it’s time to ban helium balloons : Banning! Jeremy will be proud of you. I have never inhaled helium and I cannot recall ever having bought a helium balloon.

Today's show 21/03/12

Budget day, so no surprises here...

1) ROBIN HOOD BUDGET? - It’s Budget Day and we ask: will it be a Robin Hood Budget? Will the Chancellor take from the rich and give to the poor or will it be the other way round? : I am going to assume that you are dealing with today's four topics in the order shown on your web page, even though this has not occurred in the last few days. If that is the case, can I take it that you will be trying to guess what Osbourne will say at 12:30? How utterley pointless. I have no doubt that you will have two experts and loads of callers saying "He should do this" and "He should do that", but I just have a suspicion that Osbourne has already decided what will happen. Next...

2) DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - Dennis Waterman has been criticised for justifying hitting his ex-wife but should we spend a bit more time listening to what he says? Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : I cannot imagine for one moment ANY circumstance when I would consider thumping anybody (except perhaps in desperate self-defence). As for listening to what Waterman says, presumably you mean this from the last paragraph of Telegraph article: The full interview can be seen on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories which airs next month on ITV. Domestic violence and Piers Morgan ... I think I'll give it a miss, thanks. Oh, and I'll be listening to the budget on Radio 4 from 12:30. Next...

3) ASPIRIN - We discuss the wonder drug that is aspirin. It’s a pain killer, it’s good for the heart and now can it really stop cancer? : You must have missed the fourth paragraph from the BBC news page you link to, which says: But experts warn that there is still not enough proof to recommend it to prevent cancer cases and deaths and warn that the drug can cause dangerous side effects like stomach bleeds. I think that makes the answer to your question to be either "No" or "Maybe not". Next...

4) BUDGET REVIEW - And at 1.30, we return to the Budget - has it helped the millions or has it helped the millionaires? : Having listened to the budget broadcast I will be more than happy to form my own opinion, thanks.

Today's show 20/03/12

How did it go yesterday then? Did you manage to improve our world and our lives at all? Or did you just do what Jeremy does and change absolutely nothing?

At about 1:54 yesterday you said, "Morag, stay there" - several times but you never went back to her. Is she still hanging on? Poor woman ... lied to and then cut off in full flow. Nice.

The easy ride ends here, and here are some topics you won't be discussing today (which is a shame, because I would listen if you did):

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2012/mar/16/bbc-viewers-comfortable-pay-download-service

BBC viewers 'very comfortable' with pay download service

Viewers are "very comfortable" with the BBC's plans to launch an iTunes-style download service which would open up thousands of hours of never-before repeated content, according to a senior corporation executive. The BBC's director of archive content Roly Keating said he wanted it to be the "norm, not the exception" that BBC shows were available to buy online soon after transmission.

Very comfortable? I don't think so. I pay £145.50 for my licence fee and then have to pay again to watch the programmes I have already paid for. Bargain!

"As Mark Thompson said in his speech, this is not a second licence-fee by stealth or any reduction in the current public service offering from the BBC".

Oh, silly me. Because, errr, Mark, Mark Thompson, ummm, errr, (see 24th January) says that it must be true. You can fool some of the people...

Talking of Thompson...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-17433580

BBC director general Mark Thompson announces departure

The BBC's director general, Mark Thompson, has told staff he will leave the corporation this autumn. With nearly eight years in the job, he has been the BBC's longest-serving director general since the 1970s.

Presumably he wants to spend more time with his enormous pension. We can only hope that his successor has the ability to string a coherent sentence together (again, see 24th January).

And what's this in the video at 00:30...? "Relations with the Tory-led government appear cordial now. The Murdoch empire is the new media bogeyman". Really? Whatever the government do you still have Ed Balls on speed-dial to tell us why it was a bad thing, but it is good to see the BBC finally admit that they're gunning for Murdoch. Many of us have known that for a long, long time.

And finally...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2117389/TV-licence-cheats-make-TENTH-magistrate-court-cases.html

TV licence cheats make up a TENTH of all magistrate court cases

More than 3,000 people a week are being prosecuted for not having a TV licence making up a tenth of all magistrate court cases, it has been revealed. Spiralling numbers of prosecutions courts deal with more such cases than any other offence. Two out of three of the defendants are women – thought to be because they are more often at home when enforcement officers call.

Well, Thompson's pension will have to be paid for somehow. TV Licensing have no right of access to our homes, and cannot prosecute without evidence. I need say no more.

Ooohh look, a nice early web page update today (11:25). You see, it can be done!

1) SERIAL KILLER - A serial killer who appears to target Jews and Muslims is still on the run in southwest France. We speak to someone who suggests that France should blame herself : And so we have your first mysterious "someone" of the week. Let's just hope that the killer is caught soon, but I fail to see what your discussion today will achieve. Next...

2) RESTORATIVE JUSTICE - If someone in your family was murdered, would you ever be able to forgive the killer? We talk to Tanya Byron about the power of restorative justice : I haven't forgiven other people for far less than murder, so the answer to your question is "No". How is it that Tanya Byron is not just another "somebody"? Next...

3) TAX - The Chancellor says, in the interests of transparency, he will tell us exactly what our taxes are spent on. Critics say that will help the government justify spending cuts : I hope this happens, as I would like to know. Now, if only the BBC would do the same and learn what the word "transparency" means. Next...

4) FABRICE MUAMBA - Why are we being asked to pray for the Bolton footballer Fabrice Muamba - when surely it’s the doctors and nurses who will make him better? Find out more in this article from the Mirror : Are we? A friend and neighbour of mine was seriously injured in an accident at work two weeks ago. We don't know for sure what happened to him, but there is a suspicion that he had a heart attack which then made him fall and caused his subsequent injuries. He died yesterday. My heart goes out to his wife, son, daughter and young grandchild that he has left behind. If I do any praying I think I'll pray for them instead, if you don't mind.

Today's show 19/03/12

Hello!

According to Twitter, Jeremy is away recording Eggheads, so welcome Assmah for your first stint standing in for The Great One.

A quick introduction: I write to Jeremy every day and explain why the four topics for discussion are largely irrelevant to me, together with relevant topics that I would like him to discuss - and which he completely ignores with almost 100% reliability. You can read my past communications here: http://lunchtimeloather.blogspot.co.uk/

So, what are you discussing today? Let's see, and I'll be easy on you...

1) FABRICE MUAMBA - The Bolton footballer Fabrice Muamba is still lying critically ill in hospital after suffering a cardiac arrest on the football pitch on Saturday. How could it happen that an incredibly fit young footballer suffers such a catastrophic attack? : I'll be honest and say that I had never heard of him or this unfortunate incident until yesterday evening. Let us hope that he makes a full recovery. Next...

