Today's show 01/12/11

The first item on today's show comes as no surprise at all. Your show is renowned for taking the "easy" story but missing the "real" story that sits behind it...

 

1) INCITING HATRED - Should it be unlawful to incite hatred against public sector workers?: Interesting that you chose to use this terminology with a picture of Jeremy Clarkson, but make no reference to him in your text and you made no mention on Ken's show that he will be in the studio to defend himself. And interesting too that it is the BBC that has apologised for his remarks, rather than Clarkson himself. In honesty I hope he doesn't apologise as it would just be another nail in the coffin of free speech that you and many others at the BBC would like to see firmly closed and buried. I may not be supportive of what Clarkson says but I do like the fact that he says what he thinks and is not afraid to do so. Your regular guest George Galloway is exactly the same, so what is the difference between him and Clarkson? Not much, I would suggest, but you for some unfathomable reason think that Galloway makes a valuable contribution. Oh, how wrong you are. Clarkson has no hidden agenda, no innuendo, no attempt at suggestion - he says it as he sees it with conviction and with, I believe, an "if you don't like what I say then tough" attitude and we, the listeners and viewers, can vote with the Off switch if we choose. You, of course, do have a hidden agenda (or complete disinterest) in the topics you discuss. Your voice inflections and control of what your contributors say don't do much to hide it, and I vote with my Off switch every day. So how would this "unlawful" thing work then? I do not believe that you are seriously suggesting that legislation is introduced to protect public sector workers (only) from "hatred", however you define that, so this is really just a veiled and undefended character assassination on Clarkson, isn't it? I have said it many times before, but I will say it again now: Jeremy Clarkson would make a GREAT stand-in presenter on your programme, and I would DEFINITELY listen. Perhaps it should be unlawful to incite hatred of crappy radio broadcasters who tell the UK population what to think every lunch time, in which case I'm guilty as charged, M'Lud. Lock me up in chains, won't you. Next...

2) BEREAVEMENT - How much paid bereavement leave should you be entitled to after the death of a close family member? : As a self-employed sole-trader I can take as much leave as I like but I am not and never will be paid for doing so, whatever the circumstances. Next...

3) DISCOUNT WEBSITES - Are websites like Groupon doing wonders for your business, or hurting it? Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : All Hail the Daily Mail! This topic was last discussed on your programme on 11th March this year. Funny, isn't it, how these "anything but actual real news" stories come round again, and again, and again... My business has no association with Groupon or any other vouchers, and is doing just fine, thank you. Next...

4) HOME-MADE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS - Do you feel under pressure to home-bake and hand-make presents this Christmas? Find out more in this article from the Manchester Evening News : No, never.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - featuring nonsense from two Jeremys today

Today's show 21/10/11

I see the BBC are in the news again today, although both stories will be conveniently buried under the tidal wave of Gaddafi stuff. You probably missed them, so here they are...

The first one concerns the BBC's coverage of the Dale Farm debacle (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/8839523/BBC-accused-of-overstaffing-as-protesters-pull-out-of-Dale-Farm.html):
BBC accused of 'overstaffing' as protesters pull out of Dale Farm

The BBC was accused of "ludicrous over staffing" today after it emerged that it had more reporters than there were protesters at the Dale Farm traveller eviction.
While the number of activists dwindled, the BBC still had six satellite crews, a handful of local correspondents and a team of documentary makers on the six acre site.

Other news media organisations apparently managed with less facilities and less staff, not that I saw any of the coverage. We can only hope that those BBC cuts are long, hard and painful.

The second one is a follow-up from the Rangers Football Club story I brought to your attention a few days ago (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-15395427):
'Criminality' claims over Rangers owner Craig Whyte

Rangers owner Craig Whyte has said he will take legal action over a BBC documentary which carried allegations of criminality in his past dealings.

I am no fan of football, but I wish him the very best for a successful prosecution. Hopefully it will be the first of many.

Today's issue that affects me: Eating burnt toast - good, or bad?

A quick scan of today's topics for your programme shows that you have managed to resist the latest "global warming" story that was pummelled in to my brain by the Radio 2 news just after 08:00 this morning (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-15373071). Perhaps we can have a one-sided argument (in that you will tell me what to think, I will contradict and you will ignore me) next week, maybe?

So, what did you choose for Friday's menu...

1) COLONEL GADDAFI - The Sun’s front page shows a picture of a dead Colonel Gaddafi with the headline ‘That’s for Lockerbie’. He may have been a brutal dictator, but is this the best way to get justice? Meanwhile, television news splashed pictures of a bloodied Gaddafi’s body being dragged through the streets. Were you appalled by the brutality of the pictures? : Gaddafi's death is unfortunate as it means that he cannot be put on trial, and after which he would probably have been killed anyway, like Saddam Hussein. A trial would have brought all sorts of interesting episodes to light, and I feel sure that Tony Blair, and others, slept a little more soundly in their beds last night by knowing that he is silenced. So, and in answer to your first question, this was not the best way to get justice. Unfortunately, the Jeremy Vine Show has a record for not changing anything so I have doubts that you can bring him back from the dead. The second question suggests that you want to spend time looking at the journalism used to cover Gaddafi's death - big up the journo scum! The papers are a disgrace, as usual, and I didn't see any of the TV pictures so I have no opinion on them. More importantly, which flesh-presser are you going to have on the show to tell us how wonderful and misunderstood Gaddafi was? I doubt you'll get Blair, and I think Gordon is still not talking to you, so my prediction is that it will be Galloway. I'm not prepared to take that risk so there, Jeremy, is a good reason not to listen. Next... 

2) STAMPS - Would you pay £1 for a first class stamp? : There is no mention of a £1 fee on the BBC news page you link to, so where did that figure come from? The Ofcom proposal (for that is all it is at the moment - http://consumers.ofcom.org.uk/2011/10/safeguarding-the-uk%E2%80%99s-universal-postal-service/) says: Ofcom proposes to put a price cap of between 45p and 55p on Second Class stamps for standard letters to protect vulnerable customers from significant price rises. That'll do for me, and other delivery services are available. If first class stamps go up to £1 it will make it worthwhile for somebody to find a way to forge them. Next...

