26/04/12 and 27/04/12

It is a wet and very windy Sunday afternoon here in North Wales, and with any outside activities cancelled for the day an opportunity arises to send you my comments on the last two programmes from last week.

But first, here is some other stuff...

Jeremy, have you ever heard of a political party called UKIP? If you have then you are probably unique at the BBC as our favourite state broadcaster seems to be doing their best to not just ignore UKIP but almost to deny its existence. There was an interesting article about this phenomenon by Michael Heaver in The Commentator a few days ago (http://www.thecommentator.com/article/1125/bbc_green_with_envy_over_ukip_s_rise) which rightly said: Perhaps I'm just a troubled, paranoid young man. But if the Green Party were outpolling the Liberal Democrats nationally, I think that the BBC would be absolutely all over the story. Mr Heaver is, in my view, absolutely correct. So how about you include UKIP when a relevant topic for discussion occurs? Or did you get the "no UKIP" memo from the BBC's Director of Bias too?

Some BBC news:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/9233705/BBC-launches-inquiry-into-payments-to-MPs.html

BBC launches inquiry into payments to MPs

The BBC has launched an inquiry which could lead to a ban on MPs being paid to appear as guests on programmes. The move would affect dozens of politicians who are regularly rewarded for their broadcasts, earning up to £200 plus expenses for a turn on Radio 4's Any Questions or more than £500 for BBC One's This Week.

I have tried my best to find out how much Galloway et al are paid to patronise your listeners... ooops, sorry, I mean... to make a valuable contribution to your programme, but have failed on every attempt due to the unique way in which the BBC is funded and so won't tell the very people who fund a darned thing about how OUR money is spent. A ban on MPs being paid could be interesting. The appearance of a Tory MP on your programme is a rare thing already so that situation will probably not change, but if a ban means that Balls or Prescott are not called upon to give us the benefit of their wisdom on the price of brussel sprouts then so be it. My hope is that only those MPs who are passionate on their subject will appear - for free - and that will nicely separate the motormouths and rent-a-gobs from those who are actually trying to improve the land in which we live. Perhaps you need to update your MP "speed dial" list?

I know you don't do it, but I would like to go back to a couple of recent discussions on your programme...

The first was on 18th April when you were bemoaning the decline of local newspapers. Well, Mr Murdoch Snr has identified the culprit for their demise: The BBC. He gave his views as part of the Leveson Inquiry last week (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/17857574):
Leveson Inquiry: Murdoch rounds on BBC News website

Rupert Murdoch has used his appearance at the Leveson Inquiry into press ethics to reflect on the threat posed to newspapers by the internet. The head of News Corps singled out the BBC News website as a significant threat to local news websites throughout the UK.

So there we go, it is the BBC's fault. I knew it all along. Although only three minutes long, it is a an interesting interview. No wonder the BBC have him down as Public Enemy Number One.

The second was last Wednesday, 25th April, and the discussion on bus lanes and cyclists. Just out of curiosity I listened to the discussion on iPlayer in the hope that somebody might have given you some grief. I knew that you would have John Griffin from Addison Lee as a studio guest, but your other guest was something of a surprise choice. Now I know that you make a pretence of not ramming your own views down your listeners’ and studio guest’s throats and that you usually gets somebody in to do that for you, and it appears that last Wednesday was no exception. So what happened then? Did you do a quick scan down your speed-dial favourites list to find a fellow cyclist? And really, was there nobody else available other than Rent-A-Gob Peter Tatchell? Now Tatchell may or may not have interesting views on all sorts of matters (he was last on your programme talking about the Bahrain F1 race) but I never had him down as an expert on all things cycling. And I was correct! The item turned in to the usual JV Show two-against-one discussion (and I use that word in its loosest possible sense) with you putting words in to Griffin’s mouth, which he had to deny. Tatchell added little other than some hare-brained ideas and presumably collected a completely unjustified payment cheque when he left. This was nothing other than an ambush wrapped up in some very obvious London-only bias.

Moving on to last Thursday then...

1) ZIGZAG ECONOMY - As we fall back into recession we’re told the economy is zigzagging. If you think about your business or employment prospects are they up one day and down the next? : With the BBC celebrating the return to recession, I am going to tell that my employment prospects remain unchanged at non-existent, but that my business still seems to be going nicely. Next...

2) ABORTION - Are you somebody who had an abortion when you were young and now can’t get pregnant or left it too late? Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : I've never had an abortion, but I can't get pregnant. Other than read the Daily Mail, what should I do? Next...

3) GORDON BROWN - Rupert Murdoch said that Gordon Brown declared war on his company when The Sun declared war on the Labour government. Whatever was said or wasn’t said, does part of you think - good on Brown for taking on the power of Murdoch : More Murdoch? What a surprise! Not even the smallest part of me thinks that. Perhaps Brown only did it to annoy Tony Blair (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-14785501), but I notice that Murdoch is still around and Brown has vanished in to justifed obscurity. Next...

4) I LOVE WHERE I LIVE - “I Love Where I Live” continues with love letters to the place you call home. Today we reach Scotland, the highlands and islands, the glens and the great cities of Glasgow and Edinburgh : Nice place, although I've not been there since 2009.

And then there was Friday's offering...

1) WAKING THE WORKSHY - The head of the government’s Troubled Families programme Louise Casey says council officials may need to turn up at people’s homes at 7am to get parents and children out of bed. Do bureaucrats need to wake up the workshy? : There is no mention of waking people up on the news page you link to but it does say: David Cameron says he is determined to "get to grips" with tackling England's most troubled families by pledging a network of troubleshooters. Ah, England ... bless. Not Wales then. Next...

2) SIERRA LEONE - The former Liberian leader Charles Taylor is found guilty of aiding and abetting war crimes in Sierra Leone : Good. Next...

 

3) I LOVE WHERE I LIVE - We head to the South of England for the last day of "I Love Where I Live," your love letters to the place you call home : I used to live there, and I'm glad I don't anymore. I loved the way you informed us that the South of England streches from "Southend to Penzance". I'm not sure the proud people of Cornwall will have liked that, I think they prefer the term "West of England". Next...

