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The text shown after 1), 2), 3) and 4) is copied exactly from the BBC's daily JV Show web page and I acknowledge their copyright of this text.
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"Find out more..." text is only included here when it refers to a non-BBC web page link.
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Friday, 13 January 2012

Today's show 13/01/12

There was no early morning tweet from you today with the usual "today's show in four words". Could it be true that you don't know what you're talking about? Oh, hang on.... did you see what I did there? Tee hee.

Today's issue that affects me: Our 10-year-old washing machine is on the blink. It washes fine but does not do the high-speed spin at the end of the run, so everything comes out dripping wet. Repair, replace, or live with it until something else goes wrong?

It has been a while since I suggested some BBC-related stories for you to discuss. There have, of course, been plenty and your favourite rag the Daily Mail continues to be a good source for "what really happens at the BBC" stories. Here are some for you, so please feel free to discuss all or any of them - I promise I will listen if you do! And as the pigs prepare for take-off...
BBC wants to charge for iPlayer by extending archive and availability of programmes
The BBC has been accused of trying to bring in a 'two tier' licence fee after it was revealed the corporation is looking into a pay-per-view scheme for its vast archive. 
Under the controversial plan, viewers would pay a small, but yet to be disclosed, charge if they wanted to watch a BBC programme from its huge back catalogue.
The costly proposition has already been slammed, not least because the BBC already charges a £145.50 a year licence fee and so is funded by the taxpayer.
The BBC is hoping to the system will be in place within three years and already established by the time its Charter is renewed in 2016.

So, the BBC is claiming poverty - I wonder why. Surely there is no connection with this story:
Expenses for BBC bosses rocket by 20% as a result of move to Salford
Executives face fresh accusations of profligacy after spending on rail fares shot up by 57 per cent, while its hotel bill surged by 70 per cent.
In the latest numbers covering a three-month period from April to June 2011, the combined expenses bill of the top 102 senior managers grew to £183,276.
The relentless shuttling of bosses between London and the North-West pushed the amount spent on rail fares to £47,358 over the three months, up from £29,846 in the same period of the previous year.

Are you going to move to Salford? What would you do if you were told your programme was moving? Your Radio 5 colleague Victoria Derbyshire seems to be having the best of both worlds:
It's too grim up North for BBC's Victoria Derbyshire: Just 60 per cent of her radio shows are broadcast from Salford
When BBC Radio 5 Live moved to Salford, she was quite happy to give her boss a hard time on air as to why he wasn’t ‘properly moving’ to the north.
But now Victoria Derbyshire is  herself facing questions about her enthusiasm for the project, after it emerged she has broadcast just 60 per cent of her shows from Salford since the move.
This has led to resentment from colleagues who feel she is being given special treatment.
They have also raised eyebrows at her flying to Manchester each day to do the show, although this is not paid for by the BBC.

As you know, I leave Radio 2 every day at 12 and head over to 6 Music for an hour of Lauren Laverne, followed by three hours of the magnificent Radcliffe & Maconie broadcast live from Salford, aka The Stan Ogden Plaza.

11:32, nothing on your show web page, and you are about to appear on Ken's show. Let's see what Ken has to say today...

I loved the bit about the hairdressers in Archway who abandon Radio 2 at 12, and your hope that today's show would appeal to them. From what I could make out, today's show in eight words is: English Schools, Dwarf Tossing, Saving Money and Purple Sprouting. Just a hunch, but I think they might just abandon you again today, like thousands and thousands of others. You see Jeremy, it is not just me that has this habit.

11:37, trail done, but still nothing on the web page...

11:51, and you have just tweeted: Today's show @BBCRadio2 in four words: Teachers. Dwarf. Money. Broccoli. - I wasn't far off then!

11:54, here we go...

1) TEACHERS - Parents should be able to go into classrooms to help schools root out and sack failing teachers, according to England's Education Secretary, Michael Gove. Is that a good idea? Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : A story from the Daily Mail about schools in England. As I continue to live in Wales and still have no children, why do you think this would be of interest to me? Next...

2) DWARFS - We talk to a dwarf actor who was partly paralysed after he was picked up and thrown onto the pavement on a night out. Find out more in this article from the Daily Mail : Another story from the Daily Mail. Praise the Lord! This sounds awful, and it is interesting that the gentleman concerned has chosen to blame the England World Cup rugby team for the attack. There can only be one acceptable outcome: Ban Rugby. That'll fix it. Next...

3) SORTING OUT YOUR FINANCES - Martin Lewis says we should all take one day off a year to sort out our finances : We already follow Martin's advice, but find that a Sunday afternoon every few months will achieve exactly what he is proposing today. Next...

4) ALLOTMENT - We join Terry Walton on the official Jeremy Vine Show allotment : I shared exactly the same amount of devastation as Ken when I heard you talk earlier about Terry's Purple Sprouting, but I'm feeling OK about it now. Quality radio? I don't think so.

The Jeremy Vine Show - not for hairdressers in Archway today, or any other day


gill kerry said...

I laughed out loud about the archway hairdressers. Now if I can get my hygenist to do the same. Its torturous enough at the dentist without listening to JV, and not being able to shout back either. It was a 'tho he had no comprehension that people dislike him.
And when he started about dwarf-tossing. Well, does he not know there are other meanings available to that expression. He could have said throwing but perhaps people did not tell him about that when they told him about 'pin-up' magazines.
When Ken mentioned about certain radio 2 people having studio visits, in the teacher bit, you could tell he meant JV.
I really might listen to this on listen again. Clas(sick)

Will said...