3) LIVING ALONE - Esther Rantzen joins us for a special item on the loneliness of living on your own. Esther writes for the Mail Online : I lived on my own for years, but I don't any more. Good to see the Mail making an appearance on your programme, though. Next...

4) WORRYING LIVESTOCK - Farmers often threaten to shoot dogs who worry their livestock. A farmer from Burton did just that and killed a beagle and a whippet. Find out more from the Burton Mail : The loss of a pet is always heart-breaking, but I've never owned a dog and have no plans to do so.

A dead dictator, stamps going up, loneliness and dead pets, and you just said on Ken's show "Don't miss that" ... I would rather boil my head, and so it just has to be:

The Jeremy Vine Show - brightening your weekend in our own special way!

Today's show 05/10/11

I hear that I missed a good bust-up on your show yesterday. If I could be bothered to drag my mouse pointer enough to open iPlayer I would take a listen, but frankly I can't be bothered. Why? Well, the prospect of listening to a "Daily Mail blogger" and Gorgeous George Galloway slagging off each other doesn't really do it for me. And what is it about Galloway? Why do you have him on your programme to talk about all kinds of things so often? Does he have embarrassing photos of you? Or is he just an expert in EVERYTHING? I think we should be told.

It occurs to me too that Galloway would make a good stand-in for you when you are away ... but who would he call when he needed a Talking Head to spout off on any given subject? What a quandary that would be!

My blog soarded through 7700 page views yesterday evening, and again I thank my loyal readership for taking time to read my inane ramblings. I understand that one of them has been in touch with you directly (RESULT!) and I would like you to know Jeremy that you are free to respond to any of the comments made on my blog. You have my email address and my phone number and I promise to publish anything you send me without alteration or comment. Whether others choose to comment is, of course, up to them and outside of my control.

I forgot about this yesterday - sorry...

Today's issue that affects me: Following the launch of Apple's iPhone 4S yesterday, are those of us who have a mobile phone that can only be used to make calls and send texts all going to die?

Moving on to today's tedious topics then...

1) DAVID CAMERON - The Prime Minister speaks to the Conservative conference today. His message: What are you doing to pay off your credit card debt? : Blimey, somebody there has woken up and realised that the Tory Conference is on this week! Congratulations to that person, and thank you for doing your job properly - for once. You have saved me the bother of sending another bias complaint to the BBC, not that they do anything about those, of course. As for your question: I pay off my credit card every month and cannot remember the last time I paid any interest. Credit card companies HATE people like me as they don't make any money. Nevertheless, I'd make sure that you get George Galloway in as he will undoubtedly have an opinion on everything to do with Cameron, Tories and credit cards. Next...

2) PRISON CRIME - Damian Fowkes is the prisoner who killed one paedophile and later attacked Ian Huntley. Given his determination to kill all paedophile prisoners, where on earth do we incarcerate him? : How about George Galloway's office? I have no idea, or interest, but I bet George Galloway will have the answer! I have every confidence that George will be the saviour of the UK - and whether we like it or not. He used to be important, you know, and was even an MP at one time, until his constituents mistakenly voted for somebody else. What could they have been thinking? He had told them EXACTLY what to do! Next...

3) MIXED RACE BRITAIN - A new BBC series looks at the joys of being mixed race in Britain today. More on the BBC's 'Mixed Race Britain' season : Aha! A shameless plug for a BBC2 TV series. We've not had one of those for a while. And is that a young Carol Vorderman in the top picture on the web page you link to? (http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/images/bank/programmes_tv/mixed_race/446mixed1.jpg) I live in a mixed race community, with immigrant English (such as myself) living in harmony with our lovely Welsh neighbours. And you are right, it is a joy. There is just one thing missing from my situation though: We are all the same colour. I suspect that this is not what you mean by a mixed race society. Oh well, I got it wrong again. Anyway, I bet George Galloway is an expert on this topic, and will no doubt overcome his inherent shyness to express an opinion, although you may have to turn up the microphone gain a bit so your listeners can hear what he says. Next...

4) CAT FIGHT - Home Secretary Theresa May says ‘you won’t believe this, but an illegal immigrant was kept in Britain because he had a cat’. Justice Secretary Ken Clarke says he doesn’t believe it : Good to see you are maintaining your standards by ignoring the substance and focusing on the trivia. Have you ever made a mistake Jeremy? Have you ever said anything to an audience and got it wrong? Have you ever said anything in the belief that it was the truth, but later found that it was wrong? Have you ever been let down by your researchers who failed to do their job properly? Have you ever corrected and apologised for doing any of these things? The answers to those questions are, of course: Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes and - sadly - No. So how about discussing that? You said on Ken's show that Russia is now part of Europe - wrong! I bet George Galloway has never made a mistake in his life, and everything he says must be the truth because he says it is. Again, I feel sure that he will be able to amuse and entertain your listeners with witty anecdotes of when he went bungee jumping with Ken Clarke, or the time he mud-wrestled with Theresa May. Blimey, I'm almost tempted to listen! Oh, I remember now, I live in The Real World. You should try it some time.

The George Galloway Show - today's special guest is Jeremy Vine!

UPDATE:

Just found this in your beloved Daily Mail:
Migrant facing deportation wins right to stay in Britain... because he's got a cat

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1221353/Youve-got-cat-OK-stay-Britain-officials-tell-Bolivian-immigrant.html

So, who got it wrong then?

Today's show 23/08/11

You'll be pleased to know that my washing dried, and it didn't rain. Weather forecasts - pah!

I've struggled to think of an issue that affects me today, so I'll go with this one from a couple of weeks ago...

I recently had a problem with a credit card where the PIN number was not being recognised. The card supplier happily sent me a new PIN with a note telling me that I needed to validate it in an ATM at my nearest branch. I had no idea where that was, so I called them, gave them my postcode and was told "We don't have a branch anywhere near you". And that was all they could tell me. My own investigations subsequently revealed that my nearest branch is 40 miles away in a town that I very rarely visit. I called them back and gave them the choice: Validate my PIN over the phone, or close my account. Their choice was the latter. So...
Today's issue that affects me: Why do some companies forget that not all of their customers live in or near cities and towns?

OK, on to the issues that allegedly affect your listeners...