 

4) FLANNELS - The decline of the flannel. Is it no longer an essential accessory in the bathroom? Find our more in this article from the Telegraph : I still have many and use one every day, but.... errrr... oh, hang on... nearly nodded off there... what was the question again?

 

What have I learnt from the BBC in the past few days? Well, Penzance is in the South of England (you, last week). "April showers" will last until May (BBC weather forecast this morning). Simon Cowell has an "unauthorised autobiography" out (news report on the Danii Minogue upset). And Billy Bragg was born in 1957 but was a "teenager throughout the 1970s" (Johnny Walker this afternoon). Perhaps accuracy is over-rated.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - Oh God, it's back on again tomorrow...

Today's show 19/03/12

Hello!

According to Twitter, Jeremy is away recording Eggheads, so welcome Assmah for your first stint standing in for The Great One.

A quick introduction: I write to Jeremy every day and explain why the four topics for discussion are largely irrelevant to me, together with relevant topics that I would like him to discuss - and which he completely ignores with almost 100% reliability. You can read my past communications here: http://lunchtimeloather.blogspot.co.uk/

So, what are you discussing today? Let's see, and I'll be easy on you...

1) FABRICE MUAMBA - The Bolton footballer Fabrice Muamba is still lying critically ill in hospital after suffering a cardiac arrest on the football pitch on Saturday. How could it happen that an incredibly fit young footballer suffers such a catastrophic attack? : I'll be honest and say that I had never heard of him or this unfortunate incident until yesterday evening. Let us hope that he makes a full recovery. Next...

2) WELFARE REFORMS - The government wants to reform the welfare system so it’s better to work than receive benefit. But we speak to a very worried single mum who says that she will lose tax credits and be so poor she’ll barely be able to feed her son : I am not a single mother, I don't receive any benefits, I don't have any children and I work for what I earn. Next...

3) ORKNEY AND SHETLAND - And finally, as the debate rages over Scottish independence, we speak to someone from Orkney and Shetland who says that even if Scotland goes independent, these islands should remain part of the UK. Findd out more from this article in the Aberdeen Press and Journal : I'm not sure why item number 3 starts with "And finally..." (or includes the word "Findd"), but I have promised the BBC Trust that I won't complain about poor updating of your web page in future. As a resident of Wales, I hope that I will be able to vote on whether Scotland goes independent. After all, it will affect us all - not just the residents of Scotland. Next...

4) PRIVATISING ROADS - The government wants to bring in a form of privatisation for our roads. Will this result in a fast lane for rich people only? : The first paragraph of the BBC news page you link to tells me all I need to know: David Cameron is expected to call for much more private investment in England's road network. I rarely visit England, and often choose to use the M6 Toll in preference to slogging through Birmingham. However, I would not class myself as "rich". Please do not do as Jeremy does and ignore the middle ground.

You see? That's how it goes. I'll be listening to 6 Music instead. More tomorrow!

The Jeremy Vine Show - but not for the next two weeks

Today's show 12/03/12

Just for a change it is me that is late today. I had to go out on an errand and with no DAB radio in my car I had the opportunity, if that is what it was, of listening to the first 45 minutes of your programme. I was again reminded why I don't listen every day.

 

The last item on the 12:00 news concerned the libel payment given to BBC EastEnders actor Steve McFadden by the News Of The World. No surprise that the perfect storm of a BBC employee and NOTW was mentioned, especially in that context, and no surprise either that your first words after the news were "Remind me, who published the News Of The World?". Any opportunity to have a dig at Murdoch is not to be missed, is it Jeremy?

 

The programme then proceeded in to the first discussion item:

 

1) US SOLDIERS - An American soldier shoots dead 16 Afghans, including 9 children. We talk to someone who asks: why do we ally ourselves to the US when they continually bring shame on themselves, and us as well? : Another "someone", and this time it was Peter Oborne who is the Daily Telegraph's chief political commentator, apparently, or otherwise known as a "journalist". You also spoke to another "someone" and that was ex-RAF navigator and military commentator John Nichol. It was a reasonably interesting discussion, but I cannot honestly say that my life was enriched by it and I was left feeling that one of your guests knew what he was talking about and the other one did not. I'll leave you to work out which was which. The discussion included yet another "let's play the most (in)appropriate song we can" moment when you went straight from this discussion in to Bruce Springsteen's "Wherever this flag's flown we take care of our own". Do you do it deliberately? Next...

We then moved on to this:

 

2) GAY MARRIAGE - The Catholic Church calls on their congregation to oppose gay marriage. But did you attend a civil partnership ceremony and change your mind about gay marriage? : I have never attended a gay marriage, but it will almost certainly happen one day. I'll admit that my patience got the better of me about 10 minutes in and I switched over to Heart FM to satisfy my craving for "entertainment". Next...

3) RAPE - A Mumsnet survey suggest that 80% of rapes and sexual assaults are not reported. Why do so many women not report rape? Find out more in this artcile from the Telegraph : Errr... Next...

4) INTERVIEW QUESTIONS - We talk about the job interview questions designed to catch you out, such as “If you were a dinosaur, which one would you be?” and “Try to sell me your biro.” : In all honesty, I cannot ever see me being involved in another job interview, either as an employee or as an employer.

 

In the 40-odd minutes that I listened you invited three times to "follow me on Twitter" or "message me on Twitter". Thanks for the invitation, but you'll need to unblock me first. And I notice that you have changed your Twitter profile from "All views personal of course" to "All views are my mum's". I must remember to mention that in my letter to the BBC Trust as I am sure they will be interested.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - making you feel like you need a shower

Today's show 01/03/12

I have a quick update on my appeal to the BBC Trust concerning the treatment of my complaints by the "expedited complaints handling procedure", meaning that they are completely ignored. I sent an email to the BBC Trust Editorial unit asking for an update and had a reply by return which said: "We are still considering your appeal, and will write again within the next two weeks to update you.". How odd, don't you think, that my appeal had to be on printed paper (because the BBC said so) and had to be received within 20 days (because the BBC said so) but the BBC can take as long as it likes to respond (because it suits the BBC) and only uses email to communicate with me (because it suits the BBC). Aren't double standards great?

