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Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Today's show 29/11/11

You're back from your jolly, and the normal dismal service will be resumed today. Well, at least it matches the weather here in North Wales today.

There were some interesting comments on @Vine_Watch on Twitter yesterday, including something to do with trying to get an Indian call centre girl to talk with an English accent. I didn't listen, but it sounds bad, and patronising.

On many occasions I have asked you to discuss the bully-boy tactics used by Capita to collect the TV Licence Fee on behalf of the BBC. Another incidence of this has just been made public, this time for an unoccupied property undergoing renovation:
The first (letter) was requesting the identity of the new occupier and demanded payment for a current TV licence, the second repeated much what the first had said but with a lingering threat, the third was very demanding and issued a further warning and possible fine, and the fourth said that it’s illegal for the new occupier to even use a games console on TV, or watch videos or pre-recorded items, even use a computer that’s linked to the Internet through the phone lines, a whole list of things that you mustn’t do. It went on and warned the occupier of a pending investigation and a fine of £1,000. I couldn’t believe how threatening it was, I couldn’t believe how the threats escalated just to get a response and how frenzied they where, to the point I was half expecting to wake up the next day with a severed horse head in my bed as in The Godfather.

Jeremy, this is a real problem, which you continue to ignore in your own exquisite and special way. Imagine if you were an elderly person in poor health and you started to receive letters such as these for no good reason. It would be enough to send you to your grave! Come on Jeremy, bite the bullet and tackle this one story for me ... please. I promise I will listen!

I've just looked down the menu for today's programme ... I despair of you, really. Is this what counts as news today?

Today's issue that affects me: Why is your Radio 2 programme complete and utter biased and bigoted bollocks from start to finish?

Allow me to elaborate:

1) GEORGE OSBOURNE - Chancellor George Osborne will outline plans to boost the UK's sluggish economy later, against expected gloomy forecasts for growth. But what's the main cause of Britain's poor growth - the eurozone crisis or the government's spending cuts? : Where would we be without financial experts such as yourself? Are these the only two possible reasons for poor growth? Really? Is it nothing to do with Gordon Brown pumping billions in to banks that should have been allowed to fail? Is it nothing to do with the same man selling off Britain's gold reserves for a rock-bottom price while the gold price was at an all-time low? Is it nothing to do with a world-wide economic downturn? Is it nothing to do with Brown's government spending more than the country could afford? Apparently not! I love the way you use words such as "sluggish", "gloomy" and "poor" instead of the words that Osbourne would maybe use such as "disappointing". No bias there then, eh? Iceland, by the way, allowed their banks to fail and now have a growth rate of 2.4% and only about 6% unemployment (corrected from "employment" - thanks Gill!), and falling ( There is the lesson to be learned. Next...

2) NAZI MEMORABILIA - Hitler's bedsheets are being auctioned in Bristol. Is it acceptable to collect Nazi memorabilia? : Your obvious inflections while talking to Ken told me EXACTLY how you feel about this, but unfortunately you didn't say the words I wanted to hear so much: "... and our studio guest will be Lemmy from Motorhead". Lemmy is a huge collector of Nazi memorabilia (
) and he sums it up quite nicely:

"Look, as I've always said, it's not my fault the bad guys had the best shit. But by collecting Nazi memorabilia, it doesn't mean I'm a fascist, or a skinhead. I'm not. I just liked the clobber. And let me tell you, the kind of people who do collect this stuff, they aren't yobbos either. They are people with Masters [degrees], they are doctors, professors. I've always liked a good uniform, and throughout history, it's always been the bad guy who dressed the best: Napoleon, the Confederates, the Nazis. If we had a good uniform, I'd collect ours as well, but what does the British Army have? Khaki. Makes them look like like a f**king swamp frog...".

I've just checked ebay for items including the word "Nazi" and it shows that there are 10,708 items available. What are you going to do about that? Nothing, by any chance?

Your suppostion is obviously that anybody collecting Nazi stuff will turn in to a Nazi, either that or you are trying to rewrite history. So, if I were to collect stamps would you accuse me of turning in to a Sub-Post Master? And can I accuse you of turning in to a geek for collecting Elvis Costello records and CDs? This is just another of your attacks on freedom-of-choice for any individual that happens to have a different outlook on life to your own. Much like you banning me from following you on Twitter.

Jeremy Vine vs Lemmy : I'd listen to that! But, as usual, you will not fail to disappoint me. Perhaps I should start collecting Jeremy Vine Show memorobilia ... now that really is unacceptable. Next...

3) OUT OF THE BLUE SUICIDES - Has your family had to cope with an out of the blue suicide? : No. SVG 6, I think. Next...

4) TAKING CHILDREN TO WORK - David Cameron says that parents should take their children to work during tomorrow's strike. Will you? : Hmmm... genuine advice, or just another chance for a cheap shot against Cameron? I'll go with the latter as it is your usual fare, and this was confirmed by your chat with Ken. The "if practical or possible" or similar words that Cameron used have been conveniently ignored by you. Not a problem for me, of course, as we continue to have no children.

Guido Fawkes is appearing before the Leveson Enquiry on Thursday. That will be fascinating. And because it is of interest to me my guess is that you will conveniently ignore it.... bring on the wheelie bins!

The Jeremy Vine Show - back to the UK, back to the usual rubbish


gill kerry said...

I did think the discussion on suicides was in bad taste. We don't fully know what happened yet, and it is still very early days yet. I know JV/Radio 2 will say the usual blurb about helping vulnerable people etc, but I don't go along with that personally.
Err, sorry to be picky but did you mean Iceland has 6% UNemployment?
(proof reader in a former life!!)

Radio2LunchtimeLoather said...

Ooops... thanks Gill! I did mean "unemployment" and I have corrected it with an annotation.

I used to be a proof reader too and, as you will know, proof reading your own text is one of the most difficult aspects of that particular job.

Stonyground said...

Being members of English Heritage, our family attend the EH Festival of History at Kelmarsh Hall most years. There is a section that is devoted to WW2 with lots of historic vehicles memorabilia and people dressed in various period costumes. Those involved are always keen to chat about their particular passion and we approached an SS officer hoping to get a German slant on this period in history. Turned out that he was a Brummie who thought that the Germans had smarter uniforms, Just like Lemmy.

Interesting that Lemmy would have made the perfect guest for this section of the show but didn't appear. He either refused to take part or wasn't invited, I wonder which?