On 16th May you wasted 30 minutes of prime time radio broadcasting with this story: "IMF CHIEF ACCUSED OF RAPE - The French head of the IMF and socialist candidate for presidency is arrested in New York after allegedly trying to rape a chambermaid. Some in France are asking 'Was he set up?". Interesting that now it is looking extremely likely that the case will be dropped (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-14619921) yet coverage of this has been minimal, and with none at all on your programme. In the minds of your listeners Mr Strauss-Khan will always be "that bloke who raped a chambermaid" and will remain uneducated on his actual status, whetever that turns out to be. Here again Jeremy is a reason why I choose not to listen to your programme. You do not follow up and correct old stories, so if I chose to believe what you tell me (heaven forfend) then my views would be tainted by a lack of the full facts. I would rather not have any opinion than have an incorrect one. What is your view?

So let's look at the half-stories and half-truths you will be discussing today:

1) LIBYA - Gaddafi goes into hiding. What makes a dictator fight it out to the last bullet? : I was waiting for you to say on Ken's show "... and on the phone we will have Colonel Gaddafi, Robert Mugabe, Omar Al-Bashir and Kim Jong-Il ..." but it never came. So, in answer to your question, I have absolutely no idea. So, who could you get to enlighten you? Somebody who has met a dictator or two, somebody who likes telling anybody who will listen what they should be doing and what to think, somebody who likes the sound of his own voice far too much. That'll be George Galloway then. If I were a betting man I would put £100 on him appearing on your show today, but this in itself is a good reason not to listen. Next...

2) MICROFINANCE - How a charity is helping small businesses help themselves in the developing world : Does Wales count as the developing world? Sometimes I think it should, but that is more than made up for the stunning scenery and fantastic way of life we have here. Anyway, good for them, but this is of no interest to me. Next...

3) LIGHTNING STRIKES! - After Richard Branson's mansion goes up in flames, have you suffered a catastrophic lightning strike? : I've been in a trans-Atlantic Jumbo Jet that was struck by lightning and dropped 200 feet like a stone, and I've also been on a train that was struck by lightning and had St Elmo's fire dancing around it. As I am still here to tell the tale I don't think that either occasion could be described as "catastrophic", so the answer to your question is "No". Blame it on global warming. Next...

4) DIFFICULT FRIENDSHIPS - Tell us about the friend you just can't get rid of. They don’t get the hint and they won't (take) no for an answer : The only friends I have are the ones that I have not told to F-Off And Die. What was the problem again?

The Jeremy Vine Show - follow-up stories, who needs them?

Today's show 28/07/11

Busy today, so let's get today's temptations to listen to your programme dismissed quickly. It shouldn't take long....

 

1) LANGUAGE ROW - A woman has launched a human rights challenge because her husband is not allowed to move here from India because he can't speak English : On Ken's show, you compared this with a UK citizen moving to Spain without any intention of learning Spanish, which is all well and good but there is a crucial difference: Immigrants to the UK are required to learn English, but immigrants to Spain are not required to learn Spanish. Rather than the UK being in the wrong, which is what I think you were inferring, perhaps the Spanish are the ones who have got this wrong. Just a thought. Fortunately, the Welsh Assembly Government have adopted the same attitude as Spain and I did not have to prove my knowledge of Welsh when I moved here, although I do know a bit. Next...

2) SYNCHRONISED BED TIMES - Is it crucial to a relationship that partners go to bed at the same time? Find out more in this Daily Mail article : Where would we be without the Daily Mail - and your goodself - telling us what is good for us, eh? I''ll bear this in mind should I ever think that my marriage is in crisis. I'll let you know when and if that ever happens. Oh, and I can't remember the last time I watched Newsnight. Next...

 

3) LIBYAN REBELS - The UK declares that it will recognise the Libyan rebels as the government of that country. Are we right to do this…and who are they anyway? : I was waiting for you to say "... and our studio guest will be Foreign Secretary William Hague" as he probably knows more about this than anybody else, but the words never came. I would be willing to bet that you have already been in touch with George Galloway about this, and he is ready and waiting to bank his cheque. Next...

 

4) VOICE - And have you ever been ridiculed for your voice? Find out more in this Guardian article : Now, let me think.... Pretty sure the answer to this one is: No.

 

Have you given up doing stories from The Sun?

 

Am I tempted to listen today? Hmmm... what do you think?

Today's show 14/07/11

Mmmmm.... bacon and mushroom sandwich....

You know, writing my blog is a real treat, and it continues to amaze me that so many people take time out from their busy days to read my rants and ramblings. As we head towards 4800 page views I again thank them for their continued support.

I also have to thank you Jeremy, for providing me with my daily ammunition. This week has been exceptional in that your web site lacky has managed to get your page updated before 11am, which means that I can start my diatribe earlier and have more time to think about what I am going to say to you. It allows me to have a quick read about the stories you are covering, rather than just believing what you want me to believe, and to sort the wheat from the chaff. So let's look at the chaff on offer today, and I bet you talk about Murdoch - again...

1) INDUSTRIAL PLANT EXPLOSION - An explosion at an industrial plant in Boston, Lincolnshire kills five people. One theory is they were illegally distilling vodka : Theory? And from the BBC news web page: "Claims the men may have been distilling illegal alcohol are being investigated", and "Nerys McGarry, from Lincolnshire Police, said it was not yet clear what had caused the blast", and "Mr Moore said it was still unclear what had caused the fire, but the intense heat and rapid spread suggested some form of accelerant", and "At this stage we cannot say what caused such intense heat or fire spread". So... just one thing missing then: Facts. And what do we do when we don't have the facts? C'mon Jeremy, you know the answer to this one.... Yes, that's right, well done: We make them up. And then we go on and on and on and on about what we have made up until somebody somewhere starts to believe what we are saying. I believe that this is what is taught in the first term at Journalist School. I am led to believe that the second term covers filling in an expenses claim, and the third covers all of the naughty things that only other journalists do. Needless to say, and with the strong possibility of a visit from your old friends Conjecture, Sensationalism and Speculation, it comes as absolutely no surprise to me that you are covering this story today. After all, what would be the point in waiting 24 hours when events might just be a little clearer and you may be able to tell us what REALLY happened? Oh yes, of course, it doesn't make good radio. Next...

