Today's show 17/01/12

You know those Mondays when there is no news, and you scrabble around to find something to talk about? Next time that happens try this: http://www.vernoncoleman.com/closeddown.html.
I'd listen!

An early morning Tweet from you today gave us all a tantalising clue as to what you would be discussing today: Today's stories @BBCRadio2 in four words: Concordia. Cyclist. Yacht. Schoolgirl. See you at noon.

Apart from the glaring inaccuracy and the huge presumption in the last sentence, this tweet told me all I needed to know about what you would NOT be discussing on today's programme. There are two major news stories going on, but you have chosen to ignore both. Let me explain  what they are, and ask why that might be:

First story:
The Leveson Enquiry continues, and giving evidence yesterday was Daily Mirror editor Richard  Wallace. Mr Wallace has been at the Mirror for twenty years, and during this time they published those infamous mocked-up torture photos and used the services of a so-called investigator to undertake illegal activities more than any other newspaper or broadcaster. He admitted that he had not sacked anyone for illegal activity, although it appears that he knew such activity was occurring. It was, he admits, Wallace himself who presented the Ulrika Johnson/Sven story to then editor Piers Morgan but admitted that as he “can’t remember the circumstances” of how the story was obtained he cannot rule out it was hacked. More recently the Mirror, under Wallace’s editorial lead, destroyed the life of Chris Jefferies and paid a heavy financial price for doing so when they painted an innocent neighbour of a murder victim out to be the perpetrator. The Mirror was also fined £50,000 for contempt of court over their reporting of the Joanna Yeates murder case. But this is not of interest to you, is it? Could it be because the Trinity Mirror Group is not part of the Murdoch Empire, maybe? I dunno. You tell me.

Second story:
Ed Miliband is in the wars again, with 70% of Labour supporters say they do not have faith in his leadership (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2087355/Further-blow-Ed-Miliband-70-followers-say-dont-believe-him.html). Ed Balls' amazing about turn on fiscal policy over the weekend is probably playing a major part in this. Joining in with the assault is UNITE general secretary Len McCluskey who has accused Miliband of "undermining his own leadership, disenfranchising the party's core support and leaving the country with all three main parties bent on using austerity to save capitalism." in The Guardian (http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/jan/16/ed-miliband-leading-labour-destruction). Confusion between Ed and his brother continues, with Harriet Harman reported as referring to "David" on SkyTV earlier today, and even the BBC are not immune from this common mistake when they showed this caption at his key-note speech last week (see below). Imagine the furore if this had occurred to a Tory or LibDem leader ... you would be all over it. But this is not of interest to you, is it? Could it be because Ed Miliband is a BBC favourite and he will not be shown to be weak? I dunno. You tell me.

Today's issue that affects me: Potato masher: essential piece of kitchen equipment, or awkward to store and clean implement only as good as a fork?

11:50, here we go...

1) COSTA CONCORDIA - Was the Costa Concordia evacuated in an orderly fashion or was there panic, or a bit of both? These days, does anyone stick to ‘women and children first’? : I don't know. Like you, I wasn't there. However, and as one of the few people in the UK that the BBC has not asked for their opinion on this episode, I would be willing to give my non-expert, non-eyewitness, speculative, conjecturial, ill-informed and inaccurate assessment of what happened. My phone number is at the bottom of this email, please feel free to call. But then why would you want my opinion when you have so many other identical ones to choose from? Next...

2) CYCLISTS - We discuss the cyclist who went through a red light, refused to give his name to the policeman who stopped him and caught the whole incident on his helmet camera. Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : Arrogant cyclist meets incompetent copper. Is this what passes for news these days? You asked earlier on Twitter: Cyclist does the full Robin Day treatment on hapless policeman: but who are your sympathies with? My sympathies lie, as ever, with those listeners of yours who have no access to an "Off" switch and so have to endure this twaddle without choice. Next...

3) ROYAL YACHT - Does the Queen deserve a royal yacht for her diamond jubilee? Would you be prepared to help fund it? : No, would you? There is a certain amount of irony in all of this when you consider that "we" are being asked to fund a new boat for the richest woman in the world, don't you think? It came as no surprise to hear on R2's 5pm news last night that this project has the support of both Prince Charles and Princess Anne. After all, why wouldn't they support it? More interesting to me is another tweet from earlier today when Paul Blanchard wrote (re-tweeted by you) Just had to turn down an appearance on @theJeremyVine show today, as I have a prior client commitment. Gutted, it was about the royal yacht. So who is Paul Blanchard, and why is he an expert on the royal yacht? Is he a "someone"? A quick search in Google, and by matching some pictures, reveals his web site (http://www.paul-blanchard.info/) and his political leanings and life policies. He mentions that he used to be a member of York Council, but does not mention the circumstances surrounding his departure from that post (he was recently declared bankrupt - http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/4470911.Labour_crisis_as_Blanchard_quits/). How odd. So why do you think he would have been a good guest to talk on this topic? We have to remember too that it was your favourite Daily Mail that came up with the idea of a new boat last year (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2054869/Royal-Yacht-Britannia-Lets-restore-Britains-centuries-old-maritime-pride.html) which, for me, is a good enough reason not to listen in itself. Next...

4) CHILDREN'S LIES - And finally, when children lie… Is it a sign of creative intelligence, dysfunction or bad behaviour? : I used to get a clip round the ear or a slipper to my thighs if I lied. It never did me any harm, but we still have no children on which to experiment with this particular course of correction.

The Jeremy Vine Show - speculative, conjecturial, ill-informed and inaccurate - every day

Today's show 16/01/12

Busy today, so just a quick one...

1) COSTA CONCORDIA - Following the shock of seeing the Costa Concordia lying on its side, we ask: are these huge modern cruise liners really that safe? : Shock? Oh, was I meant to be shocked? I am so sorry to disappoint you. You said on Ken's show that you would be looking at "exactly what happened" to cause this partial capsize, so presumably you have a very advance copy of the official report that will be compiled in to this event. But hang on, it will take months and months for that to appear so instead you will rely on those two journalistic favourites: speculation and non-expert eye witness accounts. Having seen some newspaper headlines over the weekend, I know that inaccurate comparisons with the Titanic are being made (Titanic did not run aground, Costa Concordia did not hit an iceberg, Titanic sank, Costa Concordia did not, etc.) and I was interested to hear that you are reading a book on the Titanic at the moment. THE book to read about the Titanic is "TITANIC - THE SHIP THAT NEVER SANK" by Robin Gardiner - fascinating! Thank you for mentioning on Ken's show that the ship has four swimming pools and a casino - because that makes all the difference, doesn't it? I bet it also has a laundry. I've never been on a cruise and would rather extract my own fingernails than go on one. An official report will be published, but not for some time, which I will read and you will ignore. While you attempt to stir up public feeling today I will remind you that travelling on a cruise ship is infinitely safer than doing anything on Britain's roads (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-15975720). And we should all praise The Guardian for this interesting juxtaposition on their front page today (see attached). Next...

2) CAMPBELL'S TOWER DEMOLISHED - 16 years ago a man died in a factory accident. At the weekend his daughter pressed the button that blew the building up. Has this helped her come to terms with what happened? : Good for her, and good for whoever organised this for her. We can only hope that it allows her to deal with an unpleasant part of her past. I am lucky enough to say that I am not aware of any relative ever being killed in an accident of this kind, so the opportunity for me to follow her experience is non-existent. I would guess that the same is true for the huge majority of your listeners. Next...