Have you ever heard of Baroness Jenny Tonge? Do you know what happened to her yesterday? It is in several papers today, and was all over the internet yesterday. The BBC chose not report anything until this morning (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-17218291), yet the resignation of James Murdoch was reported minutes after it was announced and was all over the radio news bulletins I heard. Double standards again? I think so and I have no doubt that the BBC would have covered the Tonge story as promptly as they did with Murdoch had she been a Tory peer.

More double standards: You spoke about Joyce's brawl at Westminster last week and you were very keen to distance yourself from too much detail due to the possibility of legal action against him. Yet if I look through the BBC news pages for "Rebekah Brookes", for example, I can find all sorts of stories about her as the BBC seemingly find her guilty until proved innocent for all manner of crimes against humanity, including looking after an old horse (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-17194606) and allegations that it was in a "poor" state on its return (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-17200560). That last story in particular wreaks of utter desperation by the BBC to rubbish Brookes and includes yourself if your tweets are anything to go by:
Did today's Sun frontpage send Rebekah Brooks a coded signal that the game is up on the #horse? http://pic.twitter.com/FUyGFShO

Rebekah Brooks horse "has died" - circumstances not suspicious. http://bbc.in/yxulCg

Rebekah's #horse may be the equivalent of the duck island in the MPs' expenses scandal: superficially meaningless, but a devastating symbol
I am no fan of Brookes but is this really a "devastating symbol"? Remind me, what planet do you live on?

There seems to me to be a simple BBC rule in force here: If a person is connected to Murdoch or the Tories then publish what you like, and to hell with them and the consequences.

So let's see if you can include some double standards in today's show...

 

1) TAX CUT - With the budget only weeks away, a number of campaigns want to see different taxes cut. So today we ask: if there was room to cut one tax, what would it be? Cut VAT, cut fuel tax or cut the 50% tax for the rich? : That's easy ... scrap the BBC TV Licence Tax, but that will be out of bounds today - as usual. I'd love to see taxes cut and the introduction of a flat rate income tax that applies to everybody rather than the staggered system we have at the moment. This would be far simpler to administer but we probably won't be seeing that any time soon, and you won't be discussing that today apparently. Unfortunately, and despite me running my own business, I cannot see me being troubled by the 50% tax rate now or in the future. You need to remember that this rate was introduced by Gordon Brown in April 2010, just weeks before the general election (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/consumertips/tax/9114651/50p-tax-rate-is-damaging-economy-and-delaying-recovery-from-recession-warn-500-business-leaders.html) but somehow I suspect you will ignore that and you will allow this to turn in to an attack on the current government. There are, of course, ways around paying 50% tax and your BBC colleagues have done this (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/9090976/How-Moira-Stuart-makes-sure-tax-doesnt-have-to-be-taxing.html and
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/bbc-helps-its-chief-to-avoid-tax-exclusive-birts-salary-paid-to-his-private-company-1475816.html). Your talking today will, of course, not change anything but as somebody who earns £1million a year, which one would you like to be cut? I think we should be told. Next...

2) HOMS - With the Syrian army continuing its bombardment of civilian areas in Homs, we talk to somebody who says it’s time the West did something to help and someone else who says we should leave well alone : A "somebody" and a "someone". Great. Next...

3) DAVY JONES - The lead singer of the Monkees, Davy Jones, has died. We talk to people who say how much they loved him : Sad, but I was not a fan and I certainly did not love them. As one who grew up during the Monkees heyday my abiding memory is that The Monkees TV series (when first broadcast in the 1960s) was utter shite from start to finish. My sister enjoyed it though ... perhaps it was a girl thing. Next...

4) DAVID RATHBAND - PC David Rathband was blinded by the killer Raoul Moat. Last night he committed suicide. How do people cope after the trauma of sudden blindness? : I have huge sympathy for PC Rathband and can, I think, understand why he chose to take his own life. There is nothing that you or I can do to change that, but I have to remind you that it was only three weeks ago (15th February) that you discussed "SUDDEN SIGHT LOSS - We discuss sudden sight loss and meet a man who went blind overnight". I chose not to listen then, and will do the same today.

Oooohhh... you resisted Murdoch's resignation ... well done!

The Jeremy Vine Show - live from Planet Zaaarrrggg, every day

Today's show 24/02/12

Can you remember exactly what you were doing exactly 35 years ago today? I can.

Another quick one today...

1) BAR-ROOM BRAWL - Have you ever been involved in a bar-room brawl? What is the best way to pull the two sides apart? : No, never, and I have no idea. Interesting that you said you could not talk about the Eric Joyce skirmish, when others obviously feel that they can. Guido Fawkes published yesterday (http://order-order.com/2012/02/23/internal-beeb-blow-by-blow-account/) an internal BBC document giving a blow-by-blow (!) account of what happened. I am sure that the mandarins at Labour HQ are very pleased about the down-playing the BBC alone are giving to this event. And we can only imagine the different level of coverage that the BBC would have given this had it been a Tory MP involved. MPs, irrespective of their party, should be treated equally but that is something the BBC often seems to forget. Next...

2) NESTLE - The CEO of the Swiss food giant ‘Nestle’ has been criticized for using child labour. He says what’s wrong with using children as labour as long as we’re not treating them like slaves : Interesting that you have not provided a link for this story (or any others today), as the only ones I can find all date from November 2011 (for example: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-15930981). Is this just you being last with the news again today? A good friend of mine is another self-employed sole-trader but his 12-year-old son often helps him in his work and earns some extra pocket money in this way. Unfortunately he won't be listening to or contributing to your programme today as he is as big a fan of your show as I am. Next...

3) TERRY WALTON - Many of us enjoyed warm spring like weather yesterday. Terry says it’s time to get out on the allotment and start preparing the plot : You said to Zoe, "We discuss how to stop carrots splitting and growing raspberries". I am no gardener, but my lovely wife is, and I know from her that carrotts need stone-free soil to stop them growing in to odd shapes. Raspberries are my favourite soft fruit and so we grow these with considerable success. In fact, we had so many last year I was almost getting to the stage of having eaten too many. Almost. Anyway, I'm not sure I can learn anything from this, other than - perhaps - how to create some of the amazing sound effects for which you are making Terry rightly famous. Next...