2) RUPERT MURDOCH - Murdoch has withdrawn the bid for BSkyB. One commentator says it's not just bad for him, but this will spell the end of his empire : In your dreams maybe. A Murdoch story: I knew I wouldn't be disappointed. So which commentator is this then? The only one mentioned on the BBC news page you link to is Robert Peston, and his personal links with News International seem to be questioned by some, and as I mentioned yesterday (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2013684/Is-BBCs-Robert-Peston-close-Rupert-Murdochs-man-Will-Lewis.html). Meanwhile, the phone hacking scandal appears to be spreading to other news organisations, with Piers Morgan in the firing line in relation to his time at the Daily Mirror. We can only hope that that particular title disappears too. Are you going to mention Gordon Brown's appearance in the House of Commons yesterday? It was good to see him back and in his usual fine form, ignoring questions, avoiding answers and talking about his favourite subject: Himself. And I loved the way that some Tory-led Coalition MPs (to use common BBC parlance) called out "Bye bye, see you next year, have a great Christmas" as he left the chamber. Poor Gordon. Next...

3) FEAR OF DEATH - Do your perfectly healthy children lie awake at night, afraid of dying? We look at children who are obsessed with death : What children are those then? And like Ken, I cannot remember this happening to me. What's the betting that you run out of things to talk about and open this up to all sorts of irrational fears? This would allow you to poke fun at most of your listeners in one way or another. Spiders, heights, air travel, enclosed spaces, open spaces, dentists and needles must surely be fair game. Mine is cotton wool. I can't stand the stuff. I am sure it will be absolutely fascinating. Zzzzzzz... Next...

It is 11:35 and it this point I'll retract my thanks and congratulations for getting your web page updated promptly as the fourth item (something to do with parking in Edinburgh) is yet to appear....

<Goes away for 10 minutes...>

4) HOSPITAL CAR PARK - Doctors and nurses in Edinburgh who can't get into a hospital car park are having their cars vandalised by residents, who resent them parking there. Find out more in this Scotsman article : That wording is dreadful, but I think I know what you mean. However, this story could not be more irrelevant to me so I don't need to listen. Next...

How about doing some stories from the Daily Mail? You know, just for a change? I miss them...

And in your honour I have created a Twitter account ... I wonder what mischief I can get up to there.

UPDATE: And Galloway makes an appearance in the Murdoch item.

Today's show 07/06/11

I have heard a new trail for your show on Radio 2. Let's take a look at what it says...

Voice-Over Lady: "Jeremy Vine, discussing the issues that affect you" : No you don't. Not once since you started on the programme have you ever discussed an issue that affects me enough that I would have cause to listen.

JV: "So what exactly is AV and what are the arguments for and against it?" : Ah, AV, I remember it well. I voted "No" with "Yes" as my second preferred option. Oh, and this was a month ago, and "No" won. The relevance of this is what, exactly?

VOL: "With your views and experiences" : To the best of my knowledge, not once have you ever expressed any of my views or experiences in your programme, despite me emailing you practically every day with precisely that information.

I love this bit....

JV: "And Amanda Broomhall joins us from Swindon. Hi there!"
AB: "Hello!"
JV: "So you're pregnant now with your sixth?"
AB: "That's right"
JV: "Have you ever been caught by a speed camera and got somebody else to take the points for you? Experts are warning that people don't know how to care for their rabbits".

That is a bit disrespectful to her previous five children, but when exactly were you expecting her to have been caught by a speed camera? While giving birth perhaps?

VOL: "Jeremy Vine" : With questions like that, could it be anybody else?

JV: "Just had a development - they have just flown a plane over Scotland through the area with the high ash concentration to show there is no danger from it" : And about time too. Thank goodness, we can all sleep soundly tonight with that news.

VOL: "Weekdays from mid-day" : Aha! This bit is actually true.

Who comes up with this rubbish?

Of course, I could not resist the temptation to do my own version...

VOL: "Jeremy Vine, discussing the issues that might have affected somebody, somewhere in the last 25 years"
JV: "So what exactly is oil-fired central heating and how do you steal your neighbour's oil?"
VOL: "With views and experiences that coincide with Jeremy's and the BBC's but nobody else's"
JV: "And non-entity and former MP George Galloway joins us from somewhere in East London. Hi there!"
GG: "How much are you paying me?"
JV: "Breast milk ice cream, would you eat it?"
GG: "If it was good enough for Saddam Hussein it is good enough for me"
JV: "What is the oldest thing in your freezer? Experts are warning that that this programme is rubbish".
VOL: "Jeremy Vine"
JV: "Just had a development - the I Hate The Jeremy Vine Show blog has passed 3100 page views"
VOL: "Weekdays from 3am"

Moving on, let's look at today's pointless topics...

1) COUNTER-TERRORISM - The government will spend more money on trying to spot future terrorists in prisons, universities and even the doctor's surgery : Well, I'm not planning to go to prison, or university, and blessed with good health I rarely visit my doctor. However, next time I go there I will keep a good look out for anybody who might be a government spy. Perhaps it was that shady looking bloke in the dark glasses that I saw last time I was there. Or was he just a tourist? I'll ask him if he's still there next time I go. Next...

2) BUS ACCIDENTS - A bus passenger in Birmingham died after falling over when the driver braked sharply. We discuss accidents on buses caused by sudden stops and starts : First with the news again Jeremy! The relevant phrases from the BBC web page you link to are "when it stopped near the junction of Barlow Moor Road and Clyde Road in Didsbury on 18 April" and "... to be treated for serious injuries but developed complications and died on 25 May.". Didsbury? 18th April? 25th May? Tragic though this is, this was ages ago! Well, in news terms anyway. And I thought that Didsbury is in Manchester. No wonder I cannot find any mention of it on the Manchester Evening News web site, although I'll admit I didn't look that hard. I would expect nothing less than a flurry of callers regaling your listeners with such stories as "Well, in 1889, but great-great grandfather was kicked by a horse pulling a bus" and other such nonsense. As I suggested to Vanessa last week, how about discussing accidents in cars caused by sudden stops and starts? Oh yes, that's not newsworthy is it? Next...