2) WELFARE REFORMS - The government wants to reform the welfare system so it’s better to work than receive benefit. But we speak to a very worried single mum who says that she will lose tax credits and be so poor she’ll barely be able to feed her son : I am not a single mother, I don't receive any benefits, I don't have any children and I work for what I earn. Next...

3) ORKNEY AND SHETLAND - And finally, as the debate rages over Scottish independence, we speak to someone from Orkney and Shetland who says that even if Scotland goes independent, these islands should remain part of the UK. Findd out more from this article in the Aberdeen Press and Journal : I'm not sure why item number 3 starts with "And finally..." (or includes the word "Findd"), but I have promised the BBC Trust that I won't complain about poor updating of your web page in future. As a resident of Wales, I hope that I will be able to vote on whether Scotland goes independent. After all, it will affect us all - not just the residents of Scotland. Next...

4) PRIVATISING ROADS - The government wants to bring in a form of privatisation for our roads. Will this result in a fast lane for rich people only? : The first paragraph of the BBC news page you link to tells me all I need to know: David Cameron is expected to call for much more private investment in England's road network. I rarely visit England, and often choose to use the M6 Toll in preference to slogging through Birmingham. However, I would not class myself as "rich". Please do not do as Jeremy does and ignore the middle ground.

You see? That's how it goes. I'll be listening to 6 Music instead. More tomorrow!

The Jeremy Vine Show - but not for the next two weeks

Today's show 23/01/12

Hi Paddy,

Today's issue that affects me: In a recent email from the BBC Complaints Programme referring to your programme I was told that "not every viewer" feels that you get your story selection right every time and that "We try to provide a wide range of programmes across our television output that will be of interest to every section of our audience". Viewer? Television? Is JV on TV?

I know that Mondays are always difficult to fill with news that is in the national interest, has just come in and needs immediate coverage or is unusual so allow me to help you out today...

http://www.edp24.co.uk/news/norwich_men_s_clothing_shop_philip_browne_on_guildhall_hill_causes_a_stir_with_mannequin_s_toilet_humour_1_1182777

Norwich men’s clothing shop ... causes a stir with mannequin’s toilet humour

The Philip Browne menswear shop, in Guildhall Hill, Norwich, features a wooden mannequin posed as a man urinating on a wall and spelling out the word ‘sale’.

No? OK, here's another one...

http://www.edp24.co.uk/news/lowestoft_landlady_pleads_guilty_to_letting_people_smoke_in_pub_1_1182424

Lowestoft landlady pleads guilty to letting people smoke in pub

A Lowestoft landlady has been fined after health and safety officers caught a person smoking inside her pub.

Does this mean that if I go and smoke in a BT phone box (which is against the law) the CEO of British Telecom could be prosecuted? Now there's an idea....

How about this one local to me?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/news/9025816/Welsh-motorists-in-parking-ticket-language-protest.html

Welsh motorists in parking ticket language protest

Two Welsh motorists are refusing to pay parking fines because the tickets issued by a private contractor were written only in English.

Feel free to use any of those with my blessing. Or just hang on to them for 6 months or more and report them as "news" later this year. You know, just like Jeremy did with the cyclist story last week...!

So, what have we got today...

1) BENEFIT CAP - The government wants to restrict the amount which people on benefits can claim. Employment minister Chris Grayling says if poor people are living in affluent areas, they need to “move to part of town they can afford.” : Unfortunately, I do not qualify for any state-funded benefits. I only wish I did, so how about discussing how people like me can join the benefits system? I'd listen to that. Next...

2) DOG ATTACKS - A 6 year old girl in Essex was attacked by a Staffordshire terrier. What should you do if a vicious dog attacks you? : Horrible. Prosecute the owner? Listen to The Jeremy Vine Show? Or grab its top lip, as you suggested on Ken's show? At least two of those sound unpleasant. Next...

3) GENDER NEUTRALITY - A couple from Cambridgeshire are bringing up their 5 year old child Sasha to be gender-neutral. They say it’s better for him to decide when he’s grown up what gender he wants to be. Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : It is still a free country, I am told, and I am sure that this couple will have strong views about you dragging their private business on to your programme for judgement by you and your listeners. I have no opinion, or interest. Next...

4) RUBBISH TIP - We discuss the street in Brierley Hill which is dominated by a rubbish tip. Do you live near a dump? : My nearest council-run Refuse and Recycling Centre (I am sure that that is the title that Gwynedd Council would prefer, rather than "dump") is a small operation about 5 miles away, so my answer to your question is "No".

Oh well, you tried.

The Jeremy Vine Show - restricted benefits, every day

UPDATE: Concerning the gender neutral item, my wife tells me that this couple have been appeared all over the media, and Will has mentioned in a comment that one of the parents spoke to O'Connell on air today. Perhaps they've got a book out too.

Today's show 25/11/11

Hello Paddy!

So Jeremy has gone swanning off to India at my expense and as a consequence of this they have to drag you back from the brink of obscurity to host his show. As I write this at 10:45 my first prediction is that you will be stitched-up again with all sorts of nonsense non-news stories. There is nothing on the show web page yet to back up my theory, so I shall just have to wait. In the meantime...

Today's issue that affects me: I fancy a bacon sandwich and I have two and a half bacon rashers in the fridge - less than I would normally use. Should I use two full slices of bread and risk losing the bacon taste by having too much bread, or should I use one slice of bread cut in two to maintain the full bacon sandwich experience but reduced by 50% in volume?

My second prediction is that you won't be discussing this story from Jeremy's favourite newspaper today:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2065792/Dale-Farm-BBC-apologises-biased-travellers-One-Show-report.html

BBC guilty of bias in Dale Farm coverage: Inquiry finds The One Show favoured travellers
Basildon council complained of 'inaccurate and misleading' reporting
BBC Trust found studio discussion had been 'unfair' to the local authority
A BBC report about the Dale Farm evictions was biased, according to an internal investigation. Basildon Council had complained of misleading coverage, saying The One Show had effectively sided with the travellers at the illegal site. And the corporation’s editorial standards committee has now found that the broadcast breached impartiality rules.
A Panorama programme last month sparked complaints of bias in favour of the travellers, a claim also levelled at some BBC news coverage.

It is becoming so common now to see the words "BBC" and "bias" together, and this programme is as guilty of it as the two mentioned by the Daily Mail. So instead of talking about mindless drivel, how about addressing the subject of BBC bias? I'd listen to that! Oh, of course, it doesn't exist....

<Goes away>

Ah, here we go at 11:20, and all four stories have appeared. It looks like I was correct...

1) YOUNG UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE - The government is launching a new initiative to help the young unemployed, which has been likened to the YTS scheme of the 1980's. Were you a YTS success story? : Is this news or just nostalgia? I remember YTS but I was in full-time employment at the time and almost certainly too old to have qualified. So, the answer to your question is "No". Next...