3) DIETS - We speak to someone that says diets never work - they just wreck lives : Do they? Oh. Good job I have never really been on a formal "diet" then. You said on Ken's show that when presented with a box of chocolates men will "always grabs and never look at the card". Well, this man ALWAYS looks at the card - or the "instructions" as I prefer to call it - and chooses carefully. In one short phrase you have marginalised me again and given me good cause not to listen. Cheers! Next...

4) MONEY CAN BUY HAPPINESS - Finally a think-tank says money can buy happiness. Apparently the more you have, the happier you’re likely to be. Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : A Daily Mail story on the first day of the week ... oh joy. This item was described by you on Ken's show as "that's the one that will make me listen". Wrong! Again!

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - we really haven't got a clue what we're doing

Today's show 13/01/12

There was no early morning tweet from you today with the usual "today's show in four words". Could it be true that you don't know what you're talking about? Oh, hang on.... did you see what I did there? Tee hee.

Today's issue that affects me: Our 10-year-old washing machine is on the blink. It washes fine but does not do the high-speed spin at the end of the run, so everything comes out dripping wet. Repair, replace, or live with it until something else goes wrong?

It has been a while since I suggested some BBC-related stories for you to discuss. There have, of course, been plenty and your favourite rag the Daily Mail continues to be a good source for "what really happens at the BBC" stories. Here are some for you, so please feel free to discuss all or any of them - I promise I will listen if you do! And as the pigs prepare for take-off...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2085744/BBC-accused-trying-create-tier-licence-fee-outlining-pay-view-plan-catalogue.html

BBC wants to charge for iPlayer by extending archive and availability of programmes

The BBC has been accused of trying to bring in a 'two tier' licence fee after it was revealed the corporation is looking into a pay-per-view scheme for its vast archive. 
Under the controversial plan, viewers would pay a small, but yet to be disclosed, charge if they wanted to watch a BBC programme from its huge back catalogue.
The costly proposition has already been slammed, not least because the BBC already charges a £145.50 a year licence fee and so is funded by the taxpayer.
The BBC is hoping to the system will be in place within three years and already established by the time its Charter is renewed in 2016.

So, the BBC is claiming poverty - I wonder why. Surely there is no connection with this story:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2085829/Despite-spending-thousands-taxis-BBC-executive-claims-delivering-value-money.html

Expenses for BBC bosses rocket by 20% as a result of move to Salford

Executives face fresh accusations of profligacy after spending on rail fares shot up by 57 per cent, while its hotel bill surged by 70 per cent.
In the latest numbers covering a three-month period from April to June 2011, the combined expenses bill of the top 102 senior managers grew to £183,276.
The relentless shuttling of bosses between London and the North-West pushed the amount spent on rail fares to £47,358 over the three months, up from £29,846 in the same period of the previous year.

Are you going to move to Salford? What would you do if you were told your programme was moving? Your Radio 5 colleague Victoria Derbyshire seems to be having the best of both worlds:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2083432/BBCs-Victoria-Derbyshire-finds-grim-North-just-60-cent-shows-broadcast-Salford.html

It's too grim up North for BBC's Victoria Derbyshire: Just 60 per cent of her radio shows are broadcast from Salford

When BBC Radio 5 Live moved to Salford, she was quite happy to give her boss a hard time on air as to why he wasn’t ‘properly moving’ to the north.
But now Victoria Derbyshire is  herself facing questions about her enthusiasm for the project, after it emerged she has broadcast just 60 per cent of her shows from Salford since the move.
This has led to resentment from colleagues who feel she is being given special treatment.
They have also raised eyebrows at her flying to Manchester each day to do the show, although this is not paid for by the BBC.

As you know, I leave Radio 2 every day at 12 and head over to 6 Music for an hour of Lauren Laverne, followed by three hours of the magnificent Radcliffe & Maconie broadcast live from Salford, aka The Stan Ogden Plaza.

11:32, nothing on your show web page, and you are about to appear on Ken's show. Let's see what Ken has to say today...

I loved the bit about the hairdressers in Archway who abandon Radio 2 at 12, and your hope that today's show would appeal to them. From what I could make out, today's show in eight words is: English Schools, Dwarf Tossing, Saving Money and Purple Sprouting. Just a hunch, but I think they might just abandon you again today, like thousands and thousands of others. You see Jeremy, it is not just me that has this habit.

11:37, trail done, but still nothing on the web page...

11:51, and you have just tweeted: Today's show @BBCRadio2 in four words: Teachers. Dwarf. Money. Broccoli. - I wasn't far off then!

11:54, here we go...

1) TEACHERS - Parents should be able to go into classrooms to help schools root out and sack failing teachers, according to England's Education Secretary, Michael Gove. Is that a good idea? Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : A story from the Daily Mail about schools in England. As I continue to live in Wales and still have no children, why do you think this would be of interest to me? Next...

2) DWARFS - We talk to a dwarf actor who was partly paralysed after he was picked up and thrown onto the pavement on a night out. Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : Another story from the Daily Mail. Praise the Lord! This sounds awful, and it is interesting that the gentleman concerned has chosen to blame the England World Cup rugby team for the attack. There can only be one acceptable outcome: Ban Rugby. That'll fix it. Next...

3) SORTING OUT YOUR FINANCES - Martin Lewis says we should all take one day off a year to sort out our finances : We already follow Martin's advice, but find that a Sunday afternoon every few months will achieve exactly what he is proposing today. Next...

4) ALLOTMENT - We join Terry Walton on the official Jeremy Vine Show allotment : I shared exactly the same amount of devastation as Ken when I heard you talk earlier about Terry's Purple Sprouting, but I'm feeling OK about it now. Quality radio? I don't think so.

The Jeremy Vine Show - not for hairdressers in Archway today, or any other day

Today's show 12/01/12

08:45 : Today's programme @BBCRadio2 in four words: Welfare. Whiplash. Murder? Cough.

11:30 : Still nothing on your show web page. After a flurry of prompt updates to start 2012, is this now going to be the norm?

Today's issue that affects me: Despite the best efforts of our cats and a humane trap, there is no sign of the mouse yet... :-(

Are you discussing anything political today?
How about Ed Miliband's cock-up in PMQs yesterday when he accused Cameron of removing a cap on rail fares, when it was actually a decision made while he was in government? http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-16512206
Or the Sun/YouGov poll issued yesterday evening which showed that 6% of Labour voters and 26% of LibDem voters think that DAVID CAMERON makes a better Prime Minister than Ed Miliband or Nick Clegg? http://cdn.yougov.com/cumulus_uploads/document/1gta5x2v78/YG-Archives-Pol-Sun-results-110112.pdf

Or how about Tesco's announcement of its drop in sales over the Christmas period? Surely Antony Worral Thompson must take some of the blame? http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-16524387

11:45 and somebody has put the first item up, so is there any chance of you discussing something that may interest or affect me today? Let's see...

1) WHIPLASH - If you have a minor car crash, how easy is it to make an insurance claim for whiplash? : You described this on Ken's show as "whooshing". You were not very clear on its definition, and a search in Google does not tell me anything, so I shall remain puzzled, and even more so as you said "I don't know if you can be whooshed if you stop the whooshing". Listening to your chat with Ken, he seems to know far more about this than you do, and I loved his comment "How's your neck? Still brass?". Do you actually hear what he says, or do you just choose to ignore it? I was last involved in a car accident in 2006 and suffered a minor back injury as a result of somebody else's incompetent driving. I did not suffer from whiplash, whiplash was never discussed, and I am not aware that I was "whooshed". Next...

OK... I'll wait now for the remaining items to appear.

11:50, here we go...

