Today's show 03/10/11

Monday mornings are always a problem, aren't they? The weekend (with some exceptionally fine weather here on Saturday, at least) has come and gone and left your editorial team fumbling around trying to find some "news" stories to cover today. I see from your web page (updated nice and early again today - thank you) that the barrel has been well and truly scraped and they have found four items for discussion, and none of which are of relevance or interest to me as I shall explain later.

If you needed help all you had to do was ask and I could have helped with a couple, at least.

My first choice would have been this one from Jeremy's favourite newspaper, the Daily Mail (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2044206/BBC-presenters-accused-advertising-door-Berghaus-winterwear.html#ixzz1ZVf5HGGH):
The Berghaus Broadcasting Corporation: Presenters accused of 'advertising by the back door' as BBC gets massive discounts on designer winterwear

Allow me to quote:
The BBC has been accused of allowing its presenters to advertise Berghaus clothing by ‘the back door’ – after negotiating a deal to buy jackets at a 45 per cent discount.
BBC editorial guidelines state that staff should adhere to a set of strict rules banning them from the on-screen promotion of products or brands.

So, how does that work then? I think we should be told and I would consider this a worthy topic for discussion.

The second item I would have chosen concerns Jeremy's old friend George "We're all going to die - no, really, we really are all going to die" Monbiot. You know him, he is the famous pedlar of the Anthropogenic Global Warming myth and seems to make a good living from doing so as he has chosen to publish details of his income here: http://www.monbiot.com/registry-of-interests/. You will probably gather that I am no fan of the man but I do admire his openness and wonder whether others in public life might like to do the same kind of thing. George "I'd like the cream" Galloway would be of most interest to me!

You seem to have missed that the Conservative Party Conference is taking place in Manchester this week too. Interesting, don't you think, that last week Jeremy covered this in some detail (Monday : Economy, Tuesday : Rory "I'm so poor - has anybody seen my iPad?" Weal, Wednesday : Ed Miliband's "predator or producer" speech) but yet there is nothing about the Tories today. You may have heard that George Osbourne has announced this morning that Council Tax is to be frozen for another 12 months (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-15145083), yet your programme chooses to make no mention of it. So, why is that? Bias, bias, bias, BIAS! That's why. Jeremy will be proud of you.

 

In connection with this I had to laugh (because it is oh, so true) at a piece posted on Guido Fawkes's blog (http://order-order.com/2011/10/03/overheard-in-the-midland-hotel-bar-ii/), which I will quote in full as it might play on somebody's guilt there - maybe:
Overheard in the Midland Hotel Bar II

A newbie MP talking to a young blonde lady. The MP says “it was nice to meet you, but I’ve got to go and show my face at the British Venture Capital Association reception”. The young lady immediately says “wow, that sounds like a very right-wing group.”  The MP looks bemused, replying “I wouldn’t say that. It’s business, it’s not left-wing or right-wing. So what do you do?” The lady suddenly looks embarrassed: “I work for the BBC.” “Oh? Doing what exactly?” “I’m public affairs – it’s my job to persuade all of you lot that we’re not a bunch of raving left wingers.” “You’re not doing a very good job so far…” came the reply.

Today's issue that affects me: What were Radio 2 management thinking when they decided to use Jon Holmes and Miranda Hart on the breakfast show this week?

Interesting too that at 08:24 this morning they gave a run-down of what is to come on Radio 2 today, which - according to them - consisted of Ken Bruce and Steve Wright, with no mention of your programme. Perhaps they, like me, are pretending that it doesn't exist.

Moving on then to today's Tory-free tosh, which doesn't look like it will take long to deal with:

1) KNOX MURDER TRIAL - Amanda Knox pleads for her innocence in court today. The case continues to be sensational but are we in danger of forgetting that an English girl called Meredith Kercher was murdered? : I hadn't forgotten that, but thanks for reminding me. On that basis, do I need to listen? Next...

2) CARERS - A disabled woman suspicious that her carers were stealing from her installs CCTV and catches them red-handed. Can your carer be trusted? : What carer is that then? Next...