4) MIDWIFE - Like the BBC 1 series, we ask; did you call the midwife in the 1950’s? : Any woman who had a baby in, say, 1955 and was, say, 20 years old at the time would now be well in to her 70s. Is this your target audience now? I was born in the late 1950s. Oh, and I'm a bloke.

The Jeremy Vine Show - Thank goodness it is the weekend.

Today's show 16/02/12

A quick one today...

Well, it was going to be a quick one but at 11:50 I'm still waiting for "somebody" to update your web page. What is it about Thursdays? I'll come back in a bit.

12:00, and here we go...

1) HONDURAS PRISON FIRE - A fire sweeps through a prison in Honduras, killing more than 350 inmates : A tragedy. You asked on Ken's show what arrangements are made should a prison catch fire in the UK. Knowing the comprehensive Health & Safety and Fire Safety regimes that we have in this country, I feel sure that some arrangements have been made, and this is confirmed by http://www.hse.gov.uk/foi/internalops/fod/oc/300-399/334-2.htm#para65-78. It is called "research" Jeremy, you should try it some time. And no, I don't mean sitting in a cafe reading the papers. Next...

2) DANGEROUS PARKS - A thirteen year old is stabbed to death in a park in Doncaster that locals say has a reputation for antisocial behaviour. Is there a park near you that you always avoid? : Another tragedy. No, there is not. Next...

3) MIRIAM O'REILLY - We speak to ex-Countryfile presenter, Miriam O'Reilly, who is leaving the BBC to fight for women's equality one year after winning an age discrimination case against the corporation : Your web page has a link to the BBC News page about the Honduras prison fire, so I had to go looking for this one elsewhere, and I found this:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2101339/RICHARD-KAY-Miriams-axeman-quits-BBC-.html

RICHARD KAY: Miriam's axeman quits the BBC...

Dropped from the Countryfile show three years ago because she was said to be too old, BBC TV presenter Miriam O’Reilly could be forgiven for feeling a sense of satisfaction today. The man responsible for axeing her is quitting the Corporation after 35 years. For 12 months after Miriam won her landmark discrimination case at an employment tribunal — and just five days after BBC director-general Mark Thompson, errrr, ummmm, admitted, errrr, there are not, ummmm, not enough older women, errrr, on screen — TV executive Andrew Thorman learns his own job is being abolished.
I continue to be a man, and while I have some support for O'Reilly's campaign, it comes as no surprise to me that you will not be focussing on the real story - Kay's departure - because it would involve criticising your beloved Biased Broadcasting Conglomerate. ‘The decision to abolish my role is plain wrong at a time when more than seven million people are regularly watching Countryfile. It’s a retrograde step,’ he (Kay) says. On that basis alone he should have been sacked years ago. Next...

4) MORBIDLY OBESE - Plymouth City Council is challenging the level of care it gives to a morbidly obese woman, saying her worst enemy is her own “dependency” on the state. Find out more from the Plymouh Herald : Your programme is turning in to Jeremy Kyle On The Radio. On Ken's show you described this as "a very, very interesting story". Once again Jeremy, I beg to differ. Trying valiantly to sound interested, Ken said "You can see both sides" and was grateful the decisions in this case would be taken by others and "We can just talk about it". Which is, of course, all your programme ever does.

The Jeremy Vine Show - Continuing to just talk about it

Today's show 03/01/12

Oh good, you're back. And so am I. I am here to continue my one-man assault on the pointless and ridiculous programme that you broadcast. It is a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. After all, nobody else seems to hold you to account, do they?

 

Today's issue that affects me: Toast, or fried bread?

At the end of 2010 I suggested ten New Year Resolutions for you in 2011. Let's take a quick look at how they held up:

1) I resolve to watch every edition of NewsWipe that Charlie Brooker produces this year, as it is the only TV programme that shows news reporting for what it really is : He didn't do many, but his 2011 Screen Wipe was very good: I hope you watched it.

2) I resolve to obtain and check the facts for topics discussed on my radio show this year, and not discuss a story until I have done so : Well, that didn't happen, did it? Fukushima being the obvious example with you saying "We should have got an expert in to explain this".

3) I resolve to do some of my own research and not rely on the rapidly declining Dead Tree Press for the majority of my stories : There was an increase in the number of stories based on BBC reports, but the Dead Tree Press continued to provide the so-called facts behind a large percentage of your programme. Remember The Guardian's "facts" that finished off the NOTW? All lies!

4) I resolve to not do any unwarranted and unjustified character assassinations, even if the person concerned is growing a giant hedge in Plymouth : Again, that did not happen, with Clarkson and various Murdochs being the prime targets. Try doing one on Comrade Galloway - I'd listen to that.

5) I resolve to look at both sides of every story before discussing it on air and finally realise that just one side is really not enough, even if I agree with one side more than the other : Three words: Cameron's Euro Veto. Biased BBC from start to finish.

6) I resolve to learn how to use the microphone fader to keep my contributors under control, rather than have discussions descend in to an unlistenable free-for-all : From the snippets I heard, this didn't happen either amd your microphone fader remains unserviceable. Perhaps a move to the new studios in Manchester may help?

7) I resolve to listen to and read the criticism of my show and acknowledge that it exists by mentioning it on air : Again, that didn't happen.

8) I resolve to try making a difference by championing a cause, rather than just talking about somebody else trying to make a difference : There were plenty of opportunities to do this, but they were all ignored.

9) I resolve to remember that not everybody lives in London and the South East of England : Again no, with a discussion about London Underground train drivers on 14th October as an example.

10) I resolve to accept that I am not always right : I think Howard Schultz did a magnificent job of highlighting this particular failing.

I'll suggest the same ten for 2012, and we can review them again in 12 month's time. OK?

It was good to see that your web show page was updated before 10am this morning. Please make this an every day event as it makes my morning routine so much easier.

So, there has been no news for 10 days or so - apparently - so let's see what jewels of news trivia you have managed to find today...

1) FAULTY BREAST IMPLANTS - We talk to someone who says the NHS should pay to remove faulty breast implants : Yay! A good start to the year with a story that is a week old and features a mysterious "someone". Will you be finding another "someone" to point the alternative point of view, I wonder? Anyway, I am still not a woman and so - can you guess what is coming? - this item is of no interest or relevance to me. Next...