3) PRIVATE UNIVERSITY - Top academics are opening a private university in London that will charge students up to £18,000 a year : Not sure why this appears three times on your web page today ... perhaps it is very, very, very important. Only time will tell if their scheme works, so what is there to discuss? Did you know that Lidl charge 49p for a pack of pre-packed beetroot, but Tesco sometimes charge over 60p for a similar item? Horses for courses Jeremy, horses for courses. Next...

 

4) CROSS-BORDER GARDENING - And is it right to carry out cross-border gardening if your neighbour's front lawn looks a shambles? : Also appearing three times today, but is this news? The answer to your question is, of course: Yes provided you have your neighbour's permission, otherwise No as it is trespass with the possibilty of criminal damage. So, other than having callers on air claiming "My neighbours garden is infested with Wildebeest", what is there to discuss?

 

Ahhh... 6 Music, that's better.

Today's show 17/05/11

Tuesday, and let's see what delights you have in store for your listeners today:

1) THE QUEEN'S FIRST VISIT TO THE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND - The Queen starts an historic visit to Ireland today. Should she apologise for what some Irish Republicans still regard as seven hundred years of oppression by the English crown? : Oooohhh... a vote. Somewhere somebody is sweating over a keyboard as they write the Queen's "Hello, I'm here" speech...

Script Writer 1: Which one are you doing, the one with the apology, or the one without?

Script Writer 2: Oh, I don't know. Which would you prefer to do?

SW1: Well, we don't know yet if we have got to include the apology.

SW2: Hmmm... so the one without will need a bit of padding to fill the time.

SW1: You're right there.

SW2: OK... I'll do the one without the apology as I'm good at waffle.

SW1: Doh! I'll do the apology then. I'll put Radio 2 on so I can listen to Jeremy Vine.

SW2: How do you know he is talking about this today? His web page is never updated until 11:30 - at the earliest.

SW1: You're wrong there, updated by 10:45 today, and yes, he is. He will give me some idea of what to write.

SW2: Does he also get to decide which speech Her Maj will use?

SW1: Of course!

SW2: One of us is wasting our time today....

2) OVERSEAS AID PLEDGE CHALLENGED - In a letter that's been leaked to The Times, the Defence Secretary Liam Fox tells David Cameron that the government shouldn't enshrine in law a target to spend 0.7% of our national income on foreign aid : Mr Fox is entitled to his opinion, and to express it to the Prime Minister. Somehow I don't think that either of them will be listening to your programme today, so your discussion today will not change anything. Next...

3) HAS YOUR TEENAGER EVER DISCOVERED YOUR PORNOGRAPHY? - At one o'clock, has your teenage child discovered pornography in your bedroom and if so, did it have a detrimental effect? : Mmmm... lunchtime porn. And the point of this is what, exactly? We don't have a teenage child, so this is of no relevance to me. Next...

4) SURROGATE MOTHER OF SIX CHILDREN - And finally, we talk to a woman who's been a surrogate mother six times. She's pregnant again. Why does she do it? : I have no idea, or interest, but in a similar vein how about these suggestions:

 - And finally, we talk to a man who runs a radio phone-in about so-called news topics that are anything but news. He's on again today. Why does he do it?

Or

 - And finally, we talk to a man who emails a radio programme every day just to tell them why he won't be listening. He's done it again today. Why does he do it?

Perhaps the answer in all three cases is "Because I can".

Huey Morgan is sitting in for Lauren Laverne on 6 Music this week but I'm not a great fan of the music that he plays, so it will be CDs from 12 until 1pm.

UPDATE: Rent-a-Mouth George Galloway was used to fill air time in the first item today. I have no doubt his pearls of wisdom were as unique as ever.

Today's show 28/03/11

Hi Jeremy,

Many thanks for your email concerning the Budget Day show.

Let's see what delights are on today's menu....

1) ED MILIBAND AT THE ANTI-CUTS RALLY - Was Ed Miliband right to speak at the anti-cuts rally? We also speak to UK Uncut, who occupied Fortnum & Mason : With the TUC march dominating the news this weekend, I am not surprised that you are covering it today. The BBC seem to have turned it in to a massive piece of anti-government propaganda  Even your friends at the Daily Mail are attacking the BBC for their biased coverage of the event. Their latest offering is http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1370053/TUC-anti-spending-cuts-protest-200-arrested-500k-march-cut.html and you'll need to scroll 2/3rds way down the page to see the comments by Peter Hitchen. It is headed "The biased BBC... marching alongside their anti-cut allies" and opens with:

As usual, they didn’t even know they were doing it, but the BBC took sides on the TUC protest, even before it had begun. The Corporation and the TUC instinctively recognise each other as allies. Both depend on public money.

Now, you know very well that I am no fan of the Daily Mail, but Mr Hitchen's piece raises some interesting questions about the BBC's alleged impartiality. I sent you a discussion topic suggestion on Saturday asking you to discuss the BBC's bias in such matters, but my guess is that you are not brave enough to discuss it today and you will maintain the BBC's corporate view of this event. What a shame. Next...

2) WHAT DO WE DO IF ANTI GADDAFI REBELS ATTACK PRO-GADDAFI CIVILIANS? The anti-Gaddafi rebels are making quick progress towards Tripoli. What do we do if they start attacking pro-Gaddafi civilians? : I'm going to buy another two tins of baked beans, just in case. Nothing discussed on your programme today in relation to this topic will change anything. Next...

3) PARENTING: BRINGING YOUR BABY HOME - Our parenting week; the most important job in the world starts today with the day I brought my baby home and didn't have a clue what to do. Should you trust the expert manuals, or your maternal instinct? : Knowing that you were going to run this theme throughout the week I did give some thought about what I was going to write to you today. I could have written chapter and verse about why this is of absolutely no interest to me, but I decided to just say that it isn't, and I will not comment further on it this week.

However, it did occur to me that some of your regular contributors could be dragged in to give their own particular brand of advice in their specialist subjects. For example, the topic of breast-feeding vs bottle-feeding may come up. Now, which regular contributor knows most about milk? Hmmm.... let me think.... Oh, I know. It would have to be George "would you like the cream" Galloway! Go on, call him up, offer him a few quid and I'm sure he'll spout for as long as you will let him on a topic that he knows nothing about. No change there then.