2) WELFARE REFORM - The House of Lords has defeated the government’s attempt to reform welfare payments to the disabled : Fortunately, I am not disabled. Unfortunately, I do not qualify for any welfare payments. Next...

3) EDDIE GILFOYLE - Eddie Gilfoyle spent 18 years in prison for murdering his wife. He claims new evidence has come to light that proves he is innocent : I feel sure that you will start a campaign to help this man. Or perhaps not. Crank up the SVG ... number 4 today, I think. In the meantime, have you seen the price of brussel sprouts? Next...

4) COUGHING - Do you have a persistent irritating cough that you just can’t get rid of? : No.

Four out of four again Jeremy, well done!

I shall be in self-inflicted exile over on 6 Music from 12, as usual.

The Jeremy Vine Show - a persistant irritating radio show that you just can't get rid of.

Today's show 11/01/12

08:45 : Today's stories @BBCRadio2 at noon in four words: Scotland. Movies. Trip. Ferry...

11:30 : Still nothing on your show web page.

Today's issue that affects me: I have two outstanding complaints (late updates to your show's web page and your use of a "personal" Twitter account) lodged with the BBC at the moment. I wonder when will I get a reply? Time for a reminder, maybe...

While we're waiting for somebody there to their job, have a read of this:
http://www.thecommentator.com/article/789/the_guardian_smug_arrogant_and_subject_to_special_treatment

The Guardian: Smug, arrogant and subject to special treatment

It must be so delightful being a Guardian journalist. Always being right. Always being morally superior.

The same could, of course, be said about our beloved impartial and tax-funded state broadcaster: The BBC.

Aha, 11:50 and somebody has done the update. Give them a chip butty!

1) SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE - Alex Salmond wants a referendum on Scottish independence in autumn 2014. Would you emigrate to an independent Scotland? : I have no desire to move to Scotland, nice place that (some of) it is. The mountains and beaches of North Wales are a good substitute for anything Scotland can offer, and we have less midges and warmer weather. Next...

2) MARRYING A CHILD'S FRIEND - Bryan Ferry has married his son’s friend, 36 years younger. Did you or your parent marry your child’s friend? Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : Another hot topic from the Daily Mail ... whoopee. Is this news? My wife is a lot younger than me, but I have no children so it is impossible for her to be my child's friend. My parents have only ever been married to each other and have not married any of my friends. All in all, I think I'll give this mind-numbing trivia a miss, thanks. Next...

3) TRIP ADVISOR - At 1, we are joined by Steve Kaufer, chief executive of Trip Advisor. Did Trip Advisor make or destroy your business? : Last discussed on 17th September 2010 (ONLINE REVIEWS - A group of hoteliers is preparing to take legal action against the review website TripAdvisor over comments that they claim are defamatory and unfair), so what - if anything - has changed since then? Has Mr Kaufer got a book out? I've just checked and I can confirm that my business does not appear on Trip Advisor, probably because I am not in the travel industry. I have never written a review on Trip Advisor's web site and I cannot recall ever having read one. Next...

4) FILM FUNDING - Finally, the government wants lottery money to only be given to commercially successful films. But isn’t it the art house films that need special funding, not the ones that make money anyway? : There is an obvious piece of tortology here, but I'll ignore that and just say that I am not involved in the film industry and our nearest cinema is 50 miles away. That should give you some idea of my interest in this topic. Keep trying Jeremy - one day you might talk about something that is of real interest to me. One day.

And again on Ken's show you promoted both Ken's and your Twitter feeds. The big difference between the two for me is, of course, that Ken allows me to follow him.

The Jeremy Vine Show - always right, always morally superior

Today's show 10/01/12

Sincere apologies to my readers for the late update today as your staff were slacking again and the web page was not updated until 11:45ish. And this despite your tweet at 08:45 this morning that said: Today's stories @BBCRadio2 in four words: Worrall. Major. Train. Miliband. See you at noon. There is a lack of connectivity here, don't you think?

Anyway, your programme is just starting ... hang on a second ... there, that's better. 6 Music is on now.

So let's look at today's poorly researched discussion topics, all complete with the personal bias for which you are becoming famous...

1) SHOPLIFTING - Antony Worrall Thompson has said he’s sorry for shoplifting but has no idea why he did it. If you were caught shoplifting, what was your excuse? : I have never shoplifted in my life, so I don't need an excuse. Next...

2) HIGH SPEED RAIL - Amidst fierce opposition, the government is giving the go-ahead for the high speed rail link to Birmingham. Are you someone who says ‘I wish I had a high speed train to my town’? : Yes, I am, but being out in "the sticks" it is never going to happen. Your own "anti" viewpoint came shining through during your chat with Ken earlier when you suggested HS2 would only be finished "when we're all dead". Did you think the same about the Channel Tunnel? Did you think the same about HS1 (Channel Tunnel to St Pancras International)? Both were finished long before you and I were dead, so what is your point? HS2 will free up a huge amount of capacity on the already over-stretched London to Birmingham line, a line so busy that it is virtually impossible to run a freight train on it during the day. I am reminded of the huge number of protestors in France who were involved in violent clashes with police during the construction of that country's TGV routes. However, they were not protesting about the route destroying their countryside. They were protesting that the route did not come near enough to their town so that they could make use of it! Your point-of-view will be, of course, that this is all a huge waste of tax payers' money. Well, next time you get in your car remember that all of the roads that you drive on are also funded by us - the tax payers - and whether we use them or not. So what is the difference? I loved your comment on Ken's show when you said "... using what is called a Y-shaped route ..." when referring to the future extensions north to Liverpool, Manchester and elsewhere. I wonder, could that term have been used because it is shaped like a letter Y? Just a guess. You have already made your point of view clear, and knowing that you will dismiss any argument that goes against it and that you will not have researched this topic in any depth at all, I see no need to listen to your ramblings today. Next...

3) LANDMINE DOG - A dog that helped the military defuse countless landmines, and was put down last night, is being mourned. Is it right to use animals in warfare? Find out more from the Telegraph : Oooh, a vote. We've not had one of these for ages. I'm sure that everybody from the MoD to the Taliban will be awaiting the result with interest. Next... 

4) ED MILIBAND - The Labour leader admits that a future Labour government will have a lot less money to spend because of the deficit. Have you got a great new political policy idea that won’t cost any money? : Yes, scrap or privatise the BBC. Easy. What a shame that you are not talking about what Miliband is saying today.

The Jeremy Vine Show - radio for "when we're all dead"

Today's show 09/01/12

Monday morning, and a loud grating noise emanates from the BBC offices in Western House, Great Portland Street, London as the weekend news barrel is scraped yet again for something - anything - that you can blow out of all proportion on today's programme.

Today's issue that affects me: At just before midnight last night, one of our cats found a live mouse in our kitchen pantry. One of our other cats joined in the chase and they managed to catch the mouse in their mouths several times, but not well enough to, errr...., despatch it in the way that we, or they, would have liked. The mouse escaped and vanished through a tiny hole under the kitchen cupboards. Pulling out the washing machine allowed both cats to search the area, but to no avail. It has to be said that the mouse was probably only in the kitchen because it had been transported in by one of them as part of their self-catering feeding arrangements. So, should I be worried about this? Should I let the cats find and deal with the mouse in their own way and own time? Should I put down a trap (not keen)? Or should I just accept that having mice in the house is just part of living in one of the most beautiful country areas of the UK?