2) SHOOTINGS - Following the multiple shootings in County Durham, are you worried about someone who has a legal gun licence? : I am not aware that any of the people I know has a gun licence, so my answer to your question can only be "No". Next...

3) RUNNING - It’s the New Year, and the Olympic year. Are you about to start running to keep fit? Before you put those trainers on, listen to our essential guide : Sorry, but I don't do running. Next...

4) STORM - As storms rage across the UK, how bad is the wind where you are? : Where I live it was a bit breezy earlier, but a quick check out the window reveals that it has now reduced. I did pick up a piece of polystyrene foam from the front garden though. Reports from elsewhere in Gwynedd suggest that we got away lightly. I am amazed that your programme has resorted to that old British conversation stop-gap: Talking about the weather. Has Radio 2's prime time news programme really come to this? Has it never been windy before? Utterly pointless and irrelevant. Remember the old saying: If you have nothing to say then say nothing. You should try it some time. Happy New Year!

Now, if you had really wanted to cover a story a week old you could have covered this one:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2011/dec/31/ed-miliband-labour-bbc-bias

Labour turns on BBC over 'pro-coalition coverage'

The Labour party has made a "serious complaint" to the BBC about a lack of political balance in its news coverage as it attempts to reinvigorate Ed Miliband's leadership and counter what it sees as widespread media bias in favour of the David Cameron-led coalition.

All I can say is that they must be listening to a different BBC to the one we get here, as all I seem to hear is Miliband et al being given airtime to ram home their point of view at every possible opportunity. I wonder if their "serious complaint" will get the usual response of "your views are very important" and "we have recorded your complaint in the audience log", which is all I ever get.

Also in the broadcast arm of the BBC, aka The Guardian, was this piece of pro-BBC propaganda from multi-millionairess Polly Toynbee:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jan/02/maimed-bbc-parasitic-sky

How the badly maimed BBC can stand up to parasitic Sky

 

It is one of the biggest loads of rubbish I have ever read about the BBC, to be honest, so The Guardian and the BBC are probably proud of it. Oh, by the way, The Guardian have now increased the number of corrected stories concerning phone hacking from 37 to 38. Just thought I'd mention that as it shows that particular paper organ for what it is.

 

Let's leave it there today - more tomorrow!

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - so dull we are talking about the weather

Today's show 21/12/11

I made a mistake in my email to you yesterday. I wrote that yesterday was the shortest day, but it might be today, and some people are saying it is tomorrow. Oh well...

Today's issue that affects me: Hmmm... is that getting too warm?

Anyway, here we are on the last day of "news" on Radio 2 for 2011. I believe that you are doing your annual greetings to the troops programme tomorrow, and there will now be no more "news, views and live guests" until January 3rd. How will your listeners cope? This kind of break always makes me wonder what changes the BBC would make should a major news story break during the Christmas/New Year period. Perhaps it would be left to Alan Carr and Dale Winton to tell us all about it....!

So, Piers Morgan then...

1) SILICONE BREAST IMPLANTS - Authorities in France are deciding whether women who had silicone breast implants supplied by a French firm should have them removed. Where does that leave British women who were fitted with the same product? : A good question, but I've checked again and I am still not a woman. Next...

2) GHOST TRAINS - We discuss ghost trains - the services that are run with no passengers on them so that rail companies and the Department for Transport can say the line is still open. Find out more in this article from the Independent : Now, you know that I have an interest in all things trains so I will listen to this at 12:30. (Blimey, what a way to end the year!) The reason for running these trains is stated in the article: "Actually," he tells me, "they use this route for crew-training in case Marylebone is shut and trains are diverted." And that is it, exactly. Train drivers have to be fully aware of the routes on which they drive and it is not permissable to drive a train on a route that is unknown to the driver. The reason for the service from Paddington to Gerrards Cross is, as stated, to keep train crews' route knowledge current. When work takes place on the lines between Marylebone and South Ruislip trains can be diverted into Paddington without having to provide route conductors or drivers that know the route in to Paddington. Similar reasons exist for the other services that you mentioned on Ken's show. Rest assured that this is not an "issue that affects me" but I will listen out of mild interest and to see how you handle it. Next...

3) OPEN FIRES - Four children die in a house fire in Derbyshire that was started after an ember fell from the fireplace onto the carpet. A fire guard would have prevented it, say investigators. How do you keep your open fire safe? : What open fire is that then? Gas-fired central heating here! Next...

4) WRAPPING PRESENTS - We discuss the nightmare of wrapping Christmas presents. We get a lesson from an expert : My wife is an expert at wrapping presents. And what makes you think I actually give any? Now, pass the humbugs.

So, no Piers Morgan then.

The Jeremy Vine Show - How many Fs in "news"? There is no F in news!


UPDATE:

Just switched off the radio after listening to your "ghost trains" item. Good to hear your contributors confirming exactly what I wrote in my earlier email. 

I had to call in on my wife at work just after 12. I know that one of her colleagues there listens to your programme and I mentioned that you were discussing something that had a passing interest to me today. She said, "Oh, I don't listen to him any more, not after that Greece thing". I asked her to elaborate and she told me that after your "Greece leaves the euro" spoof you did last week, and the time wasted while they discussed the implications on their company, she no longer listens to your programme.

And there was me thinking you would want to attract listeners - not drive them away!


UPDATE 2:

I didn't spot that one of the contributors to the "ghost trains" piece has a book out soon. Thanks to Will for pointing that out, and I've added a "Blatant Advertising" tag.

Today's show 23/11/11

You'll hopefully be interested to know that searches for "jeremy vine lou reed interview" and combinations thereof are still creating a huge number of hits for my blog and it had over 300 visits yesterday, so thank you for that. It is fair to say that that interview has brought a whole raft of new readers, who I welcome warmly, and I hope they come back for more.

It is 10:45 as I write this and, unlike yesterday, your web page has already been updated with today's programme details. This did not happen until after your programme ended yesterday, so how about devoting 30 minutes of your programme one day to discussing paid staff that fail to do their jobs?

Today's issue that affects me: I love Trebor (now Bassetts) Refreshers ... you know, the pink, green, yellow and orange fizzy sweets that come in a paper tube ... but nowhere around here sells them. What should I do?