Then you could get George "we're all going to die" Monbiot on the line. He could tell new parents how to start brainwasing their children in to thinking that we'll all be dead by the end of April. The BBC have already created a game about climate change (see http://www.bbc.co.uk/sn/hottopics/climatechange/climate_challenge/aboutgame.shtml) so that should be a good starting point. I love the line on that page that says "Wherever possible, real research has been incorporated into the game", implying that when not possible somebody has made it up. Again, no change there then.

I'm sure you'll have some ideas of your own for Terry Walton, but I'd prefer if you left Martin Lewis out of this as I have too much respect for him. Next...

4) TRAFFIC LIGHTS IN PORTSMOUTH - And lastly, Portsmouth wants to turn its traffic lights to flashing amber at night : There have been "Part Time Traffic Signals" on roundabouts (in Telford, for example) and on motorway junctions (M6 Walsall) for years, so this is nothing new. Anyway, my nearest set of proper traffic lights (i.e. that control traffic flow rather than just a pedestrian crossing) is nearly 20 miles away. Should I care?

 

Nothing there for me again, so I won't be listening.

Today's show 25/03/11

You know, I just love your web pages. They have a unique blend of looking professional but with inaccurate and misleading text. As an example, your front page (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006wr3p) clearly states: "Jeremy Vine and guests discuss the news headlines and talk to the people making them.". I take issue with this on two counts.

First, you rarely devote your show to the news headlines. You may have one or two current news stories, but you will also have discussions on other twaddle that is anything but news.

Secondly, your assertion that you talk to the people making the headlines is rarely justified. It is true that you talk to people involved in the non-news stories, but when it comes to a real news story the first people you usually turn to are not the actual newsmakers but other BBC correspondents or newspaper reporters. If all else fails you call George Galloway for his own special pearls of wisdom. So, instead of hearing from the actual newsmakers all your listeners hear is what a colleague of yours (or a former MP) thinks might have happened, might be happening and might happen in the future. All good for speculation and conjecture, but it does not do much to provide your listeners with hard facts, does it?

 

I'll give you an example: You will remember your discussion about the "International Rescue" team's problems in getting in to Japan last week. In my mind, it was the IR team that were the newsmakers, but you didn't speak to them. Instead you had a verbal fight with a Foreign Office minister. It was only afterwards that you had contact with the IR team and obtained some crucial information from the newsmaker that could have changed your sparring with the Minister completely.

OK... let's look at today's news headlines and which newsmakers you will be talking to...

1) ARE DELROY GRANT'S SEX ATTACKS ON ELDERLY VICTIMS AMONGST THE WORST IN HISTORY? - Did the fact that a sex attacker chose elderly victims mean that his crimes were amongst the worst in Scotland Yard's history? : In answer to your question: I have no idea, and I have no real desire to find out. I'll grant you that this is news, but somehow I doubt you will have newsmaker Delroy Grant in the studio or on the telephone. From your trail on Ken's show it sounds as though your guest on this topic only has an opinion and is definitely not a newsmaker. Next...

2) HAVE YOU EVER QUEUED OVERNIGHT OUTSIDE A SHOP? - We talk to the man who missed his son's birthday to queue outside an Apple store for an iPad 2. Have you ever queued overnight outside a shop so you're first through the doors for a sale? : In answer to your question: No, I have not. This relates to a story from the Metro (owned by the same company as the Daily Mail), so it really is NOT NEWS. Next...

3) PARENTING: CHRIS EVANS - As we prepare for Radio 2's parenting week, we talk to Chris Evans about being reunited with his daughter : How much preparation is needed, exactly? Do you consider that my licence fee being well-spent in providing a parenting week for people who, like myself, have no children? I don't. Again, this is NOT NEWS and is nothing but an advertisement for the BBC's own programmes. Next...

4) CHEAPEST HOMES IN THE UK - And we go to the street in Burnley with the cheapest homes in the country - a two bedroom house can be yours for £22,000 : This barely scrapes through as a mild-interest news story, but who is the newsmaker?

 

So, only one proper "news headline" and no apparent sign of talking "to the people making them".

 

Lies, all lies.

Update to 03/03/11 show

I've just had an email from a friend who tells me that Galloway was on the show yesterday adding his unique contribution to your Murdoch-bashing debate. A quick check of iPlayer confirms this .... <shudder>.

The least you could do is give is poor listeners advance warning of his presence. You know, like other programmes do... "This programme contains strong language", "This programme contains flash photography", "This programme contains George Galloway".

I feel cheated, but my blog has been updated to record his appearance for posterity. Please do not let it happen again.

Today's show 03/03/11

Live from Manchester? Why is that then? Will your listeners notice the difference? Do I believe that you are there? Probably not. Do I care? No.

1) Benefits - I'm on benefits and I can't afford to pay my bills. How come we've got a welfare state and there's still poverty? : Errr.... who is this mysterious I? Not me, or you! Next...

2) BSkyB - Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation has been given government approval for its controversial takeover of BSkyB. Should we be worried about one company having so much control over the British media? : If I was a gambling man I would happily have bet £100 that you would talk about this today. It is yet another opportunity to rubbish another broadcasting organisation. It is well known that you BBC guys are avid haters of the Murdoch empire, so you are not going to miss an opportunity to have another go, are you? Can I remind you of some facts:

 - The BBC has more control, unfortunately, over the British media than any other organisation.

 - Sky is paid for by subscription, and consumers HAVE A CHOICE whether they subscribe or not.

 - The BBC is funded by the TV licence, which we as consumers have little or no choice about whether we purchase.

So which one of these two organisations is the overbearing mind-controlling broadcaster? If you really want to look at problems with the British media you need look no further than the building from which you broadcast. I feel another complaint coming on. Next...

3) Gillian Duffy - Gordon Brown called Gillian Duffy a bigot. We confronted him on this programme. We meet Mrs Duffy in her home and talk to her on the same sofa on which the then Prime Minister apologised to her : And the point of this item is what, exactly? She looks terrified in that photo, as though she has met her Stalker-In-Chief. This is OLD NEWS and even the web page you link to is dated 10th April 2010 - 10 months ago. It appears to be an attempt to resurrect your past glories from the dead. Get over it man! It happened, you got the praise, it's done. Instead of looking at something you did well why don't you try looking at something you did badly? I can give you some examples! Next...

