18/04/12

Time for another prompt-ish update, this is getting just like old times!

And to re-live those old times I need to suggest some BBC-related stories for you to discuss, and ignore, so here they are:

This is so BRILLIANT that I am going to reproduce it in full, and it is from your favourite daily rag too!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2128963/Coming-latest-Salford-news-Corporation-Street.html

Coming up after the latest Salford news Corporation Street

The BBC’s much-heralded move to a new Media City in Salford was finally completed this week. Critics say the £1.5 billion cost would have been better spent on programming. To celebrate its commitment to regional diversity, the corporation has drawn up an exciting new schedule . . .

6.00 Breakfast Presented by Bill Turnbull and the woman who cleans the offices at Media City. Events in the Middle East are analysed by the imam from Salford Central Mosque and the diplomatic correspondent of the Salford Advertiser.

9.00 Homes Under The Hammer Tearful BBC staff reluctantly put their fashionable West London homes on the market and embark on a new life in Salford.

10.00 Bargain Hunt BBC executives discover that they can buy an entire street for the price of a one-bedroom flat in Shepherds Bush. Unfortunately, the street in question is in Salford.

10.45 Location, Location BBC Director North Peter Salmon is looking a home close to his new place of work. Today, Kirsty and Phil show him properties in Notting Hill and a crash pad in Kensington.

11.30 Escape To The Country The Friday night exodus from Media City, Salford, as BBC executives head for their second homes in the Cotswolds. Presented by Bill Turnbull.

12.00 Home And Away The trials and tribulations of media executives forced to work in Salford while their families are hundreds of miles away in London. In today’s feature-length episode, Bill discovers his wife is having an affair with her personal trainer and Susanna is mugged on her way to the railway station.

1.00 News; Weather. Bill Turnbull brings you the latest headlines from around the world. Features a special report on a proposed pedestrianisation scheme in Salford. The long-range weather forecast predicts heavy rain in the Salford area.

1.45 Footballers’ Wives Waynetta Rooney meets the WAGs of Manchester United and Manchester City players at the nail bar and Brazilian wax salon in the Lowry Hotel, Manchester. Mario sets fire to his bathroom.

2.30 Helicopter Heroes In this special edition, members of the BBC senior management team fly from Battersea helipad to Media City, Salford, for a meeting before returning to London in time for dinner at The Ivy.

3.15 Pointless Popular quiz show in which contestants have to answer questions such as: why has the BBC wasted £1.5 billion of licence-payers’ money moving to Salford?

4.30 Great British Menu From the Salford Quays branch of Greggs. Top chefs compete for the honour of preparing a banquet for the Mayor of Salford. Tonight they try to create the perfect pasty while avoiding VAT at 20 per cent.

5.00 Deal Or No Deal BBC journalists, producers and secretaries are told that unless they agree to move to Salford they will be sacked.

6.00 News; Weather Bill Turnbull reports on the struggle for control of Salford Council’s Parks and Recreation Committee. Plus, how the North West is escaping the hosepipe ban.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo encounters engineering works at Crewe as he joins BBC Breakfast presenter Susanna Reid on a replacement bus service during her daily commute between London and Salford.

7.00 The One Show In an exclusive interview to mark the opening of Media City, Bill Turnbull talks to Manchester music scene legend Noel Gallagher, live by satellite from his home in Little Venice, West London.

7.30 Corporation Street The BBC’s brand new soap, designed to rival ITV’s Coronation Street. Television executives struggle to adapt to their new surroundings in Salford. Tonight Susanna tells Bill she returning to her husband in London.

8.00 Strictly Come Dancing From the Locarno Ballroom, Salford. The show gets a youthful revamp as 82-year-old Stuart Hall, from Ashton-under-Lyne, takes over as host from 84-year-old, Surrey-based Bruce Forsyth. Tonight’s celebrity dancers include Waynetta Rooney and Bill Turnbull.

9.00 Crimewatch North West Police appeal for witnesses after a BBC worker was shot with an air rifle while cycling home from work at Media City. Presented by Bill Turnbull and Salford PCSO Debbie Arkwright.

10.00 Match Of The Day From the City of Manchester Stadium. Features the top-of-the-table clash between Manchester City and Manchester United, followed by highlights of Manchester City Reserves v Manchester United Reserves and Manchester City Under-18s v Manchester United Under-18s. Presented by Bill Turnbull.

11.00 Newsnight New host Bill Turnbull presents a special investigation into how the BBC managed to spend £1.84 million on rail fares and another £77,000 on airline tickets after deciding to move operations from London to Salford.

11.45 The Graham Norton Show Bill Turnbull takes over as stand-in presenter after Graham Norton’s agent tells the BBC that the star refuses to travel to Salford because all his guests live in London. Tonight, Bill performs a musical duet with Salford superstar Morrissey of his seminal smash hit, Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now.

A well-deserved Gold Star to Richard Littlejohn, I think.

More BBC news:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/9208714/BBC-spends-8m-on-20-redundancies.html

BBC spends £8m on 20 redundancies

The payments, made as compensation for loss of their jobs, include one single payment of nearly £1m to a top executive. Another was paid £600,000 and a third received £435,000 after taking either compulsory or voluntary redundancy. The figures, disclosed under the Freedom of Information Act, show a further three individuals received between £400,000 and £500,000 payments. Relating to the years 2005 to 2012, they show a dozen ex-employees were also awarded between £300,000 and £400,000.

Nice work if you can get it, eh?

Yesterday's furore over fracking continued for the rest of the day, with the BBC in full-flight Ram It Down Their Throats mode on every possible news bulletin. Richard Black must have had a busy day as he attempted to whip us in to an uncontrollable frenzy, and he even found time to write this: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-17741416 - Is shale gas the GM of energy? Unfortunately, in one household in North Wales his words washed over me in waves of suspicion. As I get older I am coming to the conclusion that if the BBC tell me something - anything - is really, really bad then it is probably nowhere near as bad as they say. My worry is that the BBC is SO concerned about a topic that it is prepared to dominate its broadcasts with that topic, and with little opportunity for ANY alternative viewpoint. An obvious question would be: Who at the BBC decides that this message must be rammed down our throats? A more sinister question is: Why is the message being rammed down our throats, and what does the BBC stand to gain from doing so? You get the "you must say this" memos, so go on, tell me. It can be our little secret.

You're doing your programme at the moment, and so far I have missed about 40 minutes of this...

1) QUANTITATIVE EASING - The policy of quantitative easing (or printing money) has either destroyed your savings and pensions or saved the economy from meltdown. Are old people suffering or young people benefitting from QE? : You said on Ken's show that "people over the age of 55 have wrecked the country" as they have benefitted from free university places, amongst other things, but you attempted to distance yourself from this assertion. So whose words are these? They are not mentioned in the BBC news page you link to. I'm not yet 55 and I did not go to university. Does that make me an innocent young person? Next...

2) NEIL HEYWOOD - The Government has been accused of caring more about pandas than the businessman who was murdered in China. How was Neil Heywood killed and what was the role of the Chinese Communist Party. Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : What, are you expecting somebody to call in and answer that question? Dream on Jeremy! And should I be surprised that there is no mention of pandas in the Telegraph's article that you link to? I thought not. And, as far as I am aware, a "government" (or, indeed, your radio programme) does not have emotions so therefore cannot care about anything, and that is constantly demonstrated. Next...