I'm listening to you on Ken's show as I type this ... and it doesn't sound good. I suppose, if nothing else, your trail acts as a warning to those who, like me, don't wish to listen to your programme. Not that I need a reason to not listen, of course, but if there was a real reason to listen then I would. Unfortunately those instances are extremely few and far between.

Before we move on to today's menu, I thank valued blog reader Gill for drawing this to my attention:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/proginfo/2011/48/jeremy-vine.html

So, you're off to India then, at my expense. How lucky you are. BBC cutbacks be damned! And what a shame that nobody bothered to proof-read that page so that the missing word "to" could be inserted in the third paragraph. I look forward to dealing with this particular jolly next Monday and I am sure that it will be an enlightening and educational experience ... for somebody.

So, what have you got today that might tempt me away from the poorly-named Prime Minister's Questions (should be Prime Minister's Answers, surely) and 6 Music then...?

1) ELDERLY - The Equality Commission says that elderly people are being abused by carers in their own homes. Is this the one area which makes you thankful that we have Human Rights legislation? : My parents are both in their late 80s, and they live an independent lifestyle of their own making, despite my Mum being partially sighted and my Dad having hearing difficulties. They do not have any carers of any kind, so my involvement with such things is non-existent at the moment. Having said that, a quick check of the BBC news page you link to tells me that "Basic care for the elderly in their own homes in England is so bad it breaches human rights at times, an inquiry says.". England ... so we can only assume that all is well in Scotland, Northern Ireland and here in Wales, can't we? I listened to you talk about this on Ken's show and now understand that your discussion is about the Human Rights legislation itself, and not carers who abuse their patients. Confused? Yes! Next...

2) SELF-IMMOLATION - We discuss the tragic case of the woman who doused herself in fuel and set herself alight on a petrol forecourt. Find out more in this article from the Bath Chronicle : Other than planting the seed of a similar idea in the minds of similarly troubled people, I'm not sure what discussing this will achieve. To be honest, it is not the kind of thing I want to listen to while eating my lunch but there is an obvious solution: Ban Petrol Cans! Next...

3) CAESAREANS - More and more women are choosing caesarean sections. Are you somebody who’s afraid of giving birth? : I'm bloomin' terrified of giving birth, but there may be a good reason for that. Next...

4) UNIFORMS - Finally, the Olympic uniform has been unveiled. What’s the worst uniform you’ve ever had to wear? : This is the hard-hitting cutting edge news that your listeners crave! Well, it is what you choose to spoon-feed them every day. From smelly handbags to ugly uniforms, does it get any better than this? Unfortunately not! In answer to your question: The only uniform that I have had to wear was my school uniform (and it wasn't that bad), so I have not worn a uniform since I left school in 1975. And, unlike you, I have never worked for McDonalds. Shall I phone in later with that information?

You might have heard that there are some protests going on in Egypt at the moment. On the basis that it was dropped from your programme yesterday (09:00am-ish Tweet yesterday: Today's show @BBCRadio2 in four words: Leveson. Egypt. Downs. 5-a-side.) in favour of the cancer story we can only assume it is nothing important. It is not as if they are trying to overthrow the government or anything like that, surely, and if it were then the park football item would have gone. Having watched some live video streaming I am happy to confirm that there are no ugly uniforms to be seen and incidences of smelly handbags are minimal. Perhaps they are protesting that their wheelie-bins have not been emptied in the last week. Yes, that will be it.

The Jeremy Vine Show - not as good as PMQs.

Today's show 24/10/11

So what have the lunchtime Radio 2 audience done so bad that they have to suffer The Abominable Ms Feltz today? I consider that Jeremy and I have a good relationship in that I send him my daily "your programme is utter rubbish" email and he at least has the courtesy to stick his fingers in his ears and go "La La La La", and I respect him for that. Unfortunately that same respect does not exist for you. I really cannot stand you at all.

So, I can sum up today's reason why I won't be listening to your programme in two words: VANESSA FELTZ
Instead, then, I will write my daily criticism of your programme purely for the benefit of my many blog readers and pretend that you don't exist....

1) EU REFERENDUM - A number of Conservative MPs are planning to defy the party leadership and vote today for a referendum on Britain's membership of the EU. With the euro in crisis, is this the ideal time for a public poll or a dangerous distraction? : Neither? Sounds like Cameron is trying to dictate what his MPs should do, and we all know what happens to dictators. Perhaps Galloway will want to be his friend. Next...

2) PARENTS IN PRISON - Do you remember the day when your parent was jailed? : I had to do some checking on this, so I've just spoken to my parents (now both well in to their 80s) and they have confirmed that neither of them have been to prison. That explains why I cannot remember it happening. Next...

3) FAITH IN THE WORLD - As part of Radio 2's Faith in the World week, we discuss white, British women who are converting to Islam : Odd usage of a comma there, but I am still not a woman. Next...

4) WIDE CARS - And as our cars get wider, is that causing problems when you park in the garage or at the supermarket? Find out more from Mail Online : Aaahhh, the Daily Mail ... bless. I have not had that problem. Perhaps parking bays are larger here in North Wales.

So, what else can I tell you today? Well....

For those of you on Twitter I can recommend following @Vine_Watch. This is written by somebody who is forced (presumably in an office or similar) to listen to JV every day, and the contributions from others are great too. His Twitter description is the beautifully written:

Jeremy Vine is the 'Tim-nice-but-Dim' of BBC Radio 2. He is an idiot and so are his callers. Here's some of the utter bollocks spewed out on his show everyday.