2) PARKING METERS - Why are parking meters in Lewes being blown up by vandals? : Errr... it says on the BBC news page you link to: The vandalism started after Lewes council introduced on-street parking charges following complaints of congestion in the narrow streets of the market town. Now, my specialist subject is The Bleedin' Obvious, so perhaps there is some connection there? I'm just trying to think of where my nearest parking meter might be here in North Wales. Although we have many pay-and-display car parks, street parking tends to be free although time-restricted. Double-yellow lines are used in my nearest town to denote "parking for local residents only" as it is only us that know that traffic wardens never visit. No, I can't think of anywhere that has parking meters. And I've just checked, and Lewes is over 300 miles from here. What a shame that you mistakenly thought that this story might be of interest to me. Next...

3) STAFFORDSHIRE BULL TERRIERS - A campaign has been launched to "restore the good name of the Staffordshire bull terrier." Did you grow up with Staffies and feel they've been unfairly besmirched? : I have never owned any dog, so my answer to your question is, again, "No". Going well, isn't it? Next...

4) PRISONERS - Can prisoners be rehabilitated through music? : I don't know. Ask me one on Capital Cities. As neither a musician or a prisoner I can only feel, yet again, that your programme is not catering for people like me, so it looks like I'll be listening to 6 Music from 12 today. Well done!

As Ken said, "It sounds like a brilliant programme today", and I agree with him, and with exactly same amount of sarcasm.

I try and finish my email each day with a tag line, but I've got two today, so take your pick:

The Jeremy Vine Show - we used to discuss real news, but not any more

The Jeremy Vine Show - there is only ever one side to every story: ours!

I can't wait for Monday in Mumbai!

Today's show 28/10/11

Dear blog readers, good morning!

A request: Do any of you have full access to the RAJAR listening figures for Radio 2 that were released the other day? There was a lot of crowing on the BBC about how many listeners Chris Evans has gained, so the figures must be broken down on a show-by-show (or hour-by-hour) basis. My attempts at accessing the RAJAR web site tell me that a paid registration is needed to access the full breakdown.

Hopefully, today is the last day of Feltz with JV apparently returning on Monday. Well, that's what his web page says anyway. I'll admit that I have felt a certain amount of disconnection this week due to not writing directly to the programme host, but we all have our crosses to bear.

With the BBC in the news again today (see below), it is no surprise to see that the BBC's behaviour is not up for discussion today and instead the ever-suffering Radio 2 listeners will be subjected to these issues that affect them, apparently...

1) SUPERMARKETS - Is there anything wrong with supermarket apprenticeships? Firms are being criticised for rebranding existing jobs to please the government. Find out more from the Telegraph : "Firms are being criticised...". By who? The Telegraph article doesn't say. And I think I'm a bit old for an apprenticeship now, so this is of no interest to me. Next...

2) RICKETS - There has been an increase in the number of children suffering from rickets because parents who use too much sunscreen on them are causing vitamin D deficiencies. Find out more from Metro : Just out of curiousity I contacted The Metro's distribution department a few weeks ago to see where I could obtain a copy of this bastion of the Dead Tree Press. Their reply was: We currently distribute the Metro newspaper via rail stations and on buses across most of the UK, however at present we don’t cover North Wales. They then went on to list the nearest places that I could obtain a copy with a choice of Merseyside/Warrington or various places in South Wales. I am now feeling deprived and marginalise but, and to the best of my knowledge, I do not suffer from a Vitamin D deficiency, and we have no children. Next...

3) ST PAUL'S PROTESTS - Would the anti-capitalist protest camp outside St Paul's Cathedral have been the ideal birthplace for Jesus? : I use a tagging system on my blog and one of the tags is "Ridiculous question". On this occasion I feel that that tag does not do the question justice. However, I love the sentence on the linked BBC news page that says: Dr Fraser says he could not support any move by the church to use "violence". The church? Involved in violence? That wouldn't happen, would it? Except for the many, many times that it already has happened, of course. And I have never, ever asked myself "What would Jesus do?". Next...

4) STONE THEFT - We've heard of metal theft but it's now stone that's being seized by thieves. Find out more from the Telegraph : Why do I get the feeling that Feltz will not have any grasp on this story at all....? Watch out for a sudden rise in stone thefts this weekend. Thanks Vanessa!

These are the BBC stories that I referred to earlier:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-14120960

At a glance: BBC's annual report 2011

This section was of particular interest to me:
The BBC received more complaints - 240,000 - than the previous year, an increase of 20,000, although the corporation says it is normal to see fluctuation from one year to another.
Some 257 complaints were escalated, 17 of which were upheld or partially upheld.

Good to know that those guys and gals at the BBC Complaints Department have the job so well under their control that they only had to escalate 0.1% of the complaints received. I wonder how long it took to deal with the 17 that were upheld? No more than a day, surely?

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/peteroborne/100113804/coming-to-the-bbc-an-everyday-story-of-bias-and-falling-standards/

Coming to the BBC, an everyday story of bias and falling standards

There are very few institutions – maybe only the monarchy, the Armed Forces and Parliament – that express what it means to be British more than the BBC. The state broadcaster enjoys a very privileged place indeed at the heart of our national conversation. But this, in turn, means that there is an implicit deal between it and the British people.
On the one hand, the BBC is funded by public money and given a semi-monopoly of broadcast news coverage. On the other, the BBC is by charter expected to reflect the British values of fair-mindedness, decency and tolerance.
Sadly, it is only very rarely that the BBC keeps its side of the bargain, and this negligence is starting to become a scandal. Rather than representing the nation as a whole, it has become a vital resource – and sometimes attack weapon – for a narrow, arrogant Left-Liberal elite.

I could not have put it better myself!

The Jeremy Vine Show - telling us what they want to tell us, not what we want to hear

Today's show 27/10/11

Hello dear blog readers!

Sorry I am a bit late with today's update, but a shopping trip to our nearest town took a little longer than expected. There was, however, an unexpected bonus to this as it gave me the opportunity to listen to Feltz promoting her pathetic programme on Zoe's show, and during which conversation she came out with this amazing statement:

I have never sent an email in my life, and I am proud of that.

It was only yesterday that I wrote about this programme needing somebody who lives in The Real World, and Feltz has proved in that one sentence that she does not. Unfortunately some idiot at Radio 2 thinks that that makes such a good qualification that she is ideal to stand in for JV during his many absences. I would disagree.

I can't help thinking that I'm wasting my time by sending this text in an email to her ... perhaps she doesn't read emails either ... but I shall continue, if only to maintain an almost complete record of the drivel discussed on the programme. Today's offerings look to be of the usual poor standard and are as follows:

1) KNIFE CRIME - If you're over sixteen and convicted of threatening someone with a knife, you'll automatically go to jail. That's the government's plan to shake up sentencing in England and Wales : Sounds good to me. Next...