3) LOCAL NEWSPAPERS - Lots of local newspapers are being closed down, turned into weeklies or forced online. It’s not just democracy which suffers but paper boys and paper girls are losing their jobs. Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : Democracy? That'll be the democracy permitted by a newspaper editor or a radio programme host, will it? You last discussed this almost exactly a year ago on 20th April 2011 (LOCAL NEWSPAPERS - Local newspaper staff go on strike as three reporters are left to fill nine papers. Are local newspapers dying...or thriving on the web?). We do not have a daily local newspaper here (although we do have weeklies) and our nearest (but not exactly local) newsagent uses some bloke in a van to deliver newspapers, while at least one neighbour who feels the need for his daily fix of lies and scandal drives 7 miles every day just to go and get one. Poor soul. Anyway, you already know my views on this one:

DEATH TO THE DEAD TREE PRESS!

Less local newspapers means less journalists, which means less journalists feeding the UK population the biased, ill-informed, sensationalised, partisan, poorly researched, dictatorial lies that you and your ilk attempt to spoon-feed us every day. Perhaps one day you will all go and get proper jobs, but who in their right mind would employ an ex-journalist? Next...

4) SELF-DIAGNOSIS - Finally, the perils of going online for self-diagnosis. When you’re ill do you trust Dr. Google? : No.

 

Right, got to go now as Radcliffe & Maconie have just started their show ... real radio for those of us who do not need to be told what to think.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - just checked, and Dr Google recommends euthanasia

Today's show 28/09/11

It has just occurred to me that there has been a subtle change to your daily Radio 2 web page since my return last week. Not once since then has there been a link to a story from a newspaper and all of the "Read more here" links are to BBC web pages. Is this purely coincidental, or is it an attempt to make your stealing of stories from the Dead Tree Press just a little less obvious?

The newspapers will, of course, continue to provide a good background for your daily discussion topics and they, unlike you, actually do the investigative journalism needed to provide the real story behind your scant descriptions. For example, yesterday you discussed Rory Weal's speech at the Labour Conference and described it thus:
RORY WEAL - We spoke to the star of the Labour Conference, a 16 year old Labour activist, who says his family owes everything to the welfare state
Interesting then that today both the Daily Mail (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2042623/Rory-Weal-Child-star-Labour-conference-truth-life-poverty.html) and the Daily Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/labour/8792350/Labour-conference-star-Rory-Weal-is-former-private-school-pupil-whose-family-fell-on-hard-times.html) have run stories concerning Mr Weal in which they describe his extremely privileged upbringing, which he seems to have somehow forgotten. Suggestions have been made that he would make a good MP, even a Prime Minister. With that kind of background and his selective forgetfulness he should go far.

Today's issue that affects me: An ebay seller accidentally lost my payment due to a PayPal error and didn't send the goods. We went through the ebay dispute process, he found my payment and sent me the goods AND a full refund but over a month after I made my purchase. The goods arrived and are in full working order. Should I send my payment again?

On today's meaningless menu then...

1) ED MILIBAND - In his speech to the Labour Party Conference, Ed Miliband has attacked the ‘something for nothing’ culture in Britain. He made a distinction between good companies and bad companies. Do you work for a business that is a predator or a producer? : Oooohhh, I hope I'm a predator! You must be a predator too as you don't produce anything. So, according to Ed, it will up to the State to decide which companies are "good" and which companies are "bad". That should be fun. I wonder how he is going to do that. Did you notice, as I did, that he seems to have had some speech reading coaching? He now. Talks in. Very short. Sentences. Instead of listening to your discussion I'll keep myself amused by taking another look at http://awkwardedmilibandmoments.tumblr.com/. Next...

2) RIHANNA - A half naked Rihanna is told by a God-fearing farmer to stop filming her video on his land. A local journalist says he’s made Northern Ireland a laughing stock : Good to see a story that does not have its roots in London and the South East, even if it is a day old. And good to see that a local journalist (presumably the BBC "entertainment correspondent" featured in the film clip) continues to fight for a grip on anything to do with the Real World. I'm sure she'll get over it, it really isn't important. As for being half naked... I've told you a million times: Don't exaggerate! I was amused by a comment on your Twitter feed where one of your lucky followers (not me, of course, as I am still BLOCKED) who wrote "I assumed this must be midwestern US - now I read & see it's Wales!!!". No wonder your programme is lost on me. Next...

3) AFFAIRS - Lib Dem MP John Hemming says his wife was aware of his affairs. Are you a wife who’s turned a blind eye to your husband’s infidelity? : Am I a wife? No. Are you? Good to see sexism alive and well on the JV show. How about a husband who turns a blind eye to his wife's infidelity, or don't they make good radio? Next...

4) GREECE BAILOUT - The Greek Prime Minister says his country is suffering as it does everything the EU is asking of it to cut its deficit. But do you think the Greek people are suffering enough? : Good question! Yes..., errr..., I mean No. Oh, I don't know. Unfortunately I'm a bit busy today, otherwise I would have booked a flight for my first trip to Greece and asked them. It would be the least I could do and only then would I be able to form an opinion and answer your question. In the meantime, can I tick the "Don't Know" box?

The Jeremy Vine Show - last with yesterday's news, again


UPDATE:


Just seen JV's script on Twitter ... interesting use of commas and apostrophes:

Today's show 15/07/11

Not on strike today then? No solidarity with The Bruvvers? Will I notice any difference? The uutterly appalling Nicky Campbell did his 5 Live listeners a favour this morning but not showing up for work, so why are you there? (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-14152795)

One advantage of signing-up to Twitter yesterday (as JVineBlogMan, although I am still trying to get the hang of it) was that I was able to spectate on the second "Ask Ed Miliband" session yesterday evening. Honestly, whoever persuaded him that this was a good idea is either a fool or somebody who doesn't like him very much. There were a lot of pointless questions asked, and for the benefit of my blog readers here are some of my favourites... ooops, I mean... here are some of the most irrelevant:

 - On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is not at all and 10 is absolutely disastrous, how helpful was Gordon Brown's intervention yesterday?
 - Can you confirm you're a 14 quadrillionth size Ed Zettaband?
 - When you were little, did you nick your big brother's toys, realise you didn't know how they worked, then break them?
 - Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near ?
 - Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person that drives a race car is not called a racist?
 - Would you rather fight off one horse-sized duck, or twenty duck-sized horses?
 - If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
 - When your political career is finished is there any chance you and your brother could be in the 118 adverts?
 - Did you run as a paper candidate in the leadership contest and now feel a bit scared and don't know what you're doing?
 - Will you be giving a single answer, over and over again to each question?
 - After last time you did this, what on earth made you think it was a good idea to do it again?
 - Has the government acted in a reckless and provocative manner? Should both sides put away the rhetoric and get around the table?
 - Have you been involved in an accident that wasn't your fault? If so, you could claim compensation.
 - Why did you leave the Muppet Show?
 - Are you paying too much for your car insurance?
 - I bought powdered water. What do I add?
 - Is there a sweet you can eat between meals without ruining your appetite?
 - If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
 - Do both sides need to set aside the rhetoric and get around the negotiating table to stop this happening again?
 - If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it is it Nick Clegg's fault?
 - Which is more likely to be true - time travel as in the Terminator (linear), or Back to the Future (alternative branches)?
 - Will you go to the Commons and apologise to Vince Cable for saying he should be sacked for his 'war on Murdoch'?
 - Is it true you would do anything for love but you won't do that?
 - Are these strikes wrong? Have the public been let down by both sides? Should we put aside the rhetoric??
 - I've just taken all the tiles off my bathroom and need to retile. Should I get the wall plastered or put up plasterboard?
 - If somebody with multiple personalities threatens suicide, does that become a hostage situation?
 - Daddy or chips?