As ever, you won't be discussing any issues that affect me, so let us look at the four issues that you think might possibly be of interest to me today, and I'll explain why you are so, so wrong:

1) SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE - The Scottish nationalists want a referendum on independence in 2014. David Cameron is trying to out-manoeuvre them by saying we should get on with it and have a referendum in 2012 : While it is good to see you talking about a story that is not centred around London and the South East, I think you are confusing me with somebody who lives in Scotland. I last went there about 20 years ago, and have no plans to return, so this holds absolutely no interest for me. Next...

2) EXECUTIVE PAY - The government wants a crack down on top executive pay. Are you a small shareholder who thinks it’s time for us to all get stuck in and hold these bosses to account? : I am a TV Licence Tax payer and I would like to hold the BBC to account over what it pays its senior managers and presenters, including yourself. For example, is a BBC presenter such as yourself worth a salary package worth hundreds of time more than the man or woman who makes the tea in the BBC canteen? I think not. The BBC shareholders, i.e. all licence fee payers, should be allowed a binding vote on the level of executive pay at the BBC. The bureaucratic BBC would then find out that most of the thousands of staff with 'manager' in their job title would be voted a salary of absolutely nothing and booted off the payroll. But, as is usual, the BBC can do no wrong in your eyes, so you won't be discussing this today. What a shame, because I would have listened. Next...

3) CHANDLERS - We talk to Rachel and Paul Chandler, who were kidnapped in Somalia and were only released after a ransom was paid : The BBC news page you link to says they were released on 14th November 2010, and I'm pretty sure you covered it back then. So why are you discussing something that happened well over a year ago? First with last year's news again Jeremy? Tsk tsk. And next on today's Jeremy Vine Show we talk about the sinking of the Titanic... . Next...

4) SPITFIRE - 91 year old Eric Carter was told he couldn’t sit in a spitfire because of health and safety, even though he flew the fighter planes during World War 2. Find out more in this article from the Telegraph : Now then, you used those magic words "health and safety" which sparked my interest in this one. The H&S words were also used in your trail on Ken's show. I read the Telegraph article with interest, and it all made perfect sense to me but, as you know, I don't believe what you tell me or what I read in the papers. So I called the Potteries Museum in Stoke-on-Trent and I spoke to both the lady you are going to speak to today and a lovely chap from their Press Office. He was very helpful and confirmed (a) their decision was nothing to do with the Health & Safety At Work Act (which is what you are intimating), (b) the Spitfire is currently undergoing an extensive restoration and is in a dismantled state, (c) they are currently trying to raise £50000 to complete the restoration to exhibition standards (see http://spitfirerw388.org.uk/), (d) on completion of the restoration the cockpit will be fully restored and available for inspection, and (e) that Mr Carter has been invited to return to the museum and inspect the Spitfire at close quarters when the restoration is complete. Now, I know a little bit about aircraft restoration and that all makes perfect sense to me. And, unlike you, I know *EXACTLY* why the Telegraph mentioned radium, but because they are only lazy journalist scum, know nothing and couldn't be bothered to find out, they got their mention completely wrong. Old aircraft used radium in the dials of the cockpit instruments to make them luminous, so the pilots could see them at night. Read here http://www.hps.org/publicinformation/ate/q133.html if you don't believe me. I did not ask the question, but I would guess that the cockpit may still contain some of these instruments and until they are dealt with appropriately there is a risk to ANYBODY. PREDICTION: You will talk complete bollocks throughout this discussion as you have no knowledge of or interest in your subject matter, and you will just use this as an opportunity to ridicule the museum's decision concerning Mr Carter on the basis that it is "Health & Safety gone mad", which it most certainly is not. Having forewarned them, I hope that they are ready for you!

The Jeremy Vine Show - a health and safety risk all of its own


UPDATE 1: The Chandlers have got a book out and are plugging it today. Thanks Gill! And Sympathetic Voice Generator number 3 is in overload...

UPDATE 2: Against my better judgement, I listened to the Spitfire piece today. What a load of tosh! In particular:
 - Spitfire described as "refurbished", yet the web site clearly shows it to be under restoration.
 - My point about radium on instruments was correct, and modern luminous watches use a different substance.
 - JV referred to "German jets", yet these did not appear until the last few months of the war and they (ME262s) were not used around Murmansk.
 - JV did not know that a Spitfire has (normally) only a single seat.
 - His eulogies over Spitfires ignored that more Hurricanes were built and had more "kills".
 - Ended by admitting "it was a misunderstanding", so the story was flawed from the start.

If he talks this much rubbish about something I know about, how much does he talk about stuff I don't know about?

Complaint and FOI responses 04/01/12

Complaint response received 09/01/12:

Reference CAS-1226295-676LXX

Thank you for contacting us.

I understand you are unhappy at being blocked from Jeremy Vine's Twitter feed.

However, the Twitter account in question is a personal account and it is neither officially linked to, nor does it represent the views of, the BBC.

Thank you again for taking the time to contact us.

Kind Regards
Txxxx Hxxxxx
BBC Complaints
www.bbc.co.uk/complaints


Response sent:

Thank you for your reply on this matter in which you state: "However, the Twitter account in question is a personal account and it is neither officially linked to, nor does it represent the views of, the BBC.".

I contest your viewpoint that his account is "personal" on two counts:
 - Mr Vine's Twitter account is promoted heavily on his programme and his show web page.
 - The BBC has issued two sets of guidelines (http://www.bbc.co.uk/guidelines/editorialguidelines/page/guidance-blogs-personal-full#social-networking-sites and http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/bsp/hi/pdfs/14_07_11_news_official_tweeter_guidance.pdf) in which instruction is given on to how these so-called "personal" accounts are to be used. If these accounts were not under some kind of BBC control then there would be no need to issue these guidelines.

Vanessa Feltz has two Twitter accounts: @vanessafeltz appears to be her personal account, but @vanessaonair appears to be an official account where listeners are encouraged to "Tweet Vanessa on the big talking points every weekday morning from 9 on BBC London 94.9." in EXACTLY the same way as Mr Vine uses his Twitter account for his programme. In addition, she has a link to @vanessaonair on her show web page, not her personal account.

My original complaint still stands, but I would like to extend it to include
 - Mr Vine is using a "personal" account in an "official" role to promote and comment on his programme
 - Mr Vine continually encourages his listeners to follow his "personal" Twitter feed on-air.
 - Mr Vine's "personal" Twitter feed is promoted on his programme web page.


And the usual FOI response received 09/01/12:


Freedom of Information request – RFI201200xx

Thank you for your request to the BBC of 4th January, seeking the following information under the Freedom of Information Act 2000.

Jeremy Vine’s twitter account is personal to him and he runs the account. The BBC doesn’t
therefore hold any information about how it is managed or the number of followers.

If the account was owned by his show then the information you have requested would be
excluded from the Act because it is held for the purposes of ‘journalism, art or literature.’ The
BBC is therefore not obliged to provide this information to you and will not be doing so on this
occasion. Part VI of Schedule 1 to FOIA provides that information held by the BBC and the other public service broadcasters is only covered by the Act if it is held for ‘purposes other than those of journalism, art or literature”. The BBC is not required to supply information held for the purposes of creating the BBC’s output or information that supports and is closely associated with these creative activities.

Today's show 06/01/12

A quick one today as I'm busy, so let's do a quick review of the Issues That Affect Me today...

1) NURSES - The Prime Minister wants nurses to spend more time with patients. But are you a nurse who says “I’m a professional. I don’t need a politician to tell me what to do, and I’m not just there to plump up pillows”? : No, I am not. Next...