2) MANDARIN - Selfridges in Manchester is teaching its staff Mandarin in an effort to attract Chinese shoppers. Find out more from the Manchester Evening News : Is this what passes for news these days? Good to see Selfridges taking a pro-active approach to building their customer base (and I am sure that they will be grateful for the free publicity), but our nearest Selfridges store is 120 miles away, I'm not Chinese, I don't work for Selfridges, I cannot recall ever going shopping in Manchester, and I have no plans to do so. Next...

3) GOTHS - What should you do if your teenager becomes a goth? : Errrr... Shoot them? Buy them some black eye liner? Become a goth too? Feltz makes it sound like a disease. A better question would be: What should you do if your favourite radio station broadcasts complete crap for two hours in the middle of the day?, but we already know the answer to that. And no children = no teenager. Next...

4) GETTING ONLINE - As part of the BBC's Give An Hour Week, we drag Vanessa kicking and screaming to a computer to show her how to get online. Find out more about Give An Hour Week : Guess what. I'm already online. Hopefully this item will expose Feltz as the complete muppet she really is.

Meanwhile, the BBC is in the news again (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/active/8844483/BBCs-too-little-too-late-apology-to-Tory-MP.html) for broadcasting "misleading" news:
BBC's 'too little, too late' apology to Tory MP
Andrew Tyrie, the Tory MP shown apparently being muzzled by Steve Hilton at the Tory Conference, wants a proper apology from the BBC

The BBC? Misleading news? Apologise? This will not be discussed today, or ever.

And there is this one too (http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/279097/Why-is-BBC-funding-Somali-radio-station):
WHY IS BBC FUNDING SOMALI RADIO STATION?
THE BBC’s impartiality was questioned last night after a Sunday Express investigation revealed it has been pocketing millions of pounds in EU aid money.
BBC-backed projects funded by the grants include a £2.3million EU handout to “assist the digital switchover in Serbia” last year.
One particularly obscure project was “unblocking the cocoa value chain in Eastern Sierra Leone”.
That will be OUR Licence Tax money being wasted, and that, of course, will never be discussed on the JV programme either.

The Jeremy Vine Show - ignoring bias, mismanagement and corruption at the BBC, every day

Today's show 26/10/11

Dear readers of my blog, welcome!

 

Feltz continues in the JV's long-held tradition of discussing topics that are completely and utterly irrelevant to me again today. I am sure he will be proud of her. When, oh when, will somebody at Radio 2 realise that this programme needs a good kick up the arse and a presenter who lives with the rest of us in The Real World is desperately needed. Pigs preparing for take-off there I think, and so Radio 2's listeners will continue to be subjected to what the BBC want to tell us, rather than what we want to hear. What a shame that we have to pay for this rubbish!

 

Today's issue that affects me: Should I use one-pack or two-pack etch primer on aluminium?

 

So why will I be switching to 6 Music at 12 today? Let's see....

 

1) UNFAIR DISMISSAL - Companies should be able to sack unproductive workers without any explanation or fear of unfair dismissal claims, according a leading venture capitalist who is advising the government : Can I nominate two unproductive people that the BBC should sack immediately? They would be Vine and Feltz. Other than filling the airwaves with waffle they produce nothing but hatred, division, high blood pressure, frustration and rage. But as a self-employed sole-trader I can't see me having to sack myself. Next...

2) DENTISTS - An inquest has found that a young woman died from a sceptic tooth because she was too afraid to go to the dentist. Find out more from the Watford Observer : The Watford Observer? Did the Daily Mail miss this story? This is just another opportunity for Feltz to crank up the Random Sympathetic Voice Generator. I am not afraid to go to the dentist and I have just got back from my six-monthly dental check-up (i.e. this very morning) and know how important it is, whether it is an unpleasant experience or not. There are others that are far, far worse! Bear with me while I attempt to find some sympathy for somebody who hasn't got the gumption to deal with a serious illness. This may take a while... Next...

3) DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - People could be given the power to find out from the police if a new partner has a history of domestic violence under new government proposals : I have no plans at all to find a new partner as I am very happy with the one I have. Next...

4) SEAGULLS - Do you have a problem with antisocial seagulls in your local town? We speak to the MP who is raising the issue in parliament today : I live less than 2 miles from the sea and so we see seagulls all the time. If nothing else, they are an extremely useful and efficient way of disposing of cat food that has gone a bit "tired". Other than the odd poop, they do not cause us any problems and they are a miniscule price to pay for living in this lovely part of the country.

 

Still looking...

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - more false sympathy and false outrage than we know what to do with!

Today's show 25/10/11

Hello dear blog readers!

Feltz is back on Radio 2 this lunchtime in an effort to offer some kind of entertainment to those poor listeners who have no available substitue for her random ramblings. A quick scan of today's menu shows that she is following JV's lead and conveniently ignoring any news story to do with the self-righteous leviathan that is the BBC, such as these two:

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/279112

BBC BLOWS YOUR CASH ON 100 LEAVING PARTIES

BBC FATCATS have splashed out thousands of pounds of licence-payers’ cash on nearly 100 leaving parties at exclusive restaurants and bars.
Staff, including many top executives, spent £70,000 on alcohol and lavish parties despite a pledge to cut more than 20 per cent off the corporation’s entire budget. The figure includes £20,403 on staff leaving parties at top London venues.
On top of that, executives blew £48,000 last year on beer, wine and spirits at award ceremonies, parties and power lunches, which amounts to a weekly alcohol bill of  nearly £1,000. 
No surprise that a story from the Daily Express has been ignored (although see item 2 below), but it also appears in the Daily Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/8844478/BBC-criticised-for-spending-70000-on-leaving-parties-and-awards-ceremonies.html) so it must be true, surely?

Damn! The second story was also from the Daily Telegraph but they have deleted the page for some reason. It was all about BBC staff being banned from having rubbish bins near their desks to stop them being “territorial and defensive”. It was on their website, so surely it must be true as well.

Anyway, this is what Feltz will be boring her poor listeners to death with today...

1) EUROPE - Eighty one Conservative MPs defy David Cameron to vote for an EU referendum. Have the rebels restored your faith in politics? : No, they haven't. As has been usual for the BBC since the Commons vote result was announced, there has been scant mention of the 19 Labour MPs who defied Ed Miliband. One rule for one... Next...

2) HOUSE HUSBANDS - A survey suggests that the number of house husbands has risen ten-fold in the last decade. If you're a house husband, how have you - and others - reacted to your role? Find out more from the Express : The Express? What would Jeremy say? I am not aware that any item from the Daily Express has been nicked for use on the programme before. There really is a first time for everything. Oh, and I am not a house husband. Next...