Shocking behaviour by some questioners, I am sure you will agree. And it looks like that naughty blogger Guido Fawkes (http://order-order.com/) may have had something to do with it. There were some serious questions asked, but they mainly concerned Ed's presence at a party hosted by Murdoch recently, and they all went unanswered too. Poor Ed.

So, how about discussing the influence of Twitter on modern-day politics? Is it relevant, or just an irrelevance?

And how about discussing how promptly news-based (allegedly) radio programmes should update their web pages? 11:35, you've been on Ken's show and I'm waiting...

11:55 ... still waiting for the web site, so will make do with your Twitter stuff...

1) REBEKAH BROOKS RESIGNS : Blimey, who'd have thought, eh? Never saw this coming, did you? And hopefully yet another nail in the coffin of the Dead Tree Press (http://www.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/7098398/a-blow-to-an-already-struggling-industry.thtml). I suspect that - yet again - you will concentrate on Murdoch and News International, and conveniently forget the allegations against the Daily Mirror, Gordon Brown's extraordinary speech in the House of Commons, and the Guardian's apology to The Sun for getting it wrong (http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/series/correctionsandclarifications). And, once again, the clarification is not given anything like the prominence of the original article. You describe this as "a shame", yet for me and many others it comes as no surprise at all. Journalists, pah! Thick as thieves, but lacking their integrity. Next...

2) MILITARY MEDALS - A soldier dies in Iraq. His widow receives a medal. His mother says, why not me, too? Find out more in this Birmingham Mail article : A fair question. I look forward to hearing about the change that your programme makes to this situation today. I won't hold my breath though. Next...

3) CYCLING SAFELY - You want to start cycling. Good for the planet and good for your cardiovasculars. Just one issue: how do you cycle without dying? : I took my Cycling Proficiency Test at school in 1972. I sold my bike in 1975 and put the money towards my first car. I can remember riding a bike once since then (on holiday in Majorca in 1987), and I've not ridden once since. And there are too many hills around here. Next...

4) LOTTERY WINNERS - The couple who won the Euromillions — more than £160m — are revealed to be in Falkirk. Will it destroy their life? : Probably not, but I'm sure that you will give it your best shot.

The Jeremy Vine Show - ignoring elephants a speciality

Today's show 08/07/11

Let us celebrate the news! This is a GREAT DAY for those of us that regard the UK news media with suspicion, scorn and derision.

1) NEWS OF THE WORLD - Will you miss The News Of The World or do you say good riddance to it? : A member of the Dead Tree Press Preservation Society is about to die and disappear forever. Good riddance to the newspaper, its reputation (ha!) and all of its staff.

 

I have no sympathy at all for anybody who works in the seedy and shady world of Professional Journalism (surely an oxymoron?) and I am sure that the soon-to-be-unemployed NOTW staff will soon learn how to deal with the public in their new careers by using such phrases as:
 - Do you want fries with that?
 - Which pump was it mate?
 - Baked beans? Aisle three, right-hand side.
 - Big Issue!

Honestly, it could not have happened to a nicer bunch of people. Let us hope that more journalists lose their jobs and prosecutions follow. I won't miss them. My only suspicion is that a large number of NOTW staff will be re-hired or transferred to a Sunday Sun, or whatever they decide to call it. But then I guess that there really are people out there who need to know what Cheryl Cole did this week....!

 

The investigation in to payments made to the Metropolitan Police will be interesting, especially if it is found that other peddlars of news have also paid for information. I'm not a religious man but I will be praying that the three letters B B C are found somewhere in the Met's paperwork. Now, wouldn't that make a great news story?

 

I heard Ed Miliband mumble something unintelligible about all this on the Radio 2 news this morning. Really, you should find a better sound man and microphone system so that we can all make sense of his wisdom and insight. And interesting to see that his Step Dad has decided to make a reappearance with yet another story of how he could have continued to save the world had things been different (http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/wintour-and-watt/2011/jul/08/gordon-brown-davidcameron). Still, he is being paid an MP's salary but not doing an MP's job, so he has plenty of time to look out from his home over the Firth of Forth and wonder "What would have happened if....?".

It comes as no surprise at all that the BBC continues with its hysterical coverage of events. How horrific it is to see a media bully in the shape of the BBC use the News International debacle to further its own objectives. It simply views NI and Sky as major competitors and is doing nothing more than reinforcing its monopoly on the UK public, who have little or no choice but to support it through the TV Licence Fee Tax. Is the BBC impartial? I don't think so. Honestly, do you?

 

You just said on Ken's show "Closing a newspaper - it never happens". Hmmm.... Never happens? Not that I take any interest but I can remember the closures of the Daily Sketch (1971), the London Evening News (1980) and Today (1995) and there have been a myriad of local newspaper closures (http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/greenslade/2009/feb/19/local-newspapers-newspapers). That doesn't sound like "never happens" to me. It should happen more. Death to The Dead Tree Press! If nothing else because it is THE MOST environmentally unfriendly way of disseminating the words described as "news". I sincerely hope that newspapers are no more in my lifetime.

 

Next...

2) SMOKING BAN - Should the smoking ban be tightened or relaxed? We talk to a councillor in Milton Keynes who wants to ban people smoking in the street and an MP who says it should be allowed in pubs : I don't smoke, I don't live in Milton Keynes and I rarely go in pubs, so I'm struggling - as usual - to determine how this discussion can have any relevance to me. Next...

 

3) SECOND-HAND CARS - In Your Money and Your Life - how to buy a second hand car : Will you be using your BBC Sound Effects record for this one? I have no plans to buy a second hand car at the moment, and I'm confident I know what to do anyway, so this is of no interest to me. This could be the first of a series, to be followed by "How to buy a newspaper without being ripped-off" and "How to re-tune your radio away from Radio 2". Next...

 

4) PLANT THEFT - Have you been the victim of a plant theft? Find out more in this Midweek Herald article : At first I thought that this was going to be a serious discussion about the theft of plant (i.e. excavators, dump trucks, concrete mixers, etc.) from construction sites and which costs the construction industry millions of pounds every year. However, my interest was soon killed when I realised that you have successfully managed to find some non-news trivia with which to end this week's programmes and you want to discuss theft of bedding plants and shrubs. In that case the answer to your question has to be "No".

 

This weekend I would like you to think about what you have done this week.

Today's show 07/07/11

And as the BBC descends in to hysteria and apoplexy, let's take a look at today's dose of News Entertainment...

1) PHONE HACKING SCANDAL - Are the News of the World phone hacking allegations the equivalent for journalists to the MPs expenses scandal? Which should the public feel more let down by? : Again, I need more than one paragraph today...

Some years ago, there used to be a TV advert for McCain oven chips where a little girl was asked by here sister which she preferred: Daddy or Chips? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHA4-5N5AzA) You seem to be asking much the same question today, but the answer is easier: MPs are elected and accountable to their constituents. The only accountability that journalist scum are interested in concerns how much they can fiddle out of their own expenses.

Perhaps you are starting to realise why I and many others do not trust ANYTHING that The Media attempts to tell us these days. Jeremy, irrespective of phone hacking THIS IS A REAL PROBLEM for you and your ilk. What can be done to restore (or create in my case) the public's faith in what you say? And it is no surprise to see that BBC heavyweights Nick Robinson and Robert Peston cannot agree on the reporting of this story (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/8621020/Nick-Robinson-highlights-Robert-Pestons-Vanity.html). If nothing else, this shows that they consider the reporting (and who did it first) more important than the story itself. Scum.

The BBC is not immune to dubious and illegal activities, with the phone vote rigging scandal being perhaps the most memorable of recent times. Pot, kettle and black?