4) Lady Detective Agency - We talk to a woman whose husband cheated on her, who set up a detective agency to catch other adulterers : I have set up my own business too. Would you like to promote it for me?

Right, can't stay any longer as I have to go and vote in a referendum, but you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Why do you consider your listeners in Manchester to be more important than those in Wales?




Complaint lodged on BBC web site:

Mr Vine is discussing the following today (copied from his web site): "BSkyB - Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation has been given government approval for its controversial takeover of BSkyB. Should we be worried about one company having so much control over the British media?"

I take issue with the use of the word "controversial" in this description as it implies that Mr Vine has pre-conceived views on this topic and will almost certainly lead to a biased discussion. The last time this happened was as recently as 26th January where Mr Vine attempted to link Sky Sports commentator Andy Gray's comments with The Sun's Page 3 ... both being parts of Murdoch's business.

According to http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/organgrinder/2010/dec/30/murdoch-to-control-22percent it is the BBC that has more control over the British media (39%) than anything that Murdoch does (22%), yet Mr Vine - again - chooses to hold the BBC as sacrosanct and immune from any criticism.

Mr Vine has made no mention of anybody from the Murdoch organisation contributing to the show to put their side of the argument.

My primary complaint is that this is yet another opportunity for Mr Vine to berate Mr Murdoch for his involvement in the media.

My secondary complaint is that discussion of Murdoch's involvement in the media smacks of too much self-interest by Mr Vine and his programme makers.



Another complaint lodged on the BBC web site about 28th February programme:

Web page http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00yrrld says: "Paddy discusses the speed limit on the motorway, whether people should be allowed to have air rifles, the increase in foreign aid budget and wild horses in Bridgend.".

This programme did not contain a discussion about wild horses in Bridgend but instead discussed drunks in Scottish hospitals.

I have brought this to the attention of the Jeremy Vine show staff on four separate occasions, yet their error has not been corrected.

I consider factual accuracy to be the cornerstone of news reporting so my complaint is that a supposedly credible news programme has failed to keep its own house in order by failing to correct a factual error, despite several requests to do so.




UPDATE 04/03/11:

I had a message from a friend today to tell me that George Galloway appeared on the 3rd March programme in the BSkyB/Murdoch discussion. A quick check of iPlayer showed that this was true. I am, as usual, at a loss as to what value is contribution made to the programme.

Today's show 21/02/11

Hi Vanessa,

I don't think I have written to you before, so please allow me to introduce myself. I live with my wife and three cats in rural North Wales. I have my own one-man business and work from home, with Radio 2 as my companion from 8:30am to 6pm, except for the lunchtime radio desert that is the Jeremy Vine Show. Every day I email Jeremy and tell him why the topics he will be subjecting his listeners to are of no interest or relevance to me, and for those reasons I will not be listening to his show. Unfortunately that also means that I won't be listening to you today, and these are the reasons why:

1) NHS Food - Lloyd Grossman says he spent 5 years trying to make NHS food better, and he’s failed because no one would take it seriously. We speak to someone who says people should stop complaining about NHS food : First story of the week, and it is from the Dead Tree Press rag known as the Daily Mail. What a surprise. Is that the clattering of hooves I can hear? Yes, I think it is. It is the sound of real journalism galloping off in to the sunset, never to be seen again. Next...

2) Colonel Gaddafi - Should we have made friend with Libya? : Shouldn't that be "should we have made friendS with Libya?". Sloppy work from a sloppy show. Is it only me that reads this rubbish? I didn't hear you mention of involvement from George Galloway on this - perhaps he will only speak to JV - but it would not surprise me if you dragged him into the discussion. His contribution makes your show unlistenable and I've attached a photo that you can look at should you happen to talk to him.

Just a thought, but maybe you should have had this discussion on 14th April 1986, which was the day before the US Air Force bombed Libya using UK bases to do so. Next...

3) 2nd Child - Could you not afford to have one? : We don't have any children, so how could we have a second one? Next...

4) Buying Alcohol - Should you need a licence? : The first and last time I drank alcohol was in 1978, and I've not touched a drop since. My wife drinks one bottle of wine a week, spread over several days. While I am happy for you to waste your time talking about the possibility of yet more State intervention in to normal peoples' lives, this really is of no interest to me.

I'm not surprised to see that you are maintaining Jeremy's unfortunate low standards.

All of the emails that I send to Jeremy, and any other relevant communications are recorded on my blog: http://lunchtimeloather.blogspot.com/

More tomorrow!

Today's show 02/02/11

There are a couple of items to deal with before I get on to today's menu...

Yesterday I told you that the police "crime map" web site could not find any policing area for where I live. Well, I tried again last night and it actually gave me the statistics for my area. Please allow me to share them with you:
All crime and ASB 0
Burglary 0
Anti-social behaviour 0
Robbery 0
Vehicle crime 0
Violent crime 0
Other crime 0
So, I was correct when I wrote yesterday "Perhaps there is no crime here".

BBC Radio 2 news bulletins yesterday afternoon announced some very, very important news that will have a profound affect on my daily routine. The news was, of course, that Mark Radcliffe and Stuart Maconie are moving from evenings on Radio 2 to weekday afternoons on 6 Music. Until a few days ago I was under the mistaken impression that we could not receive digital radio here but a friendly electrician working at my house the other day had a portable digital radio with him and proved this not be the case. So, I will be buying a digital radio and will be switching from Radio 2 to 6 Music every afternoon from Monday 4th April. Unfortunately R&M's show does not start until 1 o'clock but I'll probably switch over at 12 o'clock to see what they are doing, and rejoining Radio 2 at 4pm for the last hour of Steve's show. At this stage I am not sure what that will mean for my daily emails to you and my blog, but I think I may just keep them going just to keep you on your toes. It does, of course, mean that the chances of me hearing anything of interest on your show will be virtually eliminated. Yay! I am very pleased about this change and am glad that the BBC have finally chosen to do something about the lunchtime radio desert here in North Wales. The BBC press release is here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/pressreleases/stories/2011/02_february/01/6music.shtml

Moving on...