3) ST PAUL'S PROTESTS - Police say just one in ten of the anti capitalist protestors' tents, which are pitched outside St Paul's Cathedral, are occupied at night. If demonstrators are going home at the end of the day, should officers seize their tents? Find out more from the Telegraph : Ah yes, those will be the tents purchased from the "capitalist" companies that have the audacity to make them. The protestors claims that they are "the 99%" sits uncomfortably with me. They have a web site with a woolly sort of "mission statement" on it (http://occupylsx.org/?p=221) but, and as is usual with these things, it says "we don't like this" but fails to come up with alternatives. I have no sympathy for their cause so this must mean that I must be one of the 1%, so are the 99% protesting about me? What have I done? I could, of course, be part of an unknown percentage who are not included either the 99% or the 1%, but that would leave me completely marginalised, or is maths not their strongpoint? I just object to these people automatically assuming that they have my support when they very definitely do not, especially as the original "Occupy" movement appears to have been hijacked by UKUncut. Perhaps they should ask some Palestinians if they agree with the concept of "occupation" as being a good thing. And good to see that they had Polly Toynbee lecture them on Sunday about how wonderful they are. With three houses, children in private education and earning £110K per year just from her Guardian column I can think of nobody more appropriate! Meanwhile, it looks like the protest is over in Scotland (http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/2011/10/25/the-revolution-is-over-thanks-to-one-thieving-paisley-ned-86908-23513131/) following a robbery from the lone protester. "He took my mobile and a few pounds in cash, then threatened to come and find me if I went to the police. After he left, I ran to the council offices and started shouting for help. But there was nobody there so I went up to my mum's house." Poor bloke. Next...

4) KNOTWEED - We talk to the couple who have to demolish their home because of Japanese Knotweed. Find out more from Mail Online : The Daily Dose of The Daily Mail... An unfortunate story, but this paragraph tells me all I need to know: The(y) are seeking £400,000 compensation and claim that the solicitors failed to ensure there was a National House-Building Council warranty which provides the insurance cover for ten years in the event of any problems. The solicitors entirely deny liability and contest the claim. My question to the owners would be: Why didn't YOU check that you had an NHBC warranty? I'd bet that Feltz wouldn't dare ask that question. As for the knotweed, let's all blame man-made global warming.

Today's show 24/10/11

So what have the lunchtime Radio 2 audience done so bad that they have to suffer The Abominable Ms Feltz today? I consider that Jeremy and I have a good relationship in that I send him my daily "your programme is utter rubbish" email and he at least has the courtesy to stick his fingers in his ears and go "La La La La", and I respect him for that. Unfortunately that same respect does not exist for you. I really cannot stand you at all.

So, I can sum up today's reason why I won't be listening to your programme in two words: VANESSA FELTZ
Instead, then, I will write my daily criticism of your programme purely for the benefit of my many blog readers and pretend that you don't exist....

1) EU REFERENDUM - A number of Conservative MPs are planning to defy the party leadership and vote today for a referendum on Britain's membership of the EU. With the euro in crisis, is this the ideal time for a public poll or a dangerous distraction? : Neither? Sounds like Cameron is trying to dictate what his MPs should do, and we all know what happens to dictators. Perhaps Galloway will want to be his friend. Next...

2) PARENTS IN PRISON - Do you remember the day when your parent was jailed? : I had to do some checking on this, so I've just spoken to my parents (now both well in to their 80s) and they have confirmed that neither of them have been to prison. That explains why I cannot remember it happening. Next...

3) FAITH IN THE WORLD - As part of Radio 2's Faith in the World week, we discuss white, British women who are converting to Islam : Odd usage of a comma there, but I am still not a woman. Next...

4) WIDE CARS - And as our cars get wider, is that causing problems when you park in the garage or at the supermarket? Find out more from Mail Online : Aaahhh, the Daily Mail ... bless. I have not had that problem. Perhaps parking bays are larger here in North Wales.

So, what else can I tell you today? Well....

For those of you on Twitter I can recommend following @Vine_Watch. This is written by somebody who is forced (presumably in an office or similar) to listen to JV every day, and the contributions from others are great too. His Twitter description is the beautifully written:

Jeremy Vine is the 'Tim-nice-but-Dim' of BBC Radio 2. He is an idiot and so are his callers. Here's some of the utter bollocks spewed out on his show everyday.

And that is exactly what appears. As you know, I don't listen at all but that means I miss such treats as:

Did jeremy vine really just segue a discussion about gadaffi's execution into a dolly parton christian country song called sacrifice? (@TobyPlanas)

Oh dear. JV's chosen Supertramp's 'Give A Little Bit' for his item on human egg donation. Inspired by his sperm donating friend? (@macnovel)

Jeremy Vine "That was Chris Rea. He's still going strong isn't he!" U mean cancer surviving diabetic wth half a colon ChrisRea? wot u think? (@Vine_Watch)

Caller Jeremy Vine Show: "How can I afford to keep the heating on? It's getting to the point we'll have to walk around fully clothed" (@Vine_Watch)

JV's quote of the day, "it's illegal to hit a child in a criminal way" no shit, Sherlock! (@1958penny)

JV says 'repeating untrue rumours only gives them credibility'. What, like on a national radio programme you mean? (@Schmiffy12)

Thanks for the heads-up. Sounds all a bit high-brow for JV. I'm sure he'll drag it down to his level by the end of the show. (@Vine_Watch)

Jeremy Vine says he 'was told' what was inside the covers of Penthouse when he was younger. (@macnovel)

Yes, hes using Sympathetic Voice Number 28 from his Emot-voice-bank for this segment. (@Vine_Watch)

I thought we may escape the stupid, patronising, and childish sound effects today seeing as Jeremy Vine is having a day off... Sadly not. (@Vine_Watch)

There are two people on the Jeremy Vine show arguing about the proper place to put an out of date chicken. You couldn't make it up. (@QunitinForbes)

"Caro Emerald, one of those very talented woman singers" - Patronising comment from Jeremy Vine, ironically during a feminism phone-in. (@Vine_Watch)

Did Jeremy Vine just say "you can google that on a search engine"? (@StuRobson)

"Does your narrow boat have a land line?" the spirit of Jeremy Vine lives on! (@Dickie_Shoulder)

... and so on.

You will remember the character assassination that JV did on Ricky Gervais last week. JV was crowing on Twitter about an article in The Independent over the weekend (http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/columnists/janet-street-porter/editoratlarge-seems-well-use-any-word-today-except-a-word-of-kindness-2374647.html) in which he said:

In my mind it begs the question: Why didn't JV do this himself? But we all know the answer to that question: Because he does nothing! As for Mr Gervais, perhaps his true views on disability shine through in this YouTube video that he made for jobability.com: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WH2XmBj0wSU

Apparently Feltz is on all week... oh joy.

The Jeremy Vine Show - still thinking that Twitter is a wonderful thing.

Today's show 11/10/11

Oh, it's you again. I'll admit that curiosity has got the better of me and I had a quick look on Wikipedia to find out more about you (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paddy_O'Connell). No wonder I have never heard of you as I have not knowingly listened to or watched any of the programmes that you have been involved with.