3) COLD & FLU REMEDIES - We’re joined by Radio 2 Doctor Sarah Jarvis. Following an inquest last week, are you in danger of overdosing on cold and flu remedies? : I last had a cold (actually Man Flu, of course) about five years ago. My remedies are warmth, rest, sleep and food. Other than getting fatter, I'm prepared to take a chance that overdosing on any of those will not do me any harm at all. Next...

4) GRAVEYARDS - Finally, Goths are banned from taking photos in ‘Dracula’s Cemetery’ in Whitby. Are you disturbed by young people hanging around your local cemetery? : I'm not sure what the connection between "taking photos" and "hanging around" is, but I have no doubt that you have found one. We have a small cemetery literally just up the road. Other than relatives of the deceased and the chap who keeps it tidy I've never seen anybody else there. Oh, and I've never been to Whitby and I don't ever recall being a Goth.

 

Nice one Paddy! Four out of four totally irrelevant stories.

 

Now, go and get a proper job, do yourself a favour and remember the old saying when Vine's team next ask you to stand in for him: Just Say "No" !

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - but not today.

Today's show 28/03/11

Hi Jeremy,

Many thanks for your email concerning the Budget Day show.

Let's see what delights are on today's menu....

1) ED MILIBAND AT THE ANTI-CUTS RALLY - Was Ed Miliband right to speak at the anti-cuts rally? We also speak to UK Uncut, who occupied Fortnum & Mason : With the TUC march dominating the news this weekend, I am not surprised that you are covering it today. The BBC seem to have turned it in to a massive piece of anti-government propaganda  Even your friends at the Daily Mail are attacking the BBC for their biased coverage of the event. Their latest offering is http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1370053/TUC-anti-spending-cuts-protest-200-arrested-500k-march-cut.html and you'll need to scroll 2/3rds way down the page to see the comments by Peter Hitchen. It is headed "The biased BBC... marching alongside their anti-cut allies" and opens with:

As usual, they didn’t even know they were doing it, but the BBC took sides on the TUC protest, even before it had begun. The Corporation and the TUC instinctively recognise each other as allies. Both depend on public money.

Now, you know very well that I am no fan of the Daily Mail, but Mr Hitchen's piece raises some interesting questions about the BBC's alleged impartiality. I sent you a discussion topic suggestion on Saturday asking you to discuss the BBC's bias in such matters, but my guess is that you are not brave enough to discuss it today and you will maintain the BBC's corporate view of this event. What a shame. Next...

2) WHAT DO WE DO IF ANTI GADDAFI REBELS ATTACK PRO-GADDAFI CIVILIANS? The anti-Gaddafi rebels are making quick progress towards Tripoli. What do we do if they start attacking pro-Gaddafi civilians? : I'm going to buy another two tins of baked beans, just in case. Nothing discussed on your programme today in relation to this topic will change anything. Next...

3) PARENTING: BRINGING YOUR BABY HOME - Our parenting week; the most important job in the world starts today with the day I brought my baby home and didn't have a clue what to do. Should you trust the expert manuals, or your maternal instinct? : Knowing that you were going to run this theme throughout the week I did give some thought about what I was going to write to you today. I could have written chapter and verse about why this is of absolutely no interest to me, but I decided to just say that it isn't, and I will not comment further on it this week.

However, it did occur to me that some of your regular contributors could be dragged in to give their own particular brand of advice in their specialist subjects. For example, the topic of breast-feeding vs bottle-feeding may come up. Now, which regular contributor knows most about milk? Hmmm.... let me think.... Oh, I know. It would have to be George "would you like the cream" Galloway! Go on, call him up, offer him a few quid and I'm sure he'll spout for as long as you will let him on a topic that he knows nothing about. No change there then.

Then you could get George "we're all going to die" Monbiot on the line. He could tell new parents how to start brainwasing their children in to thinking that we'll all be dead by the end of April. The BBC have already created a game about climate change (see http://www.bbc.co.uk/sn/hottopics/climatechange/climate_challenge/aboutgame.shtml) so that should be a good starting point. I love the line on that page that says "Wherever possible, real research has been incorporated into the game", implying that when not possible somebody has made it up. Again, no change there then.

