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Friday, 4 November 2011

Today's show 04/11/11

Aha! Somebody has actually done their job today and managed to get your web page updated before your programme finishes today. I hope that whoever was responsible for yesterday's failure to do this simple task will be docked a day's pay, or sacked.

Today's issue that affects me: Seriously, you are just taking the p155 out of your listeners, right? Go on, you can tell me. It will be our secret. I won't tell anybody, I promise.

You just said on Ken's show "Have you got that Friday feeling that we are running out of stories?". A quick scan of today's tedium tells me that you definitely are running out but surprisingly you have chosen not to cover such news highlights as these:
It's long since time that the BBC was forced to recognise its responsibilities as our compulsory, near-monopoly broadcaster. If the only people who funded it were tofu-eating metropolitan anti-capitalist bien-pensants who all believed in renewable energy with the same blind ideological fervour as Chris Huhne then the BBC would be perfectly within its rights to broadcast this Spartist drivel. But they're not. The BBC's job is also to represent – or try to represent – the interests of people who are shocked by rising energy bills, who are desperately worried about Britain's economic future, who might benefit from a job working in or servicing the shale gas industry, who innocently believe (in their sweet but oh-so-naive way) that the British Broadcasting Corporation's true purpose is to broadcast for Britain.

I could not have put it better myself. And talking of the BBC, how about this one...?
Union announces first no-confidence vote in a BBC director general in response to the broadcaster's Delivering Quality First programme
"NUJ members are committed to defending jobs and quality journalism at the BBC and we are asking readers, listeners and viewers to join with us in this battle. And that is why we will be organising the no confidence ballot against Mark Thompson, the architect of this butchery."

While there is no danger of your programme ever providing "quality journalism", I am left asking myself the question: When can I hear quality journalism on the BBC? Go on, give me a clue. And the NUJ can ask me - as a listener and viewer - to join with them, but it is not going to happen. How about you? How are you going to vote?

You also missed this piece of Shock Horror news from the Telegraph:
Stephen Fry's flight diverted after engine shut down
A UK-bound plane carrying 250 passengers, including actor and comedian Stephen Fry, was forced to make an unscheduled landing after an engine was shut down mid-flight.
Flight QF31 flew for around two-and-a-half hours with three functioning engines before landing safely in Dubai. None of the 258 passengers or 25 crew on board the Qantas Airbus A380 were injured, a spokeswoman for the airline said.

This would have allowed you to waste 30 minutes of your listeners' lives with another of your sensationalist "Has anything ever happened to you?" items. You've not done one of those for a while.

I have made PLENTY of story suggestions for you over the past 10 months, which you continue to ignore. There is, of course, another alternative: If you have nothing to say, say nothing!
So let's take a quick look at how you will successfully avoid quality journalism today...

1) IMF - Should Britain give money to the IMF even if some of it goes to save the Euro? : Oh good, a vote. Should I text "Yes" or "No" to 88291? Plenty of opportunity here to expel sufficient hot air to inflate a passenger-carrying balloon, but it is not going to influence the minds of those who make these decisions, is it? Changing nothing again, as usual. Next...

2) UMBRELLAS - Have you ever been injured by an umbrella? : No. Georgi Markov was, and didn't live to tell the tale. There is only one possible solution: BAN ALL UMBRELLAS, NOW! I think you'd better get Galloway on the phone for an expert opinion though. I don't own an umbrella and cannot remember ever using one. Quality journalism this is not. Next...

3) INSURANCE - We’re joined by Martin Lewis. Every year insurance companies find new things that we need to insure ourselves against. But what insurance do we really need to buy and what can we do without? : Thanks, but we're already sorted out for this, and we always take Martin's advice from his web site when looking for new or replacement policies, so I have no need to listen. I wonder if anybody does umbrella injury insurance....? Next...

4) HEDGES - Is it ever right to use a hedge for a loo? Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : And all is right with the world as you end the week with a story from the Daily Mail, and which confirms that this is anything but quality journalism. Well done!

Oh, and I am very pleased to see that my blog is picking up readers by people entering "jeremy vine naked photos" in to Google (currently the fifth item displayed). Every reader counts Jeremy, so thanks for that.
The Jeremy Vine Show - running out of stories, again

1 comment:

gill kerry said...

I chortled somewhat at the umbrellas' story. they are very dangerous and my experiences put georgi markov into the shade!!
A colleague years ago got the spokes of hers entangled in the button fly of a male colleague in a lift. True story
Also whilst in Rhodes in 1982, which apparently is the umbrella capital of the world, well according to the Rhodians, my then husband insisted on buying me a self-erecting umbrella. Unfortunately it self-erected on a pub shelf and spilt some drinks. A replaced round later and he threw it away himself. Only joking with the GM comment but they are true. And what would tour leaders do without them, for people to floow round ancient piles (no, not JV)
And no, its never ok to use a hedge as a loo, although I can see why some people do, I wouldn't admit it 'tho.
Love how Ken takes the P45 out of JV, who doesn't even realise it