So let's see if you can persuade me to change the habit of a lifetime...

1) CHILD POVERTY - A new report says that child poverty could increase from a fifth to a quarter over the next 3 years. As incomes fall, what has your child had to go without? : What child is that then? We have no children, but thanks for reminding me. Next...

2) MOTABILITY SCHEME - If you're disabled, have you been part of the Motability Scheme that allows you to lease a car with taxpayers' money? One commentator describes it as a 'racket'. Read Richard Littlejohn's article from Mail Online : Remember what I said yesterday? No Daily Mail = No Jeremy Vine Show. Good to see that my theory is holding up well. I have not been part of the Motability Scheme as, fortunately, I am not disabled. Next...

3) BLOOD DONATION - How often have you donated blood? One woman has given 120 pints of her blood. Do you feel guilty you don't donate? Find out more from Metro : Good for her. I gave blood once, and it made me so ill that I had to have several days off work to recover. The advice I was given back then was "don't bother again", so I haven't. Next...

4) PLAYGROUND NOISE - A council in Staffordshire has stopped kids from using a swing because they say it creates too much noise and disturbance. Are you fed up with noise from a children's playground? Find out more from the Stafford Express & Star : Just checked again, and there is no children's playground anywhere near here.

Well, that didn't take long, did it? Four topics summarily dismissed as being of absolutely no relevance or interest to me at all. And it has been like that every day since this abysmal programme started on Radio 2.

So, what would I have liked you to discuss? How about this...

Today's issue that affects me: The BBC's Freedom of Information department tell me that they will not provide ANY information about BBC programmes, so what "Information" do I have the "Freedom" to request?
I received an email from them this morning, which said:
Thank you for your email below. Information related to programmes is excluded from the Act because it is held for the purposes of ‘journalism, art or literature.’ We therefore consider that any information relating to the Jeremy Vine Show is likely to be out of scope and we are therefore unable to provide examples of information that could be supplied under the Act. Part VI of Schedule 1 to FOIA provides that information held by the BBC and the other public service broadcasters is only covered by the Act if it is held for ‘purposes other than those of journalism, art or literature”. The BBC is not required to supply information held for the purposes of creating the BBC’s output or information that supports and is closely associated with these creative activities.

 

There is nothing like freedom of information, and that is nothing like Freedom of Information.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - our secrets are safe with us

Today's show 10/10/11

Hello Paddy!

Another Monday, and again JV is away and stitched you up with the scrapings from an empty barrel labelled "Monday News". Oh well...

Today's issue that affects me: Who are you?

As I was saying...

1) POLITENESS AWARDS - A new report says that, contrary to what we might think, the British are becoming politer. For one day only, take part in the Radio 2 Politeness Awards 2011. Who would you like to nominate? Find out more from Mail Online : There is an obvious and easy answer to this question: Howard Schultz from Starbucks, who despite Jeremy's attempts to ridicule, humiliate and trap remained cool, calm, collected and polite while giving Jeremy the kind of responses that had been overdue for many, many years. Somehow though I don't think he will be on your show today, so I have no need to listen. And it is good to see the Daily Mail making a slow but steady return as the prime source for your discussion topics. We all knew you could not live without it!
No Daily Mail = No Jeremy Vine Show. Next...

 

2) LIAM FOX - The Defence Secretary Liam Fox has apologised over the row in which his best friend was allowed to take part in top-level meetings. Have you ever tried to help a friend get on and then regretted it? : No. Next...

3) MISCARRIAGES - Women who suffered miscarriages are being put through emotional torture when they are placed in the same wards as mothers and babies. Find out more from the Press Association : I am sure that this must be horrible, but I am still not a woman. Next...

4) SPITTING - This man from Enfield Council is trying to ban spitting. Is spitting ever acceptable? : "And our special expert guest in the studio today is ... Bob Carolgees". If only! Have a Gold Star for discussing "banning", Jeremy will be proud of you.

 

Knowing of your intimate knowledge of everything published by the Daily Mail, I have no doubt that you will have seen this (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2046636/MPs-paid-thousands-appear-BBC-As-Corporation-cuts-politicians-given-licence-fee-cash-TV-radio.html):

MPs paid thousands to appear on the BBC:
As Corporation cuts back, politicians are given licence fee cash to go on TV and radio

MPs are being handed thousands of pounds of licence fee money simply to appear on the BBC.
It proves the BBC has become a money-spinner for the political classes.

I am left wondering if this applies to ex-MPs too, and Galloway in particular. Last week I sent a Freedom of Information request to the BBC in which I asked two questions:

 - I would like to know how much George Galloway was paid for his appearances on Radio 2's Jeremy Vine Show during the most recent 12-month period for which you have details available.
 - I would like to know how much Jeremy Vine was paid to present his programme on Radio 2 during the most recent 12-month period for which you have details available.

I've just had my reply....

 

Freedom of Information request – RFI2011 1210
Thank you for your request to the BBC of the 4th October, seeking the following information under the Freedom of Information Act 2000:

 - how much George Galloway was paid for his appearances on Radio 2’s Jeremy Vine’s Show during the most recent 12-month period for which you have details available
 - how much Jeremy Vine was paid to present his programme on radio 2 during the most recent 12-month period for which you have details available

The information you have requested is excluded from the Act because it is held for the purposes of ‘journalism, art or literature.’ The BBC is therefore not obliged to provide this information to you and will not be doing so on this occasion.

 

Again, I am puzzled as to what information the BBC's FOI team can actually give out without falling foul (or hiding behind?) the "journalism, art or literature" veto. One of the BBC's favourite subjects is itself (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/8813428/All-I-get-on-the-BBC-these-days-is-...-the-BBC.html) so how about discussing the BBC's inbred secrecy one day? I'd listen to that!

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - unless it isn't, of course

Today's show 03/10/11

Monday mornings are always a problem, aren't they? The weekend (with some exceptionally fine weather here on Saturday, at least) has come and gone and left your editorial team fumbling around trying to find some "news" stories to cover today. I see from your web page (updated nice and early again today - thank you) that the barrel has been well and truly scraped and they have found four items for discussion, and none of which are of relevance or interest to me as I shall explain later.

If you needed help all you had to do was ask and I could have helped with a couple, at least.

My first choice would have been this one from Jeremy's favourite newspaper, the Daily Mail (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2044206/BBC-presenters-accused-advertising-door-Berghaus-winterwear.html#ixzz1ZVf5HGGH):
The Berghaus Broadcasting Corporation: Presenters accused of 'advertising by the back door' as BBC gets massive discounts on designer winterwear

Allow me to quote:
The BBC has been accused of allowing its presenters to advertise Berghaus clothing by ‘the back door’ – after negotiating a deal to buy jackets at a 45 per cent discount.
BBC editorial guidelines state that staff should adhere to a set of strict rules banning them from the on-screen promotion of products or brands.