As you are a journalist I cannot trust you to tell me anything, so I won't be listening. Tell me, what is it like being a journalist at the moment? Can you feel the hate? Next...

2) BARBECUE ACCIDENTS - Have you suffered a barbecue accident? : Yes, I once burnt some beefburgers, but we ate them anyway. Does that count? You just said on Ken's show, "Whether she went to sleep or not I don't know". That sounds like poor research to me. Perhaps you should do some investigation and find out. Or, you could just make it up. Next...

3) OVERNIGHT CARE - A disabled former ballerina is denied an overnight carer to help her use a commode. It's said it would cost £22,000 a year. Is that a price worth paying for her dignity - or too much to spend on one person in straightened times? : I have no idea, or interest. Next...

4) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS - A new study suggests a third of British women have taken anti-depressants. Are they prescribed too readily? In some cases, would it have been better to put away the Prozac and just feel sad? Find out more in this Daily Mail article : I am not a woman and I have never taken Prozac. We can only be grateful that that bastion of true virtue, exceptional reporting and fantastic journalism The Daily Mail is managing to keep a firm grip on reality while the other members of the Dead Tree Press Preservation Society disappear up their own backsides in an attempt to rubbish one of their own. Where would your programme be without it?


UPDATE:

Lembit Opik? I know what he was, but can you just remind what he is now and why what he says should be of any concern to me?

He appeared as a TV game show contestant on Pointless Celebrities last night. Never has a TV progamme had a more accurate title.

Today's show 06/07/11

Listening to the BBC radio news yesterday proved to me yet again that journalists fail to do the easiest and simplest of research. The job losses at Bombardier in Derby were a lead item all day, yet the differences in pronunciation of the company name differed wildly. It is pronounced Bom-BAR-dier, and not BOM-bar-DIER (as in a military rank). But then, when did journalists ever do their job properly?

Can we guess what the top story will be on your programme today? I bet it won't be this one: http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/2011/07/05/leaked-email-reveals-bbc-wales-journalists-being-paid-to-tidy-desks-91466-28993615/

Leaked email reveals BBC Wales journalists being paid to tidy desks

Dozens of BBC Wales journalists have been told to tidy their desks, archive old tapes and fill in expenses forms over the summer – instead of working on programmes.

But hang on, why would you want to talk about that? The story does, after all, talk about the continued failings of your beloved BBC, and that particular aspect of the BBC is not to be discussed, is it? Things are different when an upcoming BBC programme is to be promoted, of course.

So let's see what we have on today's edition of Junk Mail On The Radio...

1) NEWS OF THE WORLD - The News of the World is at the centre of a firestorm as the phone hacking scandal escalates. Former deputy Prime Minister John Prescott tells us that readers should boycott the paper. Is he right? : I think I need more than one paragraph for this...

Prescott is hardly the upholder of virtue that he claims to be, surely? His affair with a secretary was so well reported by the BBC that a special web page was created (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5151706.stm) entitled Timeline: Prescott's problems which detailed not only his affair but all of the other dubious shenanigans that he was involved in around that time. Perhaps you would care to remind him of this episode, just to check what his view of the BBC's coverage of his own life might be.

Guessing that you would talk about this today, I decided to do a little research. Looking away from the obvious story, I was more curious as to why the BBC was hysterical about it and wondered if there was the usual hidden agenda dragged up from the depths whenever a chance to knock the Murdoch news empire arose. I was not disappointed: http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/davidhughes/100095338/what-is-the-bbc-really-trying-to-do-with-its-milly-dowler-coverage/. Allow me to quote at length:
"... there is a commercial interest at stake – and the one element of the story the BBC seems coy about is that it is itself a player in a particularly frenzied media battle. The Corporation is bitterly opposed to News Corporation’s bid to to buy the 61% of BSkyB it doesn’t already own (as is much of Fleet Street). Indeed, it is so opposed that the BBC’s director general Mark Thompson took the extraordinary step last autumn of putting his name to a letter of protest objecting to the deal – for which he was forced to apologise by the BBC Trust. The BBC’s treatment of the hacking story suggests the Corporation still sees the value of blackening the reputation of Rupert Murdoch’s media empire as thoroughly as possible whenever the opportunity arises. As the Beeb’s own Robert Peston notes, it leaves hanging in the air the idea that News Coporation may not be a fit and proper company to acquire complete control of a major broadcaster."

I could not have put it better myself. Reporting of Mark Thompson's apology can be found here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/nov/07/mark-thompson-apology-bskyb-letter

So what is your agenda today? Are you looking at phone hacking, or are you just attacking Murdoch? I can probably guess the answer to that question.

Let me ask you these questions Jeremy:

 - Has there been a senior management meeting to discuss the coverage of phone hacking and was a decision made to use it as a vehicle to undermine the BSkyB takeover?

 - Has the BBC ever used information gained illegally in its news reporting?

 - Has the BBC employed anybody who has attempted to hack the phones of victims, suspects or their relatives?

And what is the difference between Murdoch and the BBC? Well, not much from where I am sitting ... except for one thing. I can choose to boycott the Murdoch empire by not purchasing their products. The only way to boycott the BBC would be to not buy a TV licence. Now that sounds like a good idea!

I believe that the journalist (i.e. scum) involved in the phone hacking was somebody called Glenn Mulcaire. Despite his ability to completely upset the lives of others, it appears that he doesn't like a taste of his own medicine (http://order-order.com/2011/07/05/phone-hacker-glenn-mulcaire-asks-press-to-respect-his-privacy/). This is typical of the hypocrisy rife in this sordid industry.

I will, of course, be boycotting the News of the World. I but then I also boycott all of the other national newspapers, as do 80% of the UK population. The Press Gazette web site (http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/story.asp?sectioncode=1&storycode=47273&c=1) continues to document the slow and agonising death of the Dead Tree Press and tells me that just under 10 million national newspapers are sold every day, so 50 million people choose not to buy them. I continue to be puzzled why you make them out to be so important.

Interesting too that you have nobody from News International on your show to put their side of the story. There is nothing like balanced reporting, and this is nothing like balanced reporting.

Journalism and your precious "Media" are in a sorry state, but that is nothing new. The only new thing is that more people know about it and will, hopefully, question what they read and hear in the name of "news" more often.

JOURNALISTS ARE LIEING, DEVIOUS, LAZY, CHEATING SCUM - WITHOUT EXCEPTION.

2) SREBRENICA - A court rules that Holland was responsible for the deaths of three Bosnian Muslims during the Srebrenica massacre because its forces failed to protect a UN safe area. We discuss Dutch shame over Srebrenica : "Are you ashamed to be Dutch?", you just asked. Errrr... no. Are you ashamed to be involved in journalism? You should be! It is items like this that make me wonder if Radio Rotterdam has an equivalent programme to yours, where they discuss the current state of the UK NHS. Somehow I don't think they do. Next...

3) AFRICAN DROUGHT - Has too little been done to help animals caught up in the African drought? : I can only hope that today you are going to launch the Jeremy Vine Campaign for African Animal Welfare. No? Oh. So, what are you going to do then? You're going to talk about it. Hmmm... that won't make much of a difference, will it? You treat news stories like buses ... there will be another one along in a minute. Next...

4) SEXSOMNIA - And a man is cleared of rape after arguing that he suffers from a condition which means he has sex in his sleep. Find out more in this Telegraph article : The saddest thing about this is that you have chosen to give this man some publicity. Well done.

The Jeremy Vine Show - telling it like it is some of the time.

Today's show 29/06/11

Oooohhh... I'm late today, as I was busy dealing with a valued customer. So, let's get on with it...