2) TREES BLOCKING ROADS - An awful lot of trees were blown down by the storms and are blocking roads. We speak to a listener who wants to know if he has the right to chop them up, clear the road and use them as firewood : I am not aware of any fallen trees around here, but my understanding is that the owner of the tree is also the owner of the resulting logs after it has been chopped up, no matter who does the chopping. However, I think you are confusing me with somebody who is (a) interested and/or (b) has a use for firewood. Next...

3) POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS - Lance Sergeant Dan Collins survived being shot twice and two bomb blasts in Afghanistan, but when he returned to Britain he suffered from post-traumatic stress and hanged himself. His girlfriend talks movingly about how he just couldn’t cope : How awful. Here is an opportunity for you to start a campaign to raise awareness of PTSD and help sufferers. Or perhaps not. SVG7 today, I reckon. Next...

4) ARMRESTS - Have you ever sat on a train and had an ungainly struggle over the armrest?: Not that I remember, have you? As I recall, our local trains don't have armrests between the seats. I commuted from Hertfordshire in to London for ten years in the 1970s and 1980s, and it was rare to have an armrest to struggle over even then. Remember this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPUjjhO_DpU But why are you restricting this to trains? The same problem occurs in aircraft too.

There, that didn't take long, did it.

The Jeremy Vine Show - answering the questions that nobody asked

Today's show 05/01/12

Congratulations! Only the second programme of the year and you are featured on the Biased BBC web site again (http://biased-bbc.blogspot.com/2012/01/open-thread_04.html#comments) where "Merlin" has written:

Morning folks, Just had to endure the Jeremy Vine show and was shocked beyond belief on one of their (unchalleneged!) guest's  take on the causes of the Stephen Lawrence murder. The guest's theme was that 'indigenous' population of this country are all racist nasty thugs who hanker for the Empire days, that racism is rife in our culture and that the whole white population of Britain should be held responsible for this vile crime. This went completely unchallenged by Vine UNTIL a speaker called from Dorset and blew out of the water the show's obvious liberal bias. Interestingly, the articulate (and obviously livid!) lady began by stating that she was 'disgusted' by the other guest's suggestion that we are all somehow responsible for the awful crime and went on (successfully) to highlight the complete liberal bias and racial stirring that the BBC was promoting. Strangely, the show ended very quickly after this voice of reason rightfully shamed the mischieveous BBC on air.
All decent folk will be rightfully horrified at the racist murder of Stephen Lawrence and my sympathies are with his family BUT for the BBC to air nationally the notion that we are all to blame for this because our culture openly fosters this type of behaviour is offensive and disgusting in the extreme. Their political correctness and anti-British attitude has gone too far this time.. My complaint email has been posted!

Not believing all that I read or hear, I decided to take a listen (http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b018nnnf/ from 35 minutes in) and Merlin's description is pretty accurate. However, I would disagree with the Dorset Lady that your programme is "well balanced". Well, I would, wouldn't I?

Today's issue that affects me: Why have you blocked me from following you on Twitter? Time to do something about this, I feel....!

The windy conditions that the rest of the UK has suffered over the past couple of days - and so covered on your programme - have hit us here today, although I have seen worse. Earlier I had to go outside to rescue my wheelie bin from the road. The combination of windy weather and a wheelie bin surely makes me a prime candidate for an appearance on your programme today, so give me a call if you would like my contribution. You've got my number. I've always wanted to be a "someone".

And with all this talk about racism, perhaps you will be mentioning Labour MP Diane Abbott's tweet in which she said "White people love playing "divide & rule". We should not play their game". Substitute any white MP for Diane Abbott, and substitute "Black" for "White" in the tweet, and there would be an uproar, with the BBC joining the campaign for a high-profile sacking. Frankly I could not care less what she says or writes, but with the resulting furore I am curious as to why it took the BBC about 12 hours to finally cobble something together for the news web pages (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-16423278). I am left wondering if our Corporation's efforts would have been so slow for anybody else. Ho hum...

 

So, is the 5th January 2012 going to be the day I listen to the Jeremy Vine Show because it contains something of interest to me? It doesn't look like it...

1) GETTING OVER A MURDER - Doreen and Neville Lawrence have expressed some satisfaction that the killers of their son are now behind bars. But we talk to someone who says it’s never really possible to get over such a serious crime : Ah, another "someone". This must be really difficult but it is not a situation I have ever been in, and hopefully that will not change. SVG9 today, I think. Next... 

2) GULL TRAPPED IN TREE - 15 fire fighters from Norwich are called out to rescue a seagull trapped in a tree : And this is news, is it? BBC Radio Norwich might have been a more suitable outlet for this particular story, but no, the whole country has to endure it. Thanks. Have you ever thought of sacking the person who makes you talk about this stuff? Was the seagull affected by your programme on 26th October when you discussed: SEAGULLS - Do you have a problem with antisocial seagulls in your local town? I hope not. Next...

3) METAL THEFT - With metal thefts soaring, is it time to replace all our metal monuments with glass fibre? : Last discussed on 15th November AND 26th August. We are both sounding like stuck records, so for the third time then: This is a real problem, and one of which I am only too aware. The main part of the problem does not lie with the people who take the metal but with the scrap merchants who will exchange it for cash with no questions asked. Thefts would be reduced if it were made more difficult to get the material in to the scrap metal process, and the easiest way to do that is to make each delivery traceable. Something needs to change, but - as usual - you will only talk about it and I feel that I already know enough on this topic. I had dealings with many scrap metal merchants 25 years ago, and I never met one with a conscience. Next...

4) CAPITALISM - Finally, has capitalism failed most of us, or can it ever recover? : With two huge assumptions in that statement your bias shines through like a blinding light. Somehow I don't think you are including yourself in "us", and I would appreciate if you didn't include me in "us" either - ever! I note your comment on Ken's show when you said "We have Paul Mason coming in who has a book out...". Yay! More blatant advertising on the Jeremy Vine Show. Please tell Paul that I won't be buying it. Thanks.

 

So, why have you blocked me from following you on Twitter? Please feel free to respond to any of my recent tweets or emails on this subject. Rest assured that ignoring me will not make me go away - precisely the opposite, in fact.

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - blocking Twitter followers because we don't like free speech

A complaint and an FOI request

It still bugs me that I cannot follow Vine on Twitter as he has blocked my account from doing so. While I could set up new accounts ad infinitum I suspect that they would all just end up being blocked in the same way. Every day he tells us "... and you can follow me on Twitter ..." but the simple fact is that I cannot because he does not want me to do so. His hypocrisy is incredible as he is, after all, preventing free speech by restricting any comments that I would wish to make and so almost guaranteeing that any comments agree with his own.

I can still read his feed on Twitter (complete with his newly-updated background picture: https://twitter.com/#!/theJeremyVine - WTF?) but I can only read others' comments on his posts if I logout of Twitter. After logging back in I can reply to his posts, but as I am not a follower most of them seem to vanish.

So, I've submitted a complaint and a Freedom of Information request to the BBC to see if anything can be done about this. I don't expect it will, but it keeps them busy! Both have the same two opening paragraphs:

I have read the BBC's guidelines for its staff on the use of Twitter (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/bsp/hi/pdfs/14_07_11_news_official_tweeter_guidance.pdf  and http://www.bbc.co.uk/guidelines/editorialguidelines/page/guidance-blogs-personal-summary) but cannot find any reference to BBC staff "blocking" people from following their Twitter feed and under what circumstances this would occur.

My Twitter account has been blocked by Jeremy Vine from following his feed (@theJeremyVine) for reasons that are unknown to me, and despite his many suggestions of "you can follow me on Twitter..." during his Radio 2 programmes. His Twitter account includes in its description "All views personal of course" but the BBC guidelines cover these very same "personal" accounts in some detail and so I consider them to still be under the BBC's control to an extent, especially when bearing in mind their promotion during BBC programmes.