So, how does that work then? I think we should be told and I would consider this a worthy topic for discussion.

The second item I would have chosen concerns Jeremy's old friend George "We're all going to die - no, really, we really are all going to die" Monbiot. You know him, he is the famous pedlar of the Anthropogenic Global Warming myth and seems to make a good living from doing so as he has chosen to publish details of his income here: http://www.monbiot.com/registry-of-interests/. You will probably gather that I am no fan of the man but I do admire his openness and wonder whether others in public life might like to do the same kind of thing. George "I'd like the cream" Galloway would be of most interest to me!

You seem to have missed that the Conservative Party Conference is taking place in Manchester this week too. Interesting, don't you think, that last week Jeremy covered this in some detail (Monday : Economy, Tuesday : Rory "I'm so poor - has anybody seen my iPad?" Weal, Wednesday : Ed Miliband's "predator or producer" speech) but yet there is nothing about the Tories today. You may have heard that George Osbourne has announced this morning that Council Tax is to be frozen for another 12 months (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-15145083), yet your programme chooses to make no mention of it. So, why is that? Bias, bias, bias, BIAS! That's why. Jeremy will be proud of you.

 

In connection with this I had to laugh (because it is oh, so true) at a piece posted on Guido Fawkes's blog (http://order-order.com/2011/10/03/overheard-in-the-midland-hotel-bar-ii/), which I will quote in full as it might play on somebody's guilt there - maybe:
Overheard in the Midland Hotel Bar II

A newbie MP talking to a young blonde lady. The MP says “it was nice to meet you, but I’ve got to go and show my face at the British Venture Capital Association reception”. The young lady immediately says “wow, that sounds like a very right-wing group.”  The MP looks bemused, replying “I wouldn’t say that. It’s business, it’s not left-wing or right-wing. So what do you do?” The lady suddenly looks embarrassed: “I work for the BBC.” “Oh? Doing what exactly?” “I’m public affairs – it’s my job to persuade all of you lot that we’re not a bunch of raving left wingers.” “You’re not doing a very good job so far…” came the reply.

Today's issue that affects me: What were Radio 2 management thinking when they decided to use Jon Holmes and Miranda Hart on the breakfast show this week?

Interesting too that at 08:24 this morning they gave a run-down of what is to come on Radio 2 today, which - according to them - consisted of Ken Bruce and Steve Wright, with no mention of your programme. Perhaps they, like me, are pretending that it doesn't exist.

Moving on then to today's Tory-free tosh, which doesn't look like it will take long to deal with:

1) KNOX MURDER TRIAL - Amanda Knox pleads for her innocence in court today. The case continues to be sensational but are we in danger of forgetting that an English girl called Meredith Kercher was murdered? : I hadn't forgotten that, but thanks for reminding me. On that basis, do I need to listen? Next...

2) CARERS - A disabled woman suspicious that her carers were stealing from her installs CCTV and catches them red-handed. Can your carer be trusted? : What carer is that then? Next...

3) COLD & FLU REMEDIES - We’re joined by Radio 2 Doctor Sarah Jarvis. Following an inquest last week, are you in danger of overdosing on cold and flu remedies? : I last had a cold (actually Man Flu, of course) about five years ago. My remedies are warmth, rest, sleep and food. Other than getting fatter, I'm prepared to take a chance that overdosing on any of those will not do me any harm at all. Next...

4) GRAVEYARDS - Finally, Goths are banned from taking photos in ‘Dracula’s Cemetery’ in Whitby. Are you disturbed by young people hanging around your local cemetery? : I'm not sure what the connection between "taking photos" and "hanging around" is, but I have no doubt that you have found one. We have a small cemetery literally just up the road. Other than relatives of the deceased and the chap who keeps it tidy I've never seen anybody else there. Oh, and I've never been to Whitby and I don't ever recall being a Goth.

 

Nice one Paddy! Four out of four totally irrelevant stories.

 

Now, go and get a proper job, do yourself a favour and remember the old saying when Vine's team next ask you to stand in for him: Just Say "No" !

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - but not today.

Today's show 30/09/11

Is this a record? The time is 09:45 and the show's web page has already been updated with today's stories. This makes such a pleasant change from the situation only a few weeks ago where the web page wasn't being updated until after the programme had started. So what has changed? Has somebody finally been told to do their job properly? If so, it is about bloomin' time.

I notice again that there are no links to newspaper web pages. Time for another complaint, I feel (see below).

Anyway, welcome back Paddy - whoever you are. All I will say is: You are an improvement on the abominable Ms Feltz.

Today's issue that affects me: Today is the last day of free supermarket carrier bags here in Wales, but what is the best way to mark this event?

So, what despicable drivel has the producer stitched you up with today then? Let's see...

1) BINS - The government has found an extra £250 million to bring back weekly bin collections which it says is the “right” of every householder. But can we afford it in these difficult times? : This is a story that was discussed by Ms Feltz as recently as 31st May and described thus: WEEKLY BIN COLLECTIONS - Reports say that the government will give councils cash incentives to restore weekly bin collections with a link to an article in The Independent (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/councils-offered-cash-to-keep-weekly-bin-collections-2291073.html). The important sentence in the BBC news page that you link to today, as far as I am concerned, is: The government says it will make £250m available to help English councils keep or restore weekly bin collections. "English", not "Welsh". To repeat what I wrote on 31st May: Here in Gwynedd we have a weekly bin collection that alternates between household waste and garden waste. We also have a separate weekly collection for items to be recycled. We are provided with good quality bins in which to store rubbish between collections. Collections occur every Monday morning, including bank holidays, and it all works rather well for me. I see no need at all to have three separate collections every week. As you will appreciate, I am struggling to find any relevance to this story. First Feltz, then you - doesn't Jeremy like talking about bins? Next...

2) DIALLING 999 - We discuss the 2 year old who knew to dial 999 when her mother collapsed. At what age do you tell your kids about the emergency services? : What kids are those then? Next...

3) MOTORWAY SPEED LIMIT - The Department of Transport wants to increase the speed limit on motorways to 80 mph. It claims it’s good for economic growth, but admits it may also increase casualties : Another repeated story, this time from 28th February when you were standing in for Jeremy, and described thus: MOTORWAYS - With the government considering increasing the speed limit on motorways to 80 mph, we speak to someone who went on a speed awareness course and says they’ll never speed again. As I said in February: They have motorways in England, and the only one in Wales is a long way away from here. My nearest ones are the M56 and the M54, both about 90 miles away in England. Do you think this item is relevant to me? I thought not. Next...

4) ALLOTMENT - Finally, are you enjoying the sunny weather? Terry is on his allotment in the Rhondda : Could you ask Terry "Sound Effects Man" Walton a question for me? Could you ask him what he thinks about the end of free carrier bags in Wales? Not that I'll be listening, of course.