Following The Guardian's revelations about BBC expenses at Wimbledon, your favourite news rag has also found a story concerning BBC expenses: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1394675/BBC-spends-6-400-day-luxury-travel-despite-pledging-expenses-cut.html?ito=feeds-newsxml
Again, allow me to quote:
BBC spends £6,400 a day on luxury travel despite pledging expenses cut
The BBC bill for first and business class travel soared by 60 per cent in the last financial year despite the corporation's pledges to cut expenses.
Matthew Sinclair of the TaxPayers' Alliance said: 'The management at the BBC seem to be completely out of touch.
'While everyone else is cutting back they are still expecting first class treatment at licence fee payers' expense.
'It is also very disappointing that they are still resisting proper transparency.
'Taxpayers should be able to see how their money is spent.'

Good to see that Mr Sinclair refers to us, the Licence Fee payers, as "taxpayers" - a view with which I concur.

Also, did you hear about so-called journalist Johann Hari? He, like many of his brethern, decided that if he didn't like what somebody said in an interview then he would substitute different words. Details are here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/blogpost/post/johann-hari-denies-he-plagiarized-during-interviewsbyhari/2011/06/28/AGGk0ApH_blog.html.

You see, I keep saying that journalists make this stuff up. Scum, the lot of them.

Right, moving on to today's irrelevancies then...

1) HIGH STREET - Nearly ten thousand jobs are likely to go on the high street and up to fourteen percent of shops are now empty. But given we have out-of-town shopping and the internet, should we stop feeling sentimental about the high street? In the 21st Century, is it time to let the high street go? Jeremy talks to Jeremy Baker; Affiliate Professor at ESCP Europe Business School and Chris Wade; Chief Executive of Action for Market Towns. Find out more in this Guardian article : This may be true of where you live, but it certainly is not the case around here. We try not go to our nearest town between 10am and 4pm during the summer months as it is heaving, and use other outlets instead. We don't have any out-of-town shopping anywhere near here, and even the nearest DIY and electrical retailer "sheds" are in a town, albeit 25 miles away. Next...

2) CRAIG THOMSON - Scottish footballer Craig Thomson has been suspended from Hearts Football Club, after being placed on the sex offenders register for sending indecent images to underage girls. Some say he should never play again. However, Marlon King was convicted of sexually assaulting a woman and punching her in the face and went to jail, but he's now back playing football for Birmingham City. Jeremy talks to Josie Appleton; Manifesto Club and Anne Houston; Chief executive of the Children1st charity : Who? Oh, he's a sports person. I have no idea why you are singling out footballers today, and this really is of no interest to me. Next...

3) CHRISTINE LAGARDE - Former French finance minister Christine Lagarde has been appointed new head of the IMF. She once suggested that if women had been running the economy and the banks, we'd have never had the financial crash. We imagine a world in which the crash never happened, because women were in charge : "We imagine a world" ... you make it sound as though you are doing something different. Every day you imagine a world in which you think people are actually worried about handbags, polytunnels, fried chicken shops, sharing toothbrushes, church organists, wart treatment by shotgun and exploding glass tables. Things are actually very different for those of us who live in The Real World. Is the news menu on offer today really so bad that we have to start imagining "what would happen if...?". Next...

4) DISABLED TOILETS - And finally, should able-bodied people be allowed to use disabled toilets? Jeremy talks to actress and disability rights campaigner Julie Fernandez. Find out more in this Sun article : And the Jeremy Vine Show finally reaches rock bottom with a story culled from that doyen of The Dead Tree Press - The Sun. And it is a story about somebody called Wayne Rooney, who I think might be another footballer. Seriously, am I meant to care? Can your programme get any worse than this? Sadly, the answer to that question is probably "Yes".

The Jeremy Vine Show - talking toilets, as usual.

Today's show 16/06/11

10:40 and your web page is giving us a tantalising preview of what you are going to discuss today: Jeremy discusses government economic policy and tax cuts, Greece on the brink of collapse, inappropriate text messages and a man who shot his own finger off to remove a wart.

So, where is Ed Miliband?

While you droning on about streaming in schools yesterday I was watching Prime Minister's Questions. This was made all the more entertaining by Mr Miliband's attack on Mr Cameron concerning payments to cancer sufferers. Some would say that Miliband had a point, while others would say that it was a cheap "card" to play to gain attention. While Cameron's performance was not one of his best, the use of all six PMQs allocated to Miliband did nothing more than labour the point excessively according to some. I thought he was going to burst a blood vessel. What was puzzling though was Miliband's frequent references to Macmillan Cancer Research specifically, followed immediately after PMQs by the appearance of Mike Hobday from Macmillan on SkyTV within minutes. That'll be the Mike Hobday who used to work for the Labour Party and stood as a Labour candidate in the last election. It makes me wonder if Macmillan are happy with this blatant politicising of the fantastic work that they do, but apparently this is of no interest to you today.

Ed Miliband's day didn't get any better as he conducted a Twitter Q&A session from 5pm (http://edmiliband.org/2011/06/14/ed-miliband-webchat-on-twitter-wed-15th-may-5pm-askedm/). This has been covered heavily in the Dead Tree Press today:
Telegraph:

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/willheaven/100092450/nasty-tories-attempt-to-sabotage-ed-milibands-twitter-web-chat/

Spectator:

http://www.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/7028508/ed-miliband-volunteers-for-a-kicking-gets-kicked.thtml?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

The BBC's favourite, The Guardian:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2011/jun/16/ed-miliband-twitter-chat

And your favourite, the Daily Mail:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2003994/Ed-Milibands-Twitter-question-answer-session-backfires.html

I monitored this and noted the way he managed to answer questions that had not been asked, and didn't answer the questions that had been asked, such as:
 - If you give a speech, but nobody cares, do you make a sound?
 - Was Brutus an Honourable Man? Discuss
 - Exactly what sort of socialist lives in a £1.6 million house?
 - If a train leaves Paddington at 11:36, carrying 200 commuters, what time will the RMT bring it to a standstill?
 - If Buzz Lightyear doesnt think he’s a toy then why doesn’t he speak when humans enter the room?
 - Do you feel bad about stabbing your brother in the back?
 - Will you be firing the person who suggested this?
As a former guest on your show, I continue to feel that you should give him some support. How much worse can it get? Again, apparently this is of no interest to you today.

So let's remind ourselves of what is...

1) PUBLIC SECTOR STRIKE - With hundreds of thousands of teachers, civil servants and public sector workers set to strike over pay and pension conditions. Do strikes still work in the 21st Century and when was the last time you supported a strike? : In answer to your questions: As a self-employed sole-trader I have given this some considerable thought and have concluded that, unfortunately, going on strike would not actually benefit me. I think I honked my car horn once during the 1978 fireman's strike. Does that count as support? Next...

2) ECONOMIC POLICY - Labour Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls says the government economic policy isn't working. What we need are tax cuts to kick-start the economy : Oooohhh.... "Ed Balls is coming in", you said. Some questions for Ed:

 - How does the abolition of the 10p National Insurance rate relate to his suggested tax cuts?

 - How does he explain the fall in unemployment announced yesterday?

 - When is he going to knife Ed Miliband in the back?

 - What can he tell us about Project Volvo? (see http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/8566987/Labour-coup-The-Ed-Balls-files-database.html)

 - How did the recent court case concerning his parliamentary office go? (see http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1358486/Embarrassment-Ed-Balls-sued-keeping-finances-order-mess-left-constituency-office.html)

Not that I'll be listening, of course. Next...