And that is exactly what appears. As you know, I don't listen at all but that means I miss such treats as:

Did jeremy vine really just segue a discussion about gadaffi's execution into a dolly parton christian country song called sacrifice? (@TobyPlanas)

Oh dear. JV's chosen Supertramp's 'Give A Little Bit' for his item on human egg donation. Inspired by his sperm donating friend? (@macnovel)

Jeremy Vine "That was Chris Rea. He's still going strong isn't he!" U mean cancer surviving diabetic wth half a colon ChrisRea? wot u think? (@Vine_Watch)

Caller Jeremy Vine Show: "How can I afford to keep the heating on? It's getting to the point we'll have to walk around fully clothed" (@Vine_Watch)

JV's quote of the day, "it's illegal to hit a child in a criminal way" no shit, Sherlock! (@1958penny)

JV says 'repeating untrue rumours only gives them credibility'. What, like on a national radio programme you mean? (@Schmiffy12)

Thanks for the heads-up. Sounds all a bit high-brow for JV. I'm sure he'll drag it down to his level by the end of the show. (@Vine_Watch)

Jeremy Vine says he 'was told' what was inside the covers of Penthouse when he was younger. (@macnovel)

Yes, hes using Sympathetic Voice Number 28 from his Emot-voice-bank for this segment. (@Vine_Watch)

I thought we may escape the stupid, patronising, and childish sound effects today seeing as Jeremy Vine is having a day off... Sadly not. (@Vine_Watch)

There are two people on the Jeremy Vine show arguing about the proper place to put an out of date chicken. You couldn't make it up. (@QunitinForbes)

"Caro Emerald, one of those very talented woman singers" - Patronising comment from Jeremy Vine, ironically during a feminism phone-in. (@Vine_Watch)

Did Jeremy Vine just say "you can google that on a search engine"? (@StuRobson)

"Does your narrow boat have a land line?" the spirit of Jeremy Vine lives on! (@Dickie_Shoulder)

... and so on.

You will remember the character assassination that JV did on Ricky Gervais last week. JV was crowing on Twitter about an article in The Independent over the weekend (http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/columnists/janet-street-porter/editoratlarge-seems-well-use-any-word-today-except-a-word-of-kindness-2374647.html) in which he said:

In my mind it begs the question: Why didn't JV do this himself? But we all know the answer to that question: Because he does nothing! As for Mr Gervais, perhaps his true views on disability shine through in this YouTube video that he made for jobability.com: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WH2XmBj0wSU

Apparently Feltz is on all week... oh joy.

The Jeremy Vine Show - still thinking that Twitter is a wonderful thing.

Today's show 19/10/11

 It was interesting to hear Chris Evans talking about your programme at about 08:10 this morning, and in particular about the "GPs sacking patients" discussion yesterday. I did not hear the discussion, of course, but he said that it was one of the most balanced debates between two people of widely opposing views that he had ever heard on your programme, and he sent his congratulations to you and your team. Frankly, I believe Chris's congratulations are misplaced and they should have gone to your guests instead if they conducted themselves with the decorum that he described. Perhaps Chris, like me, will listen to reasoned debate but does not enjoy the daily spectacle of the verbal fisticuffs that is the unfortunate mainstay of your programme.

Stopping a good slanging match is not one your strong points, and some would say that you even promote such things to occur. In fact, you were so proud of the 4th October ruckus, as you described it, between Gorgeous George Galloway (on behalf of Comrade Crow) and some Daily Mail Blogger that you promoted it on your Twitter feed (Ruckus on my show earlier and you can hear it. Bob Crow, Mail blogger @AlexSingletonUK & @georgegalloway ... http://bit.ly/q30dJA) but you chose not to mention the two GPs' discussion. I find it odd that you chose to promote Radio 2 at its very worst but were silent on what was, according to Chris Evans, a fine piece of radio. Only a few minutes ago you Tweeted "BBC News: 'Smacking does does not work' says Assembly member http://bbc.in/oRowqI Clip from Monday's lively debate on@theJeremyVine show". Having had a quick listen I can confirm that it was indeed "lively" as you describe, but a debate it certainly was not. It was the usual slanging match between two people who continually talked over the top of each other making any argument they were trying to make virtually unintelligible. Meanwhile, the host let them get on with it, presumably while thinking "How can I force my opinion through?". I can only conclude that my view of what you think makes "good radio" is correct.

Steve Wright has also made several mentions of your programme in his show recently. Has some kind of Radio 2 diktat gone out to your fellow broadcasters to give your show a bit more prominence than the usual blink-and-you'd-miss-it "... Jeremy is at 12 ..." which they have used in programme promotions for so long?

Today's issue that affects me: Why, when buying timber, is the cross-section dimension nominally given in inches (for example, 2 by 4) but the length is given in metres?

I see the BBC are in the news again today for the usual stuff: corruption and bias. I've not time to look at the corruption story (http://order-order.com/2011/10/19/bbc-tries-cover-up-for-yentob/) but the bias one is of interest to me. Rangers Football Club have issued a statement on their web site (http://www.rangers.co.uk/articles/20111018/club-statement-on-bbc_2254024_2485938) in which they say: "Rangers Football Club is withdrawing all co-operation with the BBC as of today. The decision has been taken due to the repeated difficulties the Club has encountered with the BBC this season." and they cite:
 - "serious misrepresentation of the Club manager's position on violence and sectarianism"
 - "a documentary ... which appears to be little more than a prejudiced muckraking exercise"
 - "BBC has ... demonstrated a pre-determined negative attitude towards Rangers and its fans and its journalism has fallen well short of acceptable standards"
But as they involve poor journalism AND the BBC you won't be covering those stories today, or ever, will you?

Time to look at Wednesday's woes then....

1) DALE FARM - Riot police have moved in to Dale Farm to evict the travellers who its claimed are illegally camped : At the risk of repeating myself, I have just checked again and Basildon is still over 300 miles from where I live, so this is definitely not one of those mythical "issues that affect you" that you erroneously claim to broadcast. Whose side are you going to take this time? Will it be the hard-worked police force trying to uphold the law in difficult circumstances, or will it be like last time and you will take the side of the site residents who may be the victims of alleged ethnic cleansing? Your mention on Ken's show that Jonnie "flan flinger" Marbles will be contributing to this item only goes to confirm that I am still not interested! What has he got to do with ANYTHING? Next...

2) WOLFSON PRIZE - Lord Wolfson, the Chief Executive of Next, is offering a prize of £250,000 for anyone who can come up with a credible way of dismantling the Euro. Find out more from the Financial Times : Fascinating! Real target audience stuff again! Perhaps one of your listeners will win the prize. Or perhaps not. Anyway, the link you give to the FT is hidden behind their "pay wall" so I cannot read it without registering, and frankly I cannot be bothered to do that. Oh well, you know what they say: No FT? No comment! Next...