The complaint ends with:

My complaint is that I have been blocked from following Mr Vine's Twitter feed and so I am prevented from commenting on his postings. I consider that Mr Vine is not following the BBC guidelines (as specified above).

The FOI request ends with:

I would like to know, please, how many Twitter users Mr Vine has blocked from following his feed.

I will, of course, post any replies here.

Today's show 04/01/12

Five items today? I don't get paid for writing this rubbish, you know....

Today's issue that affects me: Driving from Capel Curig to Llanwrst, and bearing in mind the weather conditions and the presence of a tourist hot-spot, is it best to use the steep and narrow lane over the mountains from the Ugly House or to use the main road via Betws-y-Coed even though this adds five miles to the journey and the traffic in Betws can be bad?

I have to thank @Vine_Watch on Twitter for making me laugh yesterday. Did you really say "I suppose you had to get into the loft and find all the paperwork. I bet that was stressful" when talking about breast implants? Climbing in to the loft can be a real chore. And good to read too that those hardcore staples of the JV Show appeared on the first show of 2012: a retired policeman and a wheelie bin.

No surprises as to what your lead items are today...

1) STEPHEN LAWRENCE SENTENCING - The 2 men found guilty of murdering Stephen Lawrence are being sentenced today. How many years should they get?
2) STEPHEN LAWRENCE MURDER - It is believed that 5 men in total are responsible for the racist murder of Stephen Lawrence. They all came from the same part of south east London. What made them what they are?
We can all imagine the scene in the judge's chambers as he deliberates...

"The law says I can give a sentence of up to x years, but what to do...? Oh, I know, I'll listen to the Jeremy Vine Show on Radio 2 - he is good at telling me what to think so he and his listeners will have the answer".

Maybe not, but I hope you get my point. My guess is that you will be hosting a "discussion" (not that these items are ever a discussion as per the dictionary definition) where various somebodys will argue the case from "they are misunderstood and should be set free" to "they are heartless criminals and the death penalty is not enough". I can just imagine it ... and so I will not be listening. They used a combination of police incompetence, police corruption and CPS idiocy to escape the law, so will you be discussing that the police are still corrupt and racist and the CPS is still incompetent? No mention of it on Ken's show, so I'll guess that you are not.

And never having lived in South East London, I have no idea what made them what they are. Ask me one on pop music.

As is usual, my interest lies with the coverage of this sad event. The BBC seem to be elevating Stephen Lawrence's murder in to the crime of both the 20th and 21st centurys, and even their printed paper arm The Guardian seems to be giving some praise to the tabloid press (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jan/03/defence-of-tabloid-newspapers). All a bit different from their erroneous attacks on NOTW, don't you think? Meanwhile, the Daily Mail are wallowing - maybe rightly - in their support for these prosecutions. Next...

3) SURVIVING THE STORM - How did you survive the storm? We hear of close shaves and lucky escapes : Talking about the weather - again? No storm here Jeremy, just a bit windy and nowhere near as windy as I have seen here in the past. I loved your chat with Ken about this earlier, when you mentioned that the turbines were stopped during high winds and expressed your concern about the stresses being placed on the "centrifuge" - your word, not mine, should be "hub" - when the blades were stopped. Ever heard the word "feathering" used in conjunction with propellers or any other bladed device that rotates in air? No, I thought not. I know that your internet home page is something to do with the Daily Mail, but there is some other useful stuff available. Try this one some time: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blade_pitch. It gives me great pleasure to tag this one as "Poor Research". Next...

4) 'THE IRON LADY' - The film ‘The Iron Lady’ premieres today. Were you someone who could say “I didn’t like Margaret Thatcher’s politics, but she did inspire me”? : No, I could not. Next...

5) RONALD SEARLE - Finally, we look at how the brilliant cartoons of Ronald Searle were forged in a Japanese prison camp : Very sad, and I have no doubt that you will overcome the technical challenge that Cartoons On The Radio presents.

I'll finish by bringing this government e-petition to your attention (http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/26528):

We the undersigned in the spirit of togetherness petition that the government legislate in the interests of preventing social disorder and injustice, health and safety in the workplace and fairness to all in these times of national austerity the banning of the sale and/or the consumption of all alcoholic beverages within the present day boundaries of the Palace of Westminster.

This has got to be a good thing, surely.

The Jeremy Vine Show - still talking about the weather, and still getting it wrong

Today's show 03/01/12

Oh good, you're back. And so am I. I am here to continue my one-man assault on the pointless and ridiculous programme that you broadcast. It is a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. After all, nobody else seems to hold you to account, do they?

 

Today's issue that affects me: Toast, or fried bread?

At the end of 2010 I suggested ten New Year Resolutions for you in 2011. Let's take a quick look at how they held up:

1) I resolve to watch every edition of NewsWipe that Charlie Brooker produces this year, as it is the only TV programme that shows news reporting for what it really is : He didn't do many, but his 2011 Screen Wipe was very good: I hope you watched it.

2) I resolve to obtain and check the facts for topics discussed on my radio show this year, and not discuss a story until I have done so : Well, that didn't happen, did it? Fukushima being the obvious example with you saying "We should have got an expert in to explain this".

3) I resolve to do some of my own research and not rely on the rapidly declining Dead Tree Press for the majority of my stories : There was an increase in the number of stories based on BBC reports, but the Dead Tree Press continued to provide the so-called facts behind a large percentage of your programme. Remember The Guardian's "facts" that finished off the NOTW? All lies!

4) I resolve to not do any unwarranted and unjustified character assassinations, even if the person concerned is growing a giant hedge in Plymouth : Again, that did not happen, with Clarkson and various Murdochs being the prime targets. Try doing one on Comrade Galloway - I'd listen to that.

5) I resolve to look at both sides of every story before discussing it on air and finally realise that just one side is really not enough, even if I agree with one side more than the other : Three words: Cameron's Euro Veto. Biased BBC from start to finish.

6) I resolve to learn how to use the microphone fader to keep my contributors under control, rather than have discussions descend in to an unlistenable free-for-all : From the snippets I heard, this didn't happen either amd your microphone fader remains unserviceable. Perhaps a move to the new studios in Manchester may help?

7) I resolve to listen to and read the criticism of my show and acknowledge that it exists by mentioning it on air : Again, that didn't happen.

8) I resolve to try making a difference by championing a cause, rather than just talking about somebody else trying to make a difference : There were plenty of opportunities to do this, but they were all ignored.

9) I resolve to remember that not everybody lives in London and the South East of England : Again no, with a discussion about London Underground train drivers on 14th October as an example.

10) I resolve to accept that I am not always right : I think Howard Schultz did a magnificent job of highlighting this particular failing.

I'll suggest the same ten for 2012, and we can review them again in 12 month's time. OK?

It was good to see that your web show page was updated before 10am this morning. Please make this an every day event as it makes my morning routine so much easier.

So, there has been no news for 10 days or so - apparently - so let's see what jewels of news trivia you have managed to find today...

1) FAULTY BREAST IMPLANTS - We talk to someone who says the NHS should pay to remove faulty breast implants : Yay! A good start to the year with a story that is a week old and features a mysterious "someone". Will you be finding another "someone" to point the alternative point of view, I wonder? Anyway, I am still not a woman and so - can you guess what is coming? - this item is of no interest or relevance to me. Next...