 

3) CONGRESSMAN ANTHONY WEINER - An American Congressman is at the centre of a scandal, which involved sending inappropriate text and email messages to several women. We look at why the 'affair that doesn't involve sex' can be just as devastating to the injured party : Just to be clear, is this the same story that first appeared on or around the 7th June? That was OVER A WEEK AGO. Not exactly "first with the news" stuff, is it Jeremy? Next...

 

4) WART REMOVED BY SHOTGUN - Finally, Shaun Murphy from Doncaster used a shotgun to remove an irritating wart on his finger. He took off his finger and was found guilty of possessing an illegal firearm. Outside the court, he said he was happy with the verdict and "The best thing is, the wart has gone." Find out more in this Telegraph article : Yeah, whatever. And he didn't even qualify for a Darwin Award. Shame.

Hang on ... what happened to "Greece on the brink of collapse"? I can only assume that they have solved their problems as a man with a wart is more important.

Today's show 13/06/11

I've just had a quick scan of today's "issues that affect me" and notice that, again, you have chosen to ignore the trials and tribulations of Her Majesty's Opposition. I'm no fan of the Dead Tree Press, but I know that you are, so you MUST have seen these stories.

On Friday the Daily Telegraph published documents written by Ed Balls that proved his contempt for Blair and his support for Brown in the form of Project Volvo. I was pleased to see that Volvo Cars UK were quick to comment on this (https://www.media.volvocars.com/uk/enhanced/en-uk/Media/Preview.aspx?mediaid=38690) and I applaud them for doing so. This is what they said:

Project Volvo - it just shows how out of touch senior politicians were.
Leaked documents labelled Project Volvo, revealed today, that outline a plot to unseat former Prime Minister Tony Blair show just how out of touch with reality senior politicians within the previous government had become with modern Britain. The reason for the name 'Project Volvo', according to reports, relates to Mr Brown's apparent character traits of being 'dependable, robust but ultimately dour'.

Clearly before labelling the plot, Labour politicians of the time hadn't acquainted themselves with the Volvo brand in the last decade with cars like the new S60 and V60 bringing a new dimension to the brand in terms of design and driver appeal.
 
Peter Rask, Regional President of Volvo Car UK, Ireland and Iceland, said: "If only the Labour party had been like today's Volvos - dynamic, agile and innovative - perhaps the UK economy would have been in a better place than it finds itself today!"

Despite the Telegraph's revelations being of interest to me, you chose to ignore this story and continue to do so.

The weekend's papers were full of headlines attacking Ed Miliband...
The Sunday Times : Labour Big Beasts Maul Miliband - Ed Miliband is attacked by senior Labour figures as a Sunday Times poll shows supporters believe he should not be leader

The Independent : Ed Miliband still needs to define what he stands for

The Independent : David Miliband denies leadership plot (remember the old adage, never believe anything until it is denied)

The Independent : Miliband needs to find a voice fast if he wants to be heard

The Observer : Was Ed Miliband the right choice to lead Labour?

The Observer : Ed Miliband leadership crisis fuelled by claim of growing 'feud' with brother

Daily Mail : Look out Ed, he's behind you! As Labour feud bursts into the open, David denies he's plotting to oust faltering leader
I'm sure the other weekend rags covered the story too and it might have been of interest to me, but you chose to ignore this story and continue to do so.

Now, why would that be then Jeremy? Please tell me that is nothing to do with the well-known and ongoing BBC bias about such matters. Fortunately there are other outlets for those of us that may be interested in real news, but your programme continues to ignore it and instead concentrates on non-news twaddle. I wonder when Madonna last listened to your programme.

So, let's look at the "issues that affect me" that you have chosen to discuss today:

1) NHS REFORM PROPOSALS - As the Prime Minister announces changes to the government’s NHS proposals, we speak to someone who says the coalition has just destroyed the best chance the NHS has of reform. Jeremy speaks to Lembit Opik, former Lib Dem MP, and Christopher Hope, Whitehall Editor of the Daily Telegraph : Lembit Opik? What has he got to do with anything? Is he now another Rent-A-Gob like Galloway? He's only famous for one thing, and that is not being an MP. And what has Mr Hope got to do with this? Why are you not interviewing somebody from the Ministry of Health or from the NHS itself? Oh, I know... you're missing the point, as usual! You just said on Ken's show "... and it's only in England". The first sentence of your linked BBC news page says "An independent review of the planned NHS shake-up in England is expected to recommend significant changes.". England, not Wales. Therefore this is an issue that does not affect me. Next...

2) VACCINATIONS - Britain sends more vaccines to the third-world than any other country. Does that make you proud to be British? Jeremy talks to Lord Deben, Conservative Party politician : Does it make me proud? No, it doesn't. Does it make me ashamed? No, it doesn't. Once again I fall firmly in to the Not Bothered category, like the vast majority of your listeners I would suspect. I don't live in a third-world country (despite what some people think of Wales), and I do not need a vaccine, so on that basis this is an issue that does not affect me. Next...

11:40 and it's OK, I'll wait while your web page slave updates your page....

<Goes away for 10 minutes>

3) CUTTING ROAD SWEEPERS - The town of Faversham in Kent is cutting road sweepers to save money. Today we look at the joy that is road sweeping. Jeremy talks to Katie Alston, a local reporter, Councillor David Simmons, Deputy Mayor of Swale Borough Council, and Debbie Holland, co-owner of ‘Baldy Butchers’ in Faversham. Find out more in this article from the Mirror. : The Mirror? For God's sake Jeremy, please at least steal your stories from an actual newspaper. Can we look forward to "Find out more in this article from the Sun" one day? It's not happened yet to the best of my knowledge. Faversham ... that will be in England. For your information, and courtesy of Google Earth, I attach a picture of my "street". How many road sweepers should we be seeing here? We seem to manage fine with those we have, thank you. Unfortunately, this is yet another issue that does not affect me. Next...

4) SLOT MACHINES ADDICTS - Finally, as the government relaxes restrictions on slot machines, are you or your partner addicted to them? Jeremy talks to Lewis Constable, a student and former gambling addict. Find out more in this article from the Mirror : WHAT??? The Mirror AGAIN??? Can't you just tell its a Monday, eh? It is not that there is no news out there, but that you choose to ignore it because it doesn't meet somebody's (yours?) agenda. About 25 years ago I visited a Butlins holiday camp as a day visitor. While there I happened to spy a giant slot machine which probably stood 6 feet high and 4 feet wide. Up until that point I had never used a slot machine, so I thought I'd have a go on this one. I put in my 5p and pulled the handle. The reels spun, and I won £2 in 5p coins. On the basis that my slot machine spending account is very much in profit I have not used one since. Again, this is an issue that does not affect me.

The Jeremy Vine Show : Conveniently ignoring the issues that affect you.

Today's show 06/06/11

Welcome back Jeremy! Great to have you back, last week was absolutely dire! Not that I listened, of course.

I'm busy busy today, so let's keep it brief...

1) CHILD SEXUALISATION - The government welcomes a report that's calling for shops to stop selling clothes which sexualise children. Jeremy talks to Dr Jan MacVarish; Research associate at the Centre for Health Services Studies at the University of Kent and Telegraph journalist Cristina Odone : We have no children, so I feel totally unable to form a judgement on this and therefore it is of no interest to me. However, it sounds like banning is being suggested, so little wonder that you are discussing it today! Next...