3) OLD PEOPLE'S HOMES - A campaign group wants to encourage older people with large empty houses and too many rooms to sell their homes to younger people who need the space : Apostrophes, don't you just love them? So well done for getting this tricky one correct! We don't have a large empty house with too many rooms, so this has no relevance to me at all. Next...

4) EGG DONORS - Women who donate eggs are going to be able to claim £750 in expenses. Critics say this will encourage women to do it for the wrong reasons : I've just done another check and guess what ... I'm still not a woman.

The Jeremy Vine Show - not a clue of what makes good radio

Today's show 13/10/11

I'm very busy today, so briefly...

Good to see that your favourite paper the Daily Mail is perhaps setting a trend that other printed and broadcast media should follow (http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2011/oct/12/daily-mail-corrections-column):
Daily Mail to launch corrections column

The Daily Mail will introduce a corrections and clarifications column on page 2 of the paper next week, its editor-in-chief, Paul Dacre, has revealed.
No other tabloid runs a regular column of that kind, although many upmarket papers do so.

Perhaps Radio 2 should do something similar as anybody who heard the 5pm news broadcast on 25th May will still be thinking that a jet engine can have "molten lava slopping around" inside it. I've just checked outside and there really are some pigs preparing for take-off.

So, how are you planning to tempt to stay with Radio 2 at 12 today? Let's see...

1) UNEMPLOYMENT - Unemployment rises to 2.57 million with another 114,000 joining the dole queue. We bring someone devastated after just losing their job together with someone who has been unemployed for a while and will give them advice on how to cope : Fortunately, and I fully realise how lucky I am, I have never been unemployed - other than for a short period in 2002 when I chose to be. Next...

2) LIBYA CONFLICT - In the Libyan town of Sirte, the remnants of Gaddafi’s battered army are still fighting to the last. What makes soldiers keep fighting when it’s totally obvious they’ve been defeated and it’s all over? : Good question! My answer would be "They have a brainwashed and fanatical dedication to their leader as they believe everything he says to be the truth". A bit like some of your listeners, maybe? Conjecture and speculation - where would you be without them? Next...

3) ELDERLY CARE - In a devastating report, the Care Quality Commission says the standard of care for the elderly in NHS hospitals is an utter disgrace : The first sentence of your linked BBC news page says all I need to know: "Too many hospitals in England are falling short in the most basic care they are giving elderly patients, inspectors say.". England - not Wales, or Scotland, or Northern Ireland. Next...

4) BEING A MUM - Are you a mum who struggles with the competing pressures of childcare, work, relationships and just finding time for yourself? : I haven't checked for a few days but I am pretty sure that I am still not a woman, and with that information I think nature dictates that I am not a mother.

 

6 Music it is then.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - radio for a divided nation

Today's show 10/10/11

Hello Paddy!

Another Monday, and again JV is away and stitched you up with the scrapings from an empty barrel labelled "Monday News". Oh well...

Today's issue that affects me: Who are you?

As I was saying...

1) POLITENESS AWARDS - A new report says that, contrary to what we might think, the British are becoming politer. For one day only, take part in the Radio 2 Politeness Awards 2011. Who would you like to nominate? Find out more from Mail Online : There is an obvious and easy answer to this question: Howard Schultz from Starbucks, who despite Jeremy's attempts to ridicule, humiliate and trap remained cool, calm, collected and polite while giving Jeremy the kind of responses that had been overdue for many, many years. Somehow though I don't think he will be on your show today, so I have no need to listen. And it is good to see the Daily Mail making a slow but steady return as the prime source for your discussion topics. We all knew you could not live without it!
No Daily Mail = No Jeremy Vine Show. Next...

 

2) LIAM FOX - The Defence Secretary Liam Fox has apologised over the row in which his best friend was allowed to take part in top-level meetings. Have you ever tried to help a friend get on and then regretted it? : No. Next...

3) MISCARRIAGES - Women who suffered miscarriages are being put through emotional torture when they are placed in the same wards as mothers and babies. Find out more from the Press Association : I am sure that this must be horrible, but I am still not a woman. Next...

4) SPITTING - This man from Enfield Council is trying to ban spitting. Is spitting ever acceptable? : "And our special expert guest in the studio today is ... Bob Carolgees". If only! Have a Gold Star for discussing "banning", Jeremy will be proud of you.

 

Knowing of your intimate knowledge of everything published by the Daily Mail, I have no doubt that you will have seen this (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2046636/MPs-paid-thousands-appear-BBC-As-Corporation-cuts-politicians-given-licence-fee-cash-TV-radio.html):

MPs paid thousands to appear on the BBC:
As Corporation cuts back, politicians are given licence fee cash to go on TV and radio

MPs are being handed thousands of pounds of licence fee money simply to appear on the BBC.
It proves the BBC has become a money-spinner for the political classes.

I am left wondering if this applies to ex-MPs too, and Galloway in particular. Last week I sent a Freedom of Information request to the BBC in which I asked two questions:

 - I would like to know how much George Galloway was paid for his appearances on Radio 2's Jeremy Vine Show during the most recent 12-month period for which you have details available.
 - I would like to know how much Jeremy Vine was paid to present his programme on Radio 2 during the most recent 12-month period for which you have details available.

I've just had my reply....

 

Freedom of Information request – RFI2011 1210
Thank you for your request to the BBC of the 4th October, seeking the following information under the Freedom of Information Act 2000:

 - how much George Galloway was paid for his appearances on Radio 2’s Jeremy Vine’s Show during the most recent 12-month period for which you have details available
 - how much Jeremy Vine was paid to present his programme on radio 2 during the most recent 12-month period for which you have details available

The information you have requested is excluded from the Act because it is held for the purposes of ‘journalism, art or literature.’ The BBC is therefore not obliged to provide this information to you and will not be doing so on this occasion.

 

Again, I am puzzled as to what information the BBC's FOI team can actually give out without falling foul (or hiding behind?) the "journalism, art or literature" veto. One of the BBC's favourite subjects is itself (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/8813428/All-I-get-on-the-BBC-these-days-is-...-the-BBC.html) so how about discussing the BBC's inbred secrecy one day? I'd listen to that!

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - unless it isn't, of course