Very Funny about the Hair Dressers and Im sure JV and Ken know that is happening countrywide.

He also said that Terry was on last and that would attract them into listening and as it was the last bit then they will have to listen to the whole show!! Stop kidding yourself JV.

Only listened 1-130pm and then turned off.Why does JV act so infantile when doing Martin's bit?? Stupid jingles.'When's Dinner,Do I get to watch Jeremy Kyle?? (Quite funny that he mentioned that as I would put JV in his category of people.JV,Jeremy Kyle and Matthew Wright.All Class A Tossers in order of Kyle,Wright and Vine) All shows roughly the same Vine;-)

Martin did say at one point,lets be serious for a minute as JV was talking over him saying,Is it time for morning coffee break yet.For someone that was supposed to be a serious BBC Journalist (Is there such a thing?) and probaly wanting to know why you are loosing listeners quicker than the Titanic sank then JV listen to this bit of truly terrible publicly funded radio.Do you think we got our monies worth??

How many BBC employee's have been sacked for incomptence?? JV must be top of the list although Streaky Bacon's new trailer on 5live advertising his new show stating about himself '1 amazing presenter puts him 1 point behind you.Maybe it should be named 'The Arrogant Prick' ;-)

Iplayer charge for archive's.We have payed for it already by being Licence Payers over the years.There's nothing in the archive's I'd pay for that you cant get elsewhere on the net;-)

Radio2LunchtimeLoather said...

Hi Gill,

My dentist and my barber both have R2 on during the day. I learnt a long time ago to never visit them between 12 and 2, although to be fair to my barber he does not need much encouragement to turn it off!

I'm with you on the dwarfs!

Hi Will,

I consider Martin Lewis to be a Top Bloke, and we use his web site all the time and must have saved hundreds of pounds as a consequence. But I agree with you, JV's attitude to Martin sometimes makes him (Martin) sound like an idiot, when he clearly is not. With his vast income, JV probably doesn't have any money concerns, so what Martin says about saving a few quid is of no interest to him. So, no change there then.

And I am not sure that the BBC know what "incompetence" means...!

Have a great weekend!

Stonyground said...

Did anyone else catch Steve Wright's opening remark when he took over? "That was unexpectedly funny".

It would also appear that word is getting around at Radio 2 HQ that thousands of people change channel at twelve every day, people keep mentioning it on air.

Will said...

I would just like to make clear I think Martin Lewis is a Top Bloke also and the only time I will make a point to listen is when Martin is on like today.Also to disprove JV's theory that you have to listen to the show from the beginning to hear the bit you wanted then I just turned the radio on at 1pm and off at 1.30pm when 'Sally Traffic' starts as I cant stand that woman,much prefer Lynn in the morning with Ken(Great laugh between the both of them).

I also have used Martin site loads of time.Martin does loads of these Radio and Tv appearances but its only JV that acts like a pratt.I think Martin just puts up with it but just cant see why they cant discuss it properly without all the stupid jingles.This is how the production assistant decides to do it or JV.

Martin has been doing JV for years but yet JV is still as Clueless as Day 1 and if I was Martin then I would be banging his head on the desk as JV gets the same questions wrong everytime.

I use to think it was an act so Martin would then come in and say 'what you do is' but I think we all not that JV is clueless and isnt acting the fool but is just a fool and as Mr T says 'I pity the fool'

How JV and Tim Vine are related,I'll never know as Tim Vine is really funny and seems a Top Bloke.

When Rob Brydon was on Pop Master as Ken and Tim was on as JV was very funny 20 mins.You could it wasnt JV of course because he was funny;-)

I think its getting around R2 and the BBC that JV's show is abit of an Embarrassment.

Keep Spreading the word all;-)

Radio2LunchtimeLoather said...

Well, somebody is reading this stuff! I've just checked the latest stats and these are the unique views:
03/01: 59
04/01: 53
05/01: 131
06/01: 94
09/01: 77
10/01: 104
11/01: 73
12/01: 108
13/01: 87
This is a considerable increase on only a couple of months ago, and the page views for 15/12 to 13/01 (including Christmas and New Year when JV decided there was nothing to talk about) compares well with, say, October (1061 views). November had the highest ever number of views in a month (2425).

gill kerry said...

Has anyone read JV's books? I have heard they are terrible with c of e vickers , but havnt read them.
Cant even be bothered to buy them cheap on amazon!

Stonyground said...

When Will mentioned Tim Vine, I couldn't help thinking of Peter Hitchens. For those who do not know, Tim Vine is a stand up comedian whose speciality is telling one liners. He bombards his listeners with short jokes in rapid succession and is quite brilliant. The late Christopher Hitchens was an atheist, an eloquent speaker and writer and formidable debater. Peter Hitchens is a Christian who recently said nasty, and untrue, things about atheists, Got called out on it by Greta Christina on her blog, then turned up in the comments, not to support his position but to whine about all the atheists being mean to him.

Sorry if I've wandered off topic a bit but I thought the parallels were interesting.

Stonyground said...

Is it bad form to mention stuff on other blogs and not provide a link?
If so, here's a link.

Will said...

There was a link on Vine Watch Twitter to JV books.1 was on Amazon Marketplace for 0.01 so cheap it is;-)