 

2) COUNCIL HOUSES - Should people earning one hundred thousand pounds a year be allowed to live in a council house? Jeremy talks to Grant Schapps; Minister for Housing and Paul Dimoldenberg; Leader of the Labour Group on Westminster City Council : And let us welcome back the Daily Mail in to the fold, and after it was ignored completely last week by the abominable Ms Feltz in favour of other Dead Tree Press Preservation Society members The Independent, The Guardian, Metro and The Daily Mirror (God help us, please!). I loved the comments on the Daily Mail page you link to, particularly the ones that start with "What a load of drivel", and "DM readers are living in a dreamworld", and could not have put it better myself. Anyway, I don't earn one hundred thousand pounds a year, I don't live in a council house and I certainly don't read the Daily Mail, so how can this possibily be of any interest to me? Next...

 

3) ADULT ACNE - After 1 we're joined by Radio 2 doctor Sarah Jarvis to discuss adult acne. Jeremy also talks to Zoe Fletcher who suffers from adult acne : Luckily, I don't. Next...

 

4) HYPNOSIS - And we look at when hypnosis goes wrong : Years ago, I used to know somebody that was hypnotised in a pub show one evening and behaved like a chicken. He told me afterwards that he remembered everything, was not hypnotised and the hypnotist was a fake. He then demonstrated his chicken mimicing again for the assembled throng to prove that he could do what he did anyway, hypnotised or not. Is this what you mean by hypnosis going wrong?

Today's show 03/06/11

Please join me in celebrating today as my I Hate The Jeremy Vine Show blog reached 3000 page views yesterday evening. Once again I thank my readers for taking valuable time out of their busy days to read my ramblings. You see Vanessa, it is not just me!

I haven't seen or heard anything about the Vanessa Feltz Campaign For Free Access To Supermarket Bins, so I can only assume that you decided not to take up my suggestion. To me, this means that you are just a talker, just like Jeremy. Have some clichés: Talk Is Cheap, and Actions Speak Louder Than Words. And the point of your programme is what, exactly?

So let's look at today's tedium...

1) A-S LEVEL MATHS ERROR - Pupils were baffled and upset by an A-S maths question that was literally impossible to answer. Are you still haunted by an exam question? : Hmmmm.... now let me think back to 35+ years ago. No, I honestly cannot remember anything about my exams at that time, and so I can only come to the conclusion that I am not haunted by an exam question. I'm sorry to fall outside of your target audience today, as usual. I'll tag this one as a Ridiculous Question on my blog. I do feel sorry for the students who have been affected by this cock-up though. Next...

2) WITNEY LIBRARY - David Cameron's constituency of Witney will be using volunteers to run its library. Is that another step towards the 'big society', or are we just kidding ourselves that just about anyone can be a librarian? Find out more in this Guardian article (daily readership 264,000, down 8.7% in the last year) : This is the second day running that you have stolen a story from The Guardian. Now, I know that the BBC has a well-deserved reputation for siding with The Guardian's viewpoints on life (see http://biased-bbc.blogspot.com/2011/06/guardianistas-of-world-unite.html, for example) but I have to point out that you are failing to maintain Jeremy's consistently low standards by nicking stuff from a Dead Tree Press broadsheet and not from the Daily Mail. However, I have to admit that my knowledge of The Guardian's outlook is not good as I honestly cannot remember having read a copy - ever - as my barber chooses not to buy it. What am I to do, eh? Anyway, I used to be a librarian when I was at school, and successfully got to grips with Filmolux, card indexing and the Dewey Decimal System, but that was 35+ years ago too. Not going well, is it? Next...

3) E.COLI - Eighteen people have now died from the E.coli outbreak, and a number have been ill from poisoning in this country. Are you now frightened of salad? : Aaahhh... good to see that you are fuelling the flames of paranoia and hysteria. Jeremy will be proud of you, especially if you base your ramblings on the usual inaccuracies and lies that this programme depends on. I have always been frightened of salad. When eating out my heart sinks if my plate appears in front of me half full of leaves. The reason is quite simple: It takes up valuable chip space. I'm sorry that some people are ill, but based on the 2009 figures (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10408417) since you started your lunchtime stint on Tuesday around 25 people ((2222 / 365) x 4) will have been killed on Britain's roads. But that happens every week, so fails to be detected by News Radar and is so classified as not newsworthy. You must be aware of old news business saying: If it bleeds, it leads (http://journalism.about.com/od/reporting/a/newsworthy.htm), unless it happens so often it is boring, apparently. Next...

4) TV TALENT SHOWS - Finally, did the bitter reality of TV talent shows break your child's heart? : I'll file this one under Ridiculous Question too. Just how many of your listeners do you think have children who have been involved in TV talent shows? Less than can be counted on one foot of a three-toed sloth, I would guess. You would have made this topic far more relevant had you omitted the TV requirement, but you know best, of course. We don't have any children, and I have never been in any kind of talent show, so this whole item is completely meaningless to me. Result!

 

As well as my blog passing 3000 views, there has been some more good news today: I was glad to hear on Zoe's show that today is your last day. And I have not listened to a single minute this week. Yay!

Today's show 31/05/11

Hi Vanessa!

Remember me? I'm the guy who dissects the stories (I hesitate to use the word "news" as it isn't really news, is it?) every day just to prove to myself and anybody who cares to read my blog (http://lunchtimeloather.blogspot.com/, and rapidly approaching 3000 page views) why the Jeremy Vine Show is completely pointless. One day, I hope, somebody from Radio 2 will say to themselves, "You know, he is right, this programme achieves nothing and does not belong on Radio 2, and certainly not in the middle of the day". Until that happens I will continue to criticise and ridicule the programme. However, I am known for my patience.

My recollection from last time that you stood in for Jeremy was that the show actually got worse. Had I not heard it with my own ears I would never have thought that to be possible. So let's see if you have any good reasons at all for me to continue listening to Radio 2 at 12 o'clock...

It is interesting that today you have chosen three stories from national newspapers, but not one from Jeremy's favourite member of The Dead Tree Press Preservation Society : The Daily Mail. The latest ABC circulation figures (http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/story.asp?sectioncode=1&storycode=47114) make interesting reading, as they always do, as the slow and inexorable death of the printed press continues. One day they will all be gone, so you best steal as many stories as you can while they are still around. Jeremy has a slightly different way of finding stories, as he just looks in the Daily Mail and if nothing takes his fancy there a quick visit to the BBC News > England web page usually suffices to fill the show.

1) FIFA CORRUPTION ALLEGATIONS - The Fifa president Sepp Blatter insists his organisation is not in crisis amidst corruption allegations that the 2022 World Cup final was "bought" for Qatar and claims about a suitcase stuffed with cash : I think you are confusing me with someone who is interested in football. I played football when I was at school 30-odd years ago, and hated it. I have never been to a football match, and I am not aware of watching a whole match on TV. This is of absolutely no interest to me and is not a good start to today's show. Next...

2) NINETY-FIVE PER CENT MORTGAGE - As more young people expect to rent for longer, is a 95 per cent mortgage for first-time buyers the answer? Find out more in this Telegraph article (daily readership 640,000, down 6.4% in the last year) : I have no idea, and this story has absolutely no relevance to me at all. It's not looking good. Next...

3) WEEKLY BIN COLLECTIONS - Reports say that the government will give councils cash incentives to restore weekly bin collections. Find out more in this Independent article (daily readership 181,000, down 4% in the last year) : Here in Gwynedd we have a weekly bin collection that alternates between household waste and garden waste. We are provided with good quality bins in which to store rubbish between collections. Collections occur every Monday morning, including bank holidays, and it all works rather well for me. As you will appreciate, I am struggling to find any relevance to this story. Next...