Two items dragged back from the past, and the very definitely non-news twaddle allotment item. I think you definitely have been stitched up!

If you really want to repeat stories, how about repeating the one from 6th September where you discussed the driving of a 4x4 car up Snowdon? It seems that it has happened again - with the same 4x4 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-15108712). I was glad to see that the BBC have chosen to check the facts (A BBC reporter, who travelled to the summit on Thursday, said the vehicle matched the description and number plate of the vehicle from the earlier incident.) but I'm not sure that spending £25 and three hours on a train journey to the summit was the best use of his time or my licence fee.

The Jeremy Vine Show - regurgitating rubbish repeatedly



Complaint lodged on BBC web site:

The topics to be discussed in Mr Vine's daily programme are listed on his show web page every day, together with a link to another web page for more information. Until a few weeks ago a large number of these links would be to web pages belonging to various newspapers, but recently only BBC web pages have been included. This can lead to some frustration when no relevant BBC web page is available and so no link is shown.

While I am happy to read the BBC's view of events it is also good to read the alternative viewpoints expressed in the printed press, and my complaint is that I am now deprived of this useful facility.

 

 

Freedom of Information request sent to BBC:

 

I would like to know how many complaints in total were received by the BBC Complaints Department that related specifically to the Jeremy Vine programme on Radio 2 during the most recent 12-month period for which you have details available.

Today's show 19/08/11

Even though he is on holiday, Jeremy is still taking the time to update his Twitter page. The man is obssessed with it! I had to laugh at one of his retweets this morning which said:

 

Very clever, and very true. Assuming that "radio programme" can be substituted for "business", let's look at these recent examples from this programme's web page:

19th July: MURDOCH'S AND BROOKS FACE CULTURAL SELECT COMMITTEE
9th June: SANDWICH BOARDS - Finally, as Dominoes Pizza's are attacked for making their staff wear sandwich boards
5th April: MY HUSBAND TRIED TO KILL ME - We talk to Victoria Fabian, who's husband tried to murder her by blowing up her car.
21st March: WERE YOUR PARENT'S STRANGERS TO YOU?

I will leave it up to you and my blog readers to decide how Jeremy's tweet should be interpreted, but you can probably guess my opinion.

 

As I mentioned yesterday, I will try and give an issue that affects me every day from now on. Here is today's:

 

Today's issue that affects me: What are the BBC's plans for television channel BBC4?
Ref: http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2011/aug/16/bbc4-expected-to-be-scaled-back and http://savebbc4.co.uk/

 

In your final day of the radio equivalent of dragging finger nails down a blackboard, let's look at what News Entertainment is up for discussion today...

1) DEGREES - With thousands of children desperate to get into university this year, did you regret not going to university and getting a degree? : Degrees were not as important when I left college and started work in 1975, and far less people went to university. My full-time employment lasted for 29 years, with only two employers, so I must have been doing something right. On that basis, the answer to your question has to be "No" and this item is consequently of no interest to me. After all, what could I do about it now? Next...

2) ROAD RAGE AT TRACTORS - A tractor driver is installing a CCTV camera on his tractor to highlight the road rage and abuse he receives on country lanes : Good for him, but I'm not sure who his audience will be or what this will achieve. There are two sides to every story, despite what this programme tries to tell us most days. Living in a rural area I know only too well the problems that slow-moving tractors can cause, and my wife got stuck behind one earlier this morning. Those of us that live here tend to understand that these guys are simply working hard doing a difficult job and our tolerance amounts to nothing more than frustration rather than rage. However, there are also tractor drivers around who are their own worst enemies simply because they fail to acknowledge the queue of traffic behind them and ignore opportunities to pull off the road to allow the queue to overtake. I'll take a chance that your discussion today will degenerate in to the usual slanging match (good radio, eh?) and that I won't learn anything new. Caravans, on the other hand, are a different matter. Next...

3) RIGHT TO DIE - A man in his forties who suffered a terrible stroke and is totally paralysed from the neck downwards wants the right to die in Switzerland. The only trouble is his wife can’t bear the thought of going along with it : Freedom of choice is a wonderful thing. Next...

 

4) SHARK ATTACK - Finally, the wife of the man who died from a shark attack says she is haunted by his cries but was able to comfort him in his last moments : Tragic, but not the kind of thing I want to listen to today, thanks.

 

What? No Celebrity (sic) Big Brother? The Daily Mail is full of it! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2027562/Celebrity-Big-Brother-2011-line-Amy-Childs-Tara-Reid-Kerry-Katona-vie-hottest-star.html

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - putting the apostrophe back in bollock's

Today's show 18/08/11

I'm looking forward to Jeremy's return next week, as it almost certainly mean that Radio 2 will broadcast one of those dreadful "Jeremy Vine is back" jingles. These are great fun to rip apart and I find them extremely amusing as they usually consist of disjointed parts of unconnected phone conversations together with the dubious claim that he will be "discussing the issues that affect you", meaning me, of course. Unfortunately he has not once discussed an issue that affects me since he started on this programme in 2003. Perhaps I could prosecute Radio 2 under the Trades Description Act for making false claims as, after all, I have paid for the service through my TV Licence Tax. Now, there's a thought...

In the meantime, I will attempt to educate you in to what really are the issues that affect me and probably many others too here in The Real World, a place with which you seem to be sadly unfamiliar. Each day I will give you a topic, and each day you will probably ignore it. However, I promise to listen if you do discuss it, provided it is within one week of my suggestion. So, let's make a start with this one:

Today's issue that affects me: Why does it take over a week for a bank to clear a cheque in to my account?

So let's look at today's attempt to bore me to death with the following irrelevancies:

1) A-LEVEL RESULTS - Almost 250,000 young people will today get their A-level results. Is your child desperate to get to university this year to avoid higher fees? : What child is that then? We don't have any. Next...

2) WASPS - A pensioner from Chelmsford has died after being attacked by a swarm of wasps: Tragic, but yesterday about 10 people were killed on Britain's roads, and the same will happen again today, and again tomorrow. But because it happens every day it is not newsworthy, is it? Interesting that the text news page (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-14555483) says "Apparently [the nest] had been prodded and wasps had been disturbed and that is why they attacked the passers-by". Knowing only too well how much this programme like to apportion blame, who are you going to hold responsible? The wasps? Or the person who prodded the nest? Next...

3) UNEMPLOYMENT - Unemployment across the UK is rising. Did you take a job beneath you because you needed the money and wanted to work? : No, but I would if I had to. Next...

4) TOURISM IN BRITAIN - Has the image of Britain (or is it just England?) as a tourist destination been irretrievably ruined because of the riots? : The roads here in Wales are as busy as ever, but where on earth is my crystal ball....?

Is it just coincidence that the subject matter gets worse when you are standing in?