I'm sure you'll have some ideas of your own for Terry Walton, but I'd prefer if you left Martin Lewis out of this as I have too much respect for him. Next...

4) TRAFFIC LIGHTS IN PORTSMOUTH - And lastly, Portsmouth wants to turn its traffic lights to flashing amber at night : There have been "Part Time Traffic Signals" on roundabouts (in Telford, for example) and on motorway junctions (M6 Walsall) for years, so this is nothing new. Anyway, my nearest set of proper traffic lights (i.e. that control traffic flow rather than just a pedestrian crossing) is nearly 20 miles away. Should I care?

 

Nothing there for me again, so I won't be listening.

From the archives - 1

On 14th August 2009 JV talked about the customer satisfaction surveys that some companies send to their customers. I decided to do my own survey for his show:


Customer Satisfaction Survey - The Jeremy Vine Show (BBC Radio 2)


SHOW CONTENT


The show's introductory jingle claims that it includes "the latest news and the best music", but do you think that this description is accurate? : No


Has the Jeremy Vine show ever let the real facts get in the way of a good story? : No


Are you ever surprised when George Galloway appears on the programme? : No


Are you ever surprised when George Monbiot appears on the programme? : No


Why do you think these two people appear so frequently? : Because they are cheap, and nobody with any credibility will contribute to the show.


Other than filling two hours of prime Radio 2 air time, does the Jeremy Vine show actually achieve anything? : No


Can you name one single cause that the Jeremy Vine show has championed and actually made a difference to peoples' lives? : No


Does the Jeremy Vine show devote time to topics that are of absolutely no consequence to a huge majority of the UK population? : Yes, frequently, such as a shortage of school books in California


Does the Jeremy Vine show devote time to topics that are of consequence to only a miniscule minority of the UK population? : Yes, frequently, such as The Vulcan pub in Cardiff.


Do you feel that the topics being discussed are fully researched before broadcast? : No


Do you feel that the topics being discussed are fully understood by Jeremy before broadcast? : No


What is the point of the Friday visit to the allotment? : None at all


Do you feel that the show attempts to breathe life back in to subjects that should have been pronounced dead? : Yes


What is Cincinnati, is it (A) a US state, (B) a US city, or (C) beyond the comprehension of a JV show reporter? : B and C


How many listeners does Radio 2 gain or lose during the Jeremy Vine show, is it (A) gains 750,000, (B) stays the same, or (C) loses 750,000? : C


Why do you think this may be? Because the show is rubbish and people turn off in droves.


WEB SITE


Do you feel that putting pictures of JV in a Cardiff pub on the web site was a good idea? : Yes, for those people who have never seen a bloke in a pub before (another miniscule minority)


Do you feel that Paul Weller is thinking "Get this idiot away from me!" in the picture on the web site? : Yes, definitely


THE PRESENTER


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine has a patronising or condescending attitude towards his listeners? : Yes


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine has a patronising or condescending attitude towards many of the people who contribute to the programme? : Yes


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine has pre-conceived views on the subjects he is discussing, detectable by the inflections in his voice? : Yes


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine fails to appreciate the other side of any subject with which he personally disagrees? : Yes


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine speculates unnecessarily rather than check the actual facts of what he is attempting to report? : Yes


Do you feel that it would be better to say nothing (with a suitable explanation) than attempt to guess what is happening? : Yes


Do you think that Jeremy Vine can find Liechtenstein on a map? : No


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine exaggerates to make a weak story sound better? : Yes, he has arms three feet long (the same size as a Chinese lantern apparently)


Which of these items of clothing is most suitable for a news broadcaster to wear, is it (A) tie, or (B) stetson? : A as it shows they have credibility


Which of these items of clothing is most suitable for Jeremy Vine to wear, is it (A) tie, or (B) stetson? : B as it shows he has no credibility and is not to be taken seriously


Do you think Jeremy Vine should resign out of shame and let somebody else attempt to rebuild Radio 2's damaged reputation? : Yes






Somewhat surprisingly JV himself sent me an email about this. He said "brilliant tony i love it!!". I think his Caps and comma keys weren't working that day.