4) ANTI-PAEDO SCHOOL UNIFORM - And a school in Glasgow has asked parents to dress their children in baggy clothes to deter paedophiles. Find out more in this Metro article : Now, I believe the Metro is that free newspaper that is handed out in large conurbations, but I'll be honest and say that I have no idea where I would get a copy from here in rural North Wales. Also, and being free, its circulation figures do not appear on the ABC report so we cannot gain any accurate insight in to just how popular it is. I do know that it is published by Associated Newspapers, who also publish the good old Daily Mail, and that probably says more about it than anything else. As for the story, well we don't have any children at that school in Glasgow so it is of no relevance to me.

So, Radio 2 loses another listener as I'm off to 6 Music.

More tomorrow!

Today's show 23/05/11

A very wet and windy day here in North Wales today, so let's so what delights you have that might just take my mind off the weather...

1) PRIVACY LAWS - Many of today's newspapers say that privacy laws are a farce, as Twitter users circumvent the injunction over the identity of the footballer. However, we talk to three people who praise our privacy laws : Hmmm... "Many of today's newspapers" says it all. Newspapers, a.k.a. The Dead Tree Press ... who cares what they think? I know that I certainly do not, and I would not give one jot if they all vanished tomorrow. Hopefully, and in my life time, the newspaper as we currently have it will vanish from our lives, and so save the earth's resources in the process. As for the Twitter/privacy thing, well don't you think it strange how the “uncontrolled” Internet is applauded when used against established governments in other parts of the world, but is not when used for a far more trivial purposes here? I do. Next...

2) IRISH ANCESTRY - As Barack Obama arrives in Ireland, birthplace of his great, great, great, great, grandfather, do you know people who exaggerate their Irish ancestry? And why do people do it? : No, I don't know anybody who exaggerates their Irish ancestry, and I have no idea why they would do that. The only people I know with an Irish ancestry are Irish people. But that misses your point, doesn't it? Next...

3) CHRISTIAN GP REPRIMANDED - A doctor faces disciplinary action after allegedly preaching Christianity to one of his patients : Had I been under treatment by this particular GP and had objected to his line of conversation then I could have told him quite simply to "Shut up", or similar. Alternatively, I might have engaged him in an argument or discussion about the virtues of Christianity, and wasted a whole load of his time, and mine. Move along, nothing to see or talk about here. Next...

4) PET RABBITS - Finally, rabbits are Britain's third favourite pet. Why would anybody keep, what Woody Allen describes as a 'rodent', as a pet? : Errr... because they can? It goes to show that Woody Allen knows nothing too, as rabbits are not rodents, and I've never liked his films. A similar question could be: Why would anybody want to listen to, what the LunchTimeLoather blogger describes as 'rubbish', the Jeremy Vine Show? People, eh? Will we ever understand them?

Guess what ... it is still raining.

Today's show 20/05/11

Anything of interest today? Let's take a look...

1) SIR FRED GOODWIN - Part of the injunction against Sir Fred Goodwin has been lifted, following the speech by Lord Stoneham in parliament yesterday. He claimed this is not 'tittle tattle', the public have a right to know, because as the head of one of Britain's biggest banks that subsequently collapsed, the affair with another employee, would have affected his ability to do his job. However, we talk to someone who says having an affair has no effect on your ability to do your job and it's none of our business : As a self-employed sole-trader I am struggling to think of who I could have an affair with as I don't seem to have any employees. The construction of that second sentence is dreadful, with too many commas. I think it should read "He claimed this is not 'tittle tattle' and the public have a right to know because, as the head of one of Britain's biggest banks that subsequently collapsed, the affair with another employee would have affected his ability to do his job" and even then there is scope for further improvement. So whose business is an affair? Mine? Well, I would have to overcome my complete lack of interest first. The Meeja? No, but they will make it their business anyway. Next...

2) AN EYE FOR AN EYE - A woman in Iran who was blinded by a man in an acid attack after turning down his offer of marriage, demanded her right for justice and retribution under Muslim Sharia Law, by having the state blind her attacker with acid. Dominic Lawson says "What's wrong with 'an eye for an eye' and the punishment fitting the crime?" : A tragic story, but should I know who Dominic Lawson is? Hang on... <Googles "Dominic Lawson">. Oh, he's a Dead Tree Press journalist. In my mind this makes him a complete non-entity and his opinion is of no consequence or interest to me. Next...

3) IS THE BOOK SHOP DEAD? - The book shop Waterstone's is up for sale and now twice as many people are choosing electronic books over the traditional hardback, on the internet retailer Amazon. We talk to someone who says the book shop will never die : I've just checked the Waterstone's web site and have found that my nearest store is about 50 miles away. I'm not sure I have ever been in one, to be honest. I *love* books and have a large library of my favourites. Fortunately we have an excellent book shop in a nearby town and they can - and do - obtain anything that I want, and ebay and Amazon have a role to play in my book purchasing too. Being of a somewhat specialist nature most (all?) of the books I would want have never been and will probably never be published in an electronic format. Oh, and the comma in the first sentence is not needed and could cause misinterpretation. Not deliberate, was it? Next...

4) SPEEDING IN SWINDON - In Swindon, in a pilot study, they're replacing speed camera's with traffic lights. So if you're speeding you'll come up against a red traffic light : Where Slough leads, Swindon follows. A similar scheme was used in Slough 40 years ago. A stretch of road had a 30mph limit (if I remember correctly) and there were traffic lights every 100 yards or so. If you did 30mph then you would get green lights all the way. Any faster then you would get a red light every time. I'm not sure how or why Swindon reckon this is a pilot scheme when it has been done before, but there you go, and Swindon is a long way from here.

That'll be a "No" then. I'm surprised you didn't use this story today: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-13454160

UPDATE: Email received from JV: "We were tempted".

Today's show 09/05/11

I was listening to Jon Holmes on 6 Music on Saturday afternoon, and was a little shocked to hear your dulcet tones coming from my radio. You can hear it too at http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/b01100s8 by fast-forwarding to 1:02:30. Now that would be a programme that I would listen to!

 

I see you are going up-market with your choice of topics culled from the Dead Tree Press today, with two from the Daily Telegraph...

 

Let's see if we can find four good reasons to switch to 6 Music at 12 o'clock...

1) GOVERNMENT POLICY CHANGES - Should the Liberal Democrats be able to force the Conservatives to change their policies in government? : While I have my doubts that David Cameron will be hanging on your every word, he may have read the Telegraph story that you have stolen. I was under the impression that the LibDems already had forced the Conservatives to change their policies, and that these kind of disagreements are covered in the Coalition Agreement. Am I missing something? Do I care? Will your discussion change anything? Next...

2) EUROPE DAY - It's Europe day and the rest of Europe are flying the EU flag, apart from number ten Downing Street. Are you flying the EU flag for Europe day? : And so we sink back in to the dark recesses of the Daily Mail for this one ... oh dear. Are you flying one over Western House today? If not, why not? Like the majority of your listeners, I don't have a flagpole so the answer to your question is "No". I might burn one later though. Who thinks up this rubbish? Next...

3) HEAD INJURIES - Doctor Sarah Jarvis joins us to talk about head injuries. Did you have a serious knock on the head? What happened? : Yes. It hurt. I got over it. Fortunately it was not bad enough to do lasting damage ... or did it? Next...

4) THE ROYAL FAMILY - Finally, at the moment MP's aren't allowed to debate the Royal Family in Parliament. We speak to a Welsh MP who says this is nonsense and he wants to debate Prince Andrew : Back to the Telegraph for this one, but I am sure that they have a better understanding of English grammar and would never put an apostrophe in the plural of MPs. Tut tut. The biggest hurdle to this debate will be, of course, Squeaker Bercow and if I were a gambling man I would bet that this it will not happen and, again, I am left puzzled what there is to discuss.

That looks like four good reasons to me!