2) SHOOTINGS - Following the multiple shootings in County Durham, are you worried about someone who has a legal gun licence? : I am not aware that any of the people I know has a gun licence, so my answer to your question can only be "No". Next...

3) RUNNING - It’s the New Year, and the Olympic year. Are you about to start running to keep fit? Before you put those trainers on, listen to our essential guide : Sorry, but I don't do running. Next...

4) STORM - As storms rage across the UK, how bad is the wind where you are? : Where I live it was a bit breezy earlier, but a quick check out the window reveals that it has now reduced. I did pick up a piece of polystyrene foam from the front garden though. Reports from elsewhere in Gwynedd suggest that we got away lightly. I am amazed that your programme has resorted to that old British conversation stop-gap: Talking about the weather. Has Radio 2's prime time news programme really come to this? Has it never been windy before? Utterly pointless and irrelevant. Remember the old saying: If you have nothing to say then say nothing. You should try it some time. Happy New Year!

Now, if you had really wanted to cover a story a week old you could have covered this one:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2011/dec/31/ed-miliband-labour-bbc-bias

Labour turns on BBC over 'pro-coalition coverage'

The Labour party has made a "serious complaint" to the BBC about a lack of political balance in its news coverage as it attempts to reinvigorate Ed Miliband's leadership and counter what it sees as widespread media bias in favour of the David Cameron-led coalition.

All I can say is that they must be listening to a different BBC to the one we get here, as all I seem to hear is Miliband et al being given airtime to ram home their point of view at every possible opportunity. I wonder if their "serious complaint" will get the usual response of "your views are very important" and "we have recorded your complaint in the audience log", which is all I ever get.

Also in the broadcast arm of the BBC, aka The Guardian, was this piece of pro-BBC propaganda from multi-millionairess Polly Toynbee:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jan/02/maimed-bbc-parasitic-sky

How the badly maimed BBC can stand up to parasitic Sky

 

It is one of the biggest loads of rubbish I have ever read about the BBC, to be honest, so The Guardian and the BBC are probably proud of it. Oh, by the way, The Guardian have now increased the number of corrected stories concerning phone hacking from 37 to 38. Just thought I'd mention that as it shows that particular paper organ for what it is.

 

Let's leave it there today - more tomorrow!

 

The Jeremy Vine Show - so dull we are talking about the weather

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all of my readers.

Normal service will resume on Tuesday 3rd January.

Today's non-existent show 23/11/12

Well, this is easy. I can update my blog without having to wait for the JV Show web page to be updated!

Here is a story that JV would never discuss in a million years, and from his favourite paper too:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2077149/BBC-splashes-435k-alcohol-years-despite-told-axe-2-000-jobs.html
A taste for champers! Cuts-hit BBC ran up a £366,000 bill on alcohol in five years

BBC executives were last night accused of ‘living it up on the licence fee’ after it emerged that the Corporation has spent £366,000 on alcohol in the past five years.
Between 2007 and November this year, the BBC ordered more than 41,000 bottles of wine, nearly 9,000 bottles of champagne or sparkling wine and almost 85,000 bottles of beer.
On one occasion, BBC staff splashed out £200 on a single bottle of premium champagne: Krug Vintage 1995.

Good to see that our Licence Fee money is being put to good use!

JV is replaced today by Jon Holmes and Miranda Hart for "... a lively, warm and funny show with special celebrity guests and lots of chat with the listeners". It was back in October that this pair stood in for Chris Evans on the breakfast show, prompting so many complaints that the BBC had to publish a justification (not an apology) for their appearance (http://www.bbc.co.uk/complaints/complaint/mirandahart_jonholmes). These responses are quite rare with only a handful being published each month for the whole of the BBC, so I can only assume that the complaints were numerous. It said: BBC Radio 2 appreciates if their presentation wasn't to everyone's liking, but feels it's important to be able to bring new talent to its output and hopes its audience understands the importance of maintaining a breadth of content on the network. So, even though R2 know this combination was not popular they are bringing them back. Thank goodness for 6 Music!

 

Have a great Christmas!

Today's show 22/12/11

So, here we are. The very last Jeremy Vine Show of the year. Every day you invite me to "tell us what you think", and every day you ignore what I say. And I'm still blocked from following you on Twitter. Does that count as goodwill to all men?

My blog has been running for a year and, as I write this, has had 12190 page views. Again, I thank everybody who reads my blog from taking time from their busy lives to do so. I also send my special thanks and best wishes to the regular contributors and in particular Gill, Will and Stonyground. They make some good points, and they make me laugh!

I mentioned that I would be producing a Top 10 of Jeremy Vine Show moments. This has actually turned in to a Top 10 plus 3 for reasons which I hope will be obvious.

The Top 10 consists of my choice of the most utterly pointless and irrelevant discussions on the Jeremy Vine Show during 2011. You know the kind. The ones that make you think at first "I'd never thought about that before", followed by "But there is a good reason for that" and ended with "So why is he wasting my time by talking about it?". There has been a LOT of material to work with and cutting it down to just ten has been something of a challenge, but this is how it ended up:

10: 3rd June: TV TALENT SHOWS - Did the bitter reality of TV talent shows break your child's heart?

9: 23rd February: TV ADVERTS - Do you prefer them to the programmes?

8: 29th March: HAS SUPERGLUE LOST ITS MAGICAL POWERS? - When it came out it was a sensation, but did it lose its magical powers?

7: 24th February: BREAST MILK ICE CREAM - Would you eat it?

6: 16th June: WART REMOVED BY SHOTGUN - Shaun Murphy from Doncaster used a shotgun to remove an irritating wart on his finger.

5: 14th January: FREEZER - What's the oldest thing in yours?

4: 6th October: MEMORIAL BENCHES - When you die do you want a memorial bench?

3: 24th June: TOOTHBRUSH - And do you share a toothbrush with your partner?

2: 21st November: FISHY HANDBAG - We discuss the M&S handbag that smells of fish.

1: 10th June: EXPLODING GLASS TABLES - Spontaneously exploding glass tables. Has this ever happened to you?

On to the three Special Mentions then...

On 22nd June Radio 2 broadcast "2DAY" in which the very best, and worst, programmes of the station were mixed up and redistributed. The result was a complete mess, listeners switched off in droves and it has never been mentioned on Radio 2 since.

On 28th January you discussed "HEATING OIL THEFTS - Have shot up in rural areas". The discussion included full details of how to find properties with heating oil tanks by using satellite imagery, how to identify the tank when on site, what tools were needed to break in to the tank, advice on the best type of vehicle to use and what it should contain, and full instructions on how the theft should be made. You also showed that this topic was of absolutely no interest to you at all and that you had not bothered to research the subject ("But surely the storage tank is underground...?"). My elderly next door neighbour has oil-fired central heating and has not slept soundly since this broadcast.

And finally, on 11th May was the absolute pinnacle highlight of the Jeremy Vine Show in 2011 when you discussed "STARBUCKS - We talk to the Chief Executive of the international coffee giant Starbucks. Do you hate Starbucks?". My blog readership went ballistic that day after you were picked up, chewed to bits and spat out by the absolute legend that is Howard Schultz. For once somebody managed to get the better of you. For once somebody did not fall in to your traps. For once somebody would not play your silly game. For once somebody stood up to you. For once somebody showed just how ridiculous and pointless your programme can be. That somebody was Howard Schultz. God bless him!

I've just checked your web page for today and it looks like you are actually doing something other than the troops greetings, in which case perhaps you should be discussing these:

 

How about this story from Wales that has hit the headlines:

 

Or this?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2011/dec/20/bbc-local-radio-cuts

BBC accused of failing to inform listeners of local radio cutsThe BBC has been accused of stifling the debate over controversial local radio cuts by curbing the number of times presenters can mention the issue on air.This was mentioned briefly on the 8am news on R2 this morning, and I loved the bit about local radio being of use to the community during times of bad weather and train crashes!