1) Pfizer - Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer is closing its plant in Sandwich, Kent, with loss of up to 2400 jobs. How devastating will this be for the community? : Undoubtedly unfortunate, but I don't live in Sandwich so I have no idea how this will effect the local community. Odd, isn't it, that when an employer here in North Wales announces job losses (Wrexham & Shropshire Railway, North Wales police, Indesit, TetraPak, even BBC Wales, etc.) that it doesn't get a mention on your show, but one in Kent does. The Jeremy Vine Show - the local news show for London and the South East. Next...

2) Mubarak Leaving - Autocracy or democracy best? : Oooh... another vote. Now let me think. I'll go for ... errr... Democracy. I never knew you had so much influence! Next...

3) Debt Collectors - Have they made your life a misery? : No, never. Next...

4) Govt Sends Plane To Egypt - Should people pay £300 a seat? : I have no idea, but what is your discussion going to change? Nothing!

UPDATE:

I missed your trail on Ken's show today. I was just changing my CD and the player flicked back to radio. And whose dulcet tones did I hear? None other than George Galloway! What a treat for your listeners, as this is the second time this year that they have been subjected to him.

 

Just to remind you:

 - He is no longer an MP

 - He would turn up to the opening of an envelope if somebody paid him

 

It is about time he slipped in to something more comfortable. A coma, perhaps?

 

I need to update my blog now ... how fortunate that the CD stopped.

Today's show 10/01/11

Aaahhh... the stand-in is back.

1) Bankers' bonuses - Prime Minister David Cameron attacks bankers’ bonuses. We talk to someone who says they’re a good thing. : I'm sure that you can find people who think your show is a good thing too. Pay me enough, and I'd agree. So what? Next...

2) Arizona Killings - Direct result of political rhetoric? : Only 10 days in to the New Year and rent-a-gob George Galloway is back on Radio 2. What the hell has he got to do with anything? Have you not noticed that he is no longer an MP? Does he have embarrassing photos of Jeremy? Why do you waste my licence fee on him? At least he does manage to maintain the depressingly low credibility of your show, so I suppose that is a benefit to you if not to us poor listeners who have to endure his inane tirades. Moving on, I loved your comment on Ken's show when you said "... some people think it would be a good thing to have a biased news channel ...". Let me educate you Matthew. Some people ALREADY THINK WE HAVE ONE, including myself. It is called the BBC. Take a look at http://biased-bbc.blogspot.com/ if you don't believe me. I can cite many, many examples of BBC bias, particularly its unwillingness to criticise itself. Next...

3) Swine Flu - Alternative  remedies or NHS best? : I last had flu in March 1978, and I have never knowingly eaten garlic. Do you think there is a link? Next...

4) Undercover policeman now backing those he investigated : I sense a character assassination coming up, either by you or from a contributor. Such a shame that I won't be listening.

And why are you being sooooo slooooooow at updating your web page? How am I supposed to write this stuff without you providing the ammunition? I gave up waiting at 12:05 as I did not wish to be reminded of what you wasted our time with last Friday....!

From the archives - 1

On 14th August 2009 JV talked about the customer satisfaction surveys that some companies send to their customers. I decided to do my own survey for his show:


Customer Satisfaction Survey - The Jeremy Vine Show (BBC Radio 2)


SHOW CONTENT


The show's introductory jingle claims that it includes "the latest news and the best music", but do you think that this description is accurate? : No


Has the Jeremy Vine show ever let the real facts get in the way of a good story? : No


Are you ever surprised when George Galloway appears on the programme? : No


Are you ever surprised when George Monbiot appears on the programme? : No


Why do you think these two people appear so frequently? : Because they are cheap, and nobody with any credibility will contribute to the show.


Other than filling two hours of prime Radio 2 air time, does the Jeremy Vine show actually achieve anything? : No


Can you name one single cause that the Jeremy Vine show has championed and actually made a difference to peoples' lives? : No


Does the Jeremy Vine show devote time to topics that are of absolutely no consequence to a huge majority of the UK population? : Yes, frequently, such as a shortage of school books in California


Does the Jeremy Vine show devote time to topics that are of consequence to only a miniscule minority of the UK population? : Yes, frequently, such as The Vulcan pub in Cardiff.


Do you feel that the topics being discussed are fully researched before broadcast? : No


Do you feel that the topics being discussed are fully understood by Jeremy before broadcast? : No


What is the point of the Friday visit to the allotment? : None at all


Do you feel that the show attempts to breathe life back in to subjects that should have been pronounced dead? : Yes


What is Cincinnati, is it (A) a US state, (B) a US city, or (C) beyond the comprehension of a JV show reporter? : B and C


How many listeners does Radio 2 gain or lose during the Jeremy Vine show, is it (A) gains 750,000, (B) stays the same, or (C) loses 750,000? : C


Why do you think this may be? Because the show is rubbish and people turn off in droves.


WEB SITE


Do you feel that putting pictures of JV in a Cardiff pub on the web site was a good idea? : Yes, for those people who have never seen a bloke in a pub before (another miniscule minority)


Do you feel that Paul Weller is thinking "Get this idiot away from me!" in the picture on the web site? : Yes, definitely


THE PRESENTER


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine has a patronising or condescending attitude towards his listeners? : Yes


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine has a patronising or condescending attitude towards many of the people who contribute to the programme? : Yes


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine has pre-conceived views on the subjects he is discussing, detectable by the inflections in his voice? : Yes


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine fails to appreciate the other side of any subject with which he personally disagrees? : Yes


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine speculates unnecessarily rather than check the actual facts of what he is attempting to report? : Yes


Do you feel that it would be better to say nothing (with a suitable explanation) than attempt to guess what is happening? : Yes


Do you think that Jeremy Vine can find Liechtenstein on a map? : No


Do you feel that Jeremy Vine exaggerates to make a weak story sound better? : Yes, he has arms three feet long (the same size as a Chinese lantern apparently)


Which of these items of clothing is most suitable for a news broadcaster to wear, is it (A) tie, or (B) stetson? : A as it shows they have credibility


Which of these items of clothing is most suitable for Jeremy Vine to wear, is it (A) tie, or (B) stetson? : B as it shows he has no credibility and is not to be taken seriously


Do you think Jeremy Vine should resign out of shame and let somebody else attempt to rebuild Radio 2's damaged reputation? : Yes






Somewhat surprisingly JV himself sent me an email about this. He said "brilliant tony i love it!!". I think his Caps and comma keys weren't working that day.