 

No? OK, how about this:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-16300104
UK economic growth revised up to 0.6%

The UK economy grew by 0.6% between July and September, official figures have shown, faster than previous estimates of 0.5%.

What are Balls and Milliband up to today? I'm sure they would be willing studio guests to discuss this. I have no doubt that there is weeping and wailing in BBC broadcast newsrooms across the land as this good news for the government comes to light and is quickly ignored.

And then, of course, there is Leveson, Piers Morgan and this amazing corrections page in The Guardian:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2011/dec/20/corrections-and-clarifications

It lists the 37 (yes, thirty seven) articles that they have had to change or correct following the revelation that the News Of The World were not responsible for deleting Milly Dowler's text messages. So, just remind me again, why should you or I ever believe anything The Guardian writes?

But no, you are not covering anything that paints the BBC or journalism in a bad way, so no change there then...

1) AGE OF CRIMINAL RESPONSIBILITY - A two year old girl has allegedly beaten up a three year old at a nursery in Leicestershire. Police say there's nothing they can do because they are below the age of criminal responsibility. Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : How appropriate that you should end the year with that bastion of your programme: The Daily Mail. I note the use of the word "allegedly", so there is an element of doubt as to what happened. When I was this age any misbehaviour was dealt with by my dad's slipper. It never did me any harm and, to be honest, I thank him for doing what he did. Next...

2) JURY SERVICE - A student who pretended to be ill whilst on jury service so that he could go and see a musical has been jailed : Good. I have no doubt you have found a mysterious and sympathetic "somebody" to argue otherwise. Next...

3) REMEMBER THE TROOPS - And after 1, we "Remember the Troops" and send Christmas messages to those serving overseas from their loved ones back home : A worthy way to end the year, but what a shame that this clashes with Radcliffe & Maconie on 6 Music. Damn...

In your absence, I will endeavour to cover on my blog the news stories that The Meedja manage to manufacture over the next couple of weeks, and we can commence battle again on 3rd January.

Merry Christmas Jeremy, and a Happy New Year. And could you pass on my best wishes to the abominable Vanessa Feltz, that other bloke - you know - him - Paddy O'Something, and, of course, the ever gorgeous George Galloway. Please feel free to give him a slap in the face, just from me.

The Jeremy Vine Show - news, views and live guests, but not for the next two weeks

Complaint response 13/12/11

Reference CAS-1195546-W8L9XX

Thank you for contacting us about BBC Radio 2’s ‘Jeremy Vine’.

I understand you’re unhappy at the programme website not being updated quickly enough.

We aim to update the websites as quickly as possible but we can never guarantee that they’ll be updated shortly after the programme.

I’m sorry to hear this has been inconvenient for you and I'd like to assure you that I’ve registered your complaint on our audience log. This is a daily report of audience feedback that’s made available to many BBC staff, including members of the BBC Executive Board, channel controllers and other senior managers.

The audience logs are seen as important documents that can help shape decisions about future programming and content.

Thanks again for taking the time to contact us.Kind Regards

Kxxxx Fxxxxxxx
BBC Complaints


Response sent:


Many thanks for your response to my complaint, but I think I may have not made the situation clear...

The Jeremy Vine Show web page is normally updated BEFORE the programme is broadcast (around 11:00 usually), and not afterwards. This is achieved on most days but there are occasions when the page is not updated until the programme has started, much later, or not at all.

To give some examples:

8th December: The web page had an initial update of one discussion topic before the programme started, but this was then removed. The page for this programme's details has still not been updated (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b017v9fh). Before the programme started Mr Vine sent a message on his Twitter feed: Today's stories @BBCRadio2 in four words: Euro. Stalking. Teen. Viagra.

22nd November: The web page was updated sometime around 15:00. Before the programme started Mr Vine sent a message on his Twitter feed: Today's show @BBCRadio2 in four words: Leveson. Egypt. Downs. 5-a-side.

I can give other similar instances if required. It is regrettable that Mr Vine's tweets do not provide the depth of information that I am looking for. My complaint continues to be that the updating of the Jeremy Vine Show web page is inconsistent, with it being updated promptly before the programme starts on most days but that this fails to happen on others.

Today's show 21/12/11

I made a mistake in my email to you yesterday. I wrote that yesterday was the shortest day, but it might be today, and some people are saying it is tomorrow. Oh well...

Today's issue that affects me: Hmmm... is that getting too warm?

Anyway, here we are on the last day of "news" on Radio 2 for 2011. I believe that you are doing your annual greetings to the troops programme tomorrow, and there will now be no more "news, views and live guests" until January 3rd. How will your listeners cope? This kind of break always makes me wonder what changes the BBC would make should a major news story break during the Christmas/New Year period. Perhaps it would be left to Alan Carr and Dale Winton to tell us all about it....!

So, Piers Morgan then...

1) SILICONE BREAST IMPLANTS - Authorities in France are deciding whether women who had silicone breast implants supplied by a French firm should have them removed. Where does that leave British women who were fitted with the same product? : A good question, but I've checked again and I am still not a woman. Next...

2) GHOST TRAINS - We discuss ghost trains - the services that are run with no passengers on them so that rail companies and the Department for Transport can say the line is still open. Find out more in this article from the Independent : Now, you know that I have an interest in all things trains so I will listen to this at 12:30. (Blimey, what a way to end the year!) The reason for running these trains is stated in the article: "Actually," he tells me, "they use this route for crew-training in case Marylebone is shut and trains are diverted." And that is it, exactly. Train drivers have to be fully aware of the routes on which they drive and it is not permissable to drive a train on a route that is unknown to the driver. The reason for the service from Paddington to Gerrards Cross is, as stated, to keep train crews' route knowledge current. When work takes place on the lines between Marylebone and South Ruislip trains can be diverted into Paddington without having to provide route conductors or drivers that know the route in to Paddington. Similar reasons exist for the other services that you mentioned on Ken's show. Rest assured that this is not an "issue that affects me" but I will listen out of mild interest and to see how you handle it. Next...

3) OPEN FIRES - Four children die in a house fire in Derbyshire that was started after an ember fell from the fireplace onto the carpet. A fire guard would have prevented it, say investigators. How do you keep your open fire safe? : What open fire is that then? Gas-fired central heating here! Next...

4) WRAPPING PRESENTS - We discuss the nightmare of wrapping Christmas presents. We get a lesson from an expert : My wife is an expert at wrapping presents. And what makes you think I actually give any? Now, pass the humbugs.

So, no Piers Morgan then.

The Jeremy Vine Show - How many Fs in "news"? There is no F in news!


UPDATE:

Just switched off the radio after listening to your "ghost trains" item. Good to hear your contributors confirming exactly what I wrote in my earlier email. 

I had to call in on my wife at work just after 12. I know that one of her colleagues there listens to your programme and I mentioned that you were discussing something that had a passing interest to me today. She said, "Oh, I don't listen to him any more, not after that Greece thing". I asked her to elaborate and she told me that after your "Greece leaves the euro" spoof you did last week, and the time wasted while they discussed the implications on their company, she no longer listens to your programme.

And there was me thinking you would want to attract listeners - not drive them away!


UPDATE 2:

I didn't spot that one of the contributors to the "ghost trains" piece has a book out soon. Thanks to Will for pointing that out, and I've added a "Blatant